Maestro: A Musical Mess

 

I LOVE Bradley Cooper. His blue eyes, when you stare into them, are mesmerizing. He has a hot body and speaks perfect French. What’s not to love?

Well, this.

I have a pet peeve against actors who suddenly decide they are auteurs, and try to write, direct, produce, and sing in their movies. There is a reason that those jobs are given to different people. For example, I also hated his version of A Star Is Born. He ruined it. The story (in the three versions prior) is about the woman who rises up and becomes a star, and her alcoholic husband who has a downward spiral. Cooper decided to beef up his part (the alcoholic loser) and give him backstory. Ugh. In the process, he completely lost the story.

Yes, sure. His duet with Lady Gaga at the Oscars was indelible. But he ruined the picture.

And now we have his next venture, Maestro. Leonard Bernstein, inarguably, was one of America’s greatest composers/conductors. But, as an audience member, if you’re walking into a biopic of someone, maybe someone you know little to nothing about, you want to walk out of there getting a general idea of what their life was like and why they are so renowned. He failed at that.

But let’s take these things separately:

Bradley Cooper, the actor. We go to Bradley Cooper movies to see his handsome, rugged body and handsome face, and those unbelievable blue eyes. Here, they are hidden behind a large prosthetic nose (which in my Hollywood screening got applause for the prosthetic team) and bizarre teeth. His acting was ok. His wife (Carey Mulligan) was wonderful. Sara Silverman was superb.

Bradley Cooper, the writer (along with Josh Singer). Here is where everything unravels. Once again (as in A Star Is Born), he lost the thread of the real story. Admittedly, Bernstein did A LOT in his life. It would be a lot to stuff into a movie. However, we have no real sense of what year anything is going on, and the action really goes from the 1930s to the 1980s. Also, the real major sin of this movie, is that Cooper is pitching it (in ads, on talk shows, on social media) as a love story between Bernstein and his wife. The truth isn’t that. The truth is that Bernstein was a gay (or possibly bisexual) man, who married (likely) in the 50s and had kids because that is what famous gay men did. He may have been devoted to his wife, but his passion was other gay men. Cooper, as a heterosexual, seems to really miss this point. He does kind of throw it in as an afterthought, but to me, it’s the driving storyline of this movie, buried in other nonsense. That is the storyline as Cooper paints it. But what I really care about seeing is not who Bernstein is sleeping with, but what he did as a composer/conductor. It seems to say that Bernstein disdained musical theatre, when his Wikipedia says that the greatest thing he did was West Side Story (a musical theatre piece from the 1960s). Yet, this movie never shows a staging of that production. In fact, they talk about it briefly, but its only occurrence is one of the major musical themes which shows up to highlight Bernstein choosing his male lover over his wife in one scene (which, in point of fact happened in the 1970s, not ’60s). And if, for some reason you didn’t KNOW it was West Side Story, you wouldn’t know about it at all. Pathetic.  

Also, there is a whole side story involving one of Bernstein’s daughters. Who cares about any of Bernstein’s kids? It smacks of the whole “We had to get the daughter’s permission, so we had to add her into the story” crap. It adds nothing. And, in fact, detracts valuable time that could’ve been used explaining some stuff. 

Bradley Cooper, the director. Ugh. This is the worst. Actors have this misconception that the most important part of a movie is the actors talking. So when an actor turns director, he/she tends to have mostly actors talking. In this movie, it’s mostly Cooper and Mulligan, talking and talking over each other. Literally, you often can’t hear the words one is saying because the other one is talking at the same time. So annoying. There are next to no interesting shots. No timelines noted. No indication of which production of what is being shown. There are a ton of theatre people thrown in (Comden/Green and Aaron Copland most notably), but there is no explanation of who anyone is. I guess he expects us to know all this going in. So the movie is mostly Cooper/Mulligan talking/fighting, or scenes of fun backstage parties with no explanation of who anyone is or what’s really going on. 

There was an interesting transformation of the musical theatre piece, Fancy Free, into the movie On the Town (with Frank Sinatra). But it wasn’t really explained what it all was. And why show that, but not West Side Story? 

Other than the fact that he’s gay/bisexual/whatever, what was important about Leonard Bernstein? What did he do that was notable? Why was he considered one of America’s greatest composers/conductors? If you want the answer to that question, this is not the movie for you. It’s just a pet project of an actor who really should just stay an actor, for gosh sakes. We love him as that. He’s really out of his depth with the other things, and it’s getting tiring to watch.

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Season 30, Week Five: Grease Night With the Grease Songs in Order

 

Praise be to Jesus! We actually have an opening number again!!! (Choreographed by Catherine Burns.)

Note Sharna, Pasha and Lindsay.

Oh, Sharna, I miss you already.

Well, at least we know that we’ll have good songs in a Grease night. (Something to snap us out of that Disney Villains lethargy with crappy songs…)

Grease (and music) icon Olivia Newton-John sends a video message of support.

Oh jeez. They are doing all of the songs in Grease. In order. Ugh. Dancing with the Stars, please go back to how you used to be. Sheesh. This forced stuff is really annoying.

Val and Olivia, foxtrot

They are dancing, then, of course, to “Summer Nights.”

We have Olivia Newton-John back (on video) to explain Grease to us.

Iconic song, great dance. Fun troupe interaction.

Len: “Well, I think if Sandy and Danny were to dance a foxtrot, it would look a lot like that. It was full of fun, it was entertaining. Olivia, you are becoming one heck of a dancer. And Val, your choreography is just great.” Derek (in a pink suit): “I can already tell tonight is going to be one of my favorite theme nights ever. I absolutely love Grease. Olivia, you are a perfect Sandy. Your frame is unbelievable. So beautiful. The character you play is spot on. What a great way to open the show.” Bruno: “Stay tuned, because it’s gonna be a good one. I mean, come on! As an opening number, your starry nights are more than summer nights. Because what you did, actually, you captured the sweet innocence of Sandy. So beautiful. You got swept off your feet by Danny, and you kept a very very beautiful foxtrot going. Olivia would be proud of you.” Carrie Ann: “I echo everything my fellow judges say, but on top of that, your body contact was amazing. Your hold, your technique was amazing. Not only did you bring Sandy to life so beautifully, you brought it to life in the correct way.”

