DTWS S027, Week Six, Halloween: Scary Dead Folks, Broken Necks and Hot Tangos

For maybe the first time ever, this Dancing with the Stars Halloween opening number really seemed like a bunch of people at a Halloween party, in different costumes, dancing with each other.  As such, it was really, really fun. Also, bowing to the amazing choreographer extraordinaire Mandy Moore. They were dancing to the “Purple People Eater” song. trippy. Even Tom and Erin got in on the action. Carrie Ann is dressed as Morticia. And Val kissses Bruno. LOL Then, all the couples dance out (not announced). And Milo is on the floor. Crazy. So fun.

After that fun, funny, great number, they take the energy down, down, down. They don’t even start with the normal package. They cut to a sanitorium. But Witney is talking to Milo about Week Six. Milo talks about how much he loves Halloween. Uh oh. Witney says that she “doesn’t really get scared.” (Although we have seen MANY Halloween episodes now, where Sasha jumps out from behind things, and Witney jumps very high... but maybe that’s not really scared... just startled... OK...)

Anyway, they are doing a contemporary. Witney calls it “the creepiest dance she’s ever choreographed” (as visions of her creepy dance with Frankie Munoz goes rumbling through my brain...). They end the package with Witney locking Milo in the asylum.

There are just no words for this dance. Pretty amazing choreography, though.

Tom mentions that he didn’t think that Len “is a big fan of contemporary.” Len: “But, for some bizarre reason, I thought this was spellbinding. It was terrific.” Len says he thinks Milo is “going to be the first one back next week.” Bruno: “It was mind-bending, and insanely good. It was impeccably acted. It was superb.” Tom calls her “Scary Ann Inaba”: “It was impressive, and all the things they say, but it was such a beautifully nuanced, mature performance. What I so respect about you is how you were absolutely in control. The partnering! You guys are such a dynamic duo. We take it for granted how well you work together. It’s beautifully executed.”

Milo comes up the stairs and has some blood pack in his mouth or something, and Erin is REALLY not happy about that.

JUDGES’ SCORES: 30 (out of 30)

Back from commercial, the overhead shot shows us a graveyard (with kinda too many graves). Tom is talking about all the Halloween puns that are going to be coming at us.

Just look at everything about this! The costumes! The sets! The lighting! The makeup. Stunning stuff. But then, the dance! A paso doble.

The whole package, she’s talking about Anne Bolelyn, and he took her head off, and this dance is her revenge, or something. So, even though she’s dead, she’s going to try to take his head off now. John talks about how he barely understands most of the stuff Emma says “at the beginning of a dance.” John: “There’s a lot of steps, and hand placement, and shapes, but I’m not going to lose my head over it.” So, here we go.

Emma is so beautiful, and so fierce. And so damn good.

And, at the end... well, no spoilers. But it was fun. (No neck-breaking in this one.)

Tom: “Bruno, whatcha think?”

Bruno: “Oh my god. That really was an historical tragedy, on an epic scale, ending in carnage.” (Ooops. Bruno spoiled...) “I appreciate the fact that you attacked it like a war horse. I appreciate that you put so much in, but you’ve lost the refinement and the timing.” Carrie Ann: “My heart breaks, because I see how much effort you’ve put into it. It was filled with content, filled with lots of shaping. You pushed yourself really hard. I feel like you never quite got your feet under you. The paso, of all dances, you need to have that strength and the gravitas, in your posture, especially. This was maybe one of your roughest performances.” Len: “Everything you did in hold, I thought was terrific.”

JUDGES’ SCORES: 19 (out of 30)

A beautiful bumper from Gleb and Hayley. With singers and everything...

DeMarcus and Lindsay are doing a salsa. Lindsay’s concept is also that she is dead. She died as a bridesmaid. The troupe spices up this dance (love seeing Brit).

There was a lift in the middle of this dance that just made me gasp.

Carrie Ann: “For such a somber topic, you definitely lit up the ballroom with that. You guys were very clear, every dance step was executed with clarity. Normally, I’m the lift police, but with you, I’m becoming the lift fanatic, cause your lifts are out of this world.” (I’m still shaking from watching that one lift.)



Len: “It was full of rhythm, it was full of interesting choreography. You had two professional guys out there with you, you kept right up with them. From Week One, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you reach your potential. I think you had a breakthrough tonight.” Bruno: “You were part of the troupe, you were so in sync with the other dancers. I say, Lindsay, keep it going. He was firing on all cylinders tonight.”

JUDGES’ SCORES: 26 (out of 30)

Evanna says in her package that she is going to stop people-pleasing and just dance for herself. She is doing a tango tonight.

God, she is just fantastic to watch. I love her dancing. (I just keep wishing through the entire thing that she was with another partner.) Loved the other troupe cat women, too.

