DWTS S18 SemiFinals: Derek-Amy Neck and Neck with Maks-Meryl

Derek Hough and Amy Purdy do a quickstep. Courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor.

Week 9, aka the Semifinals of Dancing with the Stars, has no couple here who doesn’t belong here. They are all talented, great dancers by this point. Going into this point, my feeling is that I really really really want Maks and Meryl to win (mostly because Maks has never won, and Derek pretty much always wins). But there are other great dances along the way, amazing spectacles that you have to see to believe.

Like this one. Amy Purdy, she with no legs and feet, has just blown our minds all season with what she’s able to do in her dancing. In this semi-finals, there are two sets of dances the couples do (seemingly no distinction between them, just two sets of dances). Derek and Amy did a quickstep (you heard me) to the Supremes. It was astonishing.

She had these springy... I wouldn’t even call them feet. Something at the bottom of her legs which had a lot of bounce to it, which enabled her to move quickly and elegantly across the floor, and kinda simulate what real feet and legs can do. It was incredible.

But then, there was also this.

Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Meryl Davis. Courtesy of ABC/On The Red Carpet/Adam Taylor

First of all, it’s Maks as Elvis. (What?) Second, and more importantly, it’s Maks SMILING. In a dance. FYI: He doesn’t smile much while he dances, over many many seasons. But look at him. He’s smiling away.

And it was just a superb superb jive. Such fun to watch.

Mark and Candace did a wonderful Viennese waltz. I love how toward the end, the finalists get the concept that the dances have to have a story. Mark Ballas does exceedingly well with this. Peta and James danced to a never-before-heard Michael Jackson song, and were wonderful.

The guest judge this week was Kenny Ortega, so it was rather daring to dance that in front of him.

But rather than any pics of them, I just want to post this.

Amy Purdy and Derek Hough do a quickstep. Mind-blowing.

Seriously. Just look at that!!!

Now, if you were to ask me who were/are the weak links at this point, I’d say that Candace’s crazy religion/prudishness (still) really bugs me, but her dancing has been amazing. But if anyone is limited, it’s Charlie White. Mind you, he did this beautiful foxtrot on this night to “New York, New York” where he looked like Fred Astaire. Just gorgeous. His milieu is definitely happy, beautiful, nice things.

For that reason, it was ill-advised, to say the least, to have him attempt to do hip-hop. Dreadful choice, dreadful dance. I believe the hip-hop had been intended for the first segment of dances. Wisely, the producers switched it out to the second half.

There was a moment (well-crafted by producers) when all of the Olympians were “in jeopardy.” (Amy and Derek, Meryl and Maks and Charlie and Sharna). Charlie White ended up being the one (as I predicted) going home first among them.

Spectacularly bad choice. Sorry, Charlie.

Of all the decisions which made up Season 18, two were spectacularly bad. One was to have 80-year-old Billy Dee Williams on. The other was to have Charlie dance a samba to this hip hop tune (“Mo Money, Mo Problems”). Wow, was this bad.

If there’s one thing Charlie White can take away from this season of DWTS, it’s that a perfect season has a mix of good (happy, positive) elements and bad (sad, tragic, dark) elements. Charlie is the best at the good elements, and he never, not once, got even close to mastering the dark elements.

But that’s OK. America needs the good elements much more. I hope he focuses his career on those, cause he is a master of that.

Now, in between the first segment of dances, we had the final Macy’s Stars of Dance, choreographed by Derek, which was amazing. (Finding it difficult to find pics of that. Sorry.)

Then, the second round of dances. We went a little more country, with James and Peta doing a samba to “Islands in the Stream” (very sexy). Meryl and Maks did a Viennese waltz, looking like they were in a barn. Very interesting and beautiful.

Mark and Candace blew me away with their jazz number.

Candace Cameron-Bure and Mark Ballas. Courtesy of ABC.