JUDGES: 36 (Out of 40)

Artem and Melora, Viennese waltz

They have the co-creator of Grease in the ballroom, Jim Jacobs. Wow.

They are dancing a Viennese waltz to “Look At Me, I’m Sandra Dee.” Melora is thrilled to be playing Rizzo. Artem says that he’s never had a sleepover in his entire life (!). Nor has he ever participated in a pillow fight (“absolutely not” as he says). Hahaha Melora goes to the couch to grab some pillows. 

I forgot that one of the lines of this song is: “I’m lousy with virginity.” LOL

It really helps to have such a great actress doing this song. Almost makes it work.

I mean, look at her. She is Sandra Dee.

Derek: “Melora, you are the gift that keeps on giving. That intro was straight out of the musical. You always bring the theatrics. You always bring the character to life. The dancing, of course, is beautiful. You’re amazing.” Bruno: “Melora, you’ve got the part. You’re hired. What she does, she takes the character, but you make it your own. You play with your own sassy sense of humor. Did you put some bump and grind into the Viennese waltz? I don’t mind. I liked it, because in this case, it worked. The character, you played it so well.” Carrie Ann: “Melora, last week, I know I said it was a little safe, but what I loved about this performance is you kinda never knew where you were gonna go next. What I think sets you apart from everybody else is that every time you dance, it makes everybody wanna do the dance with you. You make it look like it feels so good. Excellent job.” Len: “You didn’t just dance that fantastically well, you acted the part. There was a great connection between the two of you. I tell you what, it’s just like the film or the show, I feel better for seeing that.”

JUDGES: 36 (Out of 40)

Daniella and Iman, Viennese waltz

We have another Sandy and Danny, in Daniella and Iman. This time, they are dancing to “Hopelessly Devoted to You,” and Olivia Newton-John tells is how important this song was to her.

I loved it not only because it’s one of the best songs of Grease, but because of all the beautiful Viennese waltz content that Daniella put into it. Gorgeous dance.

Bruno: “I could really feel the sense of a love story, Plenty of love and devotion in there.” Carrie Ann: “It’s so hard, cause the height difference is just tremendous. This one wasn’t the best dance suited to you. I also love th chemistry that you always bring. That’s special.” Len: “It had a gentleness that I liked so much. Your technique isn’t great. You try so hard, that I find it difficult to criticize you.” Derek: “Iman, personally, I love you. I love watching you. You just ooze joy when you dance. Great try.”

JUDGES: 28 (Out of 40)  

Witney and The Miz, jive

They dance to “Greased Lightning,” which he thinks is one of the best songs in the show. (The one he remembers most.)

Carrie Ann: “Go Miz Lightning. You are living the dream. That is the ultimate performance anybody could wanna do: ‘Greased Lightning.’ That was amazing. You matched the energy. You came out, you thrilled us, you totally made it work. You just rushed for about half of the song, but I know it’s because you love it so much. That’s what makes me wanna forgive you, But I still have to score you right.” Len: “Well, I’m not sure about hydromatic. I thought one or two of the steps were a bit problematic. Overall, it was a high-octane, full-on jive.” Derek: “Listen, man, I look forward to seeing your performances every single week, because I know you’re gonna absolutely crush it, come out here and perform your butt off. Usually every step is accounted for with you, but tonight, it lost a little bit of the clarity, especially toward the end. But bro, that was so much fun.” Bruno: “The timing just went at the end, but what a performance.”

Happy Birthday to Witney.

JUDGES: 32 (Out of 40)

Alan and Amanda, Viennese waltz

They are dancing to “Beauty School Dropout” and Amanda is playing Frenchie.

They video chat with Didi Conn, who was Frenchie in the movie.

Special surprise: Frankie Avalon is performing the song.

Amanda Kloots’ acting skills really came into play in this number. And wow! Those legs!

Len: “Well, you may be a beauty school dropout. One thing for sure, you’re not going to be a Dancing with the Stars dropout, because I thought that was just fantastic. Overall, it was great. The icing on the cake is one of my teenage heroes: Frankie Avalon.” Derek: “First of all, you said, ‘Leg extension, let’s go.’ You are always so consistently fantastic, especially in the ballroom dances. Your frame is beautiful. Your legs are unbelievable. Just fantastic. There’s something for me, I can’t quite put my finger on it, what it is. There’s this moment that I just wanna tip it over the edge and give you that 10.” Bruno: “Well, I know where my finger is. When it comes to beauty and legs, you have nothing to fear. In fact, you have plenty to spare. I really felt like you stepped out of a dream into an enchanting Viennese waltz. Splendid.” Carrie Ann: “Amanda! Grease is the word for you, and Grease is the Night for you. You had technique. You brought elegance. You’ve got charm, you’ve got musicality, you’ve got magic.”

JUDGES: 39 (Out of 40)

Sasha and Suni, Charleston

They are doing one of Sasha’s best dances (the Charleston) to “Born to Hand Jive.” Sasha is playing Danny Zuko and Suni is playing Cha Cha. 

OK, one of the best things so far is seeing Pasha and Britt in the troupe of this “Hand Jive” dance. At the end, Sasha gets a pie in the face.

Was that planned? Val thinks not.

Sasha and Suni win my dance contest.

Derek: “I’m so confused. The song is called “Hand Jive,” you’re dancing a Charleston, and you’re playing the character of Cha Cha. This is a very confusing dance. But I absolutely loved it. That iconic moment, with your foot on his chest, you’re shaking the skirt! So much fun.” Bruno: “It really felt like we’re all having the most fun EVER! You got your cake and ate it, by the looks of it (as Sasha continues to lick the frosting off his face. LOL). Talk about throwing everything at it, and I like the fact that you put a bit of Lindy hop in there as well, which just made it even more delicious.” Carrie Ann: “I thought it was fantastic. Look, that moment when Cha Cha danced, that’s like every dancer’s dream, when the hot dancer chick steals him away for a minute, right? The greatest moment. I thought you did a great job. It was fantastic.” Len: “What I liked, you got elements of Charleston in there. My biggest compliment about that dance: I smiled the whole way through.”

