DWTS Week Nine: The Candy Man Can... Stay

Gleb, Elizabeth Berkley and Val Chmerkovskiy sadly get voted out this week. Courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor.

Finally it’s starting to resonate with me, this whole voting thing. How who we voted for last week gets bounced this week.

Let’s recap, shall we?

Last week, one of my favorite couples to win (Val Chmerkovskiy and Elizabeth Berkley) did this really kinda terrible dance. It was noted that midweek, Elizabeth decided to change the dance, which meant changing the choreography midstream. What appeared was a harsh mess of something that left Cher (the guest judge) saying, “I don’t know what all that was behind there.”

What the whole dance was, and what appeared after the dance, was all a sickening ploy to kiss up to Cher. Various people did it in various ways during the show, but Elizabeth’s ego-driven nonsense was the worst.

She did a jarring dance, and then, in the point when you are supposed to hear the judges commenting about the dance, you hear Elizabeth burst in... you know, in that pent-up ego thing that friends have, when they’ve “just gotta” talk to some celebrity and say what they’ve always wanted to say? And you’re left shaking your head, and finally dragging them away? It was like that. Painful like that.

I’ve long believed (since I saw Bristol Palin on this show) that DWTS should have a “no-way-in-hell this person” button. If they had, Elizabeth would’ve gotten a lot of that for all this. She did, I suppose, in effect get that, when she was voted out in Week Nine, after getting 10s from all the judges for her trio dance.

This "on top of the wedding cake" thing was inspired. Elizabeth and Val.

People really don’t like rampant displays of ego, like they saw this week (or the previous week, as the case may be).

How could you not love this dance? Peta Murgatroyd, Bill Engvall and Emma Slater. Courtesy of ABC.

Conversely, warm and wonderful and kind, just-trying-his-hardest Bill Engvall got to stay, with all the judges wondering what the frack happened here. What they seem to be missing, and what in these moments I am SO grateful for, is that the show is purposely built not just on judging. There is a component (I believe they’ve always said it was 50% of the scores) that is WHAT THE PEOPLE WANT. And the people, as this season has really shown, want vastly different things than the judges do. And that’s the beauty of this show.

We are voting on who we want to continue to see on our screens week after week. And DWTS, like life, isn’t just about scoring perfect scores. It isn’t just about doing a dance perfectly. It’s much more about how you treat others, how you interact with the teams, and what your story is.

I was shocked, like many, when Christina Milian got voted out, but I can see now why. She and Mark had been doing perfect dances, but she had no personality, no spark, no reason to vote for her.

Emma, Peta and Bill Engvall do their trio dance.

Contrast that with Bill Engvall, who looks so gosh-darn-happy every time he gets to stay. Who do you think America is going to vote for? (Personally, I hope he wins it. I hope Mr. Broadway veteran Corbin Blue goes down in flames and has to watch the trophy being handed to Bill Engvall. That would be true justice.)

This all is also why Leah Remini is still there, too. She is so very likeable, she has a story, and she’s doing better and better every week. I mean, look at this.

Tony Dovolani and Leah Remini do their tango.

And even better, her trio dance this week was absolutely inspired. They did a parody of the three judges to the song, “We’re Not Gonna Take It.” Really brilliant.

Tony Dovolani as Bruno, Leah Remini as Carrie Ann Inaba and Henry Byalikov as Len.

And, in addition to a brilliant concept, some great dancing. Great fun.

Even Jack Osbourne, who, early on was one of the ones I really couldn’t wait to have voted off, is becoming more and more fun to watch every week. His trio (with Sharna Burgess) was a fun dance, even if the concept was a bit shaky. But Jack and Cheryl’s waltz was beautiful.

Jack Osbourne does a lovely waltz with Cheryl Burke.

As you may or may not have noticed, there is now only one couple left from my original group of people that I’ve been following and rooting for. That would be this one:

Amber Riley and Derek Hough, doing their quickstep.

Amber Riley and Derek Hough, doing a fine quickstep. They also did this amazing trio with Mark Ballas. What is not to love about that?

Mark Ballas, Amber Riley and Derek Hough. Superb trio.

Here’s the thing, though. I don’t think Amber is going to win. Coming out of the gate, it sure seemed like she had all the star power she needed to win this thing. But I’m calling it right now. She’s not going to win. She has a bad knee, and has been really only giving about 85% of what she could give to this competition.

