Dance This! Stars Return, and some celebs too.

Dancing with the Stars is back! And oh, how we've missed you.

But let me just put things right in the DWTS universe for a minute. All the ads and the promos and whatnot are trumpeting the "stars" of this season. This is hot on the heels of the All Star season we just finished, so this season's "stars" are... well, less than awe-inspiring, in my book.

In fact, HERE are this season's STARS. Here are the ones I'm looking forward to seeing on the dance floor (no matter how ABC chooses to frame it.).

The true stars of Dancing With the Stars (in my book). Courtesy of ABC.

So, let's just take a moment, shall we? Mark Ballas has a stylish haircut, Cheryl Burke looks thinner and also has a great haircut, Derek Hough is full of energy, Tristan MacManus is going to be around longer this season (thank goodness), Peta Murgatroyd looks great, Kym Johnson does some amazing moves. There, I feel better already.

OK, fine. Let's get into the premiere episode of Season 16, shall we?

Starting with the best, going to the worst... Who was sublime?

Actually, the ones who moved me the most were Tristan MacManus and Dorothy Hamill. Ms. Hamill, previous Olympic gold-medal winner, talked about her breast cancer surgery, and how that season the other previous Olympian Kristi Yamaguchi inspired her and helped her get through her cancer ordeal. And now, she's here. I loved her dance. (It was my favorite dance of the night.) She ends it with a typical Dorothy Hamill skater-type move. Beautiful.

Dorothy Hamill and Tristan MacManus. Look for big things from them. Courtesy of ABC.

My perennial favorites, Derek Hough (dancing with Kellie Pickler) and Mark Ballas (dancing with an Olympic gymnast named Aly) were in fine form, of course, and I can't wait to see all the stuff they are going to do this season.

Andy Dick was an inspiration. Courtesy of ABC/Dancing With the Stars

Another inspirational story, actually, was that of Andy Dick. Everyone knows the trouble Mr. Dick had gotten into, and his battles with alcohol and drugs. He's now sober, and struggling to do Dancing with the Stars. Well, he got a vote from me tonight. (And seriously, his dance wasn't half bad.)

A new twist this season is that they are adding "contemporary" as a dance to this ballroom dancing competition. Which means that all the strictness that they have about "no lifts" is kinda thrown out the window if you dance "contemporary."

Last season's mishmosh of crazy styles did add "contemporary" at one point. No one can forget Val Chmerkovskiy and Kelly Monaco's amazing contemporary dance. That's where the bar is set this season. Fitting then, I suppose, that Val kicked off his first dance (with his new 16 year old partner), doing contemporary. It was pretty beautiful.

Zendaya (the youngest competitor ever at 16) and Val Chmerkovskiy.

The ones I've mentioned so far are the sublime ones, the great ones, the ones that stood out of this field of 12. There are some other people in the middle. We'll just pass those by.

Let's focus then, instead, on the ones who really and truly sucked, and really and truly deserve to go. Like immediately. It's been a couple seasons since we had folks this bad.

The dance didn't get much better from here.

So, DL Hughley, please don't let the door hit you on the ass. His dancing was so bad, he received a 12 as a first score. FOURS, people. I honestly cannot remember ever seeing a score that low, and I've been watching for quite a few seasons now. But, he was really dreadful. The phrase "two left feet" comes to mind. I would not be at all surprised to see him the first one bounced.

Almost as bad, in a female version, was Wynona Judd. Tony Dovolani, her partner, is the current reigning champion of Dancing With the Stars. Too bad they had to saddle him with her. They are going quickly too. She was also pretty dreadful.

And lastly, in this nauseating practice where ABC gets the most of anyone they have on any show (although I did love Kelly Monaco--from ABC's General Hospital), by repurposing them anywhere possible, we have Sean Lowe. Previously, he was filling up our Monday night screens as The Bachelor. He picked his true love, they got engaged, and now we have to suffer through him also dancing? Good grief, people! Enough already.

The luminous Peta Murgatroyd saddled with this year's Bachelor. Courtesy of ABC.

UGH.

Thankfully, he will be voted out quickly too. He's dreadful as a dancer. Good to see Peta Murgatroyd always, but her moves this season will be short-lived.

So, the top are easy to predict. The bottom are, too. It's the ones in the middle that could vary.

All in all, I'm very excited about this new season of Dancing With the Stars. I hope you are, too.