Len: “Plenty of tango content. Sharp, crisp as a Pringle. You came out and you just sold the whole dance.” Bruno: “I like what I see. She went from tame pussycat to a wild panther. Beautiful and devilish. So strong, so sexy, so in control, so slinky. The lines were absolutely beautiful.  You placed it, and I never felt you were trying to keep up with him.” Carrie Ann: “Evanna’s on fire (echoing what Keo said in the package)... You are so fierce tonight. This is you, stepping up to the plate. You nailed that number. You worked hard, and it showed.”

JUDGES’ SCORES: 29 (out of 30)

After the commercial, we had this:

This was really an incredible performance by Jabbawockeez. Quite stunning. (They had been running around through the show, but I thought they were just Halloween flavor...) They are performing in Vegas. Do seek them out.

So, Witney, speaking of that creepy Frankie Munoz dance, really crossed a line when she first did that one. She had this like stalker dance, and it was one of her best (certainly most memorable) dances ever. Here is Sharna’s version of it. Danced to a creepy version of “Mr. Sandman.”

Wow. Creepy and sexy and a great Argentine tango. Lotsa feelings about this one. I also gotta say how much I love the pink poufy pumps. (So LA.) And Sharna is so gorgeous.

Tom: “I don’t know what your over-under is for neck cracks at home, but we’re at three right now.” (We’re actually at four, because Lindsay’s dance had three itself.)

Bruno: “Oh God. That was like an Argentine nightmare. The storytelling and involvement was absolutely chilling.” He basically says there wasn’t enough Argentine tango. Carrie Ann: “This is so bizarre. I wouldn’t expect myself to say this, but that was your best dance so far. You were just so authentically in the moment. You told the story so well. It was a very simple Argentine tango, yes, but that was within your wheelhouse. What you did tonight mesmerized me and drew me completely into the performance.” Len: “It had mood and it had atmosphere. I would’ve liked a bit more Argentine tango. But I liked it, and I liked the feel of the dance throughout.”

Bobby talks about what a great coach Sharna is. How hardworking, etc.

JUDGES’ SCORES: 22 (out of 30)

Can I just say how very much I miss Allison Holker as a pro on this show? Sure, I know, babies are important, and all that, but damn...she was really something special on this show. I have missed her every show since she left, and now, here she is, BACK. Well, ok, maybe only for one dance, but still...

Allison Holker, her husband Twitch, and their dance troupe. So awesome. Something about FREEFORM’s YouTube channel... (is where you can find them).

Mary Lou and Sasha talk about vulnerability in their package. She talks about going through a divorce in February, after 27 years of marriage. I was just starting to bum out, because I hadn’t yet seen any Sasha scares: a beloved feature of every Halloween on DWTS. Ah ha! At last! Here they are.

A very nice tango, with lots of effects and stuff. My favorite move was when teacher Mary Lou pushes away a chair, so that Sasha can jump there. Complicated and clever. They have two bookcases full of books, so that the special effects team can make them drop down. And at the end, Mary Lou gives a demonic laugh. Nice.

Carrie Ann: “You channeled all that energy. But the dance got a little away from you.” Len: “Scary Mary. You needed slightly cleaner feet. The saving grace was it was full of tango content.” Bruno: “I like it, darling. Let it all out. You deliver what’s on the menu. It says: TANGO, and you deliver a tango.”

Tom asks her how hard it’s been, and she talks about how great the people are (on the show) and that they “are my family.” She calls Sasha “a brother for life.” He hugs her.

JUDGES’ SCORES: 24 (out of 30)

The hot men of DWTS—minus the one who just danced... (Val C., Artem, Brandon and Gleb) do another round of Purple People Eater, with their shirts wide open. Am I complaining? HELL no... Thanks, guys.

In preparation for their jazz dance to “Candyman,” Alexis and Alan go to the Candy Store in the Grove. Alexis talks in her package about how she’s “developing feelings for Alan.” At the moment, he doesn’t (on camera, at least) reciprocate them. Although he hugs her pretty good.

They have other people coming out, you know, dressed as candy and such. Tom: “I know Hayley was supposed to be a dancing Mirror Ball, but suddenly I’m craving Jiffy Pop.” LOL I swear, Tom makes me laugh so much.



Len: “Candy is dandy, and so was that performance. A lot of content in there. A lot of fun. I enjoyed it so much.” Bruno: “I love a bit of light relief. Enough sugar to last a lifetime. What you do is so effortless. You really are an all-American dancing beauty.” Carrie Ann: “You’re just so adorable. Every time you come on the dance floor, you just light it up in such a sweet way. The partnership you guys have is there. It’s trust. It makes it so easy.”

Erin tries to put Alan on the hot seat about this relationship. Quite fun.