Now, Candace Cameron-Bure is about as whitebread as Charlie White, but she proved in this number what at the beginning of the season I didn’t think was possible: that she could indeed see her dance as a CHARACTER, and embrace the darker side of life, of sexuality, of passion. She was dancing to “Nasty Boys” here. And she was amazing.

Not sure what brought about her transformation, but somehow, somewhere along the way, she got it, and completely deserves to be in the Finals because of it. Wonderful dancing.

And lastly, there was Derek and Amy, dancing jazz.

Amy Purdy and Derek Hough, dancing jazz. Courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor.

I’ve always considered that a measure of the performance of the song “Too Darn Hot” is whether you really feel hot, in listening to it. I was steaming with this one. Hot stuff, indeed.

Kenny Ortega, the final guest judge of the season, who really knows dance and is respected by these pros at the top of their game, said this, after this dance. “Derek, you redefined choreography for this generation.” (Very true words, but WOW.) Len, the curmudgeon, gave this dance a standing ovation. Big stuff here.

Amazing, amazing show.

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DWTS Week 7: Sexy Sweaty Skimpy Latin Night

Meryl and Maks doing a salsa. Courtesy of On The Red Carpet/ABC/Adam Taylor.

Controversies and injuries permeated this week’s episode of Dancing with the Stars. It was Latin Night, which translated to sexy, steamy, and mostly not a lot of clothes. (I thought it was wonderful!) Some others did not share that view.

Host Erin Andrews’ best move so far this season was to goad #DWTS viewers to vote (via Twitter) whether or not Tony should dance with his shirt off or on. Of course, the vote was “Off.” Sadly, the couple’s fate also ended up being “off”...the show. Although they were due to be ejected, IMHO. They were my least favorite at this point in the competition. NeNe never really got the whole complicated steps part. She definitely had the big personality down, but dance isn’t all about that, sorry.

Interesting changes this season to DWTS. As you can see, costuming is not what it once was, it’s much more modern and with the times these days. So too, the music. Much more heavy beat, club kind of music. I do think it’ll go far to bring in a younger audience, but still not sure if I like it.

Val and Danica do a samba. Courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor

Let’s jump to the injuries. Danica broke her rib, yet still decided to dance. I do believe that if she were not injured, this dance would’ve been one of my favorites all season. But they opted not to do any of the lifts they had planned.

This dance also brings up something which I find curious about this season. Previously, the dance being judged was only the two people at hand. More and more this season, the dancers are bringing in the troupe as backup. Certainly it adds more depth to the presentation, but I don’t know that it’s entirely fair to those who only dance with two people.

Val and Danica do a steamy samba.

Also dancing with a passel of people (and no injuries!), in the dance I considered the dance of the night, were Maks and Meryl, doing a salsa. (See pic above.) I still love this pairing and what they are doing with dance the most, and want them to win.

Also on the injury tangent, we have Derek and Amy. They had an amazing rumba that they performed. Very sexy, very sensual. The pictures don’t even do it justice. It was just fluid poetry to watch.

Derek Hough and Amy Purdy do a tantalizing rumba.

But sometime after their dance, she got injured and had to go to the hospital midshow. She was unable to participate in the team dances, and they had to judge it from the rehearsal footage (which was amazing).

Here’s hoping that both injured competitors regain their health swiftly.

There were other controversies. Meryl (one half of the Charlie and Meryl ice dancing gold medal team) is knocking out 10 after 10 after 10 being paired with Maks. Charlie, not so much. Sharna, to her credit, is choreographing some amazing stuff, but I think that Charlie is his own worst enemy here. I really do think that in ice dancing (or ice skating competition in general) it really is all about the scores. With dance (and DWTS in particular), it’s about the dance, and Charlie is forgetting that. Or needs to learn it.

They were tasked to do a paso doble (which we haven’t seen nearly enough of this season yet).

Sharna Burgess and Charlie White. Courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor. 

This picture really says it all (why their scores were not 10s). She is totally in it, and he looks like he’s still struggling. Sorry Charlie, but I can promise you this. You are going to be voted out of this thing before Meryl is.

