Season 30, Week Two: First Elimination Is Not a Surprise

Lame intro.

We don’t exactly have an opening number. We have two troupe dancers (Ezra and Sofia), dancing for a bit before they introduce Tyra (who mistakenly introduces them as pros, which they aren’t yet).

Lindsay and Matt, samba

Throughout, they have identifiers under people’s names (in yellow). For some reason, they don’t do this in Lindsay’s package.

They dance to the song whose chorus is: “Come on and dance with me, I’m levitating.” At the point in the song where it goes: “You want me, “ Matt rips off his shirt in front of Bruno. Bruno stands, and nods yes. I think Matt gets a 10 from Bruno for that.

PRO TIP: You do score points with Bruno for this (guys), but it’s points from Len that you really want to worry about. 

It was an OK cha cha. Lindsay working hard to make it so, but Matt’s hips didn’t seem to move at all.

Len (Professional Ballroom Judge): “Instead of worrying about taking off your shirt, which was totally unnecessary, you would’ve been better served working once again on your hips. Your hips are nonexistent. Honestly, your hips are allergic to music. Work on your hips.” Derek (Choreographer & Six-Time DWTS Champion): “I think what Len is trying to say is also work on your balance. In samba, we need balance, we need rise and fall. That gets that hip action going, that rhythm going. Just for the future, think about those feet. That’s going to happen in every single dance. Turn those suckers out. But dude, you’re a great performer, so fun to watch.” Bruno (Film, Music Video & Theatre Choreographer): “There are so many things in my mind that I want to say, nothing to do with the samba whatsoever. (Matt laughs.) Next.” Carrie Ann (Choreographer & Dance Producer): “Amazing physique, but what I was missing was the bravado that you had and the confidence once you ripped your shirt off, it lasted for like two seconds, and then you started dancing small. A little awkward. Keep those feet on the ground.” (Carrie Ann really hates lifts where they don’t belong.)

JUDGES: 22 (Out of 40)

Val (Two-Time DWTS Champion) and Olivia (Beauty Vlogger), Viennese waltz

Gorgeous costumes. Oh, I love people who know how to do Viennese waltz properly. It was just magical. I loved this dance to “Better Days Are Coming.”

Derek: “There is seriously a purity in your performance. When I see you dancing, I don’t see you thinking about the routines, I just see you enjoying it. It’s such a breath of fresh air, you’re like a breeze, dancing across the oak floor. It’s gorgeous. I really, really was impressed with that. Beautiful.” Bruno: “Weightless, flowing, seamless. For a beginner of ballroom, you’ve really done incredibly well. There were a few slight hiccups.” Carrie Ann: “Olivia, I was so impressed with what Derek was talking about. There’s this trust and this vulnerability when you’re dancing, which I’ve seen in the past leads to fantastic endings because it’s all about partnership. With performances like that, your journey will probably not be very short.” Len: “I thought there was nice rotation, to left and to right. I also thought there was a nice mix of steps (thanks, Val) in and out of hold. I thought both of you did a good job.”

JUDGES: 27 (Out of 40)

Brandon (Pro Dancer) and Kenya (“The Real Housewives of Atlanta”), cha cha

These costumes are just fire tonight. Just love them. They dance to Donna Summer’s “Hot Stuff.”

Bruno: “Kenya, let me tell you. You are simply irresistible. Talk about easy. When you got it right, in the second half, it came out of you naturally. This was a night off, but I know what you have is exceptional.” Carrie Ann: “Way to represent. I love it. 50 t0 50 year old. You’re amazing. This season feels very competitive to me, and you have so much going for you, take the extra second to ground yourself, so that the line looks nicer. It was amazing. You were in your power.” Len: “I tell you what you’ve got: plenty of gear in the rear. You were working those hips fantastically. It was such a powerful, full-on dance.” Derek: “Kenya, I love you. You’re absolutely amazing. Beautiful rotation in the grapevines. For me, just find the consistency. There’s moments of greatness in there, and little wobbles here and there. Find that consistency, and you’re gonna be amazing in this show.”

JUDGES: 24 (Out of 40)

Witney (Season 19 Champion) and The Miz (WWE Superstar), tango

They are dancing a tango to “Nothing but a Good Time,” by Poison. The Miz loves “’80s hair metal.”

Boy, this man sure is full of himself. 

Carrie Ann: “That was good. That’s what I’m talking about. That’s what I wanted to see from you. Have the energy in the right parts, entertain us in our face, but then be controlled. It was amazing. You were so distinguished. Your lines were so long.” Len: “Last week I said: ‘Better than expected.’ This week, I got just what I expected. Plenty of attack, very little finesse. However, on a positive, your footwork was very good.” Derek: “My man, you came out of the gate… we doin’ tag team? Let’s go. You got me amped up. I was a little worried you weren’t going to be able to contain that energy when you got into frame, but you did, brother. You were so locked in. I was so impressed. That control was awesome.” Bruno: “You had all that aggression and bravado, but it was very well channeled into a power tango.”