JUDGES: 36 (Out of 40)

Emma and Jimmie, foxtrot

They are dancing to “Sandy.” Emma’s costume is gorgeous. Jimmie, I’m not so sure.

 Bruno: “First let me say, from all of us, Congratulations (his wife just had a baby). You were very good in hold. You were very dynamic side by side. Great storytelling.” Carrie Ann: “There’s something about you when you dance: the musicality, the storytelling… Sometimes, when you’re out of hold, you’re so much bigger than when you are in hold. I’d like to see more of a balance, so that it doesn’t feel so different.” Len: “There’s a flair about your dancing. I don’t always think the technique’s overly great, you lose your hold and posture a little bit, but you come out with enthusiasm. And I think that’s such a great trait.” Derek: “That had content, performance, storytelling, great choreography. That was a concept seen through from the beginning to the end. That was a complete package.”

JUDGES: 34 (Out of 40)

Brandon and Kenya, rumba

They are dancing to “There Are Worse Things I Could Do,” and Kenya is playing Rizzo.

She dedicates this dance to her grandmother.

She looks stunning. 

Carrie Ann: “Kenya, I am so happy that you are still here in this competition, so that you could do that do that dance right now for all of us. You have incredible dignity. You just show up, you perform, and you are getting so good. That was the most… it was delicious, and sensuous and powerful, and dignified. And now I understand how much you love dancing.” Len: “I know the song says ‘Worse Things’ you could do, there wasn’t much worse you could’ve done in that rumba. It had chemistry, it had a romance about it, it had control. It was really, really spot on.” Derek: “Kenya, that opening half split! It was stunning. Assertive, intentional, the rotation in your legs in the fan position. The way you used your arms. Listen, you can either sink or swim. You swam.” Bruno: “Kenya, I feel funny. Hot. Actually, what was brilliant: you were so focused. In translating emotion through motion. Right on it, honey.”

JUDGES: 36 (Out of 40)

Jenna and JoJo, foxtrot

They are dancing to “Look at Me, I’m Sandra Dee (Reprise).” They also talk to Didi Conn.

Len (he stands): “You affected my brain with the quality of the technique, you affected my heart with the artistry that you produced. It was superb.” Derek: “I absolutely love this partnership. It is so beautiful. And the way you ebb and flow between leader and follower, follower, leader. It is so gorgeous. That opening turn was stellar. This power and grace, it was absolutely pristine. That was a moment.” Bruno: “I am still shivering. Because, I am telling you why. That was the most exquisite interpretation of the importance and power of friendship, and it was danced to a level of musicality. You did that like an artist.” Carrie Ann: “You guys leave me nothing to say at this point. Except, I can just say: it was perfection.”

JUDGES: 40 (Out of 40) First perfect score of the season.

Gleb and Mel C., quickstep

Gleb and Melanie C. are dancing to “You’re the One That I Want,” because of course they are.

Some people seem to be doing these quicksteps really slow. Or is it just me?

Derek: “First of all, confidence isn’t something that you have. Confidence is something that you do. And you did that. You were phenomenal out there. You were so great. How fantastic that quickstep was. Your oversway was perfection.” Bruno: “You got what you wanted: Gleb on his knees, begging for it. It takes a lot of guts doing a quickstep in Lycra® because all the attention is on the legs and feet. And I have to say, great!” Carrie Ann: “Melanie, I just wanna say that I appreciate your vulnerability there, because this whole thing is a journey. And as a judge, I’m not judging the vulnerability. I love that you shared that, and it makes us appreciate what you do out here even more. And that’s the beauty of Dancing with the Stars. So I love that. What will make you feel like you have the breakthrough is when you just have fun. You started a little nervous, weren’t you? And then, halfway through you had fun, and that’s when it came to life. It was amazing.” Len: “Keeping it simple: It was your best dance for me.”

JUDGES: 36 (Out of 40)

Cheryl and Cody, quickstep

Cheryl and Cody dance the finale, “We Go Together,” which Cheryl calls “the most well-known song.” Um, it isn’t. I’ve never heard of it, and “Hopelessly Devoted to You” charted. So no, she’s wrong.

Oh, ok. I have heard this song. Still not the “most well-known.”

Bruno: “It really had the sense of uplifting celebration of everything Grease. Great performance. You have to work on the sections in hold, and the footwork. At this stage, we cannot let that go. I know you can do it. It’s the partner work.” Carrie Ann: “I think Bruno’s right. It would be nice if you closed the gap a little bit in your hold. It would make you dance more together, and we’ll feel more chemistry from you, and make you more solid as a couple dancing.” Len: “It needed a stronger frame, But what I liked was the energy you produced. You really came out and gave it your all.” Derek: “I thought it was a great way to finish out the night, and I actually think that your frame improved from last week.”

JUDGES: 32 (Out of 40)

The Bottom Two:

1. Gleb and Melanie C.

2. Olivia and Val

Who’s going home?

Len saves Val and Olivia.

MICHE’s Favorites of Grease Night

1. Sasha and Suni, Charleston

2. Daniella and Iman, Viennese waltz

3. Val and Olivia, foxtrot

4. Cheryl and Cody, quickstep

5. Jenna and JoJo, foxtrot

6. Emma and Jimmie, foxtrot

7. Gleb and Mel C., quickstep

8. Brandon and Kenya, rumba

9. Alan and Amanda, Viennese waltz

10. Artem and Melora, Viennese waltz

Please Go Home!

1. The Miz

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Season 30, Week Four, Night Two: Disney Villains Night and a Double Elimination

Left to right: Carrie Ann, Len, Derek, Bruno. Not pictured (ever): Tyra Banks.

I’m just gonna say that I’m so over Tyra Banks. OK then.

Since there was no elimination last night (this is Dancing with the Stars Season 30, Week 4, Night 2, for those keeping score at home), there will be a double elimination tonight. *Gasp*

We have, of course, more footage of couples at Disneyland. Jimmie is “all in” on Disneyland.

