Usually the intros they’ve been showing have been really lame acting things (for Season 29). This intro, where they show clips of all 30 seasons, was wonderful. Even if they didn’t show Tom Bergeron or Erin Andrews once. :-( (To say nothing of Brooke Burke…)
It is about the dancing, after all.
And to show that, they also have an opening number again! YAY!!!
Wait, what’s that? Four judges? Oh. Len is back. Yay! I really missed him last season (damn you, Covid).
Always fun to see who’s on the show on the first episode. So who do we have?
Oh. They tell us the stars, but not who they’re paired with. Ugh.
Melanie C., The Miz, Iman Shumpert, Olivia Jade, Jimmie Allen, Melora Hardin, Suni Lee, Cody Rigsby, Amanda Kloots, Martin Kove, Kenya Moore, Christine Chiu, Matt James, Brian Austin Green and JoJo Siwa. Quite the lineup.
Bachelors don’t have as much of a record of winning this as Bachelorettes do, luckily (Matt James).
Gleb and Mel C, cha cha
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They cha cha to a Spice Girls song, of course. Nice cha cha to start off the show.
So they give titles to the judges for the first time: Len, Professional Ballroom Judge; Derek, Choreographer and Six-Time DWTS Champion; Bruno, Film, Music Video and Theatre Choreographer; Carrie Ann, Choreographer and Dance Producer. Well, alright then.
They have an audience (which they didn’t in Season 29). Everyone in the audience is masked. Although it doesn’t look like the size of audience they normally have, any audience is a good thing.
Len says it’s good to be back. “You have danced that absolutely terrific, I thought. You won’t be getting any taxis home in the near future. It had great choreography, a really polished performance.” Derek: “That was so clean, so precise. You have incredible legs.” Bruno: “Watch Gleb, because he tends to steal the shots. Hip action could be a little bit more pronounced.” Carrie Ann: “All my dreams are coming true, that Season 30 started with you, Sporty Spice. You are my favorite Spice Girl. You are so good. Very clean, very tight. You could loosen up a bit, but you were the first one out: Amazing.”
JUDGES: 27 (out of 40)
CLUE ONE: Astute DWTS viewers will note that when they show the potential pro dance partners (they have eight squares with a female pro in each: left to right, Sharna, Emma, Britt, Cheryl, Witney, Daniella, Jenna and Lindsay), they show eight, but there are only SEVEN male stars above. Hmmm…
Witney and The Miz, cha cha
They are doing an intro of each star, then surprising us with who their partner is. (They’ve never done it like this before.)
The Miz, aka Mike, is paired with Witney. It was a fine cha cha.
Tyra congratulates Derek on winning an Emmy last week (for choreography). Derek thanks the team at DWTS who helped make it happen. Derek: “Man, that opening! You’re like: ‘I mean BIZ. Let’s go.’” He says it’s good to have Witney back (she missed last season). “I was really surprised. I’m not gonna lie. I was expecting you to be a little stiff. But you came out there, you were flowin,’ you were goin,’ man.” Bruno: “Witney! You’ve tamed the beast. What’s going on here? I was expecting mayhem, bashing things about. No. Light on his feet. A well-oiled loin machine. (As he shakes his hips sensuously.) Where is it all coming from? Very, very impressed. A bit flat-footed, but it’s only Week One.” Carrie Ann: “Bruno, you made it awkward already. So, Miz… you were incredible. The energy that came out of you was ridiculous.” And to Witney: “Welcome back, Momma, btw.” Len: “Miz, better than expected.”
JUDGES: 24 (Out of 40)
Daniella and Iman, jive
Daniella Karagach, in her second season as a pro, mentions in the package that she’s “blown away” by how tall he is. He is a good head taller than her.
This is a swinging jive. I’ll tell you what, he’s a damn sight better than Nelly last season. This guy can MOVE. And his kicks and flicks, for Week One, are actually kicks and flicks. I dug this dance a lot.
Bruno: “It’s very very hard for very tall people to do the jive, because usually it’s a very small and compact dance. But you were very nimble, very light on your feet. You have musicality. Great debut.” Carrie Ann: “Iman, you are the Fly Guy of Season 30. That was ridiculous. I’ve never seen a jive like that, especially not in episode One. That was incredible. You were stylish, you were smooth. You had your own thing. It was amazing choreography.” Len: “Sad to say, I thought it was all too casual. It was too loose. The technique was poor. However, I must say, it was fun and it was entertaining.” Derek: “What I loved about you so much was you just looked so comfortable out there. You were in your element, having a good time. I agree with Len a little bit, with some of the content in there, but great first week.”
