DWTS Week 8: Delightful and Dastardly Duos

Lea and Artem doing Bonnie and Clyde. Courtesy of ABC.

This week at Dancing with the Stars, it was Duos Week, meaning famous duos from history...or TV...or the Bible, or wherever we decided to pull them from... In some cases, this worked, in others, it didn't.

I'm sitting here now, trying to think about whether Lea would be going further if she had a different partner. If she were paired up with Mark or Derek or Val (I honestly think she would be going further in this competition). Cause the thing is: Lea Thompson is a star. Artem (insert long Russian name here) is not. He THINKS he is, but he is not. Stardom is earned. You don't just get it because you become a pro.

And most of their missteps this season have, frankly, to do with his ego being too big, and not nurturing Lea, who is truly the star. Derek Hough, who is truly THE star of this show, knows that you have to step back and let the other person shine, especially if they really need to. Witness his season with Amber Riley. That girl would NOT be held back, and their best routines were where Derek just let her go to town. And that's why they won. Derek was no less a star, he was just being the professional that this show requires, and I don't think Artem has learned that yet.

Allison seemed to struggle with that concept this season, too.

Lea was rocking her best Faye Dunaway in this number. And I'm struggling to pinpoint why it wasn't a better routine. The judges basically said the same thing.

Here's the thing: Lea COULD, at this point, really turn it around, and rock her way to the end, or she could be leaving soon. It really depends on her. The judges said as much too.

But contrast what she and Artem are doing with what Witney and Alfonso are doing. Alfonso proved Week 1 that he could win this thing. He and Witney were Batman and Robin, and they danced to Prince. Great song, great costumes and makeup, great presentation. They have everything to win.

Alfonso and Witney as Batman and Robin.

And for something completely different, but also with a winning demeanor, how about Janel and Val? They chose Romeo and Juliet this week, and it was stunning. Contemporary, which is an acquired taste, but it scored perfectly with the judges, and was beautiful to watch.

Janel and Val do Romeo and Juliet. Courtesy of ABC.

Val's choreography takes my breath away, every single week. This was no exception. Wow.

Then we had the costume malfunctions. Michael and Emma are planning costumes for their duo, Tarzan and Jane. As Michael examines all the various incarnations of Tarzan over the years, he notes (correctly): "They are all wearing loincloths." Yup. That's pretty much Tarzan. So what is he wearing onstage? A cowboy outfit, with some kind of weird loincloth thing over it. :-/

Same with super-conservative Sadie. Her and Mark are doing the Adam and Eve story from the Bible (more on that in a minute). She mentions in the package that she'd be "uncomfortable" with Mark doing body paint, and going shirtless. So they have these costumes... sigh...

Sadie and Mark doing Adam and Eve. 

I mean, LOOK AT THAT. *EYEROLL* Is no one going to point out to them that in the moments BEFORE taking a bite of that apple, Adam and Eve are blissfully naked, ACCORDING TO THE BIBLE? It is once they take that bite that shame and modesty comes about.

But we will ignore all that, since she is a young conservative kid, and don't want her to feel uncomfortable even though (for me) it detracted from the dance.

However, the dance, as with all of Mark Ballas' creations this season, was blissful.

Sadie and Mark as Adam and Eve.

I just love watching his dances so much. And BC Jean's wonderful, beautiful singing just added to the magic of this dance.

But enough with the serious and contemplative. How about some FUN?

Bethany and Derek chose Lucy and Ricky, and their dance was just wondrous.

Bethany and Derek do Lucy and Ricky Ricardo. Courtesy of ABC.

Bethany is just great to watch. This salsa was a lot of fun.

Tommy and Peta were Johnny and June Carter Cash, also a lot of fun, but expect him to go home next.


MICHE'S FAVORITES FROM WEEK 8: DUOS WEEK
1. Derek and Bethany (Ricky and Lucy)
2. Mark and Sadie (Adam and Eve)
3. Val and Janel (Romeo and Juliet)
4. Alfonso and Witney (Batman and Robin)
5. Lea and Artem (Bonnie and Clyde)

THE CONTENDERS
1. Bethany and Derek
2. Mark and Sadie
3. Val and Janel
4. Alfonso and Witney

COULD GO EITHER WAY
Lea and Artem

GOING HOME SOON
Tommy and Peta

NEXT WEEK: Trios Week!

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DWTS Season 19 Week 7: Judges Disappoint. Guess who wins the Team Dance? AGAIN?

Team Creepy dances to "Time Warp." Courtesy of ABC.

It all comes down to this, ultimately: Entertainment or proper technique?

Which is more important is the fundamental question of Dancing with the Stars these days. This reality show began 19 seasons ago, with a focus on ballroom competition technique, and evolved from there. In the evolution, you've had changes (as one would expect). Much more (too much, for my taste) hip hop stuff was added; other, not strictly ballroom, dances ("jazz," "Bollywood") were added to the overall repertoire; and most strikingly, those who shepherded this project all along kind of outgrew their masters.

The judges were once the guiding force. Now many of the longtime pros have far surpassed the judges in skill and creativity and passion. The pros have really become the stars of this show. So it becomes, sometimes, a question of: are we doing this to hit our marks and pack in every piece of content requested? Or are we doing this for "entertainment"? To keep those millions of fans happy and tuning in each week?

The answer, of course, is kind of both. My answer, actually, would be that I look for enough content to see that it's recognizably the dance it's supposed to be, but within that, I love to see creativity stretched as far as it can be. I love to see the dancers having fun (the pros, I mean) and challenging themselves, and on those really lucky days, creating magic. Sometimes they just create straight-up fun. Is that a bad thing? The judges seem to still be saying Yes, but to that, I say NO! Give us fun, dammit!

This week, for example, we had the Team Dances. The remaining cast is divided into two teams. They compete as a team. Fun stuff. Only problem? Derek's team ALWAYS wins. And I mean, ALWAYS. (He has never lost.) How fun is that? What is the point?

Granted, most times, Derek's Team Dance creation stands far and above the other team. Derek Hough is arguably the best dancer on this show. And his magical Team Dances usually include solos for each cast member which seamlessly blend into the whole of the dance. That bit usually causes him to win (IMHO).

Mark Ballas and Sadie dancing as part of Team Creepy. Courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor.

But this time, it was Derek's team against (also arguably the best dancer on the show) Mark Ballas' team. And Mark Ballas used that same technique: poignant solos by each member, showcasing their ability, really (as the judges did note) highlighting each person's personality. And in this Team Dance, he beat Derek in this point. Also note how in HIS solo with Sadie, he is still mindful of Sadie. (By all rights of this Time Warp, he should be dressed as Frank N. Furter--Speedo, fishnets, etc.-- here. Instead, he chose to dress as a jester, all covered up. I really respected that choice.)