Emma and Jimmie, jazz

They are dancing to Billie Eilish’s “Bad Guy,” which is that Billie Eilish song that you know but don’t know the name of.  (Outfitted as Tinkerbell and Captain Hook, who for some reason are fighting). OK.

Look at this amazing set!!!! Two real waterfalls! Skull Island!

At the end, she looks like she’s about to throw a punch. :-0. Come on, Tinkerbell would NEVER do that. You don’t throw punches if you’ve got magic, and fairy dust. And if she did, he’s got a HOOK for a hand. Emma’s a great dancer and choreographer, but man, she’s not big on lyrics or story. OK, this went WAY outside of plausibility for me. But it was a fun dance. And I couldn’t figure out how they kept lighting her (in the way that Tinkerbell is incandescent…at least the set and lighting and costume people are paying attention to the actual story…), cause she just glowed. (As Tinkerbell does.)

Len: “I liked the concept, the story within the dance. Captain Hook, fighting little Tinkerbell… I thought the lifts were right in character. You’re surprising me each week, because your dancing is coming right on point.” Derek: “Jimmie, I’m so impressed with you, my man. That side by side, when that kicked in! It had so much oomph to it, so much energy. Some people transform on this show, and you are definitely one of those people. I’m loving seeing your progress, man.” Bruno: “That was a badass jazz routine. You gave it your own style. You were totally in character. You never dropped it. Your strongest performance to date.” Carrie Ann: “Jimmie Jam. Disney is totally your jam. I can tell how much you love it, because it came through in both of your dances. Last night and tonight. That was amazing.”

JUDGES: 35 (Out of 40)

Cheryl and Cody, Viennese waltz

They are dancing to “Gaston” from Beauty and the Beast (thank goodness it wasn’t “Be Our Guest” again). The dancers may not be clued in to the story, but man, the set designers sure are. Look at this one.

Note Pasha (eliminated last week) and Britt among the troupe members on the stage in this dance.

Another lack of continuity. This song is sung to Gaston by his buddy. So who’s Cheryl’s character supposed to be? Gaston’s alter ego or something? Ugh. I’m not liking the story presentation of the dances so far. But that said, I did like the dance. 

Derek: “Not a lot of people know this, but you guys had the least amount of rehearsal time this week. So, well done for getting two routines in this week. You had the flaring of the gusto of Gaston. You always are such a great performer. Technically, there are still some things to work on: getting the frame up, and the natural turns, the reverse turns, and get lower in the legs, it will help you get a little more balance. Overall, great performance.” Bruno (who has his gold sparkly pants on): “Gaston, so irresistibly dashing, is a curse. I know the feeling, Cody. You know, very very hard. But I actually have to say, I’m so happy to see you in a full production, able to really exploit your talent, because you’ve got it. He’s right, a bit of polishing, but you can work a stage.” Carrie Ann: “Cody, thank you, thank you, thank you. All the moves were finished, you were bold, you were polished. You were so animated. Cheers to you.” Len: “Cheryl, I congratulate you, natural reverse turns. You even put a freckle in there! And that was fantastic. Well done to both of you.”

JUDGES: 31 (Out of 40)

Gleb and Melanie, Viennese waltz

Since Sleeping Beauty was also an animated movie (without song), they are dancing to Lana del Rey’s “Once Upon a Dream.” (And Mel C. is playing Maleficent.)

Sets, costumes, lighting!

I’m sure Len will say this, but there wasn’t much of a Viennese waltz there.

Bruno: “Magnificent Maleficent, you’ ve got plenty of drama, mama. It was so haunting. But there was a quality I really liked, it was like suspended animation. Like you were weaving a spell all around you. I loved it.” Carrie Ann: “That was your best dance, by far. There was the transformation that we’re looking for. You went from Sporty to the Queen of Evil. Sensual, powerful, the continuation of the movement was so languid and sensuous.” Len: “I liked the mood. You created a fantastic atmosphere. I don’t wanna be glib, Gleb, but you could’ve had a little bit more Viennese waltz in the Viennese waltz. (Knew it!) What was on the label, not on the table.” Derek: “Big props for navigating those horns. Sometimes that can throw people, but you handled it beautifully. That was ominous and forbidding performance. Gorgeous.” 

JUDGES: 35 (Out of 40)

Jenna and JoJo, paso doble

Courtesy of Just Jared and ABC.

They are dancing to “Ways to Be Wicked” from Descendants 2. (?) The song is terrible, but the costumes and hair are fantastic. (It’s hard to take a song seriously, especially as a “Villain” when one of the lyrics is “W-I-C-K-E-D.” Ugh.)

Carrie Ann: “JoJo, you are a fantastic performer, always I love the energy you bring and the dedication. This week, I didn’t think that was your best dance. I thought it was a little hectic. What I’m looking for, always, is transformation. That’s what keeps the playing field level for everybody. This week, I felt like we kinda went back to old tricks and old habits. I like when you have a little bit more elegance.” Len: “It possibly could’ve been hectic, but for me, what I loved, it had control. That wasn’t just all the time right on point. You’ve done two dances: Viennese waltz, paso doble. Both ends of the dance spectrum. Both fantastic.” Derek: “I actually feel like maybe the hecticness was just the hair flying around. You look at the dancing, I agree with Len, it was super in control, had so much content in it. Had the power, had the oomph that I love to see in paso doble.” Bruno: “My shielding beauties. Equally strong, equally gifted. It was like watching two supervillains battling for supremacy. And you both won. A paso doble like no other.”

JUDGES: 35 (Out of 40)

Brendan and Kenya, Viennese waltz

She is the Evil Queen in Snow White, and they are dancing to “Dangerous Woman” by Ariana Grande.

Well, once again, the lyrics don’t fit the story. The Evil Queen always knew she was a “dangerous woman.” But I liked this Viennese waltz enough to go with it.