Now we get to the big controversy that’s blowing up social media. Mind you, these are the people who got all up in arms about Janet Jackson’s nipple, so I tend to ignore them.

In one corner, we have the Candaces of the world (who actually send her children out of the studio during Peta’s dance!), and then we have this.

Latin dances are supposed to be hot, steamy, sexy. On this night, there was no more sexy one than Peta and James’ samba. Her choreography was stunning, the concept was great. He’s a gas station worker, and she stops by for some gas. Along the way, they are stripping off each other’s clothes, and she’s dancing most of the time in skimpy lingerie. I thought it was awesome.

Peta Murgatroyd and James Maslow do a steamy samba. Courtesy of On the Red Carpet/ABC/Adam Taylor.

Now, on the other side of the spectrum... At the beginning of Latin Night, when I saw what Candace was wearing, compared to the others, I thought she looked like a nun. Certainly we knew she wasn’t going to be wearing what Peta was wearing. However, that being said, I was pretty stunned when I really enjoyed their Argentine tango. Candace seriously rocked it.

Candace Cameron-Bure and Mark Ballas do an Argentine tango.

Mark Ballas and Candace Cameron Bure do an Argentine tango. Courtesy of OTRC/ABC/Adam Taylor.

It was also interesting that Candace and Mark went to a sports psychologist as part of their package, and she admitted that she’d never been in therapy! (An actress never before in therapy? WHAT?) Anyway, it had the result of making her more vulnerable and human to the audience. She remarked that she felt like she had been letting Mark down, and I am glad she came to that realization, because her dance tonight was much better.

So, as much as I hate to admit it, Candace does deserve to stay another week. I was proud of her.

Our lovely hosts, Tom Bergeron and Erin Andrews. Ricky Martin, guest judge, behind.

The losing team.

As I predicted last week, Derek’s team (again) won the team dance, and someone from the losing team went home.

The winning team (minus Amy Purdy, who was in the hospital). Courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor.

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DWTS Week 5: Every Week Is Disney Week at ABC... Oh, Wait...

Valentin Chmerkovskiy and Danica McKellar. Courtesy of ABC.

Normally, product placement in a show bugs the crap out of me. Devoting a whole episode to variations of things done by your corporate parent could get real tedious, real fast. However, with Dancing with the Stars on ABC, we are talking about corporate parent Disney, which, like it or not has some great iconic images under their domain. And the opposite side of blatant product placement is that they can do things (because they own all the characters) that no one else can. And so we have: Disney Week.

Like Val and Danica, above, being our guests with a lovely waltz. Val and Danica, btw, were my favorite couple from this week. Just wonderful to watch them dance. So perfect. Val looked so elegant in that suit. I realized later that he was going for the genie look (with his goatee and pulling his hair up straight in the middle). So sue me, I don’t have kids. Many of these movies were lost on me.

But I really enjoyed their dance, and Val’s choreography.

Danica and Val just look so “Disney,” don’t they?

We seem to be going in reverse order this week, with the couples I loved the most first.

Charlie White seems to have found his (and our) happy place, staying on the side of happy in his dances. And you can’t go wrong with Dick Van Dyke and Mary Poppins. Charlie and his pro partner Sharna recreated “Supercalifragilisticexpealidocioius” with a wonderful dance sequence. (It appears now that the DWTS “jazz” category essentially means: “whatever we feel like dancing which doesn’t fit in any of the other categories.” So, too, was this “jazz” dance.) Ah well, it was tons of fun.

Charlie White as Dick Van Dyke and Sharna Burgess as Julie Andrews. Courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor.

And it’s so good to see (most of) these couples back together again. There was a fire in their dancing this week.

Meryl and Maks, for example, did a wonderful Jungle Book samba, complete with samba rolls! Not sure what was up with the pants Maks was wearing, but certainly a half-naked Maks elicits a huge “Yes!” from this peanut gallery.

