DWTS S025, Week 3: How Much Did We Love Guilty Pleasures Night?

This from the wacky opening number, choreographed by the ever-amazing Mandy Moore. This show is dedicated to the family and friends of those lost in the horrific Las Vegas shooting, which just happened before this was filmed.

Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, is Guilty Pleasures night. And there will be no eliminations tonight.

Team: Emma and Drew   Guilty Pleasure: Crime dramas

Our Property Brothers contractor kicks off the evening with a wonderful Argentine tango to “Red Right Hand.” (Loved the music.) And it included this incredible overhead lift. Emma Slater’s choreography continues to be stunning.

I really thought this dude couldn't dance. I really liked this number.

I started the season thinking they would be going home early, but by this dance, they have certainly become a couple to watch.

I also loved Emma's outfit so very much.

Len says that Drew is “on a roll.” Carrie Anne: “How amazing was that Argentine tango?”

JUDGES’ SCORES: 23 (out of 30)

Team: Sharna and Derek   Guilty Pleasure: Fresh Prince reruns

 I pretty much hated the music of this. Sharna Burgess can make anything look good, but this cha cha was certainly my least favorite dance of the night.

Len: “One of the secrets of Dancing with the Stars, if you like the music, you perform better. I could see you were right into that dance. You were into the music, it was something you enjoyed, and in turn, I enjoyed.”

JUDGES’ SCORES: 21 (out of 30)

Tom, in introducing this segment says: “Yes,  a grown man in a suit just said, ‘Chumbawumba’s Tubthumping.’” (Cracked me up.)

Team: Val and Victoria   Guilty Pleasure: um... Chumbawumba

This song (“Tubthumping”), you either love it or you hate it. Val really hates it. But Victoria’s anthem for this season is what is contained in the lyric: “You get knocked down, and you get up again.” So, Chumbawumba it is.

It is a sign of Val’s dancing/choreography genius that he can make an incredible quickstep out of a song he hates.

My guilty pleasure? “Tumthumping” makes me feel all warm and fuzzy all over.

Len: “Nice amount of content, great amount of entertainment and fun.” Bruno: “I love what you put into it.”

Tom addresses the audience, “If you see a kid who’s different, don’t be an ass.”

JUDGES’ SCORES: 22 (out of 30)

Then, there was this really funny bit of “Guilty Pleasures: Host Edition,” where Tom mocks Mark Ballas for his use of hair-care products, and talks about how he has to “go full mime” to fundraise for more. (Envision Tom Bergeron as a mime here.) Damn funny. Sasha was in the video, too.

Erin, after: “Did you make much money?”

Tom: “About $4 and a half bucks.”

Team: Maks and Vanessa (with Alan standing in)  
Guilty Pleasure: Girls Night Out

Sorry, but when Maks isn’t there, the dances just aren’t as good. Alan is great, fine, but he’s no Maks.

Vanessa is a real star, though. She hogs that spotlight. And they danced to “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun,” always a great song. Lovely Jenna (former pro) was among the troupe dancers helping out. 

Len: “In that first section, it would’ve been difficult to know which one was the celebrity. I thoroughly enjoyed watching it.”
Bruno: “It had that timeless elegance of a Motown girl band, and yet it was so up-to-date. I absolutely loved it.”

Carrie Anne:  “Girls Night at your house for sure, next time.”

JUDGES’ SCORES: 23 (out of 30)

Team: Artem and Nikki   Guilty Pleasure: “Romance novels”

Romance novels like “Fifty Shades of Gray,” she says, winking.

After this steamy Viennese waltz, Tom Bergeron pulls Nikki’s SO out onto the floor to stand next to her during the judging. They try to explain to him the concept of character.

Bruno: “It really worked.” Carrie Anne: “I love that you just go for it.... I wanna see your softness come back.” Len liked some of the turns, but “I wasn’t exactly transported to old Vienna.” (audience laughs)   

 JUDGES’ SCORES: 21 (out of 30)

Then, they have “Guilty Pleasures: Judges Edition,” where Carrie Anne goes on about her love of nachos (with pumped cheese). Bruno (sitting next to Sasha and being fanned, while Jenna stretches her legs over Sasha):  “I go for hot fashion models, fried food and fast cars.” Len: “My guilty pleasure is sitting in the California sun, eating bacon and eggs. Naked.” As he says this, the camera pulls back to reveal a giant... Mirror Ball over his naughty bits. With a rooster sound...  Oh my.

When they return from break, each judge is eating their Guilty Pleasure. Tom thanks Len “for dressing for dinner.” 