Len: “Well, the bars you did in hold were appreciated. The technique weren’t great, however, basically it was a lovely dance in 3/4 time, done very very well, so congratulations.” Derek: “Kenya, this Evil Queen was a vibe. I loved it. Just like sultry, sensual, seductive. I was so into it. It was so good. You are fierce, you really really are. I just want you to believe that a little bit more in the dance. I want you to own that fierceness within you, cause you definitely have it. There it is.” Bruno: “Oh, sassy madam. No mirror can do justice to your regal beauty. I loved the way she played with the boy. You would tease him to death. Use them! I had enough. Next!” Carrie Ann: “I am so impressed with the way you kept on your center, because there are moments when you almost got pulled off, and you were just ‘I am not letting go. Not tonight.’ That was your best dance.”

JUDGES: 30 (Out of 40) 

Daniella and Iman, Argentine tango

Daniella and Iman are dancing to “Arabian Nights” from Aladdin, and Iman is Jafar.

Wow. Some amazing lifts in that Argentine tango. Pretty incredible.

Derek: “Yo! That opening and ending lift was iconic. Seriously. There was no momentum there, from a static position. A lift with that control. That was a moment. I just felt that in the room, that whole routine. I’m kinda speechless. That was really, really good.” Bruno: “People are told: ‘No special effects. No wires.’ A feat of magical strength. She was in the air more than a commercial airliner. I don’t know how you did it. Impressive.” Carrie Ann: “I’m truly blown away. That was one of the most magical performances I’ve ever seen on this show. There was something about the different levels of the tone.  Like you could see the different chapters of the story. It was poetry in motion. It blew my mind.” Len: “Congratulations, that was your best I’ve seen.”

JUDGES: 33 (Out of 40) 

Artem and Melora, jazz

She’s playing the villainous mother from Tangled. In their package, they show Kate Flannery (who should’ve won with Pasha in her season, IMHO) visiting their rehearsal.

It’s kinda weird because Tangled is all about Rapunzel and her long hair, and Artem is now playing… her son? #Bizarre With an eye patch? The entire song is vocals that Melora reacts to with grand gestures. (Not so much dancing.)

We learn that the vocals that they used were actually Melora’s! Wow. Nice voice.

Bruno: “When it comes to deliver wickedly delicious dancing musical comedy, nobody does it better.” Carrie Ann: “You’re a little cray-cray. It all came out today. I love it. You’re so theatrical. This is the kind of thing we wanna see. We wanna see everything big and bold at the fifth night of competition. You were amazing. It was a little safe.” Len: “That had wit, it had charm. It was truly delightful.” Derek: “Boy, that was an absolute clinic in storytelling, and absolute theatrical performance. You were magnificent. Beautiful.”

JUDGES: 37 (Out of 40) Len gives a 10, the first 10 of the season.

Witney and The Miz, Argentine tango

The Miz talks about he likes being a villain in WWE, and he likes being booed. He’s playing Scar from The Lion King, whom he says is “the worst of the worst villains.”

I liked the dance, but mostly it was Witney doing all the Argentine tango, and The Miz lifting her up.

Carrie Ann: “The men are on fire tonight. What is happening? That was incredible. What I loved was the way you channeled all your energy into focus and intimacy. And the specificity of movement tonight was on fire.” Len: “I wasn’t prepared for that. I liked the lifts, they were in character. Lovely moments of Argentine tango. All mixed up with a really theatrical performance.” Derek: “It’s 10s across the board for your commitment to the costumes, for both Disney nights. You win, you win. Even through the costume and the makeup, I could still see the articulation in your body and your movement. It was so fantastic. Brother, great, great job.” Bruno: “Very scary. Don’t bug me. I have some catnip, just in case. I have to say, in spite of the scary appearances, there was so much content there, and in general, very very good. Great performance.”

JUDGES: 34 (Out of 40)

Sharna and Brian, paso doble

They are doing Pirates of the Caribbean. He is playing Captain Barbosa and she’s Jack Sparrow. Sure, why not? It’s not really explained why these two characters would get into hold and dance, but ok.

A very fun paso, with Sharna’s usual great choreography.

Len: “Well, I liked the aggression that you showed in that. I liked the fight scene. That was really lovely.” Derek: “I loved the dance/fight choreography. It was so entertaining to watch. I’m not gonna lie. I definitely had a heart attack for some of those explosions in there. Well done for staying focused during that. Cause that was a lot.” Bruno: “You had more firepower. You’re fully loaded.” Carrie Ann: “I know it’s hard for you, but what I love is that was a valiant effort. I definitely saw you in it to win it. You’re going for it, you’re doing the moves. Very proud of you.”

JUDGES: 27 (Out of 40)

Lindsay and Matt, paso doble 

They are dancing to The Jungle Book, and Matt is Kaa the Snake. Lindsay is playing Shere Khan, the tiger. Ugh. I hated that dance.

Derek: “Matt, I was feelin’ ya, man. Your face. Where you were just like into it, man. I loved it so much. Great job.” Bruno: “That was a solid performance. Power, intent, content. You can do it, Matt. You have to refine now. Extend, maintain and refine.” Carrie Ann: “This is the first time I really felt like you gave us all. You left nothing behind.” Len: “Well, in the paso, you look for three Ps—you want posture, you want passion, you want performance. I saw that a little bit, but really, you could give me so much more. Now come on!”

JUDGES: 31 (Out of 40)

Val and Olivia, jazz

They are dancing to “Remember Me” from Coco. Which is kinda bizarre, since Coco doesn’t really have “villains” per se. But Val changed it to be more a husband-wife fighting with each other for attention, which kinda worked. The dancing was kinda minimal though. Mostly just dramatic faces. Still, I love anything Val does.

This is not Olivia and Val, these are the troupe dancers.

Bruno: “I’m having so much fun, I’m going Coco-loco. (*eyeroll*) Really, you captured the spirit of the movie. Perfectly. We know you’re getting better and better and better as a dancer. But you can act as well.” Carrie Ann: “I’m impressed with the acting and it felt a little safe for me. I’ve seen you dance in the pocket. Tonight I felt like you were just a hair in front of it. You are growing every week.” Len: “There’s a saying: ‘I could’ve danced for joy.’ This was such a joyous performance.” Derek: “I could hear Len during that whole performance, ‘I love it!’ The whole time. Listen, I can’t believe you’ve never danced before, because you are a natural-born performer.”