Meryl and Maks do a samba. Courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor.

Have I mentioned how glad I am that Maks is back? Hm... yes...

Then we had a very emotional moment or two with Amy Purdy, who realized, in trying to do a waltz this week, the limitations of her lack of legs. But Derek Hough, brilliant choreographer that he is, came up with a way around the limitations, and for my eyes, it looked to all the world like a beautiful, dreamlike Disney waltz of Cinderella and her prince. Bravo to Derek for that. And to Amy for persevering through what appeared to be a really tough week.

It is very interesting to me, I suppose, like most things worth having in life, how people come onto Dancing with the Stars thinking it’s going to be one thing, and it ends up being something so completely different. More of a spiritual and psychological challenge and growth period.

Derek and Amy in waltz hold. Note foot placement.

This is a bit (from what I understand) of what the traditional waltz entails. But one of Amy’s issues with dancing is wanting/needing to feel like she’s not falling, certainly moreso than people who have the use of their legs for balance.

So what seemed to have been done (for this dance, at least) was a bit of improvisation. Her feet (as you can see above) are almost nearly covered through the whole dance, whereas in other dances this season, you could see them. Also, rather than doing the whole waltz in traditional hold, Derek devised more of this:

Amy Purdy and Derek Hough were magical.

Sort of a backwards hold, which had the effect of her appearing strong, and him appearing very much in love with her. It was truly magical and awe-inspiring.

Of the other dancers, James and Peta were in another world with their contemporary dance to the Oscar®-nominated song from Frozen.

James and Peta do contemporary to the song from Frozen.

Drew and Cheryl? Eh. NeNe and Tony? God help us. (I feel sorry for Tony, but I’m pretty done with NeNe.) Thankfully, the kids (Witney & Cody) were voted out this week.

And then, there’s Candace and Mark Ballas. I really love Mark Ballas, and would love for him to win (and every season I do start out saying this), but WOW! I really can’t stand Candace. This week, in our I Don’t Care I’m on a Dance Show that Shows a lot of Skin, I’m Doing It MY Way Follies...Candace decides to show some skin. (Mark, however, is buttoned up from top to bottom, even having flippers instead of hands.)

The upside? I absolutely loved 100% every single thing Mark did (even his costume!). He was (as usual) a blast to watch. So much energy! So many great steps. So much fun.

Candace? UGH. Let me just show you. Here’s her idea of “showing a little skin.”

Mark Ballas, in his element. And Candace.

This picture really says it all. Here’s Mark, the maestro that he is, loving it, thriving, dancing his ass off. And Candace, who looks like a tired mom who just needs to go home already. So sad. UGH.

I do really want to take a moment to commend the costumers, who have to contend with people like Candace, but also for this season giving us lots of fun textures and sparkles to look at, as well as really recreating versions of every single one of these beloved Disney movies. I love the fact that more and more of these dancers are being allowed to dance in flatter shoes (men, too, seem to be more comfortable with their shoes), and we seem to be getting FAR fewer (as in we haven’t heard of any yet this season) dance injuries. Women also aren’t tripping over long ballgowns. I, for one, am grateful about all of the above.

I’m also so very grateful that the very beautiful Erin Andrews was dragged out of her black/white sackcloth and put into a gorgeous Boston Strong blue ballgown. Very nice. Also rocked the amazing updo. Kudos to her hair people. (LOVE HER. Have I mentioned that? She’s such a great addition to the show.)

Also am grateful for those, notably Peta and Maks and Val this season, who will bare skin if it’s warranted in the dance (from the characters and the scenarios). I’m sure Mark Ballas would too, if he weren’t locked down by his prudish dance partner. UGH.

Let’s end this review with a little JOY, shall we? A little happy? A little up? (Oh, and thank you, too, to whomever finally got their act together on the webpage and started posting photos again. You will notice Week 4 is completely missing still. *sigh*)

But here’s to joy and beauty and love and romance. Cause really, isn’t that what Disney is all about?