Usually, Derek's Team Dances win because they are also dancing to the best, catchiest number. In this particular case, Mark's team had the edge because they were dancing to "Time Warp"
(from The Rocky Horror Picture Show), always a crowd-pleaser. (So Mark wins as far as music.)

I don't know if it's that the judges are just Derek Hough-blind (and don't see anyone else's talent) or what, but to my eyes, I LOVED what Mark Ballas did with his team. Their Time Warp was fantastic! And he had Cheryl and Witney (who has never seen Rocky Horror... WHAT? Someone take her, for God's sake...) and Peta (all fantastic dancers).

Peta Murgatroyd and Tommy Chong dancing as part of Team Creepy. Courtesy of ABC.

And still Derek's team won. :-(

Mind you, Derek's Team's dance was also incredible. Great costumes, great dancing. I just thought Time Warp was WAY more entertaining. WAY MORE.

Team Itsy Bitsy, the winning team. Derek's team, no surprise. Courtesy of ABC.

So that score bummed me out.

Then, both Mark & Sadie and Derek & Bethany do a paso doble. Mark's was scored a 30. Derek's was scored a 39. Seriously, judges, WTF is up with this scoring? Mind you, I did love Derek and Bethany's paso. But it wasn't in the earth-shaking realms of many pasos past. (So, a near-perfect score?)

Leah Remini (guest host last week) was hitting Derek with her microphone (inappropriately, I thought) as she was saying: "Do you know what it's like to get a 6? or a 7?" She should've been hitting the judges with it.

Bethany and Derek. Courtesy of ABC.

I don't know what the judges are smoking, but to my eyes, Bethany and Derek shot their wad on "Singin' in the Rain," and haven't been up to that level since, even though the scores since then don't reflect that viewpoint.

Whereas, Mark Ballas' paso...WOW! Fantastic music. Great dancing, great choreography, great concept. I really like the pieces that showcase a story, from beginning to end, and Mark Ballas consistently does that. So, too, this week.

In kind of a metaphor for what is actually going on on the show, young innocent girl (Sadie) gets attacked by the jaded zombies, of which Mark is the lead. Some of the judges complained about this storyline, but I thought it was just brilliant and beautiful. And Sadie played the young, innocent girl well.

Sadie and Mark do a paso doble that was extremely entertaining. Courtesy of ABC.

Also, HELLO JUDGES?, it was entertaining!!!! It's the Halloween show. Are zombies not appropriate?

The crowd was on their feet (in the studio) after this number. They were applauding so hard, that Carrie Anne had to wait a minute until she started to give her comment. It was a phenomenal, and audience-stirring, creation of a number. Other people who scored higher didn't get that kind of reaction in studio. (Just sayin...)

Mark Ballas' genius on so many levels just doesn't get the appreciation he really deserves, and it's really starting to piss me off.

We had another story dance, which the judges also didn't like: Val and Janel's Viennese waltz.

Val and Janel do a Viennese waltz. Courtesy of ABC.

The judges really don't get the concept of social media, or the idea of promoting another show, or even that the other show may have a fan base. But Janel is certainly hip to it, and she came up with the idea of pulling in her character from (her successful show) Pretty Little Liars to play off of in this Viennese waltz. I loved it. Loved the costumes, loved the dance. The judges? Not so much (scored a 31, just one point higher than Mark Ballas' score).

Val and Janel. Courtesy of ABC.

Sad, so sad. The costumes were great. The dance was great. Val's choreography, always fantastic.

I'm still rooting for Lea to pull this out. She really could do an Amber Riley if she's able to shine over Artem somehow. Her moments of taking back her own power are truly amazing, but there aren't enough of them.

Lea Thompson and Artem during Team Itsy Bitsy. Courtesy of ABC.

This team has become one of the ones I really look forward to, week after week. Their Argentine tango was awesome.

Lea Thompson and Artem. Courtesy of ABC.

I guess I wasn't kidding when I wrote earlier that I thought Val and Janel's rumba would be the sexiest all season. So far, that's held true. Alfonso and Witney gave it their shot this week, but there was no apparent sexiness in it at all. (Guess if Sadie and Mark can pull off the "nice" rumba...)

Alfonso and Witney do a rumba. Courtesy of ABC.

Peta and Tommy gave us a quickstep, which was kinda not so quick. Still, I'm enjoying watching Tommy and Peta's creations. Tommy is endlessly fun to watch.

Peta Murgatroyd and Tommy Chong. Courtesy of ABC.

The couple voted out this week was Cheryl and Antonio. It made me sad. Not because I was sorry to see Antonio go, but because Cheryl has talked in the press about this likely having been her last season of DWTS. "I started when I was 20, now I'm 30," said she.

That makes me incredibly sad. There are a few people that I really like to watch, no matter what they do (Mark, Derek, Val, Peta, Sharna, Karina and Cheryl; and Tristan MacManus, but he wasn't as much a part of the real DWTS). They are the ones I really watch this show for, so it will be really sad to not have her around anymore. I can't even really imagine it. (Although I said that when Anna Trebunskaya left, and the show has muddled along without her too, I guess.)

Cheryl Burke has always been stunning, usually dancing with a dolt of a partner, and I always ended up watching her magic, and not him so much. (Also true this season.) She will be missed so much.

Cheryl Burke (and Antonio Sabato Jr.) earlier in Season 19, possibly her last season with DWTS.

And, as we have watched her evolve as a dancer, she has only gotten more beautiful.

One more couple (or two) going home, and this is going to finally be a real competition. I can't wait. I just wish they'd start giving Mark Ballas the scores he deserves. He's really been stellar and on point this season, even if the judges can't see it. We, the audience at home, appreciate it.

MICHE'S PICKS FOR WEEK 7

TEAM DANCES
1. Team Creepy (Time Warp)
2. Team Itsy Bitsy

REGULAR DANCES
1. Mark and Sadie (paso doble)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. Derek and Bethany (paso doble)
3. Val and Janel (Viennese waltz)
4. Lea and Artem (Argentine tango)
5. Witney and Alfonso (rumba)
6. Peta and Tommy (quickstep)

SERIOUSLY, GO HOME ALREADY
1. Michael (ugh)

*******************************************************************

DWTS Week 6: Pitbull steams up the ballroom

To show how much Switch Up week affects people, this week (back with partners week) was crazy and mixed up. Two of the worst dancers (Jonathan and Michael) had their best dances ever. Two of the best dancers (Derek and Alfonso) had their worst dances ever. Crazy nuttiness.

The special guest performer/judge was Pitbull, so you know ABC was all about pumping up the hotness/sexiness quotient. We had all kinds of rumbas, salsas, sambas, all over the place. This, for example, was the opening number.