JUDGES: 35 (Out of 40)

Sasha and Suni, Viennese waltz

Sasha and Suni are dancing to “I Put a Spell on You” from Hocus Pocus.

Carrie Ann: “Suni! You’re finally really going there. The articulation, I could feel your energy, I could feel the energy move. So when you dance beyond your body, I could feel you do every move. Finally, I feel the performance has met the technique.” Len: “You look so good in hold, Sasha, next ballroom dance, let’s get a little more in hold. She looks great.” Derek: “I’m still recovering from Sasha running off like a little cat. I’m dying. Suni, you’re beautiful, you’re magnificent. You have beautiful, beautiful arms. Like Carrie Ann said, your performance is starting to come out, and we absolutely love that.” Bruno: “Bewitching, my darling. The flow of the movement, those long lines—keep it going, it’s working.”

JUDGES: 35 (Out of 40)

Alan and Amanda, paso doble

Courtesy of Just Jared and ABC.

They are dancing to “Call Me Cruella” and she, of course, is Cruella.

Len: “It had a feeling of menace, which I liked to see. Lovely interpretation from you, Alan, for the music.” Derek: “Amanda, you look unbelievable. You played the part to perfection. You were so good that sometimes the little details catch my eye. That was a phenomenal paso doble.” Bruno: “It was devilishly stylish, with a hint of danger and a lot of aggression. It was going so well. There was a slight misstep. Otherwise, it could have been perfection.” Carrie Ann: “That was powerful and masterful, and so divine. I have to say, a beautiful way to end an incredible night. Bravo to everyone who worked on these shows.”

JUDGES: 36 (Out of 40)

These are the scores from both Disney nights, plus our votes, plus the Mickey Dance Challenge points.

I have to say that I thought the Disney Villains night overall was a #FAIL because it was just all over the place. The music from the movies (by and large) wasn’t very good. The Villains weren’t villainy enough. One Disney night is enough.

So, who’s going home on this Double Elimination night?

The Bottom Three:

1. Sharna and Brian

2. Lindsay and Matt

3. Brandon and Kenya

are in the Bottom Three.

Brian and Sharna have the lowest totals and are eliminated. Judges decide between the last two.

Len decides to save Kenya and Brandon.

Miche’s Favorites of Villains Night

1. Daniella and Iman, Argentine tango

2. Artem and Melora, jazz

3.Sharna and Brian, paso doble 

4. Val and Olivia, jazz

5. Sasha and Suni, Viennese waltz

6. Brandon and Kenya, Viennese waltz  

7. Cheryl and Cody, Viennese waltz

8. Alan and Amanda, paso doble

9. Emma and Jimmie, jazz

10. Gleb and Melanie, Viennese waltz

11. Jenna and JoJo, paso doble 

Can Go Home Anytime Now

1. The Miz 

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Season 30, Week Four, Night One: Disney Heroes Night and No One Goes Home

It’s Covid times at Dancing with the Stars, so we still don’t have a proper opening number, but we do have our couples at Disneyland, each doing a few steps. Well, it’s better than nothing. They danced to “Zero to Hero,” which is fitting because it’s Heroes Night. (Cheryl and Cody were not included, neither were Sasha and Suni for some reason. Perhaps because Sasha and Suni didn’t go to Disneyland. They got to view the new movie, Encanto, instead.)

And we have one of the stupidest things they’ve ever done on #DWTS tonight. They have a series of moves (shown by Mickey Mouse) that our couples (well, pros) must incorporate into their choreography, no matter the dance style. Ugh. Who comes up with this nonsense?

Jenna and JoJo, Viennese waltz

Courtesy of Just Jared and ABC.

Well, you knew it was going to happen: that two women dancing together for the first time as competitors on DWTS meant that one of them would be dressing in drag at some point. Well, here it is. JoJo as Prince Charming. And it’s wonderful. Just sublime.

Can I just say how stunning Jenna’s Cinderella costume is? Bravo to the costume team.

They are dancing to “A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes” from Cinderella, of course.

Len: “You danced a couple of bars of reverse turns, a couple of bars of natural turns, in hold, which to quote another song is just about the bare necessities. However, having said that, it was beautifully danced. Your footwork was fantastic. And I enjoyed watching you so much.” Derek: “Last time I was judging you, I mentioned that More isn’t more. Tonight proved that. You were so clean, so elegant. It was a breath of fresh air. Beautifully danced.” Bruno: “JoJo, Jenna, you two are a dream come true. This was a Viennese waltz for the 21st Century. Full of charm, grace, elegance. All was so beautifully executed.” Carrie Ann: “JoJo, I am so proud of you. You just showed the whole world that you can do anything guys can do, and sometimes maybe even better. That was amazing what you’re doing. What I loved the most was that you toned it down and you were the frame for Jenna to shine tonight.” 

JUDGES: 35 (Out of 40)

Gleb and Melanie C., jazz

It’s great to see Melanie C. as Mary Poppins. Also great to see her do a few cartwheels. I thought there was more to the song than just “Step in Time” over and over again, but it was a fun dance.

Derek: “Melanie, I actually had the privilege of dancing ‘Step in Time’ with Dick Van Dyke a couple years ago, and I know if he saw this, he absolutely would have loved this. This was like a full musical production: you had the props, you had the set. You danced it so well, so acrobatic. Some of the transitions were a little hectic here and there. But overall, fantastic.” Bruno: “That was so difficult, because the tempo sped up. It wasn’t even. You wove in the Mickey Challenge very very well in the structure, as an introduction of the routine. You lost sync a little bit.” Carrie Ann: “Oh my god, that was jam-packed. Move after move, it was like a stunt show, an action adventure come to life. It was a little bit out of sync.” Len: “That was just like Disneyland. It was full of fun, joy and it was enchanting.” 

JUDGES: 31 (Out of 40)

Lindsay and Matt, quickstep

Everyone tells Matt he should be Frozone for Halloween, so here he is, living the dream. This was my favorite of their dances so far, although I think he botched a spin at the beginning.

