DWTS Week Nine: The Candy Man Can... Stay

Gleb, Elizabeth Berkley and Val Chmerkovskiy sadly get voted out this week. Courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor.

Finally it’s starting to resonate with me, this whole voting thing. How who we voted for last week gets bounced this week.

Let’s recap, shall we?

Last week, one of my favorite couples to win (Val Chmerkovskiy and Elizabeth Berkley) did this really kinda terrible dance. It was noted that midweek, Elizabeth decided to change the dance, which meant changing the choreography midstream. What appeared was a harsh mess of something that left Cher (the guest judge) saying, “I don’t know what all that was behind there.”

What the whole dance was, and what appeared after the dance, was all a sickening ploy to kiss up to Cher. Various people did it in various ways during the show, but Elizabeth’s ego-driven nonsense was the worst.

She did a jarring dance, and then, in the point when you are supposed to hear the judges commenting about the dance, you hear Elizabeth burst in... you know, in that pent-up ego thing that friends have, when they’ve “just gotta” talk to some celebrity and say what they’ve always wanted to say? And you’re left shaking your head, and finally dragging them away? It was like that. Painful like that.

I’ve long believed (since I saw Bristol Palin on this show) that DWTS should have a “no-way-in-hell this person” button. If they had, Elizabeth would’ve gotten a lot of that for all this. She did, I suppose, in effect get that, when she was voted out in Week Nine, after getting 10s from all the judges for her trio dance.

This "on top of the wedding cake" thing was inspired. Elizabeth and Val.

People really don’t like rampant displays of ego, like they saw this week (or the previous week, as the case may be).

How could you not love this dance? Peta Murgatroyd, Bill Engvall and Emma Slater. Courtesy of ABC.

Conversely, warm and wonderful and kind, just-trying-his-hardest Bill Engvall got to stay, with all the judges wondering what the frack happened here. What they seem to be missing, and what in these moments I am SO grateful for, is that the show is purposely built not just on judging. There is a component (I believe they’ve always said it was 50% of the scores) that is WHAT THE PEOPLE WANT. And the people, as this season has really shown, want vastly different things than the judges do. And that’s the beauty of this show.

We are voting on who we want to continue to see on our screens week after week. And DWTS, like life, isn’t just about scoring perfect scores. It isn’t just about doing a dance perfectly. It’s much more about how you treat others, how you interact with the teams, and what your story is.

I was shocked, like many, when Christina Milian got voted out, but I can see now why. She and Mark had been doing perfect dances, but she had no personality, no spark, no reason to vote for her.

Emma, Peta and Bill Engvall do their trio dance.

Contrast that with Bill Engvall, who looks so gosh-darn-happy every time he gets to stay. Who do you think America is going to vote for? (Personally, I hope he wins it. I hope Mr. Broadway veteran Corbin Blue goes down in flames and has to watch the trophy being handed to Bill Engvall. That would be true justice.)

This all is also why Leah Remini is still there, too. She is so very likeable, she has a story, and she’s doing better and better every week. I mean, look at this.

Tony Dovolani and Leah Remini do their tango.

And even better, her trio dance this week was absolutely inspired. They did a parody of the three judges to the song, “We’re Not Gonna Take It.” Really brilliant.

Tony Dovolani as Bruno, Leah Remini as Carrie Ann Inaba and Henry Byalikov as Len.

And, in addition to a brilliant concept, some great dancing. Great fun.

Even Jack Osbourne, who, early on was one of the ones I really couldn’t wait to have voted off, is becoming more and more fun to watch every week. His trio (with Sharna Burgess) was a fun dance, even if the concept was a bit shaky. But Jack and Cheryl’s waltz was beautiful.

Jack Osbourne does a lovely waltz with Cheryl Burke.

As you may or may not have noticed, there is now only one couple left from my original group of people that I’ve been following and rooting for. That would be this one:

Amber Riley and Derek Hough, doing their quickstep.

Amber Riley and Derek Hough, doing a fine quickstep. They also did this amazing trio with Mark Ballas. What is not to love about that?

Mark Ballas, Amber Riley and Derek Hough. Superb trio.

Here’s the thing, though. I don’t think Amber is going to win. Coming out of the gate, it sure seemed like she had all the star power she needed to win this thing. But I’m calling it right now. She’s not going to win. She has a bad knee, and has been really only giving about 85% of what she could give to this competition.

Plus, if audiences didn’t like Elizabeth’s divaesque behavior, I gotta believe they are not down with Amber’s either. And Derek JUST won.

So who does that leave?

Well, I have neglected to mention the ringer in this mix, who so far is keeping his pro dance skills almost under wraps, even though in his trio this week, he dazzled the judges so much (all 10s) that one of them said, “I didn’t even see the other two people onstage.” I am talking, of course, about professional dancer Corbin Blue.

Witney, Corbin, Karina do a jazz number.

I am hoping against hope, praying every prayer that he does not win. I am gonna believe that (judging by this season so far), America is gonna do the right thing.

Who does that leave?

Jack and Cheryl? Maybe.  Leah and Tony? Also maybe. I would be happy with either of those.

But seriously and honest to God, here’s who I am rooting for, at this point, to win this thing.

Emma Slater and Bill Engvall. My picks to win.

Make it happen, America. We can do this!

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