Plus, if audiences didn’t like Elizabeth’s divaesque behavior, I gotta believe they are not down with Amber’s either. And Derek JUST won.

So who does that leave?

Well, I have neglected to mention the ringer in this mix, who so far is keeping his pro dance skills almost under wraps, even though in his trio this week, he dazzled the judges so much (all 10s) that one of them said, “I didn’t even see the other two people onstage.” I am talking, of course, about professional dancer Corbin Blue.

Witney, Corbin, Karina do a jazz number.

I am hoping against hope, praying every prayer that he does not win. I am gonna believe that (judging by this season so far), America is gonna do the right thing.

Who does that leave?

Jack and Cheryl? Maybe.  Leah and Tony? Also maybe. I would be happy with either of those.

But seriously and honest to God, here’s who I am rooting for, at this point, to win this thing.

Emma Slater and Bill Engvall. My picks to win.

Make it happen, America. We can do this!

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DWTS Week Eight: It's All About Cher

Mark Ballas dancing to a Cher number. Courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor

Let me say this about that. Cher is a terrible judge for Dancing with the Stars. Perhaps the worst judge they've ever had. I truly hope they never have her return in that capacity.

That said, it was cool to hear so many songs of hers and the dancers all dancing to her songs.

The worst offenders of the “trying too hard to please Cher” syndrome, were, sadly, one of my favorite couples, who gave us this:

Elizabeth Berkley and Val Chmerkovskiy. Courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor.

It was, sad to say, my least favorite of their dances. (The sexy half-naked Val notwithstanding.)

This, on the other hand, was one of my favorite dances of the night:

Bill Engvall and Emma Slater

Where Bill actually did sexy moves like this:

Bill and Emma

Wonderful stuff!

Leah Remini also did some stuff, but since it was mostly sucking up to Cher, and Cher sucked as a judge, I’m just going to leave it all out here.

And in the category of “Couple You Don’t Expect, Doing Great Things,” we had this.

Cheryl Burke and Jack Osbourne

Jack and Cheryl, oh my God! Jack and Cheryl! This dance of theirs was mind-blowing. My favorite of theirs so far.

Cheryl reminding us, of course, that she was actually named cause her mom liked Cher.

But my favorite dance of the night, saved for last, was the stunning dance Derek Hough and Amber Riley put together.

Let me set the scene a bit. It starts with some sailors in uniform.

Derek Hough, Amber Riley and the troupe

She picks one out, and starts to disrobe him.

Is it getting a little steamy in here yet? Oh yes, it is...

The hottest of a hot dance with Amber Riley and Derek Hough.

Did you notice she’s wearing leather? And afterwards, Bruno noted that she took the normal “guy’s part” (she took the lead). Oh yes, she certainly did. And it was wonderful.... AHEM. Glad they saved it for last. 

Sadly, our hot little twosome (that would be Brant and Peta, not Derek and Amber) got sent packing tonight. :-(

Peta Murgatroyd and Brant D. get sent home.

And I'll leave you with, no not another shot of Val and/or Derek shirtless, as nice as they may be... no, my favorite part of this season: Bill Engvall, in his signature move. Enjoy!

Bill Engvall and Emma Slater, one of my favorite couples this season.

And here, Bill Engvall discovers that he and Emma are safe for another week. I was just about as glad as he is, believe me. Keep voting for Bill!

Bill, Emma, Cheryl Burke, Tom Bergeron, Jack Osbourne

Oh, and lastly, if you think Dancing with the Stars is all about hunky man meat (well, it is)... there is also this. (Note the creepy Wizard of Oz-y Cher hangings. Yikes.)

Sharna (dark hair) and other troupe dancers do a break.

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DWTS Week Seven: Just Foxing Awesome

This is the story of Season 17 on Dancing with the Stars to me:

Bill Engvall wows the judges. Courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor. 

See, what Dancing with the Stars is supposed to be about is some poor schlub who can’t dance being coached by a pro, and going through these dances each week. Instead, we’ve gotten these folks with tons of dance training who coast to winning the mirror balls. COUGHNicoleScherzingerCOUGH or, this season, COUGHCorbinCOUGH.

And truly, those folks honestly hold the least appeal to me. There is no drama, there is no suspense, there is no there there.