The magical Amy Purdy as Cinderella and Derek Hough as her Prince. Courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor and Disney.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is what happiness looks like. Charlie White.

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DWTS Week 2: It's Not YOU, It's the Character

Sharna Burgess and Charlie White. Courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor.

It’s been an interesting season of Dancing With the Stars so far. It’s only Week 2 of Season 18, and already we have learned so much.

The thing that I love about #DWTS (well, so many things)... is that you really do learn a lot about this art form called dance, if you really truly listen.

This dance above, for example. Sharna Burgess and Charlie White’s tango, in which all-around great guy Charlie White had to enlist Maksim Chmerkovskiy so he could truly put forth a character which is two-timing and with a roving eye. (I might add that Charlie did not achieve said aim to these eyes, but his dancing was decent along the way.)

And that is something at an advanced level of dancing, I might add. Actors, for example, in their beginning days, may think they just have to stand up and say a bunch of lines. As their learning progresses, they learn that to be a good actor, they have to actually convincingly portray someone else (someone who is NOT them). And if they are a truly sublime actor, they truly become that person before your eyes. Convince you with every fiber of their being that they ARE that person, and that the words they are saying are TRUE, that is, from their very soul. That’s tough stuff. Most actors, frankly, do not attain such heights, only a handful really make that transformation.

But we learned, if we did not know it already, in this Week 2 episode of #DWTS, that great dancing involves creating a character, WHO IS NOT YOU, to inform the dance. For example, tangos. The greatest tangos, as we have seen, involve lots of passion and drama. Those participants may or may not have such passion between them, but they have to CONVINCE us they do. They have to convey the love story, and the dance is the vehicle with which to do that.

Also, anything that gets in the way of the essential heart of the drama being played out is going to detract from the dance.

I bring all this Dance Education 101 up because of what else happened in Week 2, which we saw hints of on Week 1. Namely, this.

The oh-so-patient Mark Ballas and Candace.

Now, Miss Candace has already warned us (last week) that she’s “a mom,” who won’t be partaking in any of those skimpy costumes this show struts around. I’m sure there are those in the audience cheering this decision. (Mind you, those are also the folks who had a problem with Janet Jackson’s nipple.) AND, as if that weren’t bad enough, this week, we get to see her NIX the idea of Mark taking his shirt off.

Mark and Candace were set to dance A RUMBA, arguably the sexiest dance this show offers, and she is making them dress in sackcloth. :-0

Here’s the thing, Candace Cameron-Bure, and take this advice very seriously. IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. When you are dancing, you are a CHARACTER. And it’s not that DWTS just likes to have everyone running around in skimpy outfits. Think for a moment. You have a limited amount of time (what is it, three minutes?) to convey something to an audience. You use every device at your disposal (BRAVO to the stage crafters, lighting designers, producers and others who make magic every week on DWTS). But one of those devices is also COSTUMES.

How does one convey that this romance between two people is the hottest you’ve ever seen? In three minutes? Sorry, but it helps if you have two partially unclothed people, because it conveys some kind of sexual activity between them. It’s a shorthand that everyone in the audience understands.

I don’t give a crap that you are a Mom, and you feed your kids peanut butter and jelly on lunches. In that moment, when I am a viewer watching your dance, all I want to see is the emotion, and the sexuality, that you are supposed to be portraying. That’s it. And if you don’t give us that: THE DANCE LOSES.

Poor Mark Ballas. He had to suffer through this kind of nonsense with Bristol Palin. His interview in Week 2 noted about Candace, “you are even worse than Bristol Palin.” SIGH. I really feel for him in this.

So, in their dance, he did what he could, emoting up a storm to convey that these two people are desperately passionate in their Week 2 RUMBA, but what could you do?

The professional Mark Ballas and the prude Candace Cameron Bure.