Sharna, Pitbull, Witney. Courtesy of ABC7.

However (I just found this pic), this was the action LAST WEEK. I say Jessie J has Pitbull beat.

Getting all steamy up in here... Artem with Jessie J and Val.

Ahem... now where was I?

Oh yes. Week 6. It started banging out of the gate with Allison and Jonathan, who later in the show were voted off :-( (so sad). Their number on this night was stunning to watch, took my breath away. I really hope she's back again next season.

Sadly, theirs was the only number I really LOVED this week.

Then we had a whole lotta missteps, for various reasons. Derek and Bethany (whom I love normally) had to fly to Australia, and didn't have a lot of practice time (to my eyes, it showed, though the slavering judges still gave Derek huge scores). Derek said in his package: "It was the least practice time I've ever had." Enough said about that.

Alfonso and Witney, so good to be back together again, also (to my eyes) seemed to fall down. (Witney literally falling down and hurting herself in rehearsal.) Alfonso noted that doing the Carleton had hurt his groin. So both were injured. Ugh. Perhaps it's cause I just don't like hip hop music, but man, did I dislike their dance this week, overall.

Antonio is also bugging me (although that may have to do with the Jesus-filled Instagram he posted earlier in the day, which caused me to unfollow him immediately. Ugh. People, INSTAGRAM IS FOR PICTURES. Not long sermon treatises. Sheesh.) So I was not thrilled with their dance either. Also, Cheryl just works her heart out covering the fact that Antonio really can't dance. Big hat notwithstanding.

Janel, in the worst costume all season, and Val. Courtesy of ABC.

Janel and Val, whom I normally love, had one of the worst costumes (on Janel) on this show in a long time. WTF was that? Horrible. Could barely watch the dance, that outfit was so bad and distracting. And Val even had his shirt unbuttoned and I couldn't concentrate on it. Ugh.

Lea and Artem, whom I also normally like, suffered a lot from it being Artem's first season as a pro. He forgot (as the judges pointed out) that it's all about the pro focusing on the star, and making THEM look good. Lea looked too much like she was chasing whatever goal Artem had set for her, rather than being her own best self. And their dance, nice enough, suffered as a result.

Madness, I tell you, madness all around.

But then, we had others getting sanity back. Michael Waltrip, a racecar driver, went to race cars. His friends there told him how much they were rooting him on. And he and Emma returned with an amazing Argentine tango. As the judges noted, it was truly his most vulnerable dance.

Emma and Michael do an Argentine tango.

It was really nice to watch. His best dance, for sure. If he'd been doing this all along, he might not be going home soon.

As all the kids were going crazy, flying to Australia for YouTube events... ugh... the oldsters were getting real. Tommy Chong brought Peta to a tribal sweat lodge. It was awesome. I wish I could've been in there with them. I needed a good sweat after watching some of the night's craziness.

Tommy Chong and Peta sweat it out. Courtesy of ABC.

It's kind of sobering to realize that really Tommy Chong might be one deeply spiritual guy. So, of course, I loved his dance. It seemed really centered and flowing. Their sweat lodge sojourn served them well. (I threw all my votes at him at the end.)

Peta and Tommy do a foxtrot. Beautiful. I loved it.

Lastly, certainly not least, let me first say this: MARK BALLAS GOT HIS FIRST 10 THIS SEASON! FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!

OK, it was by guest judge Pitbull, not one of the normal ones, but STILL. He got one. I'm so glad.

Also, as we talk about pros who do this show right, ones who highlight and focus on their celeb, cater to them, make them look good, there are plenty of examples. Derek with Amy Purdy last season, for example.

Mark Ballas, for whatever reason, seems to be perpetually saddled with the crazies, the controversial, the religious, the prudes. Perhaps one of the reasons he is is that he deals with them SO WELL. He doesn't seem to care about what anyone else says. He's there for his partner.

In Season 19, he happens to have an 18-year-old girl from (let's just say) conservative parents. Now that is a difficult thing. (Although Val also danced with a teen when he was partnered with Zendaya, and there were no wardrobe issues there.) In any case, this particular girl named Sadie, is mindful of what kind of wardrobe her parents would accept. OK, fine. We don't quite get the shrouds from the last two seasons, but we don't get the proper costume either. Fine.

But there is a boggle. Some of the dances they have to dance are sexual dances. They just are. The rumba, the most sexual of them all.

And how do you do a stunning rumba when you are partnered with a very conservative 18-year-old girl? Who doesn't seem very enlightened in the ways of sexuality? How do you dance the sexiest dance of them all?

You hope and pray you have Mark Ballas as a partner.

Mark Ballas and Sadie do a rumba.

It was pretty, it was sweet. It was nothing her parents would be ashamed of. And mostly, I was just applauding the care with which he dealt with Sadie.

Sexuality, in any context, should only be displayed when one wants to, and is ready to. I respected Mark's choices, in this dance, and all season. Heck, with all the women he's been partnered with. He is an amazing dancer who puts his partner first.

So glad that Julianne finally saw that, and commented on it. Now if she'd only give him a 10 too!

MICHE'S TOP PICKS FOR WEEK 6
1. Jonathan and Allison (jazz)
2. Mark and Sadie (rumba)
3. Val and Janel (samba)
4. Tommy and Peta (foxtrot)

PLEASE GO HOME SOON
1. Antonio
2. Michael

Next week, we have the Team dances, and there is a chance that Derek's Team MIGHT not actually win this time. Seriously. Look at the teams.

Team Creepy for Week 7.

Team Itsy Bitsy for Week 7. 

Did we mention it's also Halloween Week?

**************************************************************

DWTS Week 5: The Switch-Up and the Case for Mark Ballas

Bethany and Mark Ballas do hip hop on Switch-Up Week. Courtesy of ABC/DWTS.

An interesting thing happened during Swtich-Up Week (Week 5 of Dancing with the Stars). I switched my favorite.

The dreaded Switch-Up takes our already established pairs, and puts the celebrities (remaining) with another partner. Sometimes this has disastrous results, sometimes great ones. (Remember last season's switch of ultimate winner Meryl from Maksim to brother Val? Fantastic stuff.)

This week, maybe cause Len's still gone, we had a lot of dances not normally done, with a lot of sets and props and hooha that Len hates.

But the thing that happened to me, is that I can now see a very clear break for myself. There are PROS that I love this season, and there are celebrities. They don't really go together (in most cases).

For example, my favorite celebrity, whom I had initially chosen as my favorite this week, is Alfonso. I just dig the stuff he's doing. This week, he was switched to Cheryl, and they did a pretty amazing flamenco. It was beautiful to watch.