JUDGES: 26 (Out of 40)

Sharna (Season 27 Champion) and Brian, rumba

Their dance last week was pretty steamy, just because they’re a couple. And now a rumba? *fans self*

She says in the package that they are dancing “to our song.” (“Say You Won’t Let Go” by James Arthur) We have an immersive Van Gogh exhibit here in the LA. They go there for their date night, and Sharna says that it’s going to be the backdrop to their dance.

“I’m so in love with you” is one of the lines. And they clearly are.

He mouths the words to her at key moments, it’s like they are in their own little love world, and we’re watching it. It’s so beautiful. So special.

Len: “On a positive note, it had a bit of romance about it. Other than that, there was very little I liked. It was just a load of posing, running around, another pose.” Brian looks shocked at his comments. Derek: “Sometimes you do a dance in the show that’s kinda just for you. I think that’s what this was. I think that’s beautiful. I think it’s great.” Bruno: “It was very honest. It was an honest dance. It was a pure expression of what you feel, and we got that. At times, it felt a little bit good, like a contemporary dance instead of a rumba. It kind of lost the Cuban motion that’s necessary for this. Was it effective? Yes. Not quite right, but great performance.” Carrie Ann: “I think I want you to build on the chemistry that you have. It’s palpable, and it’s beautiful, and it creates amazing moments that maybe other couples won’t be able to create. But you need to sustain the movement. Go from one movement to the other with energy that’s the same as that connection that you have with Sharna.” 

JUDGES: 23 (Out of 40)

Pasha (Pro Dancer) and Christine (“Bling Empire” Star), salsa

They are dancing a salsa to “Despacido.” How could this go wrong? And Pasha just packs his choreography with content. I love it.

Derek: “Wow, Christine. You have an awareness of your body, you know how to use it. You have great hip action. I was really impressed with that. You started really strong, and as it progressed, I could feel a little bit of tension rise up in you, and you could start to feel a little stiff. It’s just the consistency. Everybody’s so talented, there’s so much potential, it’s just keeping all the way from the beginning, all the way to the end.” Bruno: “But Christine, that literally got me on a spin. You have to be consistent.” Carrie Ann: “75% of that was awesome. Your passion is amazing. It brings us all in. I love every move you attack. How you wanted to be on the show, I love that in every move. If you had stayed on your feet, you would have been amazing.” Len: “Tonight, someone is gonna go home. On your two weeks of dancing, I don’t think it’s gonna be you.”

JUDGES: 24 (Out of 40)

Emma and Jimmie (Platinum Country Singer), rumba

They are doing a rumba to one of his songs, “Make Me Want To.” (I don’t like it when they dance to the star’s songs, usually. The advantage, of course, is that they know the musicality of it inside and out. But to me, they are usually not as good songs as are most often chosen.)

The rumba was ok, not earth-shaking.

I’m not commenting on Tyra. Not her dresses, not her excesses, not the lame banter she does before the votes are shown. But I do want to point out that she really does make a lot of mistakes as a host. Mistakes Tom Bergeron never made. Just saying. And her main job is to go: “Bruno, Carrie Ann, Len, Derek” at appropriate times, and she sounds completely bored when she’s doing that. #sigh

Bruno: “Great song, Jimmie. (*eyeroll*) It definitely got you tuned in and turned on. Couldn’t you feel the undercurrent of passion emerging, almost exploding?” (Um, no. To me, it didn’t feel passionate at all.) Carrie Ann: “That was amazing. That was the first time this season that I actually felt my heart attached to what you were doing. You just opened us all up. I could not take my eyes off of you. You had so much respect for the art form by the way you did every movement. I’m impressed with you. That was so beautiful.” Len: “Your footwork was a little bit hit and miss. Your upper body was really great. And the secret to this show: do better than you did the week before. And that’s what you just did.” Derek: “I wanna echo what they just said: the lower half, I could see you struggling a bit, but the upper half, beautiful arms. Powerful.”

JUDGES: 27 (Out of 40)

Alan and Amanda (Co-Host of “The Talk”), foxtrot

Amanda chooses to dance this foxtrot to her wedding dance song with her deceased husband, Nick. “It Had to Be You.”  They chose it because it was the song he sang to book “Bullets Over Broadway,” which was the Broadway show they met in. 

Alan got lucky this time, he got a real dancer. Beautiful foxtrot.