Sorry, but this is just not selling “sexy” to me, though I can really see Mark Ballas trying hard. But they look like nuns. Horrible stuff. Eh.

Later, when the judges scored her negatively for doing an unsexy rumba, she had the balls to say, “I want to reserve certain things for my husband.” Jeez, woman, get off the stage. We are not asking you to have sex with Mark Ballas in front of us. This is a CHARACTER and it’s in service of the DANCE. If you don’t get that, well, frankly, you shouldn’t have signed up for this show.

Let me show you a contrast.

James and Peta do a salsa (also a very sexy dance). In his interview, he jokes about doing it fully nude. Now THAT would be a very sexy salsa. All 10s! Ahem... anyway... their dance was STEAMY. They were my second favorite of the week. Look.

Peta Murgatroyd and James Maslow do a samba. Courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor.

Steamy, right? Sexy just dripping from this picture. Now there is also nothing in this photo that one would have to “save for their husband.” The dancer, Peta, is conveying mostly by her costume, that the salsa is one sexy dance. That’s the deal here, Constance.

And guess what? James and Peta were the second-highest scorers of the night.

Also, if you think of dance in a kind of feng-shui way, you don’t want to throw up anything which is going to block the emotion and the sexuality you are trying to convey. Taking a stance of “I’m not going to do that, and I’m not going to let you as my partner do that either,” just ruins it. There’s no other way to say it.

I am simply crying for Mark Ballas right now.

But OK, to the rest of the show, and those who DO get it.

Those voted out this week (two couples) were Diana Nyad and whoever it was she was dancing with, and Karina and her lunkhead hockey player. Hopefully we will see Karina back during that Switch Up thing at least. But honestly, I’m really glad to see both of those couples go. Will be glad to see Billy Dee Williams leave very soon too. And, as much as I love Mark and his dancing, I really hate what Constance is doing, so Goodbye to them soon too... (hopefully).

Oh, but let’s talk about what we enjoyed this week, shall we?

We had this:

NeNe Leakes and Tony Dovolani do a jive.

And this:

Cheryl Burke and Drew Carey’s jive.

Speaking of hotness, and not afraid to show it, we had this:

Danica McKellar and Val Chmerkovskiy do a hot samba.

A continuously amazing pair: Derek Hough and Amy Purdy, who did an incredible swing dance this week.

Derek Hough’s amazing swing choreography with Amy Purdy.

Derek, as always, had amazing choreography. But look at this swing move (above). He swung her whole body around, in time to the music. Incredible.

With the ice dancing couples, let’s start with Charlie and Sharna. As mentioned a bit above, one of Charlie White’s greatest challenges in this show is not the choreography, but to unlearn the concept of constant smiling (which you have to do in figure skating). Also, the tango, which he attempted this week, is about anger and volatile passion, whereas Mr. White seem like a total pussycat.

So, the steps were there, but the bubbling passion underneath (to me) was not. I hope they get a chance to do another (maybe Argentine tango) later in the season, when he’s worked on this concept a bit more.

Also, they danced to a song which said, “I’m Addicted to You,” and Charlie’s stage direction was to be looking out at other women in the audience. Clearly, if one is addicted to someone, that person is all they can think about, so the song (as far as character motivation) didn’t work at all for me.

Sharna Burgess and Charlie White do a tango.

However, bravo to the costumers who are doing more with sheer fabrics so that you can see the feet of the female dancers. This one, on Sharna, was just stunning and mesmerizing. (And while we’re talking costuming, can I just say how much I love that they are wearing sneakers much more, both women and men?)

But my favorite dance of the night was the other ice dancing couple, Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Meryl Davis. Maks called it, “the most lift-y routine I’ve ever done.” He says he’s “way too old for this,” but I thought he looked just great out there.

Meryl Davis and Maksim Chmerkovskiy swinging.

And the interplay between Maks and Erin was once again golden. Love it!

All in all, some really great dances already at Week 2. I don’t know about you, but I’m still thanking the lucky stars that Maksim is back.

Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Meryl Davis do a swing. Courtesy of ABC.

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Sexy, Sultry Dancing with the Stars Is BACK! and so’s MAKS! YAY!

The stunning opening number to Season 18, choreographed by Mandy Moore. Courtesy of ABC.

I had the misfortune of perusing comment boards prior to the start of Season 18 of Dancing with the Stars. The vitriol went along these lines: “I’m not going to watch because...” “those costumes! So skimpy!” “Why’d they get rid of Brooke Burke?” “Where’s the bandleader and orchestra?” “I’m not going to watch anymore...” Blah blah blah, like that.

Well, ladies and gents, ABC had its answer for ya. And it was this. (See above.) In your face, right out of the gate, we had the first ever guest artist singing in an opening number, with Jason Derulo, belting out, “Talk Dirty to Me,” as the sexy cast of pros strutted and sauntered sexily (women and men). The music, btw, SOUNDED GREAT!

Here’s what it was (the whole show) most of all: ALIVE. The music throbbed and pulsed and seemed up to date, the cast interacted with the hosts in a natural way (Congrats, Erin Andrews, great job! I love ya!), there was just less BS overall.

In fact, I would even say that it was really more distilled essence of Dancing with the Stars than it’s ever been. No frou-frou crap to fill time. The heinous “Glitter Pit” from last season is blissfully gone (replaced by the upstairs waiting area in a different place, with wider stairs as access). The judges are back on the side they belong on, all is seemingly right with the #DWTS world.

Oh, and most of all, THIS.

Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Meryl, the gold medalling ice dancer.

Let me just say this about that. I was one of the many who, when Maks had his egotistical dustup with the judges, was wishing him banished. But this is me, now, like a scorned lover coming back with her tail beween her legs, kissing the floor in front of Maksim, joyously proclaiming his return.

Sure, sure, we’ve made do with the Chmerkovskiy magic with Valentin’s amazingness (which, thankfully, we still have), but it is Maks (like he said) who really makes the show. There is just something he gives this show, a gravitas, a deep-rooted sexuality, something, without which it threatens to fly away with its bubbliness and pandering to sponsors. I almost cried to see him dancing again with his partner Meryl.

For me, it boils down to this: This is DWTS. Derek. Mark Ballas. Maksim Chmerkovskiy. Karina Smirnoff. Cheryl Burke. Len, Bruno, Carrie Anne. Tom Bergeron. That’s it. Others can come and go, but those elements MUST be there for it to be the show it’s capable of being.

Others, like Valentin and Peta Murgatroyd and Tony Dovolani, buff it up and make it better, but those others are its core. Maybe the powers that be at ABC finally realized it, too.

Also, let me say that (although I suppose we’ll never know the reals on this sitch), the dance floor is littered with those rumored to be Maks’ conquests (Karina, Peta, etc.), the most fun to me, while ABC was busy playing up the romance of Peta and her dance partner (she is always rumored to be romantically involved with her dance partners; I actually think it makes her dance better), the real hot sparks (to my eyes) were between (also romantically rumored) former dance partners Erin Andrews and Maksim C.

The hottest (sexiest) dance I’ve ever seen on this show was between Maks and Erin, that dance in that bed they did. WHEW! I get hot just thinking about that dance.

Nothing was said in any of the packages about that hotness, but to me it was palpable in their banter.

I don’t know about anyone else, but dance is primal. It’s all about the sex. All Maksim has to do is walk into a room, and a person’s thinking about sex already. So, as we start fanning ourselves here, let’s just say that with the dancers and Maksim back and the new show orientation: they’ve indeed brought SEXY back.

It’s dripping with sex, and hot costumes, and hot bodies and appreciation of the DANCE of it all. APPLAUSE.

OK, now let’s get to the nitty gritty of this premiere episode: the dances.