Alfonso and Cheryl do flamenco. Courtesy of ABC/DWTS.

Cheryl Burke has never looked better. Her flamenco was stunning. And we don't get to see the flamenco very often. It's not one of the regular dances. So all of that was very nice. (Maybe I'm still on a Carleton high from last week... dunno.)

But I was watching back the dances from this week (as I do when I write this column), and something struck me. Mark Ballas. JEEZ. Unbelievable.

I've been saying this all season long, but let me again shout this from the rooftops: WHY IS THIS MAN NOT GETTING 10s? Holy crap. This week, he did a hip hop dance with Bethany. From the very first note to the very last, it was PERFECT. He gave us a story (from the beginning to the end; loved it). He gave us incredible dancing and choreography, as he has done all season. He's savvy enough to know that hip hop is not one of Len's favs, so he does it now, and he does it with Bethany. Just perfect, all across the board.

Most of these other dances, I can watch once again and I'm done (even that flamenco), but his hip hop this week: WOW.

And mind you, he's been doing that all season with his own partner, Sadie, too. The judges went all gaga over Derek's Charleston with Sadie, and complemented the heck out of her (and it was stunning, true), but what she does with Mark Ballas has been incredible! Where are the 10s for that? C'mon, judges. Mark Ballas deserves higher scores. (I'm looking at you, Julianne.)

They rightfully took Artem to task for his burlesque dance with Janel (not enough burlesque content), yet that dance scored higher than Mark's hip hop, which had tons of great hip hop content. And it's straight-up not fair.

In other dances that I liked/loved, Val danced that nebulous category (sometimes called "jazz," sometimes called "Broadway," basically meaning whatever we want to dance to) with Lea. She, too, is one of the contestants whose dancing I really like, and like to watch. Not sure about Artem yet though.

But this dance with Val included multiple walkers... like the kind old people use. Wonderful stuff. Never been done on DWTS before either!

Val and Lea and the team of walker dancers. Courtesy of ABC/DWTS.

Those are the dances I like the best. Give me a story around the dance, make it a complete entity. (Which Mark Ballas does every week.)

Another interesting story dance was the Bollywood danced by Allison and Antonio this week.

Allison and Antonio dance Bollywood.

She's trying. She's trying so hard, gotta give her that. Her Bollywood was stunning, the best ever on this show. However, Antonio was in no way her match. Not even close.

Her regular partner, Jonathan, kinda proved that it's more him than her which is causing the low scores. He was paired with Peta, who does a mean jitterbug. Their scores were terrible.

And Witney and Michael doing disco? The less said about that, the better. (Although if someone had to dance to Car Wash, I'm glad it was the race car driver.)

And in that vein, I have to say that a large part of why I continue to vote for Tommy Chong every week (even though he is just as bad a dancer as Michael Waltrip) is that I really dig the fact that DWTS is using every opportunity to have pot-themed songs and dances for Tommy Chong (as they should). This week, no joke, he danced to "Pass the Duchie." It was supposed to be a mambo. I don't know what it was, but it made me laugh.

Ah, but let's clear out the pot smoke, and instead meditate on one of the best Charlestons ever on this show.

Sadie and Derek Charleston. Courtesy of ABC/DWTS.

Another thing, I want to really comment on how all the technical parts are coming together. DWTS has always been a miracle of costuming and sets, but the camerawork and editing both seem to have hit their stride finally . The dancers are really getting featured, as they are supposed to (catch the ending of Mark's dance to see what I mean). The cameras are where they are supposed to be to catch the best bits. And they actually catch FEET, not just faces.

Working in social media (in the Mark and Derek bits) was and is wonderful. Love that about this season. Also, Erin is really hitting her stride as a host. She actually knows what the voting methods are this season!! (YAY!) And she really asks probing, good questions. Thank whoever had the idea of hiring her. To my eyes, she is MILES better as a host than Brooke ever was.

The only downside of the technical stuff is that the music has issues. Both in song selection, and performance. Positive: we get former cast member Joey Fatone singing The Stray Cats song, "Rock This Town." (What? Brian Setzer was busy?) Negative: we get more and more taped crap, which often doesn't work (case in point: Lea and Val's song, which was loud and obnoxious), but which sometimes does (Mark and Bethany's song). When it's good ("Pass the Duchie" and "Car Wash"), it's great. When it's bad, it's painful.

That song that Allison and Jonathan danced that Gatsby thing to a couple weeks ago was a good example of new music done beautifully. Revisiting a familiar song, and putting a new spin on it. That's what I had hoped for when I heard there was a new band. Guess they're still working out those bugs.

But enough of all this. I wanna go back and watch Mark Ballas' hip hop dance again, and dream of the day when he actually gets all the 10s he deserves.

MICHE'S PICKS FOR WEEK 5
1. Mark and Bethany (hip hop)
2. Alfonso and Cheryl (flamenco)
3. Val and Lea (Broadway)
4. Derek and Sadie (Charleston)

NOT LONG FOR THIS WORLD (Need to Go)
1. Michael
2. Jonathan
3. Antonio
4. Tommy

*****************************************************************

My Favorite DWTS: Week 4

Sadie (of Duck Dynasty) and Mark Ballas wow the crowd.

My favorite dances on Dancing with the Stars involve some combination of these things: a dance which incorporates the required number of content elements, something which addresses the theme in some way, elegance of choreography: all of which together create dance magic before us.

Usually, Derek Hough's dances have all of these things, which is also why he has won most often. But also usually, so do Mark Ballas' dances. These are dances, which at the end, leave you with your mouth hanging open, just saying: WOW. This week was one of those.

The theme of Week 4 of DWTS was My Favorite Year (as it usually is). We had the usual ones: my favorite year being when I got my big break on whatever show, or when my parent (or loved one) died or was born, yadda yadda. Bethany had a moving one with the theme of: "I thought I was ugly, but really I'm not." (A new one on these shows, admittedly.)

For me, there were really two dances which went beyond the pale this week. I am now eating my words about Alfonso getting back to the top of the leaderboard. Sheesh. When that man tries! Wow. Course, he had a built-in audience-pleasing factor: the Carleton.

I never watched the show (The Fresh Prince of Bel Air)  in its heyday, but apparently "the Carleton" dance was a thing. And people, apparently, have been clamouring, ever since they knew he was going to be on DWTS, to see him incorporate it in some way. My Favorite Year seems the perfect place to do so.

Alfonso and Witney did not disappoint this week. Wow.

But despite those two dances which really blew my mind (Alfonso again taking the top of the leaderboard this week), these two were not my FAVORITE dance. That honor belonged to this:

Val and Janel doing the sexiest, steamiest rumba you're gonna see this season (although Cheryl and Antonio were also pretty hot recently). It was just beautiful and it kicked everything off. And more and more, Val and Janel are my favorite couple.

