My Favorite Year Is Not My Favorite Episode

The whole "What was the best year of your life?" question, in the context of Dancing With the Stars, can lead to really poignant, sublime moments and it can also lead to not much of anything. We had both in this evening's festivities.

Perhaps more than ever before, we had people doing dances "for" someone, and that someone was in the audience, or in one case, up onstage. I don't think I like this trend.

I was much more moved, for example, when Zendaya, in the previous week, did a dance for her grandmother, from her grandmother's time. (She was also present.)

But we had Jacoby Jones dancing for his child (who is barely old enough to know what's going on); Zendaya, so as not to top herself, was getting into full diva mode for Beyonce; Bachelor Sean, who's talked about in the tabloids as having a shouting match "romance" with winner Catherine when cameras aren't on, made full advantage of this "doing a dance for/to someone" concept, and kissed his "beloved" on camera during the dance. Yawn.

Andy Dick, in the night's most moving presentation, was dancing for his daughter (also present). Kellie Pickler danced for her husband, who happened to be up onstage, singing the song he had written that she danced to. For me, that all took away from the magic of the dance, since one is supposed to be passionate with one's partner, and Derek kinda looked second-fiddle.

But let's not quibble about the shaky reason they choose to build a night around. Let's just look at the dancing, shall we?

Derek and Kellie were, as always, sublime in their shapes and movements.

The sublime Derek Hough and Kellie Pickler. Courtesy of ABC/Dancing With the Stars.

Mark and Aly did an amazing contemporary dance, which brought tears to my eyes with its poetry and beauty. When it's done right, it's stunning. Witness this:

Genius choreographer Mark Ballas and Aly the gymnast.

Val Chmerkovskiy, still cranking out the killer choreography, gave us this to a Beyonce tune.

Val Chmerkovskiy and Zendaya take on Beyonce, using his amazing choreography.

I am really rooting for Andy Dick. People get extra votes for sobriety and trying hard, in my book. Andy Dick is still trying really hard, and still got all my extra votes. (Hope he got yours, too.)

Andy Dick and Sharna Burgess. Courtesy of ABC/Dancing With the Stars.

One minor quibble was with the costumers. Most of the time, they do create great costumes. However, they seem to be having problems with Kym Johnson's dresses being too long and/or not coming off easily when they have a costume change thing. Cheryl Burke's outfit looked at times like it was going to overwhelm her.

Volumes of fabric threaten to swallow up Cheryl Burke.

Come on, people. They are DANCERS. We want to see their legs and feet! Please! And they don't need to trip over volumes of clothing. Very frustrating.

Gleb gets the award for "Most Clueless" this week. His partner passes out beneath him. "You OK?" he murmurs as she lies there, prone and unmoving.

But, in the final analysis, I prefer to remember the amazing dancing I've just seen, so I'll leave you with that.

Brilliant Mark Ballas does contemporary, with Aly the gymnast.

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It's Prom Night at Dancing with the Stars

This picture says it all:

Wynona Judd and Tony Dovolani. Courtesy of ABC.

Wow. There are some folks on this show (the one above thankfully we'll see no longer) who simply CANNOT dance. Like not even a little. And if I spoiled that result for you, sorry.

I'm still over here cheering. Man, I wanted her to go home so bad (her and DL Hughley both).

LOVE YOU, Cheryl, but seriously.... :-/

Wynona is just now on TV, talking about how she "faced her fears," and she's glad she did it. Here's the thing. I'm all about people facing their fears. That's a great thing. The other side of that, though, is that we have to watch it. If you KNOW you can't dance, why on EARTH would you get in front of millions of people trying to do so? That's not "facing your fears," that's just EGO. Get over it. Go take a dance class, quietly.

Why on EARTH would anyone want to make a laughing stock of themselves, under the guise of "facing their fears"? Nonsense. Cause you may feel "stronger," Wynona, but I sure lost a ton of respect for you for doing this.

Now you wanna see someone who's ACTUALLY facing their fears, look at Andy Dick on this show (or better yet, PLEASE vote for him).  He is scared shitless by doing this, but a part of him really needs to. So he's in the studio, hour after hour after hour, even though he knows/thinks he can't dance, but he's trying REALLY hard. Look at this.

Andy Dick and Sharna Burgess, working it. Yes, we think you both are sexy.

This is a man clearly out of his comfort zone, but really trying.

I sent tons of votes his way this week. I think he's awesome. I've only gained respect for him. I honestly think I move my body more walking to the kitchen to make a sandwich than Wynona did in any of her dances. Facing your fears? Shut up. I'm so glad she's gone.

But I'm getting ahead of the story. ABC's story is that this was, of course, Prom Night.

Parts of that were truly wonderful. Inspirational. Like this.

The inspirational Mark Ballas and Aly. 

And this:

Zendaya and Val, doing some stunning dancing.

Oh so beautiful.
Lots of waltzes (Viennese and otherwise) performed on this night, fitting, I suppose for Prom Night.