Twelve competitors. Let’s start with the easy ones. The ones I cover my eyes when they appear, and really wish they would be gone immediately are: Billy Dee Williams and Diana Nyad. Heavens! Case in point. Did you know he is going to be in the upcoming Star Wars movie? No? Let us remind you. *sigh*

Oh dear God. There have been some clunky competitors: Valerie Harper from last season comes to mind. But old, and I do mean OLD, Billy Dee Williams takes the cake. He looks like he is waiting for his walker, which is just offstage. If there was a shuffling off to Buffalo award, he’d win it. No, wait, that gives a bad name to shuffling. Ah, let’s not bash the poor guy, after all, in a galaxy far far away he was once Lando Kalrissian. (Emphasis on FAR AWAY.)

Let’s just hope that he gets voted off first next week! (I really do feel bad for Emma, who had such a great season last year with someone that no one, me included, thought could dance at the beginning.) As the 5s from the judges started rolling in this week, she looked crestfallen. Dude, Billy Dee was TERRIBLE. Possibly worst contender on DWTS ever. (I’m truly hard-pressed to come up with a worse one.) Seriously, MY EYES!

Diana Nyad wasn’t much better. Dreadful. Hope she’s the next to go. And it’s truly not that I’m ageist, it’s just that straight-up, these folks can’t dance. Not an iota. Hell, Billy looks like he can barely walk. No joke.

So let’s focus on the dancers who have a hope in hell of lasting past a couple of episodes, shall we?

Since I seem to be going from least-liked to best-liked, there is also Karina’s partner, a former hockey player who seems to have difficulty even smiling. Talk about an oaf! Sheesh. Now, I think Karina Smirnoff is the best female dancer on this show, and one of the world’s best dancers (as Maksim said last season), but man, I sure hope these two are voted off quickly.

Karina Smirnoff, looking like a world-class dancer. Sean Avery, looking like a longshoreman.

James and Peta seem to have a romance brewing. Drew Carey is the “only partner I didn’t have to Google,” said Cheryl Burke like five times to different press outlets. *eyeroll*

For the youngsters, there’s some 18 year old who’s apparently big in Australia. He’s dancing with a new pro, Whitney. They were fun.

Those are my bottom tier this seaon. Any of those could go, and I’d be quite happy.

Let’s just pause, take a deep breath, and then ponder those who are actually going to be winning the Mirror Ball this season.

Amy Purdy and Derek Hough. Courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor.

Derek Hough, always pushing boundaries, and taking us into places that the rest of us can’t go, is this season dancing with a woman who has no legs. Amazing, incredible and brave.

Valentin Chmerkovskiy, always one to watch, is this season dancing with a woman who, if she doesn’t tone down the smile wattage a few notches is going to put the audience into a sugar coma.

Danica and Val.

Tony Dovolani, previous Mirror Ball winner, has his work cut out for him (similar to winner Amber Riley last season) with NeNe Leakes. She is a whole lotta woman, and I don’t mean size, I mean attitude and presence. She dominates that dance floor (as Amber did last season, with Derek).

Tony Dovolani and NeNe Leakes.

I’m not sure what this whole “Change partners and DANCE” thing is that they hint about for midseason, but I sure hope it ends up with Maks and NeNe dancing together. THAT I wanna see.

Let’s get to the three teams that I hope are some combination of final three.

MARK BALLAS and CANDACE CAMERON BURE

I always like Mark Ballas as a finalist going in. He’s one of the main reasons I watch DWTS season after season. I feel sorry that he keeps being saddled with partners who wear their conservatism like a badge. I liked Ms. Candace just fine until she says in her package: “I'm not going to wear those skimpy costumes! I’m a mom!” *huff, puff* Good grief.

On this show, baby, you’re a DANCER, so suck it up. Just look at this.

Candace Cameron Bure and Mark Ballas do contemporary.

Now, if you weren’t so intent upon being “a mom,” and chaste and whatever, you might not end up with folds of clothing which splat into your partner’s face like this. Why don’t you just SHUT UP and let the costumers (who are fