DWTS S023, Week 3: The Ornery Texan Gets the Big Boot on Debate Week

First, there was a presidential debate cutting into the timeslot. Dancing with the Stars (now only an hour long) had to adapt. And adapt they did. (Also, Erin had a death in the family and wasn't here this week.)

Ta-DA! We have the "Faceoff." Instead of their regular dances, we had two couples pitted against each other (six times). The dances were shorter, each given the same dance, but different music. The twist was that whoever the judges picked as best was granted immunity for the upcoming elimination. So six were immune, six were possible for elimination. Following me so far?

Let's go through them dance by dance.

JIVE

Babyface/Allison vs. Jana/Gleb

I just love the team of Allison and Babyface. In this pairing, he still seems stiff, and they lost out in this Faceoff because his "kicks and flicks" weren't sharp enough. (We know how Len scores this one.) Overall, it was a night of women pros dancing their butts off while their male stars mostly seemed stiff.

JUDGES' SCORE: 25

Jana and Gleb, in their first non-sexual dance of the season, did provide sharp kicks and flicks in this jive, and so won the Faceoff.

JUDGES' SCORE:  26, Faceoff winner

PASO DOBLE

Rick Perry/Emma Slater vs. Vanilla Ice/Witney Carson

Emma Slater and Rick Perry win the award for best music of the season so far (Rodrigo y Gabriela) for their paso doble. Also, great costumes. Emma's choreography continues to be just stellar. Nonetheless, they lost out in the Faceoff. (And Perry ended up going home on Tuesday. *weep, weep*) Sorry, Emma. Hopefully, you'll get a better partner next season.

JUDGES' SCORE:  23

The whole Vanilla Ice thing is hitting all my hot buttons on this show. 1. Someone who knows nothing about the show coming in. 2. Someone who has no idea how much work is actually involved to do this show, yet somehow gets signed to it. 3. Someone who, amazingly, has a fully booked tour schedule, and thinks he can squeeze DWTS into that anyway. Where do they get these people? Why do they keep booking them? UGH. Please let him be GONE soon...

Also, there is Witney. Vanilla Ice: "What language is paso doble?" Witney: "I don't know, Latin?" *eyeroll*

Note to Witney: Spanish. It's Spanish. (She's not the brightest one, that one.)

JUDGES' SCORE:  23

Len breaks the tie, making Vanilla Ice and Witney the Faceoff winners.

CHA CHA

James Hinchcliffe/Sharna Burgess vs. Ryan Lochte/Cheryl Burke

This couple (James and Sharna) really rocks my world. And this cha cha was steamy, sexy and just off-the-charts fun. Loved the costumes, loved their chemistry, loved everything about it. James really seems like a natural dancer, unlike a lot of these pairings. The dancing was natural and fluid, and just fun to watch.

JUDGES' SCORE: 29, Faceoff winner

As was noted by the judges so astutely on the second night (I really love this addition of judges' comments and backstage chatter on the second night.), Cheryl was dancing her butt off and Ryan was mostly just standing there. Unlike most dancers, whose shirt bursts open and it becomes sexy, Ryan Lochte didn't have that effect. After all, he's a swimmer. We've seen him countless times shirtless. The sexy was just not there (IMHO). Although Cheryl was just tearing it up...

JUDGES' SCORE: 25

VIENNESE WALTZ

Terra Jole/Sasha Farber vs. Calvin Johnson/Lindsay Arnold

Usually Week 3 is the week we get the stars to connect in an emotional meaningful way to their dances. Well, that didn't happen (in most cases), except for this one. Sure it's a shorter dance, caused by preempting for the debates, but nonetheless, the Viennese waltz was packed with emotion for Sasha and Terra Jole.

They danced to "Iris" from the Goo Goo Dolls. The lyrics are all about being accepted for who you are. "I just want you to know who I am." And Sasha leaves Terra in the spotlight by herself at the end. This dance brought tears to my eyes.