JUDGES: 21 (Out of 40)
CLUE TWO: When they show the men, it’s six boxes. (Left to right: Brandon, Val, Alan, Pasha, Sasha, Artem) Hmmm…
Val and Olivia Jade, salsa
Oh! She’s not only “an influencer,” but she was one of the girls involved in that college admissions scandal (which explains why she’s on DWTS).
Fun dance. He flips her at the end.
Carrie Ann: “I’m so proud of you. This is the start of a brand-new chapter in your life. I’m so proud of the way you came out with such confidence. You were so sure of yourself. Great lines, great legs. I’m excited.” Len: “Salsa’s a club dance, so it could’ve been a tad more spicy. However, it was clean, it was clear and it was polished.” Derek: “You have so much potential. You were such a great performer. Great legs. What a great first dance.” Bruno: “Olivia, my darling, for a first-timer, you’ve taken to it like a duck to water.”
JUDGES: 25 (Out of 40)
CLUE THREE: As the women get paired off, the boxes are removed. So now there are six women pros in boxes. Hmmm…
Emma and Jimmie Allen, tango
Emma starts this dance on top of a car which has a large mirror ball, which appears to have smashed the windshield. And it’s still smoking.
Not sure about the song. The dance was ok.
Len: “Jimmie, lemme say, this dance does not suit your personality. You’re a cool sort of a guy, relaxed. I’m sure that there’s a lot more talent in there than we saw on that dance. You’re gonna be loose, you’re gonna go a long way. You’ve got great potential.” (MAN, do I miss Len. So glad he’s back.) Derek: “I don’t know what’s going on tonight, but everybody’s been really really good. Listen, that was an incredible Week One frame. Honestly. Keep it consistent. Great tango, brother.” Bruno: “What’s going on? You crashed my car? You did manage to keep the tango on track. But there were a few skips along the way. It’s a very difficult dance. You have to think about it like a stalking cat. There has to be a constancy and incredible control. There were some good moments, but it was very uneven. Work on it, because you could be very good.” Carrie Ann: “Jimmie, great job first time out there. It’s a very tough dance. There’s a lot of specificity.”
JUDGES: 22 (Out of 40)
They also have the paired up couples now sitting at tables ringside. Fascinating.
Artem and Melora, tango
They dance a tango to a more hard rock number. “Simply Irresistible.”
Derek inexplicably gives this a standing ovation. “That was unbelievable. I’m actually like blown away. That had light and shade, all the dynamics. The control gliding across the floor. You threw yourself in those dips with control. Holy moly. We’re keeping an eye on you, girl.” Bruno: “My darling, you rocked that tango, and you rocked me. I love rock ’n’ roll. Great lines, great placement.” Carrie Ann: “I have to give it up for the drama. You brought the drama to that dance. And you brought the beautiful lines. You have the extension, you have the grace, you have the ferocity of spirit.” Len: “I liked it. No messing, no stressing, you just came out and danced.”
JUDGES: 26 (Out of 40)
Sasha and Suni Lee, jive
I think I go into every season rooting the most for Sasha, who is long overdue his first Mirror Ball. This time, he’s again paired with a gymnast.
And I just loved this dance. Very fun. She did a quick (perfect) splits. Sure.
Bruno: “My golden girl. You can jive, baby. Those kicks and those flicks! The precision, the retraction, the placement.” Carrie Ann: “You are incredible. The skills you have! You are a perfect match for ballroom dancing. Everything you’re doing is amazing.” Len: “Dance is a mix between neat and precise and then freedom and flair. When it’s great, that goes together. Now this was neat, it was precise, it was right on the button. It just needed to be a little bit more free. But lovely job.” Derek: “I’ve had the privilege of dancing with two gymnasts in the past (Shawn Johnson and Nastia Lukin), and one thing I always used to say to them was: ‘A little bit less perfection, and a little bit more expression.’ Just have fun out there, cause you already have the technique.”
JUDGES: 28 (Out of 40)
Cheryl and Cody, tango
Everyone knows Cody Rigsby as a Peleton instructor, so of course the number starts with a bunch of people on Peleton bikes. But then it evolves into a really great tango.
(They also introduce “our new pros: Sofia and Ezra.”)
Carrie Ann: “Now Cody, I see what the hype’s all about. You are fabulous. You have great energy. I’d like to see you relax, cause you have the moves. We definitely want more of that, OK?” Len: “You have great presence. There’s a lot of promise there. You’ve got to keep your head up a little bit more. I tell you what: you are one to watch.” Derek: “You’re an absolute riot in the best possible way. Just to echo what they said a little bit, you just have to isolate your top half from your bottom half. We were so entertained. So much fun! You’re gonna be a blast.” Bruno: “Great ride. On and off the bike. I love it. Love the attitude. Some work to do, you’ll be great.”
