DWTS S22 Week 2: Not Very Sexy Latin Night

This, from the opening number of Week 2, choreographed by "the birthday girl, Mandy Moore." First, let's say HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mandy Moore, and DWTS got infinitely better once you started choreographing so many of its numbers.

But, oh what to say about Week 2 on Dancing with the Stars, Latin Night? First, the good news. Geraldo Rivera is voted out. But second, there were really no steamy Latin dances tonight. But there were many good, even great ones. So, let's break it down in order.

This was the dance that made me sit up and go, "Wow! JODIE and Keo could win this!" What a luscious samba. And that gold! Both her outfit (stunning) and all the really cool gold paint on Keo, to say nothing of his hot pants... Wow, was this amazing to watch.

I quite like Marla Maples and Tony Dovolani as a team. But still, upon second viewing, she does seem a bit awkward and stiff. She hit all the standard Argentine tango moves, but it's a complicated dance, and it didn't flow from her. Still I liked them.

Then... UGH... then, we had this.

Ugh. In all the seasons I've been watching DWTS, I've never ONCE seen someone dressed up as someone else. This isn't SNL, for gosh sakes. So this moron decides to come out like this... UGH... and in his package, he talks about how he has "no feeling in his right foot." (Why do they let these idiots do DWTS? Plenty of people with complete feeling who wanna do this show... UGH.) Horrible dance.

So, personally, I couldn't get rid of him fast enough. Sheesh. (Poor Edyta.)

This, however, was followed by one of the best dances of the night, choreographed by the brilliant Mark Ballas. Sadly not danced by him, however. :-(  He had hurt his back in rehearsal, so Alan stepped in for him, and did an amazing job.

Mark Ballas always does amazing choreography. Week 2. Paige and Alan.

Boys just don't know what to do when they are forced to dance a rumba with the luscious and lovely Miss Sharna Burgess. Antonio Brown tried. He did.

And he danced the dance, but was often felled by what he tactfully called, "Blood flow." Blood flow, indeed.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, here's Sasha dancing with curvy Kim Fields. I really enjoyed this dance, and watching these two in general.

Peta and Nyle tackle a rumba that Len thought was rushed, but Carrie Ann thought was "stunning."

Then, there was this dreadfulness. This woman may be beautiful, but she sure cannot dance. This song (Pata Pata) was one of the most danceable songs ever written, and she still seemed like she was walking through it. No musicality or sense of beat at all. Ugh. Who can't dance to Pata Pata? C'mon.

Mischa tries to explain the bad performance away by saying that she couldn't hear the music. And that when the live band played, "everything changed." Bruno: "So THAT's what happened..." Carrie Ann laughs and turns her head away.

Folks, it was terrible. No excuses.

The judges showed their 5 paddles again (for her and 4s for Geraldo) in response.

So there was the whole "Barbie drill sergeant" thing. And the whole "being late = $100" and the "I'm charging for farts" thing. Witney is gonna be a rich woman. (Witney is donating the money to the Skin Cancer Foundation.) Oh, and it's a "whole lot more expensive in the locker room." :-0  Things you don't know about football players... *sigh*

But it was more hip hop. Not my favorite dance of the night.

Wanya continues to show us why he's one of the top competitors in this competition (with Lindsay), knocking this salsa right out of the park. The costumes and camera angles really worked together with this one, showcasing every last movement. Great great stuff here.

Keep it going, Wanya!

Karina and Doug did an incredible paso doble. Strong dance, great music, wonderful costumes and lighting. Good stuff.

With Karina's great choreography, and the fabulous troupe dancers, Doug Flutie became a contender with this dance.

MICHE'S FAVORITE DANCES OF WEEK 2, LATIN NIGHT

1. Wanya and Lindsay (salsa)
2. Paige and Alan (Mark) (salsa)
3. Jodie and Keo (samba)
4. Ginger and Val (samba)
5. Doug and Karina (paso doble)
6. Antonio and Sharna (rumba)
7. Marla and Tony (Argentine tango)
8. Kim and Sasha (salsa)

OH THANK GOD
1. Geraldo Rivera's Elimination

******************************************************************

DWTS Season 21, Week 2: Hometowns, with a Spin

HOMETOWNS: Stars

Bindi and Derek, Hometowns Week 2

You have not lived, my friends, until you've seen a TANGO to AC/DC (above).