Funny, how last season they (#DWTS producers) were just beating us over the head with how Nyle was doing so much for deaf people, and this poignant emotional moment almost went under the radar, yet to me, it was much more effective, cause it felt real. I, for one, accept Miss Terra Jole for exactly who she is, and celebrate that, and celebrate all she is giving to us on that dance floor (also thanks to Sasha Farber for bringing it out so poignantly).

Beautiful, beautiful dance. Another interesting thing about the pairing of these two couples is that Terra is quite a bit shorter than Sasha, and Calvin is quite a bit taller than Lindsay. In this pairing, I just loved the shapes that Sasha was able to create, despite the height difference.

JUDGES' SCORE: 30

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought the Viennese waltz was all about having round (circles) of frame shapes? To my eyes, Sasha and Terra did this much more consistently. Calvin's arms were often bent in hold. Lindsay's choreography was marginally more interesting, but I would've given the edge on this pairing to Sasha and Terra. Also, Lindsay and Calvin danced to "It's a Woman's World," which didn't seem to hold any significance at all (for Calvin), whereas Terra's song was quite moving and connected to HER.

JUDGES' SCORE: 32, Faceoff winner

SALSA

Amber Rose/Maksim Chmerkovskiy vs. Maureen McCormick/Artem C. 

So, remember in past seasons, when Maks came on as a judge, and he was berating everyone for not having enough content in their dances? Yeah. Here's Maks doing a salsa, with not enough content in his dance. However, to be fair to Maks, I think there are other things going on. It appears (just my instincts here) that Ms. Amber Rose is quite a handful (from "blacking out" during their first dance, to not seeming to be willing in general), and perhaps she just wasn't capable of doing all the salsa moves. And Maks, knowing how this thing goes, knows that really the bad dancers are the ones voted out first, so he could slide with this one having a lack of content. He just offered up a great show.

They had black lights and graffiti, the song was J Lo's "Big Booty," as he said, so people could focus on HIS big booty (but of course), and in the middle of the song, he takes out his phone and takes a selfie (while he's dancing!!!). Definitely a #DWTS first.

So, yeah, it was way entertaining. But a "salsa"? Um, not so much.

JUDGES' SCORE: 25

Contrast that with:

If I hadn't told you already that this was a salsa, which dance would you say, off the top of your head this would be? RIGHT. A salsa. So clearly. The costumes, the music, the dance, everything about it screamed: Salsa!

Guess who won this Faceoff?

JUDGES' SCORE: 28, Faceoff winner

TANGO

Laurie Hernandez/Val Chmerkovskiy vs. Marilu Henner/Derek Hough

The errant lift which caused Carrie Ann to take a point off. :-(

So Laurie Hernandez is 16 years old. She still sleeps with a teddy bear and has never had a boyfriend. Asked how she could get into the mindset of this tango, she talked about envisioning "a great quesadilla." Hey, whatever works. Men are sometimes like a hot quesadilla. I get ya.

They were talking with the costumer, and she was describing some lingerie in the front. Val says: "Lingerie. French for trouble." Luckily, her costume (for a 16 year old) was tasteful. But the transformation was pretty incredible. Between Val's big brother coaching and costumes and hair, WOW! As Val said in the package: "If you don't do this, you're going to be 'Cute Laurie' all season." She is Cute Laurie no more.

They also had this thing where their shoes lit up during the dance. It was amazing. Also nice, because (especially with the tango) you want to see their feet.

And she may be thinking of a quesadilla, but she brought more passion to this dance than bubbly Ginger Zee brought all last season (IMHO). And Laurie Hernandez is pretty much known for smiling all the time. We constantly saw her smiling at the Olympics. One would think that she would have a tough time NOT SMILING (as Ginger Zee did) during the tango, but no, she did great getting into character and being serious through the dance.