Team: Witney and Frankie    Guilty Pleasure: Boy Bands
   
Whoever you thought Frankie Muniz was before, he is sure different on this show. So, here he is, in full boy band mode (I love that Sasha is in so many of these things, here,  he's another one of the boy band members). They show him getting advised by Nick Lachey and Joey Fatone.

Finally, Witney and Frankie get their boy band on with a samba. With help from Sasha and the troupe.

Carrie Anne liked his “boy band stuff,” not his samba so much. Len just says: “Frankie, I really like you.” (After telling him he “needed more hip action.”) Bruno (on their double denim): “I never thought I was gonna see that again.”   

 JUDGES’ SCORES: 21 (out of 30)

We’ve really gone too long without Sasha, so they give us a Cha Cha bumper. And Jenna too! Fun!

Team: Mark and Lindsey   Guilty Pleasure: Staying in Her PJs

Lindsey and her significant other just broke up, so she is sad. Despite that, she does a kickass jive with Mark to “Wake Me Up (Before You Go Go).”

Easily my favorite dance of the night. 

Len: “If I'm dreaming, don’t wake me up, because I thought that was great. Lots of jive content, lots of fun, lots of WHAM and energy. That, so far, the dance of the season.” Bruno: “Apart from the incredibly smart creativity of Mark, this guy can jive. He threw everything at her that he had, she was never outdanced. She was just brilliant.” Carrie Anne: “Every number is always so incredibly creative, but tonight—that’s gonna go down as one of my favorite numbers. Of all time. That was brilliant, Mark. Brilliant choreography.”

JUDGES’ SCORES: 27 (out of 30)(the highest score of the season so far)

Team: Gleb and Sasha   Guilty Pleasure: Baking

Sasha and Gleb start out with a great Motown song (“Can’t Help Myself”) and dance jazz (which I think some use as a catchall when they don’t want to get dinged for not enough content).

You know when they use a lot of props, the dance is in trouble.

Bruno: “Great fun.” Carrie Anne: “It was not exactly what you would call jazz.... It was very clean, very well-rehearsed.” Len: “As fun as this was, it didn’t really showcase your ability to dance.”

(SIDE NOTE here: Gleb consistently over seasons gets the note, “You’re not showcasing your partner.” Once again makes me wish they had chosen Sasha instead.)

JUDGES’ SCORES: 19 (out of 30)

We come back from the break, and the judges and Tom and Erin are singing along to the Motown song.

Team: Peta and Nick   Guilty Pleasure: Watching Rom-Coms

Now THAT’s how you choreograph a jazz dance! Peta did a fantastic number to the song “Jump” (from “Love, Actually”). Bonus points for both Sasha and Jenna being in the dance. (Well, bonus points from ME, not from the judges.)

Carrie Anne starts out commenting about Nick’s unitard, “that takes balls.” (Not remembering that he famously had surgery to remove one of his balls.) So Nick says, “Well, what I have left.” OUCH.

Carrie Anne: “It looked great to watch.” Len: “I loved the Concept, the Commitment and the Confidence that you brought out on the dance floor.” Bruno: “Finally, you got your juices flowing.”

JUDGES’ SCORES: 21 (out of 30)

Jenna and Keo show us how to do the jive.

Team: Cheryl and Terrell   Guilty Pleasure: Break dancing

Poor Cheryl. She tries so hard. She puts those steps in there, she creates interesting choreography, but her dances never seem to catch fire like others do. I admit, I didn’t like this song at all. (Think it was “The Breaks” by Curtis Blow.)  Doing a salsa to that, ugh.

Len: “It’s not a touchdown, but you’re in the Red Zone.” Bruno: “It wasn’t a traditional salsa.” Carrie Anne has “a meltdown” cause it was “so good.”

JUDGES’ SCORES: 21 (out of 30)

Team: Lindsay and Jordan  Guilty Pleasure: Comic books

So they did what Tom calls “a Super Hero Charleston,” but to my eyes, it succeeded the least of their dances. The whole thing just didn’t work. It seemed loud and garish, and didn’t seem to have much Charleston in it (to me, and Charleston is one of my favorite dances here).

Tom whispers to them, “Somewhere Adam West is smiling.”

Bruno likes the “pop art visual flair.” Carrie Anne is dumbfounded, trying to wrap her head around “what I just saw. You’re so amazing. There’s so much going on in that number. You could’ve gotten lost at any point... The fastest Charleston I’ve ever seen in the middle.” Len, however, was dismayed that “it’s a Charleston, and there was virtually no Charleston.” 

JUDGES’ SCORES: 25 (out of 30)

No one was eliminated tonight.