JUDGES: 24 (Out of 40)
Alan and Amanda, tango
Great costumes, as you can see. I enjoyed this tango,
Len: “That was full of tango content. It had attack, it had confidence. A little bit more body contact, and maybe the feet could’ve been crisper, however, that was a really great first dance.” Derek: “In my opinion, dance is the best way to claim your joy. So good to see you out there, dancing. Unbelievable. The finesse. Your frame. The way you moved across that floor. You hit every single step right on. The attack. That was a sensational routine.” Bruno: “My love, you belong here. That was a beauty. You managed to put so many little details in the interpretation. Sometimes cool, sometimes catlike, sometimes sexy. She’s got it all.” Carrie Ann: “Hi, my friend. You brought tears to my eyes. Because I know how much you’ve been through. And I know that Nick is watching down on you, smiling at us, so proud of you. You were nothing but elegant, and beauty and finesse and just like an angel dancing. It was wonderful.”
JUDGES: 28 (Out of 40)
Britt and Martin, paso doble
Martin Kove, for those not in the know, is the sensei on Cobra Kai. So he starts the dance with a spoken word chant to the audience, to which they respond. “Nerves do not exist in this ballroom, do they?” (Len must hate this part…) Then the dance starts. And oh, is he terrible. He’s among the worst of the dancers they’ve ever had on DWTS. He’s basically walking, and making gestures with his fists. Ugh.
Derek: “Cobra Kai forever! That opening speech got me fired up. I just feel like you were a little unprepared. Next week, go in rehearsal with that competitive mindset. Put in the hours, and we’ll see you next week, brother.” Bruno: “The pitch! It was like somebody pitching an epic film. I thought this was gonna be a blockbuster. I think we need to work on the content to make the blockbuster. At times, it looked like you didn’t quite know what was coming next.” Carrie Ann: “I just wanna say to all of you young folks out there. I hope you’re taking notes on what commitment to character looks like. Cause that was commitment to character. But with all due respect, it was more pata than it was paso doble, so next week, we’ll see what happens.” Len: “Well, lemme say, for someone in their 70s, I thought you came out and did a really gallant effort.”
JUDGES: 13 (Out of 40)
(I don’t think I’ve ever seen 3s on this show. Wow.)
Brandon and Kenya, foxtrot
I don’t know about that stripe thing on his pants. Otherwise, nice dance. I enjoyed it.
Bruno: “It was like watching Venus emerging from a kiss. (They had a replica of that Lips sofa onstage.) Classic, glossy, with a luxurious sheen. You move very very well.” Carrie Ann: “Nice, Kenya. Kenya, you look like a queen out there. What you have that most people struggle with is the refinement and the relaxed body. You just relax so easy, but in the right posture.” Len: “I liked the nice fluidity through the arms. It had a charm and a sophistication you wanna see in a foxtrot.” Derek: “So much potential. This is Week One. I can’t wait to see what you’re gonna do in this show. Beautiful.”
JUDGES: 26 (Out of 40)
Pasha and Christine, tango
In their package, she calls herself a “super fan” of DWTS. Then, she proceeds to ask him to show her his abs. (She does know his wife, Daniella, is also on the show, right?) He demurs, and says: “It’s our first meeting.” Instead of “HOW RUDE!” (Which is what I would’ve said.)
Certainly one of the best tangos of the night. Great choreography.
Carrie Ann: “Bling bling in the house. Yeah. You were like a diamond in the rough. Most dancers would pay to have that back that you have. The flexibility is incredible, but you’re a little inconsistent. But it’s still early. And this is exactly what we’re looking for on Dancing with the Stars.” Len: “It had staccato. I liked the routine. You had great control throughout it. Overall, I thought it was a terrific effort.” Derek: “I love that dress. I’m all about the bling. I’m all about the rhinestones. Really, really good. The frame was beautiful.” Bruno: “My queen of bling. You’re a gem. Little bit more polish, and you will achieve full brilliance.”
JUDGES: 25 (Out of 40)
(See? Len gave it a seven, when all the others gave it a 6.)
Lindsay and Matt, cha cha
They dance to “Give It To Me, Baby.” Can’t go wrong with Rick James.