But I'm getting ahead of myself... back to the beginning, the very beginning. This week there were two shows, both focusing on Hometowns. Monday night featured the stars' hometowns. Usually, the personal shows help the stars to focus on something other than the fact that these dance rehearsals are killing them.

But by and large with the stars, they were just walking through the paces of this theme. Frankly, I still think a lot of them are just getting their bearings. It was funny, though, in interview, when the producer asked Chaka Khan why she had picked the song "Chicago" about her hometown. "Which song did you choose?" "Chicago, by Frank Sinatra." "And how does your hometown relate to that?" Chaka pauses for a long beat, contemplating the idiot in front of her, and says, "Because it's called Chicago."

And really, that exchange was pretty much the "hometown" highlight of this night. They all pretty much fell flat.

Later, Ms. Chaka Khan was the first to go home.

(Of the five that I requested to go home as soon as possible, both of this week's bootees were on the list.)

PLEASE TAKE THESE PEOPLE OFF MY SCREEN NOW
1. Paula Deen
2. Kim Whatsherface
3. Gary Busey

(Actually, I'm getting my wish with another one, I believe, because I heard in the Twitter sphere that Kim had some kind of minor stroke after last week's shows.)

So, I'm enjoying Andy and Allison quite a bit. However, that move which is so en vogue with the dancers here lately, where you grab a woman by the throat and sort of dance around her (when the pros do it, it looks amazing)... really looks scary in the hands of an amateur. Andy's moves made me very uncomfortable with this.

Sharna and Nick did a swoon-worthy Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy.

Why? Was he in the Army? I must've zoned out of that hometown. But the dance was fun.

Personally can't wait till these two do a rumba... Ahem...

Alek continues to blow me away with his mad dance skills, doing a jazz number (that looked like contermporary to me) but was nonetheless amazing. Dancers keep trying to sneak in more lifts by choosing this jazz option, and it was stunning to watch, so OK.

Still, we're snoozing through all these hometowns...

And then we had this...

Which was notable only for the fact that he kept putting the hat over his genitals, and it kept staying up... so... um, ok...

Then we had Taymar Braxton trying to convince us that Valentin shouldn't 1. thrust his pelvis and 2. take off his shirt. Girlfriend, THAT is why we watch this show. Val without his shirt off is like... Well, let me show you.

Is anyone looking at Taymar in this picture? Hells to the no...

On that same sexuality tip, we also THANK YOU, JESUS, had Alexa and Mark doing a sensual, sexual dance.

Mark Ballas is such a sexy dancer. I am so glad we finally got to see it again. (Both nights of Week 2 had a lot of sensuality.)

We also had Gary and Anna (I love Anna, I love Anna) dance to a lovely Beach Boys tune. Still he is completely batshit crazy. She, however, is wonderful. So I'm very torn with this couple.

But then, just as we are about to fall asleep on night one from lack of drama or spark, along comes Bindi.

And CRIKEY! Our little Bindi has sure grown up. She also informed us that (secretly) she loves hard rock, like AC/DC. So there they are, Derek and Bindi, rocking out a tango. You heard me, I said TANGO, to AC/DC. It was so fantastic, there are no words.

DWTS WEEK 2, First night of Hometowns (Stars)
1. Bindi and Derek
2. Alek and Lindsey
3. Alexa and Mark
4. Val and Taymar
5. Nick and Sharna
6. Andy and Allison
7. Carlos and Witney

HOMETOWNS: Pros

But the second night, we actually had poignance. For years, the pros have been shunted aside (and I do blame Maks for this), with the spotlight put firmly on the "stars."

In fact, let me show you a physical example of how this is still in action. Look at this.

Notice pro dancer Mark Ballas in this shot? Not so much, no. And especially for this dance, when the drama and emotion was really all about HIM, they have this shot. (Uncropped by me, this is exactly how it aired.) And they do this A LOT. It's sickening. The "star" is the focus of the shot, and the pro is all but cropped out. Let me just reiterate how much I hate this. It's disrespectful to the pros, and was especially grating when this whole evening was ABOUT THEM.

For once (I mean, truly, they never usually do this), they had the whole Hometowns segment on the Pros, and THEIR hometowns. And it was wonderful, cause usually these folks don't get to speak (as you can see).