But witness instead, someone who is doing exactly that: Bill Engvall. You almost can’t get a better definition of “average schlub” than Bill Engvall. But he’s going out there, week after week, with his Australian pro who needs to learn how to pronounce Jimmy Buffet right, and he’s doing the best he can. And he's wowing us.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I am throwing LOTS of votes his way (and none Corbin’s way, for the record). Cause I just love Bill Engvall going through this journey, and I’m going to be very bummed when he’s voted out finally. (Jack Osbourne is starting to do that, too, but I’ll put that into Week Eight’s story.)

So, keep an eye on Bill Engvall, and if you wonder why he’s there week after week, that is why.

To the other contestants:

My favorite lovey-dovey couple, Brant and Peta, actually ended their number with a great smackeroo. Quite wonderful.

Brant and Peta do the jive (no hands). Courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor.

Oh yeah, and they did a nice jive too.

Cheryl and Jack did a fun little dance. Jack seems to be getting into the whole thing more.

Cheryl Burke and Jack Osbourne.

There was also this.

Corbin and Karina. Courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor

But that brings me back to my favorites to watch, week after week. They did not disappoint this week, either.

The lovely Elizabeth and Val Chmerkovskiy. Still can’t get over Val smiling in his dances. And they are wonderful to watch together.

Val Chmerkovskiy and Elizabeth Berkley. Courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor.

But by far my favorite couple this week, was the always wondrous Derek Hough and Amber Riley, who got their magic back with a fierce paso doble. Stunning to watch.

Derek Hough and Amber Riley do a mean paso doble. Courtesy of ABC.

Loved it so much. Fabulous to watch, my favorite dance of the night.

Then, we also had the “Team” dances. For those who are only occasional watchers of DWTS, it goes like this. Derek’s team always wins. And whoever is on the losing team also has someone on their team who goes home. That was true again this year.

Since it was close to Halloween, the losing team took on the moniker, “Team Scary Bon Bon.”

They competed against Derek’s team, which had the added bonus (as they did last year) of dancing to a song you just can't get out of your head, that crazy “What Did the Fox Say?” song.

For that reason, and no doubt others, they called themselves, “Team Foxing Awesome.” Tom Bergeron’s running gag was how hard it was to not slip and... er, say something else. (That’s why they pay you the big bucks, Tom.)

Team Foxing Awesome, and they were.

But as good as all that was, the best dance of the night was still this.

Derek Hough and Amber Riley do a paso doble.

Don’t know about you, but this is why I watch.

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DWTS Week Six: No One Goes Home

Here are some good things about Season 17 so far. The opening numbers, usually stunning pieces, with both pros and troupe members dancing, are just incredible. This week’s was from Lacey Schwimmer and her brother. Mesmerizing, and a great use of these fabulous dancers.

Pros and the troupe dance the opening number. Choreographed by Lacey Schwimmer and her brother this week.

Just stunning stuff. Don’t miss the opening of the show anymore. (Early on, they had the “celebs” trying to keep up.) So glad they’ve disposed of all that nonsense. Celebs just stand there and wave as they are introduced, while the dancers get a vigorous workout.

Also, during the show, there are dance segues in between ads and the show. Wonderful bits of dance magic, and no labored “here is the troupe” introductions attached to them. Just dancing. Great stuff.

The fact that the show is only one day now means lots of belabored hooha gets disposed of. The singers (blissfully) are kept to a bare minimum (I think they should be dispensed of entirely). The other labored dances seem to have gone away. It’s just this magical stuff at the beginning, and the dancers who are competing.

Well, most weeks. This week, we also had some craziness where four couples danced (and competed against each other). Their scores would be added to their total. Blah blah. Hated all that nonsense.

We also had the, “Oh, let’s pretend to be sending someone home, but really we won’t cause there was a computer glitch," cruelty, that actually caused Emma (the last person standing) to cry. Can we please avoid such brutality in the future? Oh my, was it mean.

But let's just skip all that and get to the actual dancing, shall we?

Now, I probably shouldn’t admit this to the reading public, but every week (since I’ve been watching DWTS), I have kept a log, separated out into four quadrants, I rate the dances. The top is FABULOUS! Second is Great. Third is OK. Last is Sucked. Many teams fall into the “Sucked” category every week (sad to say). Or many get into “OK.” Few land in the “Fabulous” category. This week, no joke, I had no one in either “OK” or “Sucked.” For the first time ever. The dances were all that good.

Look at this, for example.

Corbin and Karina. Courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor.

The dance above was to the theme song of Game of Thrones. I get the feeling that Corbin has watched every episode. Let’s just say he’s WAY into it. Karina said she had never watched an episode.