Carrie Ann: “Amanda, with all due respect, so much of your journey has had to do with Nick. But this is all about you. You are a star. That was like watching a Broadway musical built only around you. Those beautiful legs, those beautiful lines. The elegance, the strength, the milking of the moment.” Len: “I love that track, so that helps me. I liked it so much, I wanted it to go on a bit longer, if I’m honest. It was smooth. It was like butter on a hot muffin. Don’t keep kicking your legs up so much. Just cause you got ‘em doesn’t mean you’ve got to use them.” Derek: “Don’t listen to this guy. Use those beautiful legs. They are stunning, exceptional, exquisite. I honestly don’t know what to say, cause I was watching you. I was singing. It was so enjoyable to watch. You are just a vision.” Bruno: “Absolutely radiant. If you’ve got it, flaunt it.” 

The kicks that Len didn’t like.

JUDGES: 32 (Out of 40)

Jenna and JoJo (Popstar and TV Personality), cha cha

Once again, it’s amazing to watch them dance. They dance to “Rain on Me,” and it’s just fun stuff.

Len: “Well, I just saw, before this, my favorite ballroom dance of the season, and I’ve just seen my favorite Latin dance of the season.” Derek: “By the way, that’s all you need. Listen, JoJo, I love you so much. I love your performance, your energy. And I think with you, more is more, right? Sometimes, more isn’t more. You’ve got to contain that energy a little bit. It can get a little wild and lose the quality of movement. There’s an expectation, because you have a dance background. So I think we’re gonna be a little bit tougher on you. Think about that, moving forward. Have that control. Contain that energy.” Bruno: “So crisp, it was crackling. Full of vitality and zest. There was one thing. You have such a strong performance that you pop out of the screen. People are drawn to you. Is absolutely brilliant, what you do. He’s right: sometimes a bit of control. But fantastic job.” Carrie Ann: “It was like watching a dance off, but in all the good ways. Like you weren’t competing with each other, you guys just like outdoing each other, with all that energy. It’s still so new to watch it, I find myself just getting lost in the performance, and going: ‘Wow! This is so awesome.’ You are awesome. You guys are fantastic together.”

JUDGES: 31 (Out of 40

Daniella and Iman (NBA Champion), rumba

According to Maksim Chmerkovskiy (whose dance opinion I value greatly), Lady Daniella is the “queen of the rumba.” They dance to “You Know What’s Up,” by Donald Jones, which Iman says he loves. He’s says it’s on one of he and his wife’s favorite albums. 

Not only is it a great rumba, but the choreography really gets around the massive height differential in really creative ways. (As you can kinda see in the image above.) I loved it.

Derek: “Iman, what I love about you is you just look like you’re enjoying this. And it just makes me enjoy it, and everyone else watching enjoy it. It was just so smooth, so effortless. Dude, that deep lunge?” Bruno: “I really appreciate the work you put into this. You could really see you were trying to follow the melodic line of the music. Very very good work. You still have to work on your feet.” Carrie Ann: “You had more content this week, which was great for Len, but for me, I’m sorry. You have something special. They way you are so able to connect to that music. And you don’t care. You tell your story about what you’re feeling from that music, and to me, that is magic. So once again, that was magic.” Len: “I am smiling. I liked it. Don’t get excited. I didn’t like it that much, but I liked it. It’s a great improvement on last week.”

JUDGES: 25 (Out of 40)

Britt and Martin, cha cha

Poor Britt. To be saddled with such a dreadful partner. I feel sorry for her.

They are dancing to “Twist and Shout,” and I’m truly scared to watch this. Oh, good grief. Ugh. My eyes!

Bruno: “Technically, more content and more steps. Not always in the right ordcr, or have the right time, but definitely more. So, we are moving in the right direction.” Carrie Ann: “I’m just happy for you, because this week, you look like you had fun and you let loose. That’s what people attach to.” Len: “Let me first of all congratulate you, Britt, because I think you’ve done a sterling job working there on Martin. Martin, I can’t give it a big mark because it wasn’t that great.” Derek: “I love the opening James Brown move. I see you, with the footwork there. It was a lot of fun.” 

JUDGES: 15 (Out of 40)

So bizarre seeing a 3 from the judges. (Deserved though.)

Artem and Melora (“The Office” and “The Bold Type” Actress), rumba

Another bit of wisdom from Maksim Chmerkovskiy: the rumba is “the woman’s dance.” Not in this case. For the beginning of the dance, she stood behind Artem. I guess to emphasize the song, “All By Myself” that they were dancing to. But throughout, it certainly felt like Artem was leading and guiding, and she was overall very awkward.

Although I did love the costumes, and she looked very beautiful.