However, we also had this (the couple who actually received the most votes from me this week): Peta and Tommy Chong, dancing to Jailhouse Rock. With Peta as a policeman. With fishnets. It so worked for me, on so many levels.

And unlike another older contestant, Tommy Chong just keeps getting better each week.

Wanna know who was voted out this week? (Well, you probably already know, but it was:)

She was a little bit wacky, our Miss Betsey, but I did enjoy her dances, and the music she chose. Gonna miss her (in some ways). Also really gonna miss Tony. He's always fun and inventive.

That leaves at the bottom (literally and in my opinion) Michael and Emma (whom I thought would be leaving this week) and Jonathan and Allison. I really like Allison and I was rooting for her, but WOW was the dance they did this week terrible! No through line. More content, yay! But just awful to watch. And I had been so focused previously on her choreography missteps that I didn't before realize that Jonathan is actually a pretty bad dancer (compared to his competition, especially). So they will be going home soon (unless she really turns it around somehow). 

I hated almost everything about this dance. Except that it did have a lot of samba content. But the music was DREADFUL, the set and costumes were garish and horrible. It was just painful to watch. Just to clarify that I'm not the only one who thought this, they scored the lowest on this week. Even Betsey and Tony (who went home) got better scores on this night. Ouch.

And it's strange, because I really didn't love the music that Mark Ballas chose for his and Sadie's number. I would never listen to it on my own, and it's not even the type of music DWTS normally plays. But it fit. It was of a piece with the rest of what he was doing as a choreographer, and I think that is the difference. His choices were sublime, hers were... UGH.

I mean, I hate to say this, but I just don't think she gets what DWTS is about, exactly. She seems bound and determined to stay on her own path, and that road is currently leaving off the show soon, and that makes me sad. It really does. Her dance to Sia's music was brilliant, because she had none of these constraints. But darlin', that is what you signed up for: to choreograph these dances for these people in this way.

I do kinda get the feeling now that she never really watched this show before. Maybe she signed on cause she knew all the other choreographers, even having worked with some.

I think people may look at DWTS from the outside and dismiss it simplistically as just another reality dance show, but it really is a very complex, layered thing. 

Take Mark Ballas' amazing dance this week, in comparison. The theme was "My Favorite Year." His partner, Sadie, chose the year she first appeared on Duck Dynasty. Sure, lots of celebrities take that route. (Alfonso essentially did the same thing. Lea had done her homage to Back to the Future the week before, so she could do a more poignant dance this week.)

What can one do with Duck Dynasty? And the dance Mark chose was samba? Duck Dynasty and samba? HUH? What can one do with that?

Well, Mark took the time-honored pairing of a hunter and a duck (man vs. animal). He was the hunter, and Sadie (of course) was the duck. She was resplendent in her feathers. He was all bearded out, like the other male members of Duck Dynasty (some of them even onstage with him). And within that (up and around and over that), he wove together a samba which touched on all the content that the judges were looking for, as well as making a statement about Duck Dynasty, using a song which has LYRICS about Duck Dynasty. Boom, boom, boom. He hit every beat.

It was frikkin' beautiful. It was stunning and magical, and I don't even like Duck Dynasty.

That is, ultimately, how you do this: content (of whichever dance you are doing) + theme + stunning choreography + heart (if you can manage it). Making a statement through choreography, which Allison seems so badly to want to do. I suggest she really pore over tapes of Mark Ballas' dance this week for how to do this show right (and still maintain your edge as a choreographer). Now mind you, a winning (as in ALL 10s) dance has to have one more thing: it has to sweep away the audience and the judges, so that they are compelled to give it tens.

Sadly, Mark Ballas' dances too often don't get the 10s they deserve (he didn't with this, garnering only 37 out of 40, and it was brilliant). But, for my money, he's the most artistic choreographer on this show, and I so appreciate him for that. But Derek's Singin' in the Rain last week, Val's West Side Story last week, and Alfonso's Carleton (to Tom Jones' "It's Not Unusual") were those showstoppers that garner 10s.

Derek's dance this week, although using poignant subject matter, was almost like a rest after what must have been immense stress from doing Singin' in the Rain. It really did nothing for me. Good thing Len was gone this week. 

Oh, and another thing. They've been having all these hokey guest judges standing in while Len is out of the country. (Last week, comedian Kevin Hart, next week Jazzy J or someone...). This week, blissfully, they let "America" vote in a new system where (well, let's just say the EAST COAST, anyway) voted right after they saw the dance. Cause they announced America's vote when they announced the judges' votes (and I know we West Coasters see it later than the East Coast). Nonetheless, it cut down on all the judges' chatter, which seemed to be dragging the show down (with four judges). "America" says nothing, just votes. I liked it immensely.

And AMERICA gave "the Carleton" a 10 also! It was awesome.

Miscellaneous notes about Week 4: Erin just looked spectacular. The most fun thing was when everyone on the balcony started doing the Carleton. Sharna choreographed a wonderful opening number. And the second most fun thing was the dance where Karina's crotch ended up in Keo's face, which Tom (ever quick on his feet) called, "a great getting-to-know-you dance."

 BTW, Val kept referring to his dance last week as "The West Side Story." It's actually called "West Side Story." (Unless he was adding a "The" to the title so it wouldn't be confused with... um, you know... that other one... In which case, that was brilliant.)

Lea and Artem scored high, but their dance also did nothing for me. Beautiful to watch, and I could tell it moved her quite a bit, but... eh... (Sometimes contemporary works for me, often it doesn't.)

Antonio's first job in NYC was a little Janet Jackson video that you may've seen. It was fun to revisit that, as well. And Cheryl makes a great Janet Jackson!

When is Len coming back? Next week, right? Next week (ooh, let's hold our breath!) is also "the Switch Up." The week that all the pros hate, and usually leaves the celebrities wanting to RUN back to their partners. Fun. Can't wait. Meanwhile, let's do the Carleton again... do it with me...

The Carleton, to Tom Jones' "It's So Unusual"

MICHE'S TOP DANCES WEEK 4

1. Val and Janel (rumba)

2. Mark and Sadie (samba)

3. Alfonso and Witney (jazz and "the Carleton")

4. Tommy and Peta (jive)

5. Antonio and Cheryl (samba)

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DWTS S19 Week 3 Bows to Icons Past

Amazing week at Dancing with the Stars. Not only our first perfect scores, but TWO couples received them! (Including Val and Janel, above) But we will get to all that.

First, I wanted to apologize to the cinematographers of this fine show that I reamed in the last two columns. In checking over, doing some research on my phone, and watching the show back at ABC.com, I realized that, indeed, they had properly framed the screen--IF you have a rectangular TV (as is all the rage now). I, however, still have an older-than-dirt version, and so I couldn't see the four judges on my TV. So I apologize to them.