The judges (especially Len) were less than wowed. Personally, I think it’s their best dance all season.

Karina, in their package says, “Is what I’m wearing too revealing?” She has so obviously never seen Game of Thrones. And that’s all I’ll say about that.

Nice costume, Karina. No, really.

While I am still reeling (seriously) from Mark Ballas and partner no longer being part of the competition, I really like all of the remaining dancers. Cheryl (“oh so beautiful”) Burke and Jack Osbourne are even fun. They accused him of not being able to get into character. So we had this.

Cheryl Burke and Jack Osbourne.

I even really enjoy Bill Engvall. He and Emma Slater are really fun to watch. She comes out and says that this week they are dancing to “Beef Burger in Paradise” by Jimmy BuffAY. He rolls his eyes (in a nice way) and says, “No, that's ‘Cheeseburger in Paradise’ by Jimmy BuffET.” It was cute.

“That’s Jimmy Buffet, Emma.”

Seen a lot of dances in these 17 seasons. Sure have never seen anyone fighting over a cheeseburger. And so, you’ve gotta love it. I know I do.

Brant and Peta tango. Courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor.

Brant and Peta, our resident Will-They or Won’t They? couple of this season served up a steamy tango.

But I wanna talk for a bit about my favorite two couples (that are remaining).

Derek Hough and Amber Riley samba. Courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor.

My friends, you haven’t lived until you’ve seen Derek Hough samba with Amber Riley. Complete with more than one samba roll! It was unbelievable. Derek through in all sorts of great samba moves, and Len shot him down by calling said moves “repetitive.”

Whatever, it was a great dance. Truly wonderful to watch. Seriously. Samba rolls. Wow.

But my favorite couple, still, is Val and Elizabeth. Let me say this about that.

I was one of those audience members who just rolled my eyes upon hearing that Elizabeth “Showgirls” Berkley was doing this show this season. I hereby take every bit of that back.

She came on this show, at least partly, to redeem her battered image. And while DWTS has the hokey “My Most Awesome Year” contrived segment (which this year fell mostly flat), Ms. Berkley has been doing her own waltz down memory lane for us. It’s almost like she’s dancing with a ghost, or chasing ghosts out of her past.

We had the “Saved By the Bell” flashback, complete with Mario Lopez in the audience last week. This week, although she didn’t dance on any poles, it was pretty much in-your-face to “Showgirls.”

Valentin Chmerkovskiy and Elizabeth Berkley. Courtesy of ABC/Alan Taylor.

She is subtly, but effectively, saying: “Here’s what you thought I was. But here’s what I am.” Week after glorious week, she’s showing us that she’s a dancer to be reckoned with.

Hollywood loves a sob story, but even more than that, it loves someone who bounces back. Who won’t take no for an answer. I really really hope she wins this thing.

Her fierceness and her drive are inescapable. Mixed with Val’s brilliant choreography, it’s a very heady combination. And Val winning a mirror ball trophy is long overdue.

Val and Elizabeth.

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DWTS Week Five: The Ballroom Gets Hit with a Shocker

NOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooo. I'm still gobsmacked.

Christina Milian and Mark Ballas dance their way to the first 10 of Season 17.

Mark Ballas is one of my favorite choreographers (and dancers) of Dancing with the Stars. He is one of the ones I always expect to last to the end, because he's so amazingly talented. I root for him no matter who his partner is. (I even rooted for him when he was with the obnoxious Palin daughter. *shudders*)

I was absolutely stunned when the news was read. I still am kind of in shock.

SNOOKI is stil there and Mark Ballas is going home? WTF?

However, this result proves, to anyone who had any doubt, that the public are indeed a part of this process. If you are competing on this show, you've gotta have some story that the public can latch onto. Even Bristol Palin lasted longer than this because although she had her detractors, there were also those who would defend her, and vote for her.

For myself, Christina Milian does nothing for me. I didn't know her really before this show, and she didn't strike me in any way while on this show. The ONLY reason I threw lots of votes in their team's direction each week was because I really love Mark Ballas' dancing.

But, I suppose, the fact that they had been in the Bottom Two previously should have been some kind of warning of her lack of popularity. I think the only reason Valerie Harper (whom people REALLY loved, and who has cancer) was voted out first was because she 100% could not dance.

Everyone else who's left has a story, has some popularity, has something going on. I guess I neglect the fact that that is all part of the mix here.