The most moving moment to me was when Mark Ballas spoke about his parents (whom everyone knows were world champion pro ballroom dancers) and Mark let Alexa dance to his parents' last music, including letting Alexa do his mom's signature move. That was really special and wonderful. Also, Shirley Ballas was in the audience. (The producers did nothing with this, but it was a very special moment.)

No, really, this was a super important moment for Mark, and the producers obviously honored and recognized that... *sigh*

CUT IT OUT, ALREADY. Seriously.

Someone remind them that at least half of the DWTS audience is there because we LOVE the pros on this show. We'd much rather hear about their stories, and how they rose up through the ballroom ranks. It's MUCH more interesting. Glad they finally gave them a hometowns show, but they could do so much more.

Like this. (The fans got it right.)

Even if DWTS didn't say it properly, we love you, Shirley Ballas. Thank you for giving us Mark. Thank you for all you brought to the world of dance. And for me, personally, this tribute dance this week was the most moving moment.

DWTS WEEK 2, Second night of Hometowns (Pros)
1. Valentin and Taymar (charleston, see pic above)
2. Mark and Alexa (and Shirley)
3. Derek and Bindi
4. Sharna and Nick
5. Allison and Andy
6. Emma and Hayes
7. Witney and Carlos

It could've been worse, I suppose. This one (Gary) kept referring to Anna as "To Russia, With Love." Um, ok. *eyeroll* God bless you, Anna. We love you. Hang in there through the madness.

************************************************************************

DWTS Season 20: Could This Be Val C's Season?

Val Chmerkovskiy and Rumer Willis during the Season 20 premiere of Dancing with the Stars. Courtesy of ABC.

Last season (Season 19) of Dancing with the Stars, during Week 1, there was a performance, the last performance, which wowed the crowd so much, I remember thinking: "Wow! How can anyone beat them?" That couple was Alfonso and Witney, who ended up triumphing with the Mirror Ball at the end of the season.

There was such a performance again last night.

Mind you, for someone to have it so together to in Week 1 have a polished and lyrical foxtrot to present, it means they want to win. Valentin Chmerkovskiy (so close for so many seasons, yet never having won a Mirror Ball yet) and Rumer Willis just blew me away. For season after season now, his dances and his choreography have just been stunning, but it's always been something.

Last season, don't know if there was a sexual thing between the two partners, but whatever it was started out like a hot comet and fizzled into an emotional mess, which to me, detracted from the dancing. Rumer Willis, while she may have emotional issues of her own, seemed like the type of competitor who'd keep Winning the Mirror Ball foremost in her mind.

Alfonso beat Val & Co. last season in large part because he always kept focused on winning. And especially on stepping up in the clinch when it was important. Delivering impactful dances when the judges were looking for them.

Personally, I thought Val was closest to winning when he danced with Zendaya. But maybe (as no less than two judges said last night) THIS is his season. We shall wait and see, but boy, did he and Rumer Willis wow us last night, vaulting to the top of the Leaderboard easily.

Another surprise (to me) from last night (the previous strong team until Val and Rumer stepped up) was the dancing of Allison Holker and Riker. Holker has had a bit of a bumpy time of it so far, not really fitting in easily to the show as it stands. This first dance this season was her saying, "Hey, I got this!" And wow, does she!

Rocking out of the Season 20 gate, with her partner Riker (who is second cousins with Derek and Julianne Hough), Allison showed she's a real contender this time around.

She had come from a different show (So You Think You Can Dance) with an attitude (to me, anyway) like her stunning choreography and name in the dance world was gonna cause her to ace this DWTS thing. Well, no. I think she was genuinely shocked at how hard it really was. How much the judges' criticism can sting, and how hard it is to get out of the hole once you get there.

But the upside of that (and why she was hired, frankly) is that DWTS wants (and NEEDS) what's she's got. It's been stuck very firmly with the old folks who like ballroom dance (where they started 10 years ago). It wants a piece of the younger action that Allison can bring.

So, I hope they all work it out. Judging by this first dance, signs are promising. Maybe this time she has a partner she can work with?

Those two couples (at the top of the Leaderboard) were the ones who wowed me during Week 1. Let's look at some of the other strong contenders.

Derek Hough and Nastia dance in black and white! How'd they do that?

You can't have a discussion about top contenders without immediately adding five-time Mirror Ball winner and judges' favorite Derek Hough. This season, his partner is an Olympic gymnast. We know how well that's gone before. And their dance started out in what seemed like black and white. It was stunning. So yeah, add him to the frontrunners' pack.