Bruno: “Mr. Frozone, it looks like you’re defrosting nicely. The quickstep is all about feet. I have to say: they are getting better.” Carrie Ann: “Listen, we’ve gotta still work on your technique. What I loved is, I smiled the whole time. Anyone who can do that in a unitard and still make me smile like that, God bless you, Matt James.” Len: “I admire your tenacity and your work ethic. Quickstep’s not an easy dance. Your technique wasn’t great. But it was fast and it was energetic. I enjoy watching you every week.” Derek: “First of all, I just love the commitment, going full out with the outfit. It was stressing me out a little bit, with the glasses, I was like: can he see? I don’t know, is he gonna fall over, OMG. It was really entertaining.”

JUDGES: 26 (Out of 40)

Emma and Jimmie, paso doble

They take a page from Mulan, and Jimmie dedicates it to his dad. They are dancing to “I’ll Make a Man Out of You,” which is kinda weird with Emma dancing it with him, but ok. Sometimes these dancers just don’t listen to the lyrics…

Carrie Ann: “That was incredible. There was dignity, there was passion. I loved how you did the Mickey Challenge. Everything about that dance was delicious. I loved it.” Len: “You got into the paso doble feeling for the dance. It was a little bit of walking about going on, which I wasn’t too keen on.” Derek: “Jimmie, what I’m so impressed with you about is your texture. Your texture and your movement. It looks just wonderful.” Bruno: “Great! I loved the menacing warrior. I loved the touches of martial art.”

JUDGES: 30 (Out of 40) 

Alan and Amanda, rumba

Wow. Didn’t like these costumes at all. Guess they can’t all be winners. What is that scarf thing? Ugh. Well, in the movie, she was a gorilla, so I guess the costume could be anything.

They dance to “You’ll Be in My Heart” from Tarzan. They talk about how (in the movie) it’s a mother talking to her son. But they are dancing a rumba. Ick.

I didn’t like anything about this dance, and Alan’s bizarre hair was really distracting.

Len: “Well, in rumba, you need control, you need romance, you need chemistry. You need your hips to show us the rhythm of the dance. Your arms should show us the melody of the dance. All of that you got. I thought it was brilliant. It was so beautiful. I loved it.” Derek: “Hold on, hold on. I didn’t think you missed the Mickey Dance Challenge at all. It was like a contemporary break in the rumba. I disagree with you, Len. Here’s the thing I love: every fiber, every muscle in your body is working. You can really see the articulation in your feet, using the floor, into your feet, into your arms.” Bruno: “Both of you, thank you for the eye candy, btw. And your pants have shrunk. Let’s talk about the rumba: effortless, easy, natural. You really made it look easy.” Carrie Ann: “Amanda, real quick, I just wanna say, you seemed a bit cautious. But what I love is that you actually attempted proper rumba, and you didn’t hide behind anything. So I really appreciate that.” 

JUDGES: 32 (Out of 40) *overscored*

Val and Olivia, samba

These costumes are a little better. Although getting The Lion King from this is a bit of a stretch. They are dancing to “I Just Can’t Wait to Be King.”

It was a really fun dance. I love Val’s choreography so much, even when he has to incorporate that stupid Mickey Dance Challenge, and go back into samba. It was beautiful. And they did samba rolls.

Derek: “Wow. Olivia. I am not a cat person, and you do not look adorable in that makeup. Listen! That samba? You are like becoming one of my favorite performers on this show. There’s like an effortless fun to when you dance, every time you dance. It’s just so fun to watch you. The samba rolls, the stationary samba walks, the promenade runs, you had it all in there.” Bruno: “Look at you. The spirit of a wild cat, with the sprint of a cheetah, and yet, she maintained the lightness of a gazelle. You’re so versatile. You have such range. What more do you want? You’ve got it.” Carrie Ann: “I loved almost everything about that. What was the most impressive though, was dealing with the music change. Hard music change, and you’re not an experienced dancer. To be able to come back in like that, shows the trust. What I love most about this couple right here is the chemistry and trust that you guys have. It’s gonna take you so far.” Len: “Zippity do dah. Lots of zip, and no do dah anywhere.”

Courtesy of Just Jared and ABC.

JUDGES: 35 (Out of 40)

Witney and The Miz, quickstep

They are dancing to “A Friend Like Me” from Aladdin. 

Now these costumes rock. So beautiful. To say nothing of his makeup!

Bruno: “I really appreciate the fact that you really go for it. You work very hard. You give everything you have. And we love your performances.” Carrie Ann: “What I love most about this performance is that you’re really honing your energy in to match the specifics of each dance. That’s something that you struggled with from the beginning. You bring and you elevate the mood of the room every time that you step out in this ballroom dance floor. You are so much fun to watch.” Len: “You didn’t just take off and fly, as you quite often see. You danced it with control, which I thought was terrific. You’re really light on your feet for a great, big bruising guy. I thought you did a terrific job.” Derek: “You gotta hand it to you. You’re always full out, fully committed to whatever you’re doing, and we appreciate that. I think everyone appreciates that. I would say a little bit more body contact, but I’m afraid you’d get a little bit blue on Witney. So, let that slide.”  

JUDGES: 31 (Out of 40)

Brandon and Kenya, contemporary

I gotta state my dislike for Contemporary right up front. They dance to “How Far I’ll Go” from Moana.

These costumes were amazing, and the lights made them even more magical. The dance was ok.

Carrie Ann: “I’m frustrated because Kenya, there was such a freedom in your expression tonight. This was like the most open and joyous and open-hearted I’ve seen you, which is tough coming back, after last week (they were in the Bottom Two). So I have so much respect for that. I thought it was beautiful.” Len: “It was beautiful, and I compliment you on the way that you performed that. I thought it was a first-class performance.” Derek: “I feel like you started off, and it felt a little timid at first. You just started smiling, and I got chills. You did the little hula moment. Oh, I loved that.” Bruno: “Kenya, my darling, don’t worry. I felt it all. I felt the motion of the water, the beautiful waves rolling, the Polynesian hula. It was just lovely. Until he hit the rock. Watch it next time.”

JUDGES: 29 (Out of 40)

Sharna and Brian, waltz

He’s Prince Charming, and she’s Snow White. And they are waltzing away (*swoon*), and I’m here for it. Oh, how beautiful.