Favorite Guilty Pleasures of the Night

1. Mark and Lindsey (jive)

2. Drew and Emma (Argentine tango)

3. Val and Victoria (quickstep)

4. Alan and Vanessa (jazz)

5. Peta and Nick (jazz) 

Please Go Home
1. Sasha and Gleb
2. Vanessa and Alan/Maks
3. Nick and Peta
4. Derek and Sharna

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DWTS: All Stars — The Story So Far

In my humble opinion, here's how you win Dancing with the Stars in a normal season.

1. You have a brillliant choreographer.

2. You have a fanatic fan base, that you enflame through social media.

3. You get lucky.

There are, IMHO, four brilliant choreographers on DWTS. Derek Hough, Mark Ballas, Karina Smirnoff and Peta Murgatroyd. The way you can "get lucky" with another choreographer, is if you have excellent chemistry and work well together.

But it's always some combination of those three things.

Chelsie Hightower and Helio Castroneves/ABC/Adam Taylor

This is one of the couples voted out last night. One of the things that felled them (quite outside of their own doing) was the costume designers have been tending to make the women's dresses too long this season, and in this case, the poor girl nearly tripped over it. We need to see their feet, costumers! Please.

This, however, is no normal season. This is the All Stars season. Which means that where you normally get the first four weeks of someone getting their sea legs, and really only get spectacular dances the last four or five weeks, this time, we've had them right out of the gate (from Ep. 1).

Usually, it's pretty easy to tell who's going to be going the first few weeks. There are always clunkers. I can honestly say that's not true this time. In fact, during this particular episode, I enjoyed every single (11) dance. So, it's been hard to pick a favorite to root for. So many are just spectacular.

And, in two cases, both named Chmerkovsky, the women "stars" are making their pros look better by their own sheer determination.

First, Val Chmerkovsky. He just entered the regular pro lineup recently, and has never really come into his own (that is, risen to the level he needs to be at to win) yet. Until this season. Because of her.

Kelly Monaco and Val Chmerkovsky/ABC

Look at that determination. I didn't think much of them at the beginning, but they have become one of my favorite couples this season. Their dance Monday night was my favorite through most of the other dances (no small feat, that).

Now, a moment about Maks.

He used to be one of my favorite pros to watch on this show. Sexy in an animalistic way, always taking his shirt off, always pinching Tom Bergeron on the butt, he was sexy and playful and fun. His choreography with Erin Andrews was truly inspired and magical. (I didn't much watch earlier seasons.)

And then: "It's my show." An offhand comment, compounded by a tirade against the judges, made him a pariah. And really, from that moment till now, he lost all his fire. Likely made to shut up by ABC brass, he has taken the tack of not saying anything, coming off pouty and walking through the paces. His season with a sports star as his partner was uneventful.

I don't know about others, but for me, it's been painful to watch. I just wish Maks would go away already.

But then, the magic of Kirstie Alley. She, who was previously his partner (in better days), she who knows a thing or two about entertaining an audience (and/or getting over your damn self and just putting on a good show). She, in this week of "the Stars get creative control" took it upon herself to kick Maks' ass into gear.

His selling points before were always that he's incredibly hot (the hottest male on the show, easily), and he liked to show that off. And he is a superb dancer.

So, we ended up with this.

Maksim Chmerkovsky and Kirstie Alley/ABC/Adam Taylor

He strutted to "Moves Like Jagger," was allowed to express his rampant sexuality, while Kirstie played wild groupie. It was wonderful and frothy and fun. The old Maks was almost back.

Between Kirstie taking control and Kirstie's frequent and wonderful use of Twitter to compel fans to vote, I think we'll be seeing these two for awhile longer. And this dance was a joy to watch.

OTOH, we also have the woman dragging the pro down.

I love Mark Ballas. In every season of DWTS, he is my odds-on favorite to win, going in.

However, just as much as I adore him, I really dislike her. Let's just say kindly that she is no dancer, in a season of real dancers. She should have been gone early on.

And this week, when everyone else is strategizing how to win, she had a pouty crying mess of a meltdown. That they even ended up with a dance, much less such a great one, is a true tribute to Mark's professionalism.

I adore him, but I really hope she goes soon.

Both Bristol and Maks need to learn that there is no ego drama in this business called show. You suck it up, whatever you're feeling, and put on a show. And if you can't do that, step down and get out of the business.

Cause if you don't, there are plenty of others who will.

Like these:

Melissa Rycroft and Tony Dovolani, dancing their little hearts out/ABC/Adam Taylor

Or these:

Sabrina Bryan and Louis Van Amstel, dancing their hearts out/ABC/Adam Taylor

Or these:

Emmitt Smith and Cheryl Burke/ABC/Adam Taylor

You don't see these people having pouty tantrums. These are pros, paid money to put on a show. Bristol Palin, for me, really threw a huge downer into the middle of a spectacular show. Is she gone yet?