Len: “I would’ve liked to have seen a little bit more hip action. That was lacking. However, if you listen to Lindsay, work hard, I think your future is gonna be rosy.” (*eyeroll*) Derek: “Let’s go! That was a great cha cha. Great job. And Lindsay, welcome back. So charismatic. Great performer.” Bruno: “These guys got plenty to give. And you did deliver. Because you really have a wonderful, spontaneous quality. Natural stage presence. They’re all right. If you get the wrong footwork, you won’t get the right hip action. Next time, you’ll be brilliant.” Carrie Ann: “Footwork is iffy, for sure. What I really love is the way you use the space. You’re not afraid to use the space. A lot of big guys dance small. You dance big, and the body rolls: A+.”
JUDGES: 24 (Out of 40)
Sharna and Brian, foxtrot
For my money, this is the best pairing of Week One, Season 30. Sharna Burgess and Brian Austin Green as a couple in real life, and here they are, dancing together. How wonderful! And to start off with a romantic foxtrot… I’m just swooning over here.
Sharna just looks stunning, and I just loved this dance.
Derek: “My coaches always told me, ‘Never date your dance partner.’ But I’m dating my dance partner right now, and I think it works. Brian, that was so good, man. There was like an ease to you.” Bruno: “I don’t know why, but I’m sensing some very very strong, sizzling chemistry. I wonder why. You were Prince Charming out there. Don’t stop the flow.” Carrie Ann: “I love seeing Sharna so happy. Brian, you’re staring at her most of the dance. You also have to perform out to us, ok?” Len: “This competition is developing into something special.”
JUDGES: 24 (Out of 40)
And now….drum roll, please…. The big reveal…Two girls dancing together (for the first time in 30 seasons). (*faints on fainting couch*) I can see the ABC/Disney execs, sitting on the edge of their seats, waiting for the angry letters and emails and posts. Guess what? They didn’t come. In fact, you can stop clutching your pearls now. This was a great quickstep, and no one batted an eye.
Jenna and JoJo, quickstep
There are different accommodations that one makes to dance female-to-female. I’m sure in the ballroom dances, where the “male” role is so strongly defined (tango, paso doble), it might be a challenge. But dammit, Jenna Johnson is up to that challenge!
Personally, I’m so excited about this, even if it may take another 30 seasons to see that male-on-male rumba. #Sigh
The audience, btw, is clapping and cheering madly through this whole dance. They dance to “Are You Gonna Be My Girl?” And the answer to that is definitively YES. We have a female star with a female pro partner. Let Season 30 begin. History has been made.
Let’s just point out at this moment the elephant in the room here. Bruno has been making comments in his judging to the male stars that would (at any major corporation) cause him to be marched down to HR immediately. Salacious, sexy, talking about their body parts lasciviously. No one makes a big deal about that.
And the door was opened slightly when Johnny Weir danced in drag (as Amy Winehouse) in Season 29. But these girls are embracing what this means and putting it out there for this season. I can’t wait.
Bruno: “Finally, the groundbreaking moment we’ve all been waiting for. Jojo, I’m full of joy for everyone. I love to see this freedom of expression, this liveliness.” Carrie Ann: “JoJo Siwa, making history! You and Jenna. That was amazing. Not only are you taking the lead, you lifted your partner when she slipped. You had her back, you didn’t even bat an eye.” Len: “Full of attack, full of enthusiasm, it lost a little control here and there, but Wow! What an entertaining performance.” Derek: “You were born for Dancing with the Stars.”
JUDGES: 29 (Out of 40) (The highest score of the night!)
Since it’s the first week, no one is yet eliminated. We are just getting to know all the stars. And catching our breath at this wonderful history being made. Finally.
And then, quietly, they show us this:
Awwwwww.I didn’t know Mary Wilson died. :-( Interesting that it’s all women. No men died?
Now that makes me sad.
OK, here’s a way to cheer up.
So is JoJo going to be voted out immediately, after America gets irate and votes her out? (To which I say: did you see Martin Kove “dance”? :-o) Or is she going to take the Mirror Ball because America loves her and Jenna so much? We shall see. It’s going to be an interesting season.
MICHE’s Favorites of Week One
1. Sasha and Suni Lee, jive
2. Cheryl and Cody, tango
3. Sharna and Brian, foxtrot
4. Lindsay and Matt, cha cha
5. Daniella and Iman, jive
6. Jenna and JoJo, quickstep
7. Val and Olive Jade, salsa
8. Alan and Amanda, tango
9. Emma and Jimmie, tango
10. Pasha and Christine, tango
11. Artem and Melora, tango
12. Witney and the Miz, cha cha
13. Gleb and Mel C., cha cha
14. Brandon and Kenya, foxtrot
MUST GO HOME IMMEDIATELY
Martin Kove (sheesh)
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