But Christina Milian leaving in Week Five, when she has an amazing partner like Mark Ballas, and has been dancing really amazingly, proves just that people weren't interested in her. Still, it really shocked me. The ballroom was filled with loud boos when it was announced, so others were shocked and angry too.

Let me try to push past my anger here and get on with the rest of it. :-(

The week was "My Most Memorable Year," which could be good year or bad year. Note to future DWTS contestants: it should be something which moves the audience, and gets them to like you more. Amber Riley picking the "year I was booked on Glee" is only an eye-roller. Yes, we know you're a star, and that we love you on Glee. But do you have any FEELINGS? This is the week to show those.

Jack Osbourne and Cheryl Burke (who just keeps getting more beautiful).

And so, the winners of this week, the ones who actually followed directions, were Jack and Cheryl (Jack who picked the year he got married, had a baby and discovered he has MS); Bill and Emma (Bill was one of the few to pick anything outside the 2000s, with the year he met his wife, 1982); and two spectacular pieces, which I shall detail in a moment.

Bill Engvall and Emma are a joy to watch every week. Courtesy of ABC and Dancing with the Stars.

Let me just say this too. Now that we have the confusion of too many old Bills around dissipated, Bill Engvall (the one who's left) is a real Dancing With the Stars contestant. One you can root for and enjoy every week because they don't have a ton of dance training, but gosh darn it, they are trying! He is really wonderful and I enjoy him more and more every week. 

But we had two dances which spectacularly fit the purpose of this week. We had Elizabeth Berkley, whom many fans were introduced to by her appearance on “Saved By the Bell” many many years ago. (I didn't watch it, so this segment did nothing for me.) But she recreated her “famous” scene of taking too many diet pills or something. It was kinda funny. Must've been very poignant for her.

And then she and Val burst into an amazing jive, dancing, of course, to “I'm So Excited.” It was a woman whom we've known before in at least one other context (two, if you count Showgirls), and it was a reaffirming of exactly where she is now. It was joyous and amazing. Plus, Val Chmerkovskiy's choreography is stunning. Week after week after week, they are the couple I really want to watch most.

Elizabeth Berkley and Val Chmerkovskiy dance to “I'm So Excited.

Did I mention that he’s smiling now? Like REGULARLY! :-0  

I loved (and hated) Maksim Chmerkovskiy, Val’s older brother, whom we got to know first on this show. But I have to say that Val really suits the show better. He works hard with whomever he’s partnered with, and brings amazing choreography always (so did Maks). But he’s smiling and cheerful, not an angry lout. This one looks and acts like he’s part of the DWTS team. And I am so grateful for him, every single week since he’s been a regular pro.

But, to my mind, the one who clearly had a great story to tell in this week of My Most Amazing Year, and had wollops of emotion packed into the dance more than anyone else was Leah Remini. Of course, her story is finally breaking free from the Church of Scientology. She started the dance as a large puppet, being controlled by Tony Dovolani, her master. And the rest of the dance, as she experienced her freedom was really moving and emotional.

Leah Remini and Tony Dovolani.

I don't know what the hell Sasha and Snooki were doing, and I really hope she gets voted out soon. Corbin and Karina just bore me to tears, although she did look very pretty in her fairy princess outfit.

The fire seems to have gone from the Brant-Peta matchup. Not sure why.

One more couple I really am rooting for, even though you can just feel the ego filling the room (hers, not his)... is Derek Hough and Amber Riley. (My scores at right reflect my personal favorites overall.)

Amber Riley and Derek Hough. Courtesy of ABC (Adam Taylor). 

Some production notes: I am so glad that not one single woman has tripped over her dress this season. And we can actually see their feet! YAY.

Also, I'm still hating the cast sitting on the side of the judges thing, but I really like that they don't have to climb a long flight of stairs after dancing their little hearts out.

Most of all, I really love the dance intros and segues they have going. Often now, they are tying them in with songs that have played or are going to play with the contestants’ dances. Really nice. Also nice way to use the troupe regularly. This is a DANCE show, after all. Wish they'd get rid of these guest singer things completely.

But, this week it was all about this:

Len gives the first 10 of Season 17 to Mark Ballas and Christina Milian.

Followed by this:

Christina Milian and Mark Ballas, voted out.

Last week, in one of the packages, someone said, “It's not about the best dancers. The best dancers often go home.” This week, they proved that. Sorry to see you go, Mark. :-(

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