JUDGES' SCORE: 31, Faceoff winner

Now, one would think that Marilu Henner would be able to bring the brunt of her experience and life lessons to this tango, and just beat the pants off Laurie Hernandez with her passion. However, that is not what happened.

There is much more of an ease with Val and Laurie as partners than with Derek and Marilu. They do seem to have an effortless ease when you see them in interviews, but she still seems to be really tense when she's dancing, and that's not going to bode well going forward.

Also, I realized as I was watching this: Marilu Henner is pretty much known for being a comedic actress, not a dramatic one. So maybe the passion flair thing of the tango is hard for her. Not sure, but she didn't convey what she needed to convey to these eyes.

(And it came out on the next night that she "did better in rehearsal" than in the final show.)

JUDGES' SCORE: 28

MICHE'S FAVORITES OF WEEK 3
1. Sasha and Terra
2. Sharna and James
3. Val and Laurie
4. Artem and Maureen
5. Lindsay and Calvin
6. Allison and Babyface

On night 2 of Week 3, the "Results" night, we have much more time to go over everything, and hear the judges' comments and backstage chatter. (Quite revealing.) I'm really digging this new format.

We also have former Mirror Ball winner Kym Johnson as co-host with Tom Bergeron. Well, she's better than Leah Remini (who always kept hitting people in the face with microphones; really annoying), but she's no Erin Andrews. Johnson was ok reading off the teleprompter, but when she actually had to converse, she was pretty terrible. Come back, Erin!!!!

Johnson starts off the show calling Tom Bergeron "Thomas," saying, "You're Thomas now," then promptly only calls him Thomas once again (good thing). He's been Tom for 23 seasons. Come on, now.

Their banter was leaden. Ugh. And throughout she has a habit of sticking the mic too far into people's faces (Ryan Lochte even backing away at one point). At least she wasn't hitting them with it...

Last week, I misspoke when I said that Keo was not in the troupe this season. There was a cha cha bumper with Hayley, and Tom clearly said it was Keo dancing (he danced quite a bit on this episode).

So, Kym's talking to Calvin and Terra, about their height difference and whatnot, things they have in common. And Terra starts riffing on how they can't just go into a store and buy shoes. "They all have strawberry shortcake on 'em. Sometimes you just don't want light-up shoes," she says. Sasha starts cheering her on. She is an entertainer, indeed.

Then we had this wonderfulness, with all the women pros and troupe dancers doing this dance. So great.

Tom says after, "And people wonder why I'm never late for work." Oh Tom, we know it's cause you're a professional!

They had this really nice insert when this song started, it showed Jenna and Keo, dancing on a beach. Then, it showed Florida Georgia Line singing onstage, and then there were Jenna and Keo dancing. Very nice.

An actual nice piece, called, "Welcome to the Competition," which highlights what they all THOUGHT it was going to be about, and what it's actually about to dance on this show. The running theme, of course, is, MAN! You have to work so HARD!

Then! (LOVE this about the Tuesday Results show!) LA legends Fitz and the Tantrums perform their hit, "Hand Clap" with dancing assist by some of the pros (Jenna, Allison) and the troupe. Very very fun.

Fitz and the Tantrums (Fitz and Noelle) and troupe, courtesy of Just Jared Jr. dot com.

Then Florida Georgia Line sings another song, with Gleb and Lindsay dancing this time.

Lame, forced banter by Kym. Blah blah.

This summer, Maks and Val had a show that they toured the country with (charging big $$ for the priviledge). They decide to recreate some of that magic here.

The most fun part about this is that they picked a woman from the line outside to feature, and she not only gets to sit front and center during their song, but she also gets a kiss from both brothers (on the cheek from Maks, on the lips from Val). Woo hooo!

Who's the star of this show? Can we say CHMERKOVSKIY????? Wow.

Then, Tom informs us that Len is going to be gone for a couple weeks (or so) to judge the mothership show (Strictly Come Dancing) in England again. :-( (Probably a good thing since next week is Cirque du Soleil Week, and we know how Len feels about all the hooha stuff.) Len admonishes people to start doing "proper ballroom dancing" while he's gone.

Then, they decide to show us (after 23 seasons) how they put together a number. First, dancers, then costumes, and makeup and hair and lights. (They forgot sets.) Oh, and music. Then, they dance.

Can you tell that this Tuesday show is often a time-filler? Good grief. (And this was AFTER Florida Georgia Line did two songs. What? They couldn't have Fitz and the Tantrums do two songs?)

Then they had a nice package where Sasha told Terra that she danced so well that he teared up (which he "never does"). Sweet.

Then some promo about next week's Cirque du Soleil show.

Finally, the bootee is named (Rick Perry).

FRONTRUNNERS
1. Laurie and Val
2. James and Sharna
3. Terra and Sasha
4. Babyface and Allison
5. Calvin and Lindsay

PLEASE GO NOW
1. Vanilla Ice and Witney
2. Jana and Gleb
3. Ryan and Cheryl

NEXT WEEK: Cirque du Soleil Week

************************************************************

DWTS Season 21 Week 8: Inspire This!

This week on Dancing with the Stars was My Inspirational Hero, or My Favorite Icon, or something. (Lame). Andy chose Stevie Wonder, though he really brought it back around to his mom (even though the tear-jerking parents week was earlier in the season). This dance (to "Isn't She Lovely?") actually had further resonance since Allison had announced earlier that she's pregnant.

They ended up getting voted off this week. So I'm sure she's a superwoman, but nonetheless, I'm glad she could now rest up and not do these strenuous dances every week.

Carlos chose Marc Antony, who taught him salsa (sort of).

Apparently, he has never done a salsa in his life. He made a big deal out of this, saying it over and over again in his package. Which was pretty confusing to me, cause I know he has done about 1000 Viennese waltzes in his life... To say nothing of zipping around, doing Argentine tangos all day long. What you are talking about, man? You've never done ANY of these dances, right?

Dunno. Maybe he meant it because as a Latino, he should have done 1000 salsas. As Marc Antony said to him, "It's in your blood, man!" Once he whipped his shirt off, I believed him.

Also, the lifts Witney had in this were stunning, not the least because it looked like he was damn near dropping her a few times.

Our train hero chose a war hero, Chris Kyle (whom I choose to see as a murdering savage and have no respect for, but to each his own).

Alexa went all Biblical and chose David (of David and Goliath fame) as her hero. Alexa, at this point, is my favorite to win, but she does seem to have a lot of insecurities. But I just love everything about them. I love the grand scope of the execution of his dances. I love his choreography. I love the music he chooses (Mark Ballas always has the best music selections; Coldplay, and we know LA loves Coldplay). I loved the little kiltie thing he was wearing. I love Alexa, fighting through her own demons with every dance.

Yeah, this was my favorite dance of the night. Argentine tango to fight Biblical demons. Rock on, Mark and Alexa!

Nick veered us back into the emotional territory, with another stunning dance, this time picking his wife as his Inspirational Icon, and talking about how they've been trying to have a baby, and now she's pregnant. So Sharna did a fabulously choreographed contemporary dance which illuminated that. (The picture above is how it ends, with him patting her baby bump.)

There was also this emotional moment, after he pulled his wife out of the crowd, and brought her backstage. They learned the sex of their baby. Can you guess what it is?

So which one of these will be the Mirror Ball winner? Any guesses?

I am predicting that it's going to be one of these, but it for damn sure isn't going to be the "best dancer in the competition" (self-proclaimed).

What Ms. Tamar doesn't understand is that this competition is won on two things: 1. the scores of the judges and 2. the voting from the fans. So you can get all 10s consistently from the judges, if WE don't like you, you don't win. That's it. Valentin knows this, painfully, having seen the backlash from his brother Maks saying whatever he felt like it into a microphone seasons ago.