This business with the photos also frustrates me. I really want great photos to showcase the amazing dancing that I'm writing about, but ABC doesn't offer them (as I've mentioned). I did actually find that Getty offers them now, but you have to pay for them, of course. Which was part of the problem before: some were paying for them, others were just using them. That is the Web economy we have these days.

So they've taken that away, and what will people do? What I'm doing. Use bad screen grabs to illustrate my point. And if that's how you want to promote your shows, fine. That's what we'll do. Just makes me sad.

Two of our contestants on this week's DWTS ran into the same kind of proprietary nonsense, issues with the owner. In Derek's case, Gene Kelly's wife graciously allowed him to perform this dance. In Val's case, the West Side Story owners almost didn't let him do it. Old media MUST realize that in both cases, they were going to get a very respectful homage to the original work being presented, and that, in fact, by Derek Hough and Val Chmerkovskiy performing these on the CURRENT Dancing with the Stars, it actually only increases the value of your brand, because new viewers will be inspired to check out the original. Surely Gene Kelly's wife realizes that. West Side Story's owners almost did not.

Luckily cooler heads prevailed, because we were treated to two amazing dances. Val and Janel performing "America" from West Side Story (my personal favorite of the week) and Derek and Bethany performing to Singin' in the Rain.

Both of these dances received the season's first perfect scores. (Deservedly so. They were both breathtaking.)

Also one of the coolest things of the night was viewing a little clip of Derek Hough at like five or six doing another version of Singin' in the Rain. Classic and quite wonderful. You can see it's been in his blood for a long, long time.

But the other dances were no slouches, either. Tommy Chong's Argentine tango with Peta was astonishing.

Seriously. Wow. Just incredible.

I just love the care with which Mark Ballas handles teenager Sadie (from Duck Dynasty). They performed just a lovely number to Up.

Those were my stellar favorites. Others were also great. Antonio and Cheryl did a great foxtrot. Allison and Jonathan came roaring back from last week's bruising with a beautiful (with lots of content) tango. Alfonso and Witney (who are having a hard time getting back up to the top of that leaderboard) did a nice Austin Powers quickstep (and his son helped!). Betsey and Tony did a contemporary dance to Unchained Melody (from Ghost). Lea and Artem did a nice Back to the Future takeoff. Michael and Emma did a waltz.

Randy and Karina got voted out this week.

Oh, and for bizarre scheduling reasons, DWTS is now back down to one night. *sigh* So the results were somehow also taken from last week's voting.

And in all of these amazing set pieces, you perhaps can tell from the photos, all of the incredible technicians at DWTS deserve a huge amount of credit for recreating these classic moments from movies. As Carrie Anne gushed, "they made it RAIN in here!" It was beautiful. Big applause to all the technicians (sets, costumes, lights, everything) at DWTS. I'm sure it must've been a rough week for them.

MICHE'S FAVS FOR WEEK THREE (Movie Night)
1. Val and Janel (West Side Story)
2. Derek and Bethany (Singin' in the Rain)
3. Mark and Sadie (Up)
4. Tommy and Peta (Scent of a Woman)
5. Antonio and Cheryl (Guardians of the Galaxy)

There was an incredible Marilyn Monroe opening number, with Cheryl Burke also as Marilyn (thankfully, no blonde wig). And boys as baseball players.

Comic Kevin Hart was a guest judge, cause Len was still in England. (And btw, Tom, someone doesn't become a "movie star" just because they've been in a movie.) Hart did ok as a judge, basically just gushing and giving out high scores to people he liked. (Which was really nice when he gave Tommy Chong a 10!)

One of the reasons Alfonso and Witney's song didn't work as much for me is that unlike the iconic Singin' in the Rain, or "America" from West Side Story, Alfonso's song wasn't clearly recognized for being in Austin Powers. Here's hoping that Alfonso starts channeling his groove train again soon.


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DWTS Season 19 Week 2 a bit off, but Oldsters Come Roaring Back

Still haven't really picked a favorite for this season of Dancing with the Stars (you?), but so far, I'm gravitating to Val and Janel. I would like someone who hasn't won a Mirror Ball to win one this time around.

So, what did we have this week? Well, the cinematographers got some lessons, and finally figured out how to fit four judges in a frame. If it doesn't include all four of them, it's not working, IMHO.

We also had a GREAT effect that is new. When the judges were commenting on a dance JUST danced, the screen split and it was shown again. GREAT effect, love it big time. Of course, right now, it just seems like a random replay, but if they got to the point where they were actually showing what the judges were referring to (a step, or sequence), that would really be awesome!

Other camerawork (like spinning around and around as the dancers are twirling, specifically seen in Derek and Bethany's number this week) was really incredible to behold. After all, they have this huge space to work with, with flying cameras, it would be nice to see them really take advantage of all that.

Another thing that is really working is the balcony area in which dancers can watch others perform, as well as comment to Erin once they get their scores. They seem to have stairs on both sides of it now (works well) and the camera makes excellent use of both this space and the backstage area, so that you really feel like you are part of the action. Those are all great things. It really makes it feel exciting and frenetic when you really see all the people who are rushing around over there.

I haven't yet ventured into their backstage cam thing. Obviously, they've given up their photos to the media thing in favor of a whole interactive thing while the show is on. Bully for them. I prefer to watch the dances going on, and not get distracted by others telling me what I just watched. I'm old-fashioned that way.

BTW, I am combining commentary from both nights, especially since pics are so hard to come by now. Let's start with the worst and go to the best.

Tavis Smiley. Jeez oh pete's. *shakes head*

Let me just say this. I have NO, ZERO, No patience for people, whoever they are, who sign up and agree to be on  Dancing with the Stars, and then don't realize that they are going to be putting in mega hours, oh, actually dancing. And training to be dancing. In fact, if you have any other kind of career while you are doing DWTS, you are going to lose. You are going to be voted out early.

It is a COMMITMENT to do this show. If you agree to do it, you should bloody well CLEAR YOUR DECKS during the time you are doing it, cause it's a LONG hard slog. GET IT? If you can't do that, if you have book tours lined up or whatever the F, DON'T DO IT. Don't waste our time and yours by signing up.

Tavis Smiley couldn't even be bothered to be on the opening show when they introduced the cast. They had to Skype him in. LAME. And if you do it the way he did it, you might wanna look at your schedule, cause you're overcommitted, and you probably need a Workaholics program. I'm just saying.

So good riddance to Tavis Smiley. Good riddance.

I feel very bad for Sharna, cause she's a wonderful partner and dancer, and she got the short end of this deal. And I'm bummed she won't be competing more this season.