Carrie Ann: “That was very dramatic, sister. I loved it. You have such a knack for storytelling through your body. It’s not just in here (she motions to her face). You’re giving us all with every ounce of your body. Your arms are stunning. What I loved about that performance was it was so well-balanced.” Len: “Overall, it was easy like Sunday morning. However, Melora, you needed a little bit more hips going on, and Artem, I’d have liked a few more recognizable steps.” Derek: “Melora, I adore ya. You’re just so fun to watch. Your movement is beautiful, such quality to it. It has the right amount of resistance in it. Beautiful.” Bruno: “Beautifully acted. Much more centered.”

JUDGES: 27 (Out of 40)

Cheryl and Cody (Celebrity Fitness Guru), salsa

These are COVID times, and our dear Cheryl has gotten Covid. But the #DWTS rules state that the judges can judge from the taped performance from rehearsal. And so they did.

And this salsa was a damn sight better in rehearsal than anything Martin Kove did in performance, I’ll tell you. So I’m extremely glad that Cody is still in the competition with this tape. He was awesome, and would’ve been even better with costumes and lights and whatnot.

Just goes to show: give it your all in rehearsal, cause you never know!

Cheryl and Cody are isolating, because Covid. But they bring them in virtually for their scores.

Len: “May I first say, Cheryl, I wish you a really speedy recovery. That was full of razzle dazzle. A lot of salsa content, which I always like to see. It was crafted well, and it was danced well.” Derek: “Listen, for rehearsal, that was really really good. Obviously, there’s a little parts that are a little out of sync, but that’s what rehearsal is for. I can really imaginc that routine in the ballroom, with the lights, the costumes, you coming alive.” Bruno: “Yes, we really miss you in the ballroom, because that adds an extra layer to the performance. But even the Pepto-Bismol shoes could not take away from your talent.” Cheryl and Cody both laugh. Carrie Ann: “I was gonna say: Let that be a lesson to what you wear in rehearsal, right? Cody, it was a little bit lackluster, but that’s because you’re marking it, but we have to hold it to the standards of what everybody else is doing in the ballroom, so it was a good job. Lots of content, but you know, not fantastic.”

JUDGES: 24 (Out of 40)

Gleb (Season 28 Finalist) and Melanie C., foxtrot

Fun fact: she’s from an area outside of Liverpool, so it’s with special meaning that they are dancing to a Beatles’ song, “Here Comes the Sun.”

Let’s pause for a moment to applaud the tech people on this show, who created such a beautiful sun for us. This just took my breath away.

It was also for my money, every bit as captivating as Amanda’s foxtrot earlier, in some ways more so.

Derek: “Wow. Melanie, you are a gorgeous dancer. Just absolutely stunning. Beautiful resistance in your body. Just so clean, so effortless. You have a beautiful frame. I love watching you dance.” Bruno: “Melanie, my darling, you’ve never looked lovelier. I really was not expecting this. You managed to combine lyricism with dynamics. So clean, so centered. I can’t believe it. Fantastic.” Carrie Ann: “I loved seeing this side of you. There’s such beautiful elegance and refinement and softness. Trust yourself just a little bit more, because you’re a beautiful dancer.” Len: “As you came out, I was thinking of another Beatles song, “Please Please Me,” and you really did please me. This was not “A Hard Day’s Night,” it was good.”

Before the scores are given, we see a video from Ringo Starr, saying “Peace and Love” to Melanie, and wishes her all the best (because he’s from Liverpool too).

JUDGES: 30 (Out of 40)

Sasha (Season 29 Finalist) and Suni, cha cha

Courtesy of Just Jared, and ABC.

Sasha, in the package, tries to fight against the “no smiling” thing that gymnasts have, also the stuffing of one’s feelings. 

Wow! Could Sasha’s pants be any more sparkly?

That aside, I really loved this cha cha.

Bruno: “Going for gold again, are you? BTW, Sasha, those are mine. Suni, when you smile, you shine. Precise, clean. Dance is a performing art. Imagine yourself being a character. Make up a character, and play the character. Become someone else in each dance, because that is the key to project.” Carrie Ann: “I disagree a little bit. I would say, what I saw there was you starting to be a bit more you. And really sort of embracing yourself. I saw you gain confidence. As you gain confidence, the dance became bigger and better and better. I want you to go home, and I want you to watch that dance back. And I even bet next week is gonna be more amazing. Keep on this track.” Len: “Well, we had the lights, we had the cameras, and once you came out, we had the action. Really well danced. I thought you were coming out and performing much better.” Derek: “I feel like the character was Sassy Suni, out there dancing. Can we just talk about that flip, by the way? That’s crazy.”