Because what the fans respect the most is what Valentin now oozes (way more than Maks ever did): GRACIOUSNESS. When he won the Mirror Ball finally, his first reaction was to face the camera (and the fans) and say: THANK YOU. Cause he knows.

But it was essential to backpedal this tremendous faux pas. So in their package, Val says something like: "I slept on it, thought about it, and yes, you are the best, cause all of my partners are the best."

But, dear Valentin, the point is: she shouldn't have said it, and once said, you can't take it back. You have to ride that humility train all the way to hoisting the Mirror Ball, or you don't win it. Simple as that.

I will say this. I believe that this season, because of other projects he's doing or whatever, Valentin is surely the best dancer in this competition. He has never been more electrifying to watch. If not for the Tamar meltdown, he could've been hoisting another Mirror Ball (IMHO).

But no, no, no. For me personally (don't know how many other fans), she lost me with that comment. Done.

Her Inspirational Icon was ostensibly her sister, Toni (Braxton), but she didn't really speak to that. The music they chose for their paso doble felt like a giant FU to the fans. Tough. I was born this way. (Lady Gaga's) Fine. You go keep your arrogance that you were born with. GOODBYE.

OK. I'll turn over my cards. Here who I think is actually going to win the Mirror Ball.

Not only because Derek is arguably the best dancer in the competition, but also the most creative with those Freestyle dances. Part of me would like to see Sharna and Nick win (because Sharna has yet to win a Mirror Ball, and she's been doing stunning work all season, and last season, for that matter). But I think Bindi and Derek are going to pull it out because Bindi is so darn cute, she's the world's sweetheart and she also does all these punishing dances that Derek gives her, without missing a beat. She's been consistently amazing.

It's also kind of funny to me, how at the beginning, there may be one who stands out (and certainly Bindi did), but many seem equally good. But then, there are always things which derail people. Their own ego, their body, their schedule, whatever.

Break a leg, Bindi!

Oh, for this particular week, as soon as she said Grace Kelly was her Inspirational Icon, I knew which dance they were going to be dancing to. They did not disappoint.

MICHE'S FAVORITES FOR WEEK 8
1. Mark and Alexa (Argentine tango)
2. Carlos and Witney (salsa)
3. Bindi and Derek (foxtrot)
4. Val and Tamar (paso doble)

MICHE PICKS TO WIN THE MIRROR BALL
1. Bindi and Derek
2. Nick and Sharna
3. Carlos and Witney
4. Alek and Lindsay

So they had this other nonsense on this show. I really hate this crap. Some judges hooha, and you get extra points, blah blah.

This was a "Dance Off." I'll spare you all the boring, time-filler details. The only relevant detail is that the top couple (by judges' points) were given immunity and couldn't be voted off (also didn't have to participate in this lame dance-off thing). That couple was Nick and Sharna, but like last year (when Derek and his partner won it), they weren't in danger of being voted off anyway.

This was the best moment of the Dance Off, when Carlos spontaneously picked up his competitor, Bindi, and all were laughing. That, truly captures to me what Dancing with the Stars really is. Love this picture.

So, goodbye Allison. I love your dancing and choreography. I look forward to the day when you finally win the Mirror Ball. But this was not that time.
*************************************************************************

DWTS Season 21 Week 7: Halloween Scares Up Some Ego, New Team Dance Champs

There are some truisms you can say about a Dancing with the Stars Halloween show. The cast really gets into it, someone plays Halloween pranks on everyone and Derek's team always, and I mean always, wins the Team Dance. (To be fair, last year, Val's team TIED with Derek's. So the record was still never broken.)

This year, we have NEW winners. More on all that in a moment.

The other significant thing about this show (very significant to me) was this statement. Take a guess at who said it. "I'm probably the best dancer in the competition." (It was one of the stars, not the Pros.)

If you guessed...