To the other competitors, I really don't like Michael, the racecar driver, although at least he is showing up and trying. But he's seriously in the two-left-feet category, and I do expect him to go very soon.

Another boggle we had this week was dear Allison Holker (partnered with Jonathan). She's a transfer from So You Think You Can Dance (which I must say, I've never watched), and she also did some (Emmy-nominated) choreography with Derek Hough. So everyone was excited about her coming over. However, DWTS is its own animal. It has its own rules and structure, and after all, it was based on the longtime history of ballroom dance competitions. That's what it still is, mostly. The judges score based on the rules of the particular dance being danced.

Even the newer ones (like jazz and modern and hiphop) that they've incorporated, they still use the rules of that dance to judge by. One of the DWTS fan sites has an Instagram where they were asking today: "Who is your favorite judge?," among other questions. Mine is actually Len, because he is a stickler for the rules. But he can also be swayed by a truly magical dance.

All of that to bring up the case of Allison Holker. She danced "a cha cha," and every single judge (including Julianne) commented on the fact that she had "no cha cha content." Poor Allison seemed gobsmacked. "I wanted to bring a fresh new take to choreography," she sputtered.

First lesson to Allison: listen to what the judges are saying. That's what they are scoring you on. You can go off and do your own thing, if you want, but be prepared to get low scores as a result. Second, whatever you think about the judges, don't say it into the camera. (Maybe you could ask Maks about this.) She was really walking a fine line this week with this. (Jonathan actually saved her.) They will probably give her a pass because she's new and doesn't know any better, as long as she keeps other comments to herself from now on. You don't take on the judges and win. Not on this show.

Also, don't get me wrong. Derek Hough pushes the choreography envelope constantly. But he has five Mirror Balls because he knows what content Len (in particular) is looking for, and makes sure that is in there, then adds his own little touches here and there. And it ends up magical. That is certainly not what Allison was doing in this cha cha. (As a viewer, I didn't vote for her.)

Karina and Randy also did a cha-cha, with (need I say it?) much more cha cha content. However, someone forgot to mention to Randy that DWTS usually does a whole ep during the season which is dedicated to the servicepeople (Army, Navy, Marines, etc.). He didn't need to do it so soon. Also, a great song blends together what the song is saying with the dance you're doing (see Val and Janel's "Call Me Maybe" foxtrot, which perfectly blended lyrics and presentation). It's highly questionable (especially if you're trying to compliment/honor them) to dance "I Can't Get No Satisfaction" to servicepeople. Cause, um, that's kind of an insult. But whatever.

And let me say this about that. DWTS previously had various theme nights. They were timed to fit in with the cast as it was evolving. The one about "My Favorite Year" ended up around the fourth or fifth week, when some of the dead weight had been weeded out, and the cast was gelled together enough to tackle an emotional dance. It always worked well and brought some poignant moments.

Don't know if this new show runner ditched all the previous themes, but the first one (a new one): "#MyJamMonday" (yes, that is a hashtag) fell really flat. Not one of the stars talked about why this particular song is "My Jam" or whatever. It was just lame across the board. Randy worked in the service people angle, but what does that have to do with "Satisfaction"? Just a song he liked? Blech. Hated this concept.

In fact, once again, Val and Janel are one of the few who really took a song I could see her jamming to, and performed it. That didn't work for a lot of folks.

So those were the outright travesties, of one variety or another. Then we had the ones in the middle, which were ok, fine. Cheryl and Antonio did a rumba (and another nice little touch is when they list the couple's phone number to call, and their names, it also says the dance they are dancing). The hottest parts of this dance were shown in close-up (of their faces). Which is great for a movie. Not so great when you are supposed to be showing a dance.

Alfonso and Witney, fresh from a kick-butt routine (which they had 3 weeks to practice), didn't do as well this week.

I will give Alfonso this: he's got charisma to kill for. And that's going to propel him through a lot of dances. But I fear that, as a pro, Witney may not be strong enough (creative enough as a choreographer) to carry him the whole way. I wish he had been paired with Sharna. That would've been a combo I could root for all the way.

Their salsa didn't do it for me this week.

Lea and Artem did a jive, splendidly. Also, Artem became an American citizen this week, so congrats on that, Artem! They are a couple to watch.

One of the highlights for me of this season is that there are two dancers in their 70s, and two who are teenagers. I would bet money that both teenagers would get to the final five, and the 70 year olds will be voted out sooner rather than later. But it won't be for lack of trying. All of them have excellent Mirror-Ball-winning partners.

Mark Ballas and Sadie (she's eighteen, and from Duck Dynasty) are fun to watch, of course. Is he cursed, or does he just ask for whichever contestant is uptight about their costuming? Season after season, he gets the religious ones, or the prudes, or the ones who have overprotective dads (this season) who won't let their daughter dance in DWTS garb. So far, at least, it hasn't harmed their dancing. At least Sadie isn't in the up-to-the-neck burkhas that last season's twit subjected us to. I have said it before, I'll say it again, it DOES affect the dance. It does, certainly, affect the voting, although all those who are adamant about Janet Jackson's nipple showing and other such horrendous stuff, look up Sadie and Mark's number, and vote for that chastity you so love.

So far, for me, it hasn't been a distraction. I just really want Mark Ballas to win another Mirror Ball, and he keeps getting saddled with these wingnuts. (For whatever reason.)

Then we have someone who is being portrayed as a wingnut, who is actually incredibly smart and fun. That would be Tommy Chong (of Cheech and Chong) and his partner, Peta Murgatroyd. He made a big show of it the first week, even bringing along partner Cheech for his opening number. It was cool.

This week, he and Peta had the salsa, and it was bright, snappy and fun. In fact, 76-year-old Tommy Chong was the first male dancer this season to bare his chest. And it was good. I really loved this number.

Another significant thing about DWTS, and any longtime pro will attest to this, it's not just about dancing. If you really give yourself to it, it can really be life-changing. This week, we had 72-year-old fashion designer Betsey Johnson. If you know anything about her, you've probably seen her in her wacky outfits. Even last week, she ended her dance with a cartwheel. Zany is her persona.

She also was one of the people in the Bottom Two last week. So this week, well-versed pro Tony Dovolani went to town on her, and had her do a makeover. Her hair was slicked back, she was dressed very elegantly. Tony even pre-empted any further wardrobe malfunctions by ripping apart her long dress (smart move, Tony), so she wouldn't trip over it.

Now, one of the ways you can win (see: Derek Hough) is to execute everything perfectly and do mind-bending choreography. Another way you can win, or at least get very very far in this competition, is to win the hearts and minds of the audience. You could be tripping all over yourself, not able to dance a lick, but if you get out there and try, and seem to be improving, the audience (us, sitting here at home) will vote for you. PROMISE. Ask Bill Engvall.