JUDGES: 28 (Out of 40)

So, who’s going home? GUESS. Well, in all the years I’ ve been watching this show, I’ve never seen anyone have a deficit from 46 to 28 and NOT go home. There aren’t THAT many Cobra Kai fans to overcome this deficit.

But, OK, let’s walk through it. Who are the Bottom Two?

Astonishingly, it’s Pasha and Christine. Not astonishingly, it’s also Britt and Martin.

Who will the judges save? Hahahahahahaha.

OF COURSE, THEY SAVE:

Great final move in Pasha’s choreography.

MICHE’s Favorite Dances of Themeless Week Two

1. Sasha and Suni, cha cha

2. Cheryl and Cody, salsa 

3. Sharna and Brian, rumba

4. Val and Olivia, Viennese waltz

5. Daniella and Iman, rumba

6. Jenna and JoJo, cha cha

7. Pasha and Christine, salsa

8. Gleb and Melanie, foxtrot

9. Alan and Amanda, foxtrot

10. Brandon and Kenya, cha cha

Need to Go Home Soon

1. The Miz

2. Matt James

******************************************************************

DTWS S026, Athletes, Week Two: Quickstepping Through a Really Fast Season

   

The show opens with a quick cut of sports stuff, and the Athletes talking about how they want to win. (Well, of COURSE they do. They are athletes.)

Then everyone comes out with their partners, and the lovely and wonderful Emma Slater introduces her former partner, Rashad Jennings, who is guest judging this time (by tweaking his tie). (Still bummed about her leaving so damn soon.)



Tom marvels about how we have already reached the halfway point of the season (at the opening of Episode Two). (Technically, that’s not true until the END of the show.) He also mentions how we are doing Team Dances (for gosh sakes) in this episode. WHAT? :-0

Josh and Sharna, paso doble

They are doing a paso doble to the theme song from Mask of Zorro, and they are practicing for it out on a farm, with horses. Um, ok. (His farm in South Carolina.)

First of all, LOVE THEIR COSTUMES. Stunning.

Second, from the first move, their lines are incredible. Truly an artform. Sharna had them hold a dynamic pose, as the camera circled around. Beautiful.

The “bad guys” in Sharna’s choreography are mostly women (love that!) Josh does look pretty darn dashing in his hero’s outfit.

Great stuff.

Tom calls it “a dynamic start to the night.”

Rashad: “Be honest. You never thought being on the gridiron, football...translating to the ballroom would be so difficult. Never in a million years did you think it would be that hard. (Josh shakes his head no.) But you came out, you did it first. You came out of the tunnel like you do, you came out on the football field like you do, and take control. You did it on the ballroom tonight, and I’m proud of you. You did a great job.” Len: “I was expecting a little dip in the standards of the dancing tonight, because you’ve got two dances to do. That puts a lot of pressure on you. Last week, you did a terrific cha cha cha. You’ve come out and done an equally good paso doble. Full of aggression, full of attack, and I’m full of admiration.”



Bruno: “I loved the strength and the power, and you just went for it. The sculptural shapes were great. You have to sustain the lines all the time. Great performance.” Carrie Ann: “You and Sharna, the opening game in both of your performances so far has been strong. That pose... people don’t understand. You weren’t still. You were so alive in that full pose, which is what’s so great about the paso doble, and what you need. You were very grounded. You were very effective. You were very passionate.”

JUDGES’ SCORES: 30 (out of 40)

Tom mentions another double elimination. Ugh.

Jennie and Keo, cha cha

One of the biggest problems that I think Keo has on this show is that he doesn’t really understand what he’s supposed to do with his partners. On the spectrum from most understanding and incorporating of a person’s essence (Sasha Farber), Keo is the opposite end of the spectrum. He never plays to the person’s strengths (or needs). He just does his own thing, and drags the other person along. Sometimes that's ok. Other times, we have this train wreck.

Jennie has a problem with the “song choice.” (The song the producers and/or Keo gave her for this week.) Keo ignores her. She tells Keo that “it’s not really me.” He doesn’t care. She says in voiceover that she finds it a little too risqué. Keo assures her that he will “make it work.” So Jennie calls the producer, since she’s obviously not being heard.

Well, I don’t know what the previous song was, but this compromise song is pretty terrible. She’s dancing a cha cha in a well-concealing catsuit. Keo, OTOH, is wearing a leather jacket, open with no shirt underneath.

Forgive me, but this song doesn’t seem really “like her” either. I feel really sorry for her.

Some people get what this show is, and some just don’t. At least half of this show is for the pro dancer to figure out what makes their partner tick, and playing to that, using that, for best effect in their dances. Keo just falls flat on his face in this aspect. This is just a disaster. This poor woman looks miserable, trying to do these steps, with this dance that she CLEARLY doesn’t vibe to. And in a normal season, it sure seems like they smooth these things out more.