JUDGES’ SCORES: 27 (out of 30)

This was actually to announce that these wonderful people are going on another DWTS Live tour. (So glad they do this. Hope you managed to see it.) The big news is that Val was also joining the tour!

Bats keep flying at us, through the whole show...

Joe notes that he really thought they were going home last week. Everyone seems to need some motivation for their dances. So Jenna gets the idea (or the producers do) of having Jenna and Val go on a double date with Joe and Kendall. To the Los Angeles Haunted Hayride.

OK, can I just say how bizarre it is to see the Bride of Frankenstein do an Argentine tango with Frankenstein? Ok, then.

They are doing this dance to a really trippy version of “Roxanne.” But Jenna is just so fantastic. I actually really love this dance.

It was really good until Joe dropped her at the end. Yikes. (Luckily, she was ok.)

Bruno: “Actually, your tango didn’t scare me. It looked like an Argentine tango.” Carrie Ann: “I am blown away that you learned how to dance from the Halloween Horrors night. Truthfully. What a huge change.” Carrie Ann says she’s going to give him a bonus point for the end, even though he dropped Jenna. “You held it to the end. You didn’t give up, which is what you normally do.” Len: “Sometimes on the darkest days, a ray of sunshine breaks through. For me, Joe, that was your best dance.”

JUDGES’ SCORES: 22 (out of 30)

That is their highest score. Everyone starts chanting: “Joe! Joe! Joe”

Tom: “They are competing against each other, but they are cheering each other on. We love that about this show.”

I just noticed that the judges’ desk is covered in cobwebs. So cool.

Cheryl tells Juan Pablo in the package that they are doing a jive to “Dead Man’s Party.” Juan Pablo: “Oh, I love that song!” Then, he proceeds to draw what he wants for his costume. Cheryl: “Juan Pablo is the first to draw his own costume.”

They do an amazing jive. And once again, I am left thinking at the end of this episode, that for sure Cheryl and Juan Pablo are going to win this thing. They just seem to do this so effortlessly. Their dances are so amazing.

Juan Pablo and Cheryl Burke, with an assist from Brit. Courtesy of ABC/Disney.

Carrie Ann: “I don’t have much to say, that was just sheer perfection. And the costume, also.” Len: “What I liked was that you got the balance right between the theme and the dance. And also, you got the How of the technique, you got the Wow of the performance. I saw nothing I didn’t like.” Bruno: “I bow to thee, your Majesties. That was a triumph for the Pharoah. But apart from that, the jive itself was absolutely spot-on. Perfection all the way through.”

JUDGES’ SCORES: 30 (out of 30)

So, who’s going home tonight? 

Alexis and Alan are in the bottom two with Mary Lou and Sasha.

Mary Lou and Sasha are going home. :-(

Miche’s Favorites of Halloween Night:
1. Juan Pablo and Cheryl (jive)
2. Mary Lou and Sasha (tango)
3. Bobby and Sharna (Argentine tango)
4. Milo and Witney (contemporary)
5. Alexis and Alan (jazz)
6. Evanna and Keo (tango)
7. John and Emma (paso doble)
8. DeMarcus and Lindsay (salsa)
9. Joe and Jenna (Argentine tango)

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DTWS S027, Week Five, Disney Night: Heavy on the Schmaltz and Promos

I have mixed feelings about Disney night. The good part is that they freely let DWTS use Disney trademarks (songs, characters, etc.) when no other dance show can. The down side is that it often feels (like in this massive opening number, when they are ostensibly looking for Mickey, and he ends up coming down out of the ceiling), like a giant commercial for all products Disney. Not only Disney and its characters, but the other Disney/ABC show, Dancing with the Stars: Juniors, which has a fair number of participants dancing in this opening number, plus Jordan Fisher (host of said show) singing in this number. Oh, and the actual DWTS stars and pros and troupe dancing too. Plus, Erin and Tom for good measure. WHEW.

Thank God we have stunning choreographer Mandy Moore, to help all of this make sense, and not seem so schmaltzy. Best moment? In the midst of all the madness, Sasha and Emma (husband and wife) kiss. Awwww.

Tom calls this show Dancing with the Stars: Grown-ups. LOL

No one’s even danced yet, and I’m already throwing up with Disney overkill. Ugh. At the end of the package, the producer asks Alexis if she’s “developed any feelings for Alan”? Alexis nearly falls off her chair, before saying, “No comment.”

They are dancing foxtrot to some river song from Pocahontas. They project a huge rainbow over the top. Nice.

Len: “There was no stressing. There was no messing. Just a well-crafted routine, beautifully danced. Lovely chemistry between the two of you.” (Alexis and Alan both start blushing.) “For me, you’ve been on a bit of a plateau for three weeks or so. This week, Whoaa!” Bruno: “Definitely Disney magic is stronger than ever. Those two were so in tune, it was like two hearts, beating as one.” (Again, both of them blush.)