These people are determined to succeed.

Peta Murgatroyd and Gilles Marini/ABC/Adam Taylor

But let's just cut to the chase, throw over all the cards and get to the performance of the week. All 11 were amazing (even Bristol and Mark), but this one was mind-blowing.

Shawn Johnson and Derek Hough/ABC/Adam Taylor

Bouncing off trampolines to start, this dance was part gymnastics, part dance, all spectacular. ABC wisely saved it for last. Dancing, dancing, dancing, simulataneous splits (see above), bounce back up (without getting out of hold!), keep dancing. It ended with them diving into the pit. Brilliant.

Creative genius. Take what they give you as an assignment and run with it. That's what it takes. Give us magic every week. Derek Hough never fails to provide that. This is, indeed, going to be an incredible season to watch. It's only WEEK THREE!!! Holy moly.

Can you imagine?

Shawn and Derek dive off the stage as a finale. WOW.

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Who Should Be Benched at Dancing With the Stars

The long nightmare is finally over. No, the Dancing With the Stars (DWTS) finale is next week, and we'll see who finally wins the coveted mirror ball trophy from among three deserving contenders (and that, I'm looking forward to).

No, I'm talking about the season-long Charlie Sheen moment of meltdown by Maksim Chmerkovsky on DWTS.

Now, let's recap for a moment, shall we?

DWTS, for the uninitiated is a simple premise: you take (mostly D-level) "celebrities" and other assorted fame-mongers and sports figures, most of whom have never danced before in any way, and somehow make them into dancers (or at least watchable) for ten weeks.

The job of the pro dancer on this show has somewhat evolved and changed. There were moments when the pros had more to do, and were able to be more creative. But really, the MAIN thing that a pro is there for (sorry, Maks) is to coddle said celebrity. Walk them through their tantrums, hold their hands as they shake in fear about this crazy project they've taken on, and most of all—try to keep all the pouty drama behind the scenes.

That's why someone like Anna Trebunskya (and yes, along the way, the pro dancers have themselves become celebrities; and Maks is SURE acting like one)... someone like Anna is perfect. Her dances/choreography is amazing, but she also has a very giving personality, and can walk through this show with any crazy nutcase they throw at her, and appear graceful (this season, she had Carson Kressley, God help her).

And, except for the fact that Carson was one of the worst dancers I've ever seen on the show, they had bravura and flair and were very crowd-pleasing.

Now dancers, especially dancers at the top of their craft, are very diva-like, just like any other art form. They have honed their instrument, they have worked very hard to get to be the machine of dancing they are now. And to have that chiseled artistry thrown together with someone who has two left feet... actually who thought of this crazy show?

Well, that's the deal, and you pretty much go with it.

From the beginning, some pro dancers rose in the ranks. Among the males: Derek Hough, Maksim Chmerkovsky, Mark Ballas were among the standouts not only this season, but in seasons' past. Standouts by the virtue of THEIR dancing, and THEIR choreography. All stunning to watch on stage, while, to varying degrees, their partners could be dreadful.

Maks seems to work best when he's got a sexual vibe going with the woman he's dancing with. Whether or not he and Erin Andrews (a few seasons back) actually had a "thing" going, they SURE seemed like they were, and (for me) that was the best Maks season to watch. When I think of memorable Maks' choreography, that number with Erin in the bed really stands out.

But they did not win.

Last season, Maks had Kirstie Alley. They were amazing fun to watch together. Kirstie was a great dancer (IMHO). She even acknowledged Maks' rampant sexuality (on the show and on Twitter) and they got as close as Maks has ever gotten to the mirror ball trophy: second place. And there was some very public griping by Maks last season about how that win was rigged, and he deserved to win. (Charlie Sheen moment #1, actually.)

But here's the reality: He has NEVER, not once in all these seasons, won the mirror ball trophy that they are striving for.

The trainwreck he had this season was a "soccer star" named Hope Solo. They had no sexual chemistry at all (Maks' failsafe), and very little other chemistry. She also had two left feet. They appeared to be butting heads constantly.

All of this came to a head a couple of weeks ago, when... well, first, let me explain. The judges have to be a bit (what I call) "LA." They can't just come right out and say: "Hope, you suck." Maybe that would be a better show if they did. But they have to think of inventive creative LA ways of saying, "YOU SUCK." So, on this particular week, Len (always the sternest, though fairest, judge) decides to say something about the heel level of Hope's shoes. Much had been made this season about this tomboyish girl not being comfortable with the girlishness of dance. She did seem uncomfortable in the heels they put her in every week.