There were also a few examples of why "contemporary" might not be such a great idea to add. When done correctly (Val and Kelly; Val and Zendaya), it can be sublime and gut-wrenching. When done incorrectly (I'm looking at you, Victor and Lindsay), wow, it can be dreadful.

We also had a sexy dance where I swear I saw Jacoby grab Karina's boob. I have never, in any dance in any season, seen someone literally grab someone's boob like that. It was kinda bizarre (right at the beginning).

Speaking of bizarre, we also had this:

Peta Murgatroyd (whose excellent choreography made this dance fun) and Sean.

Cause, I guess, YMCA is performed at a lot of proms now?

Lastly, we had my favorite dance of the night. A stunning, fast and fun version of Footloose by Derek and Kellie, who continue to be my favorites overall.

Derek Hough and Kellie Pickler. Courtesy of ABC.

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Dance This! Stars Return, and some celebs too.

Dancing with the Stars is back! And oh, how we've missed you.

But let me just put things right in the DWTS universe for a minute. All the ads and the promos and whatnot are trumpeting the "stars" of this season. This is hot on the heels of the All Star season we just finished, so this season's "stars" are... well, less than awe-inspiring, in my book.

In fact, HERE are this season's STARS. Here are the ones I'm looking forward to seeing on the dance floor (no matter how ABC chooses to frame it.).

The true stars of Dancing With the Stars (in my book). Courtesy of ABC.

So, let's just take a moment, shall we? Mark Ballas has a stylish haircut, Cheryl Burke looks thinner and also has a great haircut, Derek Hough is full of energy, Tristan MacManus is going to be around longer this season (thank goodness), Peta Murgatroyd looks great, Kym Johnson does some amazing moves. There, I feel better already.

OK, fine. Let's get into the premiere episode of Season 16, shall we?

Starting with the best, going to the worst... Who was sublime?

Actually, the ones who moved me the most were Tristan MacManus and Dorothy Hamill. Ms. Hamill, previous Olympic gold-medal winner, talked about her breast cancer surgery, and how that season the other previous Olympian Kristi Yamaguchi inspired her and helped her get through her cancer ordeal. And now, she's here. I loved her dance. (It was my favorite dance of the night.) She ends it with a typical Dorothy Hamill skater-type move. Beautiful.

Dorothy Hamill and Tristan MacManus. Look for big things from them. Courtesy of ABC.

My perennial favorites, Derek Hough (dancing with Kellie Pickler) and Mark Ballas (dancing with an Olympic gymnast named Aly) were in fine form, of course, and I can't wait to see all the stuff they are going to do this season.

Andy Dick was an inspiration. Courtesy of ABC/Dancing With the Stars

Another inspirational story, actually, was that of Andy Dick. Everyone knows the trouble Mr. Dick had gotten into, and his battles with alcohol and drugs. He's now sober, and struggling to do Dancing with the Stars. Well, he got a vote from me tonight. (And seriously, his dance wasn't half bad.)

A new twist this season is that they are adding "contemporary" as a dance to this ballroom dancing competition. Which means that all the strictness that they have about "no lifts" is kinda thrown out the window if you dance "contemporary."

Last season's mishmosh of crazy styles did add "contemporary" at one point. No one can forget Val Chmerkovskiy and Kelly Monaco's amazing contemporary dance. That's where the bar is set this season. Fitting then, I suppose, that Val kicked off his first dance (with his new 16 year old partner), doing contemporary. It was pretty beautiful.

Zendaya (the youngest competitor ever at 16) and Val Chmerkovskiy.

The ones I've mentioned so far are the sublime ones, the great ones, the ones that stood out of this field of 12. There are some other people in the middle. We'll just pass those by.

Let's focus then, instead, on the ones who really and truly sucked, and really and truly deserve to go. Like immediately. It's been a couple seasons since we had folks this bad.

The dance didn't get much better from here.

So, DL Hughley, please don't let the door hit you on the ass. His dancing was so bad, he received a 12 as a first score. FOURS, people. I honestly cannot remember ever seeing a score that low, and I've been watching for quite a few seasons now. But, he was really dreadful. The phrase "two left feet" comes to mind. I would not be at all surprised to see him the first one bounced.

Almost as bad, in a female version, was Wynona Judd. Tony Dovolani, her partner, is the current reigning champion of Dancing With the Stars. Too bad they had to saddle him with her. They are going quickly too. She was also pretty dreadful.

And lastly, in this nauseating practice where ABC gets the most of anyone they have on any show (although I did love Kelly Monaco--from ABC's General Hospital), by repurposing them anywhere possible, we have Sean Lowe. Previously, he was filling up our Monday night screens as The Bachelor. He picked his true love, they got engaged, and now we have to suffer through him also dancing? Good grief, people! Enough already.

The luminous Peta Murgatroyd saddled with this year's Bachelor. Courtesy of ABC.

UGH.

Thankfully, he will be voted out quickly too. He's dreadful as a dancer. Good to see Peta Murgatroyd always, but her moves this season will be short-lived.

So, the top are easy to predict. The bottom are, too. It's the ones in the middle that could vary.

All in all, I'm very excited about this new season of Dancing With the Stars. I hope you are, too.

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