Bruno: “It was exquisitely lyrical. Your arm movements, the flow of your line. Your backbends. Abandon yourself in his arms. It was gorgeous.” Carrie Ann: “Disney Night is so many things, but it can be challenging to bring these Disney pieces to life. The way you danced made me believe in fairy tales. It was truly like walking into a fairy tale. The way your quality of movement was, the way you told the story. Everything was fluid, and it felt like you were on a cloud. It was your best dance so far this season.”

JUDGES’ SCORES: 29 (out of 30), with Disney (shaped like Mickey) paddles, of course

Juan Pablo tells Cheryl that he is “a full-on Disney freak fan.” And that “before I wanted to be an actor, I wanted to be a Disney animator.” He goes on to say that his favorite Disney movie is Beauty and the Beast, and that he’s “so excited to be dancing to Gaston. It’s going to be magic.”

Len is already irritated by the smoke that he has to brush away to see this Viennese waltz.

They also have the Candelabra on their desk (animated, of course).

Well, DWTS has beat “Be Our Guest” to death in several versions. But I don’t think they’ve ever done “Gaston.” It was pretty wonderful.

Bruno: “You nailed that character right on the bullseye. The feel, the style, the content. Spot on on every level.” Carrie Ann: “So good! What is fantastic about you is the flair. You have flair for days. The momentum you create. No one else is even close to you, the way you do that. It makes you so spectacular.” Len: “What I like is that the dance mirrored the music. It was full of gusto and zest. You, without doubt, are a fantastic dancer. Every number that you’ve had to do, you’ve coped with admirably. Cheryl, wonderful choreography.”


JUDGES’ SCORES: 29 (out of 30) (Bruno says it in French.)

At this point in the season, I really thought it was going to be Cheryl and Juan Pablo who were going to win this thing...

A nice princessy thing (bumper) to bring us back.

Lindsay and DeMarcus are dancing Charleston (love that dance!) to “A Star Is Born” from Hercules. Lindsay is just addicted to massive lifts. Ugh. He was just flipping and turning her all over the place in this one. Ugh.

Tom: “Lindsay, the Human Windmill.” Lindsay talks about the strap on her shoe breaking, just as they started.

Carrie Ann: “A hero is born. We have been waiting for this breakthrough this whole season. The double spinner, I don’t know what that’s called. I never even noticed you were missing a shoe, because of your partnering skills.” Len: “It was jam-packed, kicks, tricks, lifts... that is like a Disney movie. You finish it and you just feel great. Full of attack, full of energy. Not a lot of Charleston going on... however...I enjoyed it.” Bruno: “It started like the Ziegfield Follies, then it went to musical comedy. I thought, actually, your Charleston was pretty good. You’re very lightfooted. You never missed a beat. Now, you’re turning into a satellite. You’re spending more time in the air than anyone I’ve ever seen. It was your most complete performance to date.”

JUDGES’ SCORES: 26 (out of 30)

A Jungle Book bumper from the troupe. Nice.

Evanna is performing a song from Tangled, and she is portraying Rapunzel. They don't really explain how she starts in the set-up with the long long hair, and moments later, she is shorn. But no matter... In between many of these numbers are bits of video showing the couples enjoying the real Disneyland. I’ll spare you all the description. Here you go: Happy, happy, joy, joy. Done.

Evanna did a great job with this dance, but the sappy Disney music is already starting to bug me.

Len: “I liked the light and shade that was going on: fast, then slow it down. It had a lovely feel to it. I can’t say it was a spectacular number, cause it wasn’t.” Bruno: “Instead of being right on the musical phrasing, you chase it. The finish has to be always exactly on the beat.” Carrie Ann: “I think you did the Disney name proud. You’re so much like a princess. I saw all of it in the number. We are encouraging you, because we believe in you.”

JUDGES’ SCORES: 24 (out of 30)

It’s always a good moment when Val is in the bumper, even if he’s dancing with Minnie Mouse. Fun.

This is from as Tom says: “the upcoming Ralph Breaks the Internet” and they are dancing to “a new song, Zero, from Imagine Dragons.”

Well, they were doing a jive, and I gotta say, Joe is trying SO Hard. But wow... that dance. Also they were kinda trying to recreate the Internet... and not only that, but the Internet world of Ralph Breaks the... so... dunno. In the middle of the dance, other Disney princesses (troupe members) come out and dance with them. It was just too much and not enough simultaneously.

Bruno: “Joe, I can sense a very faint glimmer of hope. The timing is slightly better. At least you tried. And you did a baby step in the right direction. You gotta work on the quality of what you do as well.” Carrie Ann: “Go Joe! Really, the choreography. You did not miss a step. Jenna loaded up the choreography. If anybody should be confident, it should be you.” Len: “I liked... you get knocked every week, but you dust yourself off, and you give it your all. My advice to you. There wasn’t enough jive in the jive. Whatever the dance is, get in there, learn the dance, and give it some welly.”