Len: “I thought it was a competent performance. Cha cha cha, you’ve got to show sharp and clean and crisp movement. At the same time, you’ve got to show rhythm through your body. I liked the crispness of it. It lacked a bit of rhythm. You lost timing on occasion.” Bruno comments on how she holds her hands, and her lack of timing. “But you look great, who cares?” Carrie Ann: “I applaud you for choosing what felt right to you. I think that’s setting a great example. Especially in this tight a competition to make that choice is very very bold, and I’m very impressed with that. However, I do think that is also maybe what held you back a bit. But you looked like you felt good out there, which is maybe half the struggle.” Rashad: “Cha cha is a difficult dance. I thought you came out and you were confident. You were sliding across the floor. I’ve watched you pitch some lightning-fast pitches that no one could return. Tonight, you had the opportunity to swing the bat, and you knocked it out of the park.” (Not true, but nice sounding. I also appreciate him speaking to the athletes in sports lingo.)

JUDGES’ SCORES: 26 (out of 40)

Emma helps Rashad lead the audience in a wave after the break. Tom says: “I’m all waved out.”

Kareem and Lindsay, salsa

The package shows Kareem and Lindsay looking at tape of couples dancing (probably in the 1920s) at the Savoy Hotel. Kareem talks about how his dad met his mom, dancing there. He says they were doing “the Lindy hop.” Kareem dedicates this salsa to his dad.

They open on a club called La Malanga. Dudes in white hats, women in white dresses. Lindsay appears almost as tall as Kareem (?). Turns out that she's sitting on Hayley’s shoulders! The whole first part of the dance! Amazing. But the dance turned out to be a stunt thing. Kareem can barely move. Even when he just walks, it’s awkward. And his “dancing” is mostly just shuffling and doing hand movements. I really hate this pairing so much. It’s right up there with the all-time worst #DWTS competitors. Salsa, my butt. Dreadful.

Tom, at the end of the dance, gives a shout out to the wondrous Hayley, who really went above and beyond in this dance. But Brit also did a fine job, while we are calling out amazing troupe members.

Bruno: “That was so clever. So very well-constructed. The choreography was so imaginative. It really took you to a time and place. It really was Harlem at its best.” Carrie Ann: “It was such a lovely tribute to your father. I love what you did. In the first half of it, I was a little worried. You weren‘t at the top of your game. The second half, though, the audience went crazy. It was your best dance so far.” Rashad: “I know 7'2" is tall, but you can stand taller today, cause your father is looking down on you, proud.” Len: “Compared with last week, there was far more content, far more rhythm, far more fun. The salsa is a party dance. You’ve brought the party to the ballroom.” Now watch all the fives they give him after all that hot air.

Erin asks Kareem to describe his teammate. Kareem: “It’s hard to describe, cause it’s like going on a basketball court with your coach. Lindsay is an incredible choreographer, and a patient teacher, and that’s why I was able to learn a few things.”

 JUDGES’ SCORES: 26 (out of 40)

Erin teases about Kareem in the team dance. She says it’s “hysterical and fantastic.”

Then, they show Lindsay in the skybox, getting on Hayley’s shoulders. They dance with Kareem (without the mounds of fabric covering her). Fun.

The black and gold DWTS flags are flying again. Thanks, Troupe!!

Chris and Witney, Viennese waltz

Chris tells us in the package about his ADHD, and how he’s not able to concentrate on details. Which makes it unfortunate that their dance this week is the Viennese waltz, which has many many details.

But their Viennese waltz was beautiful. Witney packed it with more Viennese waltz content than she usually does, and it worked well.

Carrie Ann: “Wow. I am so impressed. From Week One, you showed a lot of potential. That was outstanding. You had all the nuances. You had the finesse. You had the grace. You had eloquence, you had poetry. You were telling a story, all the while being natural. You had good body contact, your footwork was nice. Pretty darn good, if you ask me.” Rashad: “Not too much to say after that. It was absolutely amazing. One of the hardest things for me to get done was heel leads. You had heel leads, and it’s early in the show. So, hats off to you. You talked about ‘controlling your body.’ You controlled your body the whole time, and that was organized chaos, which is amazing. Great job.” Len: “I didn’t like the spinning, holding the leg (see above). It was out of character with the Viennese waltz. (He’s right about that.) That aside, what I admired was when you were in hold, you got sway. I gotta agree with Rashad. Your footwork was good. Every forward step was on the heel, which I congratulate you both for. It was a very competent dance. Better than last week.” Bruno: “You are a leading man. You are the Waltzing Heartthrob. The dance was wonderful. It was fluid. You used the space very well.”