...Tamar Braxton, you'd be right.

Let me just say this about that. Rampant ego doesn't play well on reality TV. Unless you want all of America to hate you, you don't say a thing like that into the camera.

Val kinda (understandably) went ballistic when that little tidbit aired, but SHE DID SAY IT.

"The best dancer in the competition." :-0  Oh my, oh my. Dear, this is Week 6. There is a long way from here to there (and let me clue you now, she DOESN'T win the competition). Nor would she have.

Don't know about the rest of America, but what that little statement did for me was completely SUCK all the votes which would have gone to her and Val out of my phone-dialing hand.

Oh, another thing about ego, btw. She was on this ego high because they had gotten all 10s last week for their amazing Rhythm Nation recreation. When the judges were commenting on the dance, they said, "Excellent choreography!" And Tamar said, "Thank you." Last I checked, it was Val who was the choreographer here. (And an amazing choreographer at that. The only reason she's ANYWHERE in the competition is that Val is her partner.)

 Valentin is the reigning champion, a dancer in fine peak form, a stunning choreographer. He's a joy to watch and has an incredibly creative mind. Ms. Tamar is only along for the ride here.

And while I'm on my anti-Tamar rant, my other DWTS pet peeve is when stars sign up to do this show and they have ten other commitments as well. Oh, sorry, I have to go do this book tour. Oh, sorry, I'm touring with my band. Oh, sorry, I have to go co-host this daily talk show. WTF? Casting directors? Can't you get people who are out of work, who have the time and energy to devote to doing this show? WTF is up with these losers who try to do six things at once, then bitch on the show about how tired they are?

You don't see folks on Survivor leaving in the middle because they have a book tour or have this obligation in Vegas or whatever.

I have NO sympathy for these folks, and totally vote them down whenever the bitching starts. So Ms. Tamar has a few black marks on my dance card from that. But, for me, Valentin Chmerkovskiy can do no wrong, I will vote for him many times in the future, but Tamar Braxton lost every vote from me, starting with this week. "Best dancer in the competition," my ass. (This week Tamar received 24 out of 30, one of the lowest scores.)

Ah, but let's get back to something positive. The truly best dancers of this week, my favorite of Week 6: Alexa and Mark. (Who did receive a perfect score of 30 from the judges.)

Alexa, is, for my money, at this point in the competition, the one I want to win. Mark Ballas is just a genius with choreography and costuming and story, and every week, I look forward to what they do.

This gorgeous paso doble homage to Tim Burton's Edward Scissorhands was just beautiful and so well done. I love watching them, every time.

The person I truly believe is the best dancer in this competition, and very likely to win it is Bindi Irwin. It helps, of course, that her partner is Derek Hough, who can do no wrong with his dances.

But this was a very beautiful and well performed Argentine tango. And those kicks and flicks were kickin and flickin (from both participants). Really amazing. And they received a perfect score for the effort.

Or this...

Alexa's husband Carlos is not shabby in the dance department either. Another paso doble, to Carmina Burana, for gosh sakes! And his ego was the opposite, insisting that last week the judges "overscored" him. Julianne insisted she did not. Refreshing.

The gold standard, though was amazing paso that Mark and Alexa put forth, which was so stunningly good, so this one that Andy and Allison presented was... well, not that.

Where Mark and Alexa's lines were sharp and clear, these... um... ugh.

And Andy Grammar, too, in his package, was commenting about how everyone had pretty much written him off as a dancer at the beginning, and then they got all 10s and... well, NOW we can see... etc. Let's just take a moment to remind Mr. Grammar that they got 10s because the dance (from Singing in the Rain) was complex, involved a lot of props, and is more than the usual DWTS dance. And they performed it well. Still doesn't mean he's a great dancer, cause for the record, I don't think he is.

Turn on the table, then lift up the raincoats, then go up, then down these stairs, then jump on the first couch, then the second... etc. Lotsa steps and things to do.

So, he wasn't as blatant with his ego tripping as Tamar, but it was out there.

This paso doble received only 26 out of 30.

Another rampant ego was from our hero Alek, who went all ballistic because the judges gave him bad scores last week, when he "performed the steps perfectly." Luckily, they brought in Artem to show Alek a thing or two about what he's missing. And his dance this week was much better.

So enough about the petty squabbling about who's better among these fine dancers. Let's get to the important stuff: the Team Dances!

I loved this team dance, from Team Nightmare. Exquisitely done. Every person performed well. Great concept, great music, well done.

They also received a perfect score from the judges. (They performed first.)

Team Who Ya Gonna Call? didn't meet their high bar.

So, for the first time in ELEVEN seasons, Derek's team did not win the Team Dance!!!!

It was quite an evening, all in all.

I really want to echo Derek's stated sentiment, that all of the people who work on the costumes, hair and makeup for this show really deserve to be commended. These costumes and props and sets and everything going on here were just first-rate, the highest caliber.

Could have really done without all the smoke machine nonsense, but other than that, it was amazing.

Lastly, for the past two weeks, Leah Remini has replaced (as in stood in for, she's nowhere near as good) Erin Andrews as cohost. Mostly it's been good. (I can't imagine Erin being willing for Tom to sling her over his shoulder in a Dirty Dancing parody thing. Quite funny.) But I really wish someone could tell dear Ms. Leah to STOP hitting people in the face with a microphone. She did this the last time she cohosted, and it's not only annoying, it's abusive. She needs to STOP IT.

MICHE'S FAVORITE DANCES OF HALLOWEEN WEEK, Week 6
1. Alexa and Mark (paso doble)
2. Carlos and Witney (paso doble)
3. Bindi and Derek (Argentine tango)
4. Andy and Allison (paso doble)
5. Alek and Lindsay (Viennese waltz)

*****************************************************************

DWTS Week 3: Separating the Irritating from the Sublime

Allison and Riker. Week 3. Courtesy of ABC.

Let me start off with this. One of my pet peeves (in any season of Dancing with the Stars) is the supreme arrogance of stars who SIGN UP FOR THIS SHOW and then decide that everything else in their life is more important. Whether that's their kids, or their day job of a full-time soap opera, or some kind of football draw thing, or other modeling contracts. Whatever the heck it is, it irritates the crap out of me.

Here's how it's supposed to work, "celebrities": You sign up for the show, you devote every waking hour that you have to getting this complicated choreography right. You dream about these dances, and how you can make them better by doing better. EVERYTHING ELSE in your sorry life gets put on hold.

That's how it works. Too many people "go on Dancing with the Stars" because they think it's a thing... something that would look good on their resume. Something they can squeeze in between all the other things they really want to be doing. WELL, STOP IT.

Or, like our besotted Charlotte this week, who couldn't concentrate because of all the modeling offers she was now fielding, YOU GET VOTED OFF. Or, maybe she knew she couldn't dance a lick and just wanted to get the heck out of there, once she realized how darn hard it actually was going to be. Either way, I'm glad she's gone. I couldn't applaud fast enough for the exit of that talk show host last season who couldn't be bothered to actually learn the steps. UGH.

So, Charlotte's gone. Boo hoo. (Props to Costumes for Charlotte's amazing outfit.)

Keo and Charlotte. Courtesy of ABC.

BTW, Bruno was taking all kinds of flak for saying, "well, you're not going to win the Nobel Prize for Physics." To which wonderful host Tom Bergeron piped up: "Well, Bruno, neither are you." Both things are true.

This is a woman who made her fame for eating a burger in skimpy clothes. She's a model with big boobs, and that's pretty much all she'll ever be. Sorry, but that is the truth.

And I'm glad she's gone.

Next, on Miche's mode of irritation this week, we have the other celebrities. Not that I have anything against older people in general. I am one. But I don't go on DWTS either.