Such is the case with Betsey this week. The first week, she was falling all over herself, and she was a mess. This week, she looks like Ginger Rogers, all glammed up, and was splendid. She got a standing ovation in the ballroom, including from Carrie Anne. And I voted for her. Not because of the dancing, necessarily, but because of the process that appears to be happening. She said in her comments, "I just wanted to look pretty." Almost made us cry.  (And she did, btw. Look pretty, that is.)

Emotions, capturing the hearts of the audience, will take you far in this process. Look for Betsey to go far if she keeps showing up with this version of herself.

The other 18-year-old is lucky enough to be dancing with Derek. However, she also injured herself, so that was not good. But the dance they performed (injury and all) was my second favorite of the night.

Janel and Val were my favorite.

MICHE'S TOP DANCES OF WEEK TWO
1. Janel and Val
2. Bethany and Derek
3. Sadie and Mark
4. Betsey and Tony
5. Tommy and Peta
6. Lea and Artem

Also, I normally tune out the musical acts that appear on the results show. However, there was a dance with this one that just blew my mind. Karina and Val and Peta. So incredible. Really amazing.

It was a tortured modern dance about a threesome: a man torn between two women. Very powerful. And I have to say that most of the time I ignore/forget that Maksim Chmerkovskiy (Val's brother) was involved with Karina Smirnoff (engaged to) and Peta Murgatroyd. There are other times that I really remember it. That's all I'll say about that.

On the other side of the brother spectrum, we had Julianne Hough (our new judge, and two time Mirror Ball winner herself) dancing provocatively with the hot sexy men of DWTS Season 19, which, of course, includes her brother, Derek. I know people (in both these instances) are playing characters when they dance, but still... it kinda bugs me to see Derek and Julianne in any kind of romantic scenario. And the whole Maks-Karina-Peta thing, danced by Val... Well, it was an amazingly powerful dance.

Also danced tonight was a hit song by Sia, she who won't show her face (it's her thing). All you know her by is her blonde hair (which, of course, leads me to believe that she doesn't have blonde hair in real life. In any case, Allison Holker danced this incredible pairing with a girl from Dance Moms, which made it look, at various times in the song, like this was a woman and her child and/or a woman dancing with a younger version of herself. Also very powerful and poignant. I really like Allison Holker's interpretations in this case.

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The Dimple Season of DWTS (19) Kicks Off with a Rousing Number from Carlton

Alfonso and Witney wowed us the first week of Season 19.

DISCLAIMER: For the last several seasons, my blog posts about DWTS have been filled with gorgeous promotional pictures from the ABC website. To my mind, they both illustrated the lovely dances we were seeing, and mostly, promoted DWTS every week. For whatever reason, last season, ABC's posting of pictures was sporadic, and I ended up having to get a lot of them from On the Red Carpet.com (a sister ABC site). This year, all of that seems gone. For whatever reason, DWTS pictures do not seem available from Week 1 (unless you have something like this, which someone obviously took from their TV). Not my first choice. I would love to have proper pictures through the proper channels to illustrate the stories and the dances, but it doesn't seem to be happening this season. So I may have stories with only text. Sorry about that, readers. I'll do the best I can.

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Season 19 has kicked off. Well, in some cases, limped off, but in any case, it's begun. We have our usual collection of motley folk, some athletes, some stars that you've totally forgotten about, some teen things. Yawn.

We also still have Tom Bergeron and Erin Andrews (yay!). We have our three regular judges (Carrie Ann Inaba, Bruno Tonioli, Len Goodman) with the addition of Derek's sister, Julianne Hough, to help with the judging. We also, before I get into the meat of the dancing (I'm looking at you, Antonio Sabato, Jr.), some housekeeping details. We have a new showrunner and director this year. We shall see how that plays out, when the man we had for six years isn't there to guide the ship. So far, we've seen some pretty bad camerawork and artistic choices.

For example. They have four judges now, yet have a configuration where when the votes are given, you can only see THREE of them. Lame, people. Get some professionals to do this, please. Countless really bad camera shots... where you'd only see half of Tom Bergeron as he was talking, where the star isn't even in frame, just amateur stuff. Hope they fix that, and FAST.

Also, inexplicably, for one of the contestants, we didn't get to hear Bruno's vote explanation. Sure, running short on time? Just lop off one of the judges' comments. WHAT? You have four judges now. I want to see all of them, and hear what EACH of them has to say about each contestant. Really... is that so hard?

Oh, but let's start at the beginning, shall we? The show kicked off with a taped bit showing you everyone who's on the show. OK, I'm thinking, they are doing away with the personal introduction of everyone. But no, they have that TOO! Fun.

They also have their two days back! Mondays are the main deal (2 hours), and Tuesdays are eliminations (1 hour). We'll see how it goes. (I'm not covering the second night this week, other than to say that someone, either camera person or director or choreographer doesn't seem to like Karina Smirnoff very much because in the big dance sequence, she was totally out of view of the camera. She's one of the STARS, people. Put her front and center, please! Karina and Cheryl are who we want to see, not all these new blonde dancers. Sheesh.)

So, to our motley collection of dancers/stars. Let's talk about the ones who need to go right away: Lolo & Keo (love Keo, so it's too bad) and Betsey & Tony. Also sad, because I do love to watch Tony dance, but Betsey is crazy. And can't dance. Neither can Lolo. Enough about that. (Indeed, Lolo & Keo were the first couple eliminated.)

Hedging closely into this group is Michael somebody (a racecar driver) who compared himself to Bill Engvall. Dude, you don't deserve to wear Bill Engvall's dancing shoes, and you are not going to last anywhere near as long as he did.

Comic relief is present with Tommy Chong, who could flame out fast, or surprise us and pull an Engvall. Jury is still out on that one. But as long as he lasts, Tommy Chong is darn fun to watch with Peta. And his buddy Cheech showed up to give moral support.

Two others who I'm not sure about (they could go either way) are Tavis & Sharna and Randy & Karina. Love these women, and they can both make things happen, but these two guys are still big question marks.

So that leaves this list.

DWTS WEEK ONE (Miche choices based on dances)
1. Alfonso and Witney
2. Janel and Val
3. Bethany and Derek
4. Lea and Artem
5. Jonathan and Allison
6. Antonio and Cheryl
7. Sadie and Mark

In all honesty, those seven are our competitors. One of these seven shall win this season. We shall see how a season of injury, stress, constant new dances, etc. wears on them all. Based on the first week, Alfonso and Witney are really going to be hard to catch. This man was polished. Blew everyone else away. Great way to end the first show of the new season.

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