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Miche's Twitter Etiquette Guide for Celebrities and Others

Many people offer their suggestions at how to do Twitter better, more effectively, in a way that's better for your "brand," whatever. Basically, I've shied away from such stuff. Everyone can do Twitter however works best for them. In general. But recently, I've come across several annoying things that I wanted to bring up so we all could be better Twitter citizens. So, forthwith, the Miche Etiquette for Twitter manifesto:

1. If it's automatic, don't do it.
Any application that "automatically" does anything related to Twitter, avoid like the plague. This includes, but is not limited to, apps that automatically spam people's inboxes, apps that automatically add new followers, and recently most heinous of all, the automatic posting of a new horoscope each day.

a. The horoscope item is particularly annoying because, first off, you may be a Capricorn. I'm not. Therefore, I don't give a crap what is happening with Capricorn today. (Assuming I even care about horoscopes at all.) You are automatically alienating 11/12ths of your audience.

b. If the app puts it in your Twitter stream for you, how do I know that it has any value for you anyway? You can't tell me that each and every day this app drops pearls of wisdom into your Twitter stream.

Let's revisit.

Twitter, when used properly and to best effect, is like when you have something that you just can't wait to tell your best friend, neighbor, sister, significant other. Some witticism or life event or fascinating link. It is REALLY only these things that people want shared. Something that, at minimum, is of value to you.

Now, if you want to get your inbox spammed with your Capricorn horoscope, knock yourself out. But why should I, or anyone else be subjected to it? It's just rude and insensitive, and I will unfollow you for it.

2. Celebrities, get a grip.

Celebrities, God's gift to the world, after all, think we revolve around them, hang on their every word, and breathlessly await each bit of info and concert posting. Well, in short, we don't.

a. Keep your concert calendar to your fan pages, please. Those who really do seek out this information, will seek it there. Twitter is your connection to the world, and the world's connection to you. AS A PERSON. Not as a celebrity.

b. Think again of "info I just have to share with my best friend, etc." Would you breathlessly tell your best friend that you're playing in Tahoe on July 28? And here's where you can buy tickets? Probably not if you want to keep that friend. Think of Twitter as one big friend. PLEASE.

c. Twitter is not the place to try out your latest bits, Conan O'Brien. Comics who don't talk in real words, just drop jokes in their Twitter stream are also unfollowed by me. If I want to see your comedy, I'll just watch you on... wherever it is you are now.

d. You wanna see how real celebrities act on Twitter, don't look to Ashton Kutcher. Check out Rainn Wilson, Alyssa Milano, people who are truly giving back. That's how you do it.

e. Don't use your Twitter stream to answer fan questions. This is also what a website is for. I do understand that those of you (Conan O'Brien) who are only following, oh, say ONE person, think that the stream is your list of responses from fans, um, it's NOT. Try following more people and find out what the Twitter stream really is. All this You, You, You stuff may be how traditional media works. It is definitively not how Twitter works.

f. Maybe there should be a rule that Celebrities Have to do a Follow Friday at least once before they can post anything. That would be useful.

3. Be positive, be uplifting, be helpful.

a. People want to be lifted up by the power of Twitter. They don't want to hear your bitching about your husband, your coworker, your boss. Negativity is on the fast track to an unfollow, trust me. I'm not saying that everyone can be cheery all the time, but really people don't wanna read a bitch session. I recently had someone that I value on my Twitter stream go off because a food truck kept pinging him with messages that he found to be inane. So he let loose about TEN Tweets about how rude and disrespectful this truck was to him. And when people tried to call him on it, his answer was, "if you don't want to hear me bitch, unfollow me." I was way ahead of him, but he got his wish. And I kept the offending truck ON my Twitter stream.

In short, personal vendettas of any kind belong in an email, or a DM. Don't let this loose on the rest of us. Being angry in public only makes you look bad, and this is as true on Twitter as anywhere else.

b. I don't wanna hear how your husband is sleeping around and with whom. These are private conversations. (Remember those?) Remember, anything you post on Twitter can be seen by ANYONE. And remains, long after you're done with it.

c. Helpful, kind words go a long way on Twitter as in life. Use them.

4. Selling still doesn't work for me on Twitter.

a. More and more, especially in the mornings, I see people trying to sell or market this or that: seminars, websites, classes, products. They almost always rate an unfollow from me. Mind you, an occasional website or blog mention is fine. If I look at your profile, and it's all selling, or even 3/4s selling, it's an unfollow.

b. Twitter is a people place. Chat, conversation, getting to know one another. If you wouldn't rush home to tell your sister: Buy this DVD from me!, don't do it in your stream either.

5. If someone bugs you, UNFOLLOW.

a. I regularly purge my Twitter stream of people who've committed any of the above egregious crimes. Life's too short to have angry people venting, or self-important celebs preening, or marketers selling their crap at you.

b. A good part of really enjoying Twitter is getting people on your stream that you truly want to hear from. For some people, this means only following 10 people. For me, it means having a lot, but purging frequently (daily).

c. Whatever you do, ENJOY. Twitter is a blissful experience to me. I don't know how I lived without it.

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