Older celebrities who need to go, and soon, are Suzanne Somers and Patti LaBelle.

Mind you, Tony Dovolani is wonderful, and he seems singularly focused on whoever his celebrity is, and I do love him for that. However, when you have celebs doing backflips and somersaults, it's hard for a 70-year-old to compete. It just is. Sorry, Tony.

Love Miss Patti LaBelle's singing. Wonderful. As a dancer, she looks like she can barely walk across the room, much less dance. She shot down Artem's idea of lifting her anywhere. All of that makes for some limiting movements.

Artem suffering through this nonsense with Patti LaBelle. Courtesy of ABC.

She doesn't want to be lifted, she doesn't really want to move all that much, and she's damn sure not gonna "hop." (Which is what this was supposed to be.). Please vote her off, and soon. She's irritating.

They do know, these celebrities, that going on Dancing with the Stars involves, um, you know... DANCING? Right? *sigh*

So, psst... Chris, the Bachelor? Come over here a minute... let me whisper this in your ear. If you want to hang on until the middle of the season, try to just put forth a minimal effort to keep you in the pack. They have to get rid of all this deadweight, and that's going to take a minute. And if you keep doing dances like this Argentine tango you did, you can really hang on, even though you really can't dance a lick either.

Chris and Witney. Courtesy of ABC.

But let's get back to some of the couples who are gladdening my soul these early weeks... Like this one.

Valentin Chmerkovskiy and Rumer Willis. Courtesy of ABC.

This brings up an interesting and not-unnoticed point. Most of the other couples were laboring under the "Latin Night" theme, doing Latin dances. However, perhaps because they are like a rocket so far ahead of the pack, someone (a producer?) gave them additional instruction that no one else seemed to get. Everyone else on this night just did straight dances. For some (inexplicable) reason, Val and Rumer had to do a mashup dance of disco and salsa.

Which, of course, they aced. So they are pretty much still far ahead of everyone else.

Well, except for this.

Riker and Allison (who also inexplicably threw an Aztec theme in there) did this amazing salsa. Just incredible. Just worlds of precision and technique away from whatever the hell it was Patti LaBelle was trying to do out there.

Loved their dance, packed full of salsa content. Modern and unique choreography. Stunning.

Then we had Art Piece Number 3, aka Mark Ballas and Willow Shields.

Mark Ballas and Willow Shields. Courtesy of ABC.

I honestly think that a partner could just walk through whatever Mark Ballas tells them to do, and get to within an inch of the finals. This was a stunning paso, with stark comparisons of fire and ice. Just beautiful, and thought-provoking, and stunning to watch. Willow Shields is very lucky indeed.

Noah and Sharna continue to surprise. Their package talked all about how they practiced with a prosthetic arm, which they finally opted not to use.

Noah and Sharna do an Argentine tango. Courtesy of ABC.

Despite this, they did some pretty spectacular lifts. I thought their Argentine tango was just spectacular.

Lastly, we get full-circle to Derek and Nastia. I was on a tear at the beginning of this post about people who choose to do other things rather than devoting themselves full-time to the season. However, we all know that Derek could just about sleepwalk through the season and still end up in the finals. He has "10 shows a week," on Broadway. She has classes at NYU. They fly back and forth every week to tape the show. Sorry, but I am kinda rooting for them to lose (given all I said in the beginning). But being Derek, I do think he's going to get pretty far along anyway.

MICHE'S FAVORITES OF WEEK 3, SEASON 20 (Latin Night)

1. Allison and Riker (salsa)

2. Valentin and Rumer (disco salsa)

3. Sharna and Noah (Argentine tango)

4. Mark and Willow (paso doble)

5. Derek and Nastia (samba)

COUPLES I WISH WOULD GO HOME RIGHT NOW

1. Patti and Artem

2. Suzanne and Tony

3. Michael and Peta

4. Chris and Witney

********************************************************************