JUDGES’ SCORES: 33 (out of 40, getting the first 9 of the season from Carrie Ann)

You know, I love Erin Andrews as a host. But she has a side job where she covers football. You can tell she knows a lot about football. You would think she’d put the same effort into this job. She goes off on asking Chris about the “sway” thing (which, as you can see above Len said HE HAD SWAY). She is obviously not clear on what exactly “sway” is (even though it’s a large part of a Viennese waltz). She has both Witney and Len try to explain it to her.

Then, she gets confused about whether it’s “the first 9 of the season or of the night”? Has she been paying attention? What’s going on here? (For the record, it is BOTH the first 9 of the season and of the night.)

Not one of her finer moments.

Tom tries to get us out of it by declaring “that was swaytastic.” Thanks, Tom.

Troupe members Brit and Artem bring us back from commercial with a hot samba bumper. I don’t know about anyone else, but I sure think Brit is ready to be a pro. She just brings it every time.

I love this photo so much. Remember when Sasha used to be the bear?

Tonya and Sasha, quickstep

Sasha surprises Tonya by telling her they are dancing to “Redneck Woman.” (Most people would probably bristle at this.) Tonya whoops! She loves the idea. Without missing a beat, she says, “Gretchen Wilson. Yeah, ‘Redneck Woman’ is totally me. I drive a big truck, I cut firewood, I hunt, I fish, I’m a country girl. So, it’ll be really fun to show the world another side of me. Being able to be part of something so special makes me feel alive again.” I am reminded again and again of how empathetic and kind Sasha is to his partners, and how he’s totally the perfect partner for Tonya.

“And I get one more chance to prove to America: Hey! I can dance now,” she laughs.

The stage is set with a little campfire and tent, some woodsy action. Sasha is pantomiming fishing. And then a BEAR jumps out (remember when Sasha used to be the Bear? Wonder who it is this time?)

They are quickstepping to “Redneck Woman.” All throughout, it’s Sasha who acts scared of the bear. (Gosh, I love #DWTS sometimes!) At one point, Sasha dives under Tonya’s skirt. The bear then runs off into the woods. The song ends with a “Hell, yeah!” And it’s perfect. The part at the end where the guy dips the girl, Tonya dips Sasha. That was also perfect.

Tom thanks “Ray Chew live, right there, behind the campfire.”

Tom: “I just wanna say that it’s so good to see the Dancing Bear back at work. Hasn’t had a gig since Captain Kangaroo was cancelled.” (I’m dying...)

Dancing Bear then goes and sits behind the judges for comments.

Rashad: “I absolutely loved it. Country girl! One thing you said in your package: you get to show the world another side of you. You are showing the world a new chapter of your life. I love it.” Then we find out the Bear is troupe member Brandon. Len: “It was fast, but it would be if you’re being chased by a bear. I liked the routine. I liked the energy. Quickstep is a tough dance, because it’s one of those dances where you pretty much have to maintain the frame. There’s no hiding places. But this dance made me feel good. I liked it so much.” Bruno: “It was great fun. High energy, high spirited. I was counting. You didn’t lose the timing.” Carrie Ann: “What’s most impressive about this dance: you need to have so much strength. What I noticed the most was your strength. Not only in the way that you were leading Sasha through the dance,  but you did it in a way that was appropriate. You’re very strong, you’re very powerful. And you’re poignant. There’s a poignancy when you dance. It’s a real joy. I love watching you dance.”

JUDGES’ SCORES: 33 (out of 40)

Not only do they have a sparkly Jumbotron for this Athletes edition, they also have number 1 fingers with D, W, T and S on them (which the judges wave around). I knew they needed four judges for some reason.

Mirai and Alan, foxtrot

Mirai’s package starts with her crying because she got a 7 last week. *eyeroll*

“My skating is really good, but my dancing is all super-new to me,” she says modestly. Alan: “All of this is new to you.” He tells her they are doing a foxtrot, and dancing to Disney (even though the season is too short to do a whole Disney night). “And there are no tears in Disney, only smiles.” COUGHsuckupCOUGH They do a hokey cut where they are suddenly enjoying a day at Disneyland.

She wakes up from this “dream” onstage on a bed, now a Disney princess (being sprinkled with fairy dust by the other Disney princesses). They break out the magical Disney carriage (that no other channel gets to use, see above). They are dancing to ”It’s a Small World.”

Now nearly everyone in the audience has on Disney ears. Sheesh.

Len: “I think, at the beginning, you were sprinkled with a little bit of Disney magic, because that for me, was the best dance so far.” Bruno: “Radiant, literally. You were the embodiment of a Disney princess.” Mirai, “Actually, the real Queen is sitting over there.” (She points to former Mirror Ball winner and pro skater Meryl Davis, in the audience, who blushes.) Carrie Ann: “That was gorgeous. This is what I thought you were capable of. Every movement was finessed perfectly. You have the Disney force with you tonight.” Rashad: “I thought it was a great dance, great choreography. You have a great partner. And you’re a true athlete. You didn’t like what you had last week, and you proved that you want better scores.”

So, for this Disney dance, they break out the Disney paddles for Rashad, who gives them a 10. (In case Erin missed it, it is also the first 10 of the season. And of the night.)

JUDGES’ SCORES: 37 (out of 40)

They cut to Tom, who is standing with another previous Mirror Ball winner, Bindi Irwin, who does the toss. How cute.



Awwwwww! They have Rashad do a bit of 24-carat magic with his Mirror Ball-winning partner, Emma (and the troupe). Great bumper.

Arike and Gleb, foxtrot

Again, they make a big deal about her wearing heels (as is standard for women on this show).

They do a foxtrot to Pink’s “What About Us?” Yes, she is in heels, but she is barely moving. (Although it is a softer song.) It was more artistic and beautiful than most of the songs Gleb picks, I’ll give him that. And he did some great choreography.

Bruno: ”The heels did the trick. Your poise and posture was much better. You have a wonderful connection to the music and your partner.” Carrie Ann: “You are magic. What I saw just now touched me so much, I was crying. It was so powerful. There’s something so powerful in you being vulnerable. Thank you for putting on the shoes. Thank you for playing full out with us here on Dancing with the Stars. It has paid off, you touched us all.” Rashad: “It’s powerful. We know you can perform under pressure. You are a beautiful woman with those sneakers on, but just in case nobody ever told you, you’re also beautiful with those shoes on.” Len: “As a basketball fan, it must’ve felt strange to start (the dance) sitting on the bench. Once you got up, you did fantastic footwork. Great job, Gleb. Terrific.”

JUDGES’ SCORES: 33 (out of 40)

They come back, showing the “Dance Cam” on the Jumbotron (people in the audience dancing to the music playing).

Adam and Jenna, foxtrot

They show how Adam is on tour with his “Stars on Ice” partner, Mirai. “And Jenna goes literally everywhere with me.” *pet peeve alert* (Man, I hate stars who do this...) He and Mirai don’t get back until MONDAY, the day of the show. Ugh.

But, despite all that, they do a killer quickstep. Actually my favorite dance of the night. His footwork is amazing.

It begins with Adam sitting in the audience, taking selfies. And then it's oh so very good. Legendary, even.



Carrie Ann: “So tight! Do you guys measure it out with a centimeter stick? Everything is exactly in sync together.” Rashad: “That was absolutely stunning. This outfit, though? I love the routine. You all are a true partnership, and I love watching y’all dance.” Len: “If you was wearing one of those watches that told you how many steps you did, you did a day’s steps in a one-and-a-half minute quickstep. So much content, so much speed. But so much clarity of movement.” Bruno: “No messing around, no distraction. Absolutely fantastic dancing all the way through. Your timing is impeccable, and your partnerwork is outstanding.”

 JUDGES’ SCORES: 37 (out of 40)

So now both Stars on Ice dancers (Mirai and Adam) are tied for the lead.

Tom announces the team dances: “Team 50s Tennis will take on Team 70s Football cause... Why not?”

LOL The Jumbotron says “Make some noise!” (I think they attended a Dodgers game to get ideas for all this...)

I always roll my eyes at these hokey team dance concepts. They just add a little bit of points. Big whoop. Think what you will. These were the choices. Tonya twisted her ankle. Sasha puts ice on it. She says: “Unless that ankle’s broken, we’re dancing.” Wow. They dance to this really cool adaptation of Britney Spears’ “Hit Me Baby, One More Time.”



OK, the coolest thing about that was when they poured a bucket of silver confetti over Tom’s head.

TEAM TENNIS JUDGES’ SCORES: 33 (out of 40)

TEAM FOOTBALL JUDGES’ SCORES: 37 (out of 40)

Going home?

Urike and Gleb and Kareem and Lindsay are going home in this double elimination. Tom says that next week features THREE COUPLES eliminated. And that David Ross is going to be the guest judge.

MICHE’S FAVORITES OF WEEK TWO

1. Adam and Jenna (quickstep)

2. Tonya and Sasha (quickstep)

3. Josh and Sharna (paso doble)

4. Chris and Witney (Viennese waltz)

5. Mirai and Alan (foxtrot)



PLEASE GO HOME

Jennie and Keo

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