JUDGES’ SCORES: 17 (out of 30)

Some promo for the upcoming Nutcracker movie with Andrea Botticelli and his son...

I was gonna fast-forward, but then Val and Artem and Gleb are dancing with these beautiful princesses. (Hayley and Brit and Morgan) Gorgeous. Gorgeous song, and gorgeous dancing.

Mary Lou is excited because she got such good scores last week (and damn, that dance was sooooo goood!). They are dancing contemporary to a song from Mulan.

Sasha does such heartbreaking choreography. I was all hating on Disney and the whole merchandising of it, and his choreography just takes my breath away and makes me believe again. It’s so beautiful. Plus! Sasha does a couple of somersaults in it.

And there is this whole section in the middle, where they roll on the floor, and with the lighting, it was just stunning.

Mary Lou is crying at the end of it. So beautiful.

Tom gets her to talk about how she first told Sasha how hard it was for her to feel vulnerable. “I’m making so many changes with this show,” she says, through her tears.

Carrie Ann: “This is the beauty of our show. These kind of moments. I live for these kind of moments. Because they are real. You’re having real transformation through dance. The way you opened your heart. For a moment, you got a little tight. But then you opened, and the tears flowed. And in that moment, you connected with all of us deeply.” Mary Lou says, “Oh, thank you.” Len: “It was gentle. It was understated. There was lovely fluidity in the movement. The musicality was beautiful. I wasn’t over keen on your silly roly-poly (this makes Sasha laugh). You’re the gymnast, Mary Lou.” Sasha says that they are saving it. Also, btw, Sasha is a pretty incredible gymnast himself. Bruno: “I love you, my darling. I love your determination. You don’t give up and you get there eventually. We are engaged with what you do. Your performances are stronger, so don’t worry about it. Enjoy it!” Sasha goes on to explain how she was broken when she came in, and now she’s standing on her own two feet. “She inspires me every day that we work together.” She hugs him.

JUDGES’ SCORES: 25 (out of 30)

We have a performance by Jordan Fisher and the kids from Juniors that I’m just going to skip through.

Then, lovely Emma is dancing a quickstep with John Schneider to a Jungle Book song. Just wonderful. Her precision as a choreographer is just stunning. But John complains about it being too fast in the package.

Len: “Full of quickstep content, that’s what I like. High energy. I thought you did a spectacular job. You were worried about this dance, and it’s transpired, in my opinion, to be your best dance.” Bruno: “Don’t worry, my darling. You brought some sparkle to the jungle. That was a proper, recognizable quickstep. You are much lighter on your feet than Baloo.” Carrie Ann: “For me, it was your best performance as a whole. Everything was connected.”

JUDGES’ SCORES: 24 (out of 30)

More kids and Mickey and Minnie as our bumper.

Bobby Bones and Sharna are doing a dance from The Little Mermaid. Bobby talks in the package about how MC Hammer Tweeted him, after he did the MC Hammer dance last week. “I never scored so low and felt so good.”

How much do we love these costumes?

So, this week, they are doing a waltz to “Part of Your World.” Bobby: “Sharna has red hair, Ariel has red hair. And frankly, I’ve always wanted to be a prince. We both win.” He explains further: “We’re third from the bottom in the judges’ board. But hopefully, we’re near the top of America’s hearts. Because we’re working hard. We’re having fun. When we get off the floor, you go, ‘Oh, Bobby and Sharna just left.’ Hopefully, people watching at home feel like they’re part of our team.”

Bruno: “You’re a lucky man. You’ve got the catch of the day, haven’t you? It was a bit slippery at times. It was a brave effort.” Carrie Ann marvels at his posture. “I love you so much, Bobby Bones. There is improvement. I love the way you focus so deeply on what Sharna’s teaching you. I can see it. Try to not giggle with your body, and I think we’ll see the evidence on the dance floor.” Len: “Bobby, you were right outside your comfort zone. Your thing is fun and entertainment. And suddenly, you’ve gotta do a waltz. What I admired, you played it straight. You went for it in a proper way. Credit to you, Sharna, a proper waltz, and pretty well done.”

Bobby, talking to Erin: “My critique was I giggle too much? I love that critique.”

JUDGES’ SCORES: 21 (out of 30)

Erin: “I’m gonna say this right now. (She points to Sharna.) The hottest mermaid I’ve ever seen. Made Ariel proud.”

Of course, Milo swings onto the dance floor on the zip line (they haven’t used that one in awhile). Wait! The bad guys have Tom locked in the cage? What??? Oh, they let him out. It’s OK.

Carrie Ann: “That was incredible. It was a fabulous routine. It was really long. What I’m so impressed with is you pulled off a quickstep that requires the most form and technique. In a unitard. And I loved it. Truly. Look at Mr. Incredible! He’s quickstepping.” Len: “I look for certain things in these dances. One of them is body contact. There was a lot of gapping going on.” Tom says that’s very common in Spandex. Bruno: “You can carry it, I tell you. It was a blockbuster. Worthy of the film. Tonight, everyone in production. Every aspect of this show has been amazing. Fantastic guys!” Very true. I definitely agree.

JUDGES’ SCORES: 27 (out of 30)

Who goes home? Psych out. No one goes home on Disney Night.

And a good Disney Night was had by all...




Miche’s Favorites of Disney Night
1. Bobby and Sharna (waltz)
2. Mary Lou and Sasha (contemporary)
3. Juan Pablo and Cheryl (Viennese waltz)
4. Alexis and Alan (foxtrot)
5. John and Emma (quickstep)
6. Evanna and Keo (jazz)
7. Milo and Witney (quickstep)

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DTWS S027, Week Four, Trios Night: Some Steamy (and Wet) Stuff and Fun With Tires

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s TRIOS Night! (They call it “Trio Night,” but that’s grammatically incorrect, since there are multiple Trios, so I’m just going to call it Trios Night.) And let’s see all our Trios!

Wonderful rollicking opening number, showcasing all the trios (and Val and Gleb). Yay! All these people are doing trios. I love Trios Night. Let’s begin, shall we?

Their package shows Juan Pablo falling on the floor (last week) when he saw not only their (first of the season) perfect score, but also Len’s standing O. (Big stuff.)(It was a very hot salsa...)

For Trios Night, Cheryl and Juan Pablo have Melissa Rycroft (of The Bachelor, also the All-Star champion of Dancing with the Stars). Wow. This set! (Bowing to the set designers on this show again.) It’s like three separate apartments, with one of them in each to start. Man! Their lines! That choreography! Ummmm. So sexy. Such a great cha cha.

Len: “On this occasion, three was terrific. Lovely mix of steps between the three of you. I would’ve liked a bit more cha cha cha content.” Bruno: “We’ve only started. What are you doing to me? That was dead sexy. Fantastic routine.” Carrie Ann: “Today I thought you were just holding back. You held the center.”

Erin, after talking a bit about how hot these guys are: “Our Cheryl Burke ALWAYS knows where that camera is.” (Same could be said of Val and Sasha, btw. Emma is no slouch either. Or Jenna.)

JUDGES’ SCORES:  24 (out of 30)

OK. Hopefully everyone had their cigarette and has calmed down. These folks are clothed now... Brandon and Tinashe have Amy Purdy (from Season 18) as their trio mate.

There is a courtroom motif (even though they are all in red), and they dance a tango to “Hit Me With Your Best Shot.” It felt kinda awkward to me, especially compared to the fluidity of Cheryl and Juan Pablo’s previous routine. Brandon starts out as the judge, then he’s dancing with the two lawyers. Whatever. The story didn’t make sense at all. (I really prefer dancers who work the lyrics into their story and choreography.)

Bruno: “The structure of the choreography... creating wonderful images... was superb.” Carrie Ann: “Amy, it’s so great to have you back. Brandon, congratulations to you. That was the most innovative choreography, considering all the challenges you had, putting that trio together. It was a fantastic tango, and it was sexy for all the right reasons. It was all right there.” Len: “Doing trios is a tough job. Doing a tango is an even tougher job. I thought you handled it brilliantly well.”

JUDGES’ SCORES:  26 (out of 30)

Erin notes that Sasha was doing background vocals on the last song. heh

Who is that guy with the beard, you say? Why, it’s Joey Fatone, Season 04 runner-up. He’s also in some band... ;-)

I gotta say, I love their package, where they are barely rehearsing. Made me laugh.

The boys are playing Greek gods. But of course. And Emma is the goddess extraordinaire.

I do so love Emma’s amazing choreography. Truly wonderful.

Just such beautiful lines. Argentine tango trio. Gorgeous.

Joey mock passes out on the floor by Tom. Tom: “It’s like Marie Osmond, all over again.” That causes Joey to get up, laughing. They talk about how at the beginning, Emma’s hair got stuck in John’s costume.

Carrie Ann: “There was a gravitas that I have not seen from you. And neither from you, Joey, either. (He mimes: “Season 4!”)... I like that you went against type. We were seeing a new side. You showed us a new side of John this week, and I really appreciated it.” Carrie Ann says she wants the dance to start in the heart, but she’s pointing to the bottom of her cleavage, and people get confused. BTW, she is showing a LOT of cleavage today, so people are probably already confused. Len: “It was a little bit of a Greek tragedy just to start. What I liked, you went straight into the dance. No messing about. I love the way you interacted between the three of you. It had passion, it had attack.” Bruno: “The music is very very hard. It demands such concentration to keep the timing.” 

JUDGES’ SCORES:  21 (out of 30)

Courtesy of Getty Images. Photographer: Eric McCandless.

There was this stunning trio dance by these three men (Val, Gleb, and Artem). Just wonderful. “Three matadors,” says Tom.

Look at Evanna! Does she not have star quality? I ask you. They are dancing with a woman named Scarlett (also from the Harry Potter movies).

They are dancing salsa to a song called “Girl Power.” Not as smooth as some of the other ones. Some of the lyrics talked about “black magic,” which I’d like to believe refers more to her Harry Potter background than some kinky thing about Keo...

Len: “I thought there was a nice lot of salsa content. It was a polished performance. Great routine.” Bruno: “You saucy little spice girls. You have to push the hips much more.” Carrie Ann: “I’m blown away at how great you guys are like bookends. You look like you should be dancing together as a troupe all the time. You seemed really relaxed. I love watching you expand every week.” 

JUDGES’ SCORES:  24 (out of 30)

When they first got together, it appears that Rashad accidentally broke DeMarcus’ finger (doing a chest bump). Crazy. After going to the ER, they just put it back in place, and bandaged it up, and went back to work on their paso doble. :-0

Bruno: “Very hard to concentrate. I don’t know why... The Clash of the Titans. You can’t lose the artistry in the paso doble.” Carrie Ann: “I love the way you showcased their physique, and the physicality.” Len: “You were fortunate he just kicked you in the finger. You got the guns, but not always the ammunition. Paso doble’s a tough dance. It was a little bit flimsy on occasion.”

JUDGES’ SCORES:  22 (out of 30)

I dunno. Bruno was just palpitating over the two shirtless guys in the last paso. Even Len seemed a bit distracted. But for my money, lovely Sasha as a shopkeeper is way way sexier.

The package shows Mary Lou taking it really hard, feeling like she couldn’t keep up.

But they are dancing my favorite dance (the Charleston). It starts with Mary Lou driving a cool Vespa. (Her outfit is also the color of the Vespa.) Two gymnasts (Mary Lou and Nastia Lukin) fighting over Sasha. This couldn’t get any more good. They are all doing cartwheels and spins. Unbelievable stuff.

The lyrics for the song are: “Take me on your Vespa, take me on a trip. Turn me on, turn me on, turn me on.” So blissfully sublime.

Oh my. That was so wonderful. I really adored it. It really brought out the best of all of them.

Carrie Ann: “Last week, you were really great. But this week... you were BETTER! Sasha, you used two very different styles of dance, you brought them together in a way that was so complimentary. All of you just shone so brightly.” Tom: “I just like the way that Sasha you became like gymnast shelving.” Len: “It was fun, it was snappy, and Lennie is a happy chappy.” Bruno: “Charleston, with a taste of Italy. It was as invigorating as a double espresso in Piazza Verona. You’ve got a wonderful style, sharp, in sync. What you did, you showcased your girls perfectly.” (As he does.)

JUDGES’ SCORES:  26 (out of 30)

Then a wonderful troupe bumper coming back, where everyone is in leather. “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” gets another spin. Great stuff. (Hayley and Brit and Gleb outstanding.)

Milo and Witney dance their salsa trio with Riker. He says that salsa was one of his favorites when he was on the show.

This salsa is to a Spanish song about Queen Lina? (not sure) Anyway, there is this lift where Milo throws Witney over this shoulder (seemingly without looking) and Riker catches her. Crazy stuff. But beautiful salsa with great choreography.

Tom notes that the crowd was on its feet “for the whole dance.” Len: “Witney, you were flying from Riker to Milo (sic) like a Frisbee. It was fast, it had plenty of attack. It was clean, but it was in control the whole time.” Len says he “would’ve liked a bit more hip action,” and Carrie Ann screams, and mimes crying buckets. Len: ”I thought it was wonderful and the best dance I’ve seen tonight.” Bruno: “It was electrifying. You’ve blown all my fuses. The details in the choreography were absolutely delicious. You hit every accent, and every syncopation to perfection. And that’s the truth.” Carrie Ann: “This is teamwork makes a dream work. You guys together. Everything that you did was so in sync. You never looked at each other to check any moves. You were just feeling each other. It was unique and... it was so many things, but it was just absolutely perfect.” 

JUDGES’ SCORES:  29 (out of 30)

Erin entices them to do a hair flip on three. #Funny

Then they show Jenna with Grocery Store Joe (who has a rose) and Jordan, who whips out a gigantic rose. #MoreFunny

So, I have been voting Joe all season long (he’s had consistently low scores and he is still here). And what’s better than one Bachelor in Paradise alum? Add in Jordan Kimball, our beloved male model from Paradise, and we are in heaven.

They are dancing salsa to “I’m Too Sexy,” and God knows Jordan believes he is too sexy, so this should be fun.

From the package: Jordan: “I’ve been sexy my whole life, but I’ve never been salsa sexy.”

Jordan: “America is just gonna love what they see from Joe. Expect to have your mind blown.”

OK. Waiting...

Oooh. Jenna adds that there is “a very special surprise” at the end. Hmmmm.



What’s this? Joe has removed his shirt, under his overalls. Jordan (our male model) tries to do that, but appears to only get it half off. He continues dancing.



Then, we have Gleb and Val arrive, and also take off their shirts. Whew... You certainly will have been too distracted to notice this, but in the background, Gleb and Val are making obscene motions with tires, which cracked me up.

Then, at the end, both Joe and Jordan get under the showers.

Wow. Wow.

Bruno: “That was a unique experience. I had no idea if I was watching Magic Mike, Tragic Mike or Mike and the Mechanics. But you went for full service. The dancing was a little extra. May or may not be included. Open to interpretation. The timing? Nonexistent.” Carrie Ann: “Jenna? You get MVP. That was magical, what you did with what you had. I appreciate you so much. I have so much love in my heart for you. Joe, it’s nice to have you here. Jordan, you didn’t quite get the shirt off, which was the whole number, but it’s ok.” Len: “It’s not often I’m speechless. If I’m honest, Jenna, it’s hard to put into words what I thought of that dance. It’s all very well if you get a partner that is a natural dancer, and has been at stage school, and done everything. That’s an easy chore. What you’ve done with Joe and his chum I think is terrific.”

Erin asks Joe what he thought of it. Joe: “Oh, I thought it was sexy.” Erin: “Which part?” Joe: “The whole thing, baby.” Erin: “Did you have any clue that Jordan couldn’t get his shirt off?” Joe: “No idea.” Erin: “Jordan, how was it for you?” Jordan: “I got in my head a little bit. But I kept going forward.” Erin: “Thank God you didn’t see what was going on behind you. That got into everyone’s head.” Everyone is laughing.

JUDGES’ SCORES:  15 (out of 30) YIKES.

Tom: “And as we go to break, this is for Erin.” They cut to Val and Gleb under the showers now, dancing... oh yes, very sexy... Whew...

Tom and Erin are on the floor. Erin says: “What’s going on tonight?” Tom: “We’re still recovering from the last segment.” (As Erin waves at her face... indicating steaminess)

Alexis and Alan are dancing with Maddie Ziegler. She’s the one who performed in Sia’s videos. She’s also been on #DWTS before. They are doing a tango.

That was a pretty crazy tango.

Tom: “I got goosebumps.”

Carrie Ann: “Very strong. But I have to say that in the tango, I wanted to see you dance as one. And I felt that there was more three solos happening, than dancing as a unit.” Len: “Alan, it was a good mix of tango content, and beautiful attacking tango. I thought it was a really good job.” Bruno: “I was watching another show. What I saw was a guy that really empowered his girls. It had elegance and it had sophistication. I don’t know what I watched, but I liked it.”

JUDGES’ SCORES:  25 (out of 30)

Then, we had this. Bobby Bones and Sharna, doing MC Hammer’s “Can’t Touch This” with Lindsay Stirling. Boy, there are sublime moments on this show... this... wow.

OMG. That was the craziest and most wonderful cha cha. LOL

As Bobby rolls into camera right after this move. LOL

Len: “You nailed the Hammer part. But the cha cha cha part was not so good. You gotta get a bit more finesse in your technique.” Bruno: “Like a tribute act. You took a sledgehammer to the cha cha cha. And nobody can carry those pants like you. It always is fun watching you. So entertaining. The cha cha cha got lost in translation.” Carrie Ann: “Bobby Bones. The world is a better place because you’re in it. You bring so much joy, because you’re so authentic. You did not miss one single step in the whole routine.”

JUDGES’ SCORES:  20 (out of 30)

And we go straight to elimination. Who is going home?

Evanna and Keo and Tinashe and Brandon are in the bottom two.

Going home?

Erin, at the end: “This is why you have to vote.” I WAS voting. I was voting like mad (like many others, I assume) for Grocery Store Joe and Bobby Bones. Cause I LOVED them, and this week, I LOVED Sasha, and voted for him.

Miche’s Favorite Trios
1. Mary Lou and Sasha and Nastia (Charleston)
2. Juan Pablo and Cheryl and Melissa (cha cha)
3. Bobby Bones and Sharna and Lindsey (cha cha)
4. Joe and Jenna and Jordan (salsa) (and Val and Gleb helped!)
5. John and Emma and Joey (Argentine tango)
6. Milo and Witney and Riker (salsa)
7. Evanna and Keo and Scarlett (salsa)
8. Alexis and Alan and Maddie (tango)

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