Len: “I don’t know about ‘Someday, My Prince Will Come,’ I never thought the waltz was gonna come. (Len hates frou-frou stuff at the beginning.) It was so much kissing and cuddling and messing about, then you did a little bit of waltz. Then, there was too much wafting going on. I would’ve liked to have seen a much more traditional waltz…”

Val’s reaction to Len’s comment: 

“…But that would please me.” Derek: “Not at all. I think the opening image (when the Prince leans down to kiss Snow White on her bier) was as pretty as a picture. It was a screen shot taken right out of the film, so magical, beautiful, and when you are in frame, your frame is fantastic, brother. That was beautiful.” Bruno: “Darling, don’t worry. It looks like you’ve got your prince under control. I’m getting all the sweetness and niceness, but sometimes too much sweetness gives you a toothache. You need more traction, more action, more involvement. Give it light and shade. You know, you’re an actor. Portray all those qualities. I know you love each other. I love it, and I love you two. Come on, more sweeping vibe, more power.” Carrie Ann: “There was a little lift. Just a little. I gotta do it. I have to be fair to everybody. It’s part of the rule. We’re not supposed to lift in waltz.”

JUDGES: 25 (Out of 40)

Sasha and Suni, salsa

They are dancing to “Columbia Mi Encanto” from the movie Encanto. (And why didn’t anyone give them popcorn? Come on now, Disney!)

She does so many flips! Guess that’s what you do when you have a gymnast as a partner. Wow. Wonderful salsa, I loved it.

Derek: “I’m still digging it. I love seeing you open up more and more each week. I had so much fun. That was so great. So much fun.” Bruno: “It was a fiesta of a salsa. You’re getting freer, and able to express more every week. A delicious salsa.” Carrie Ann: “What I love is every single move you do, you could take a snapshot. It looks perfect. Everything’s so perfect about the way you move.” Len: “That was the most expressive that I have seen you. You really came out of your shell.”

JUDGES: 33 (Out of 40)

Artem and Melora, quickstep

They are dancing a quickstep to “I Wanna Be Like You,” from The Jungle Book. Melora is playing Balou. She says it’s one of her husband and kids’ favorite movies. 

I love her costume so much. I don’t know if she looks like a bear, but she looks fabulous. I mean, come on! Look at that fringe flying.

Bruno: “The Queen of the Jungle is in delightfully good form tonight. She’s becoming the Queen of the Ballroom. The best quickstep I’ve seen so far this season. You managed to put a lot of comedic slapstick Charleston, but the actual content was brilliant.” Carrie Ann: “You bring all these textures and styles, and then you always bring something that’s sort of unexpected. We’ve been watching dance for a long time. You bring something unexpected to every dance floor. That’s what makes you special.” Len: “That was, by far, your best dance. It was great. Your technique in hold was great. You had personality. Never doubt yourself. You are a dancer.” Derek: “When you did this part (he recreates it), for me, that was the best dance of the night.”

JUDGES: 36 (Out of 40)

Cheryl and Cody, jive

They are dancing a jive to “Standout” from A Goofy Movie. Cody is definitely a big Disney fan.

Fun dance. It’s so good to have them both back in the ballroom, after their Covid travails.

Carrie Ann: “All right! Cody and Cheryl, welcome back to the ballroom! It’s so good to have you guys back. That was a great performance, I loved all your energy. But you’ve just gotta finish your moves.” Len: “Well, I don’t like to be a party pooper, but it was too much side by side. There wasn’t enough of what I would consider as a jive in there. There was a few hints of it. If I’m gonna be honest, I was a wee bit disappointed. Cause you’re a really fit guy, and the jive should be right up your street.” Derek: “Great energy. You’re such a great performer, especially in that opening moment. Incredible. I agree with Len a little bit, especially when it got into the partner work. Little bit more kicks, little bit more flicks. Overall, great job.” Bruno: “Your power surge nearly blew my fuses. He is right. Jive: kicks and flicks. But I understand you haven’t been able to work close together. Next week, you’ll sort it. Great performance.”   

JUDGES: 27 (Out of 40)

Daniella and Iman, foxtrot

Can we just take a moment for this incredible set? Wow. So beautiful.

They are dancing to “Let It Go” from Frozen, as you can imagine.

Wow. He is more than a full head taller than she is. Interesting choice. When she sings, “Let it go,” they get into hold. LOL Other than that, a beautiful foxtrot.

Len: “Well, it’s obvious you’re great at delivering (he talked in the package about delivering his two children), and you delivered a really elegant foxtrot. Listen, it’s wonderful to see a great big guy trying to show romance, trying to show movement. I thought you did a really good job.” Derek: “What I love about you is you can see your improvement. Your frame was beautiful, the way you glide across the floor, it was fantastic. So smooth.” Bruno: “Tonight I got the feeling that I really wanted from you. When you embrace your bigness and you extend your arms, at times you look like an eagle taking flight. You know this feeling of command in the room, and stretching and reaching all the way around. I could see it tonight. Tap into that feeling, because you’ve got it.” Carrie Ann: “I absolutely agree with you, Bruno, for sure. You know what’s so amazing? Tonight is Disney Hero Night. And we’ve seen heroes, and we’ve been inspired all night, but you’re a hero in real life, by getting out here and dedicating this dance. You could see and feel the love in every movement. And that’s what makes you stand out to me with our dancers.” 

JUDGES: 30 (Out of 40)

Who gets the two bonus points for the Mickey Dance Challenge? Emma and Jimmie.

Who goes home? No one, it’s Disney Heroes Night!

Miche’s Favorites of Heroes Night

1. Sasha and Suni, salsa

2. Val and Olivia, samba

3. Daniella and Iman, foxtrot

4. Jenna and JoJo, Viennese waltz

5. Artem and Melora, quickstep

6. Cheryl and Cody, jive

7. Gleb and Melanie C., jazz

8. Sharna and Brian, waltz

9. Emma and Jimmie, paso doble

10. Lindsay and Matt, quickstep

Can Go Home Any Day Now

1. The Miz

2. Amanda

3. Kenya

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