It is going to be interesting since both competitors are based (this season) in New York City, and are going to be flying back and forth all season long.  We shall see how that wears on them.

Another competitor who hasn't won in awhile, Peta Murgatroyd, last won with an NFL football player. Guess who her partner is this season?

I have always loved her dancing. So yes, please, let's put her in the mix of those to watch, too.

For me, it was a "so close but no cigar" moment for Mark Ballas last season. He also hasn't won in awhile, and I'd like to see him win again. Interestingly, this season he is paired with DWTS' youngest competitor ever (14 years old), best known as Katniss Everdean's little sister, Willow Shields will be one to watch.

And, oh yes, we can't forget The Bachelor. Chris Soules, aka Chris Farming, just finished a successful season where he became engaged with Whitney. YAY. So, it's a natural for a good Bachelor (not Juan Pablo, yuck phewy) to roll over into the next ABC property, DWTS. Funnily enough, he got paired with last season's winner, coincidentally also named Witney. And I'd give them a good run to midseason.

And with that, with that discussion of Chris The Bachelor, we get into some of the more joke contestants, who may or may not stand the grueling test of a long DWTS season.

So here are a couple more maybes who turned in surprisingly good performances in Week 1.

Robert and Kym. What the heck was that?

Robert, already another ABC property (of their successful Shark Tank show), and Kym Johnson (who's been away too long) had a very fun dance. Lots of flirty sexy stuff going on. Surprisingly good dancing. I don't wanna see their dancing particularly, I just wanna see more of their flirting going on. That was fun.

I mean, really! Come on!

The other one, who brought the audience to tears... and I myself am fighting so hard to not be snarky about this right now... was the team of Sharna and Noah. Sharna is, for my money, the sexiest of all the female competitors. She is paired this season with... well, here...

Not to demean the man, but I really hate when they do this gimmicky thing. And they've done it already. That's all I'm gonna say about that. That being said, it was a really beautiful dance.

So this will be very interesting to watch. (Oh, and he's also an Iraq war vet, so get your tearducts ready.)

Moving on...

We are left with the joke candidates who will be gone soon, in some manner or other.

Let's see. There's the large-breasted woman best known for eating a hamburger in a commercial while being ogled by men...

Keo's right. I don't think she's going to be booted FIRST, but she's on her way to being booted. I don't care what he does.

We have the luminous and wonderful Miss Patti LaBelle, an amazing singer who really shouldn't be dancing. Although it was fun to see her command the stage dancing to Lady Marmalade.

We have former judge (who didn't really understand dancing) now taking to the dance floor himself, Red Foo, paired with someone whom I hope wins sometime, the wondrous Emma Slater.

They may last awhile, but this is not her season.

Lastly, the WORST competitor out of the gate, the one I expect to go home on the first elimination: Suzanne Somers. I feel bad for Tony Dovolani. I love seeing him dance, but the partners he's been paired with lately? Yikes.

"Physical"? Really? *cringe* Dreadful. Horrible. Please make them go away.

In other news, the opening montage which paid honor to their ten years of dancing was quite wonderful. We had some mic problems, some women tripping over costumes and overall horrific women's hair, but the seasons always have some stumbles at the beginning.

Judge Len, thankfully, is back, although there had been rumors that he wouldn't be. Tom and Erin are still there. The music sounded wonderful, some songs being better than others.

It should be noted, too, that while Cheryl Burke made mention that her contract was up last season and she'd be moving on to do other things, no one made such mention of another favorite, Karina Smirnoff, who is noticeably absent from this season. I do wonder what exactly happened there. I did notice her (last season) being placed in back in a lot of the group dances, and I wonder whom she's pissed off exactly?

I, for one, do miss her dancing and her personality. But maybe she's in that now large group of former DWTS dancers who are pulled upon (Anna Trebunskaya, for example; I still live in hope that she'll be back on the dance floor sometime. It was nice to see her doing the backstage show, she's very good at that).

So, Week 1 of DWTS Season 20 kicked off with some very memorable moments. Look for these two to be booted first.

MICHE'S PICKS, DWTS Season 20, Week 1
1. Val and Rumer (foxtrot)
2. Allison and Riker (jive)
3. Peta and Michael (cha cha)
4. Derek and Nastia (foxtrot)
5. Witney and Chris (jive)
6. Mark and Willow (cha cha)

********************************************************************