So this particular week, they were dancing to a song from "Rent," and they put Hope in a sort of boot thing, with a lower heel. And Len was accurate. She did dance better in them. So, trying to make a silk purse from this smelly sow's ear, he said something about her heel height, RATHER Maks than saying, "HOPE, you really suck," which is what he should've said if he was ACTUALLY talking about her dancing.

But Maks decided he'd had enough, and decided to go off on Len right then and there, since Len was commenting on stupid stuff like heels, instead of talking about the dancing (Maks should really be thankful here he didn't). Len says something about being in this business for "fifty years." Maks says: "Maybe you should get out of it then."

That was Charlie Sheen moment number 2. First, let me dissect the gravity of this here. Charlie Sheen, first was on drugs and/or bipolar. Second, he was in an interview situation. Maks was right there, in the MIDDLE OF THE SHOW, on air, dissing Len. That's something you just don't DO in California, in show business, and survive. Make no mistake, he was, in that moment, doing the exact same thing Charlie Sheen did. He was dissing his coworkers ON AIR.

He compounded his heinous mistake further (Charlie Sheen moment number 3) when they were interviewed by Brooke Burke as they were getting their scores. He actually said the words, "It's MY show." Behind Maks as he was saying this, you could see Derek Hough, Derek who's actually WON three mirror ball trophies, and counting, Derek, who's gone further than Maks every season he's been in it, Derek, who actually knows how to work with whatever celebrity is thrown at him and not have public meltdowns... Derek looked horrified at what Maks was saying.

If that show is "anyone's show": it's Derek's.

The next week, damage done, Maks tried to redeem himself by saying that, no, the crew work very hard. He (Maks) doesn't do it alone. Still not apologizing to the judges. Still pissy in his routines with Hope (which, btw, STILL SUCKED). Through a bizarre twist of fate (some team dance nonsense), the week Hope Solo should've gone home ended up being David Arquette instead (so sad!).

So, the week after the crew apology, obviously the judges and Maks had a little sit-down and/or talking to by the higher ups (those whose show it ACTUALLY is). Maks came back chastened (host Tom Bergeron called him "Stepford Maks"). The judges, notably Len, WAY overgraded Hope, giving her nines, for God's sake.

This past week, when we were finally put out of our misery, they gave her eights, and Len said "We were being nice." (They were!)

But here's the real point. The damage has been done.

If I were running Dancing with the Stars, I would damn sure have Maksim Chmerkovsky sit out a season (at least). Put his lovely brother in, in his stead. Let Maks reflect on how damn lucky he is to have a job dancing on national TV. Let him be grateful that there are judges judging him at all. Let him get in touch with the fact that the "celebrities" (D-list though they are) are what people tune in for.

I also noticed that in the week of the blowout, the opening credits had the celebrity named with their pro dancer. It said: "Hope and Maks." "Ricki and Derek." "David and Kym." After Maks' blowout, they changed it. It still had the pros' picture, but not their name anymore. Not your show, Maks. Not any pro dancers' show.

The real blowout reverberations have not yet ended, mark my words. After all, Charlie Sheen got fired for exactly this. Maks is great as a dancer, but boy does he need to regroup.

At least a season.

And while they are replacing people, I sincerely hope they ALSO get rid of the tired and annoying Brooke Burke. She can barely read the teleprompter, she asks stupid questions. All she does is look good. The show would be much better served to have the wonderful and amazing Tom Bergeron with someone who can actually think on their feet, maybe someone who's a dancer, who can ask insightful dance questions, instead of: "What's going to be going through your head next week?" Who the hell knows the answer to that question, lady?

It's really a shame, because DWTS has this amazing set this year. Fabulous lighting, costumes, camerawork, even great pros. But it was really soured by Maks' antics, and Brooke's vapidity. Oh sorry, Brooke Burke CHARVAY. Sigh. Dear God, help us.

Hey, maybe they can get that host from So You Think You Can Dance, who actually got an Emmy nom this year? Ain't no way Brooke Burke would ever get one. But that sure would be a team, huh?

I'm looking forward to the finals next week. Whoever wins, it will be wonderful. If Cheryl Burke wins, that would be amazing that she's winning with Rob Kardashian. If Karina Smirnoff wins, it would be her FIRST mirror ball trophy (and I'm kinda rooting for her for that). But most likely, three-time winner Derek Hough will four-peat (with Ricki Lake). After all, it's really HIS show. Watch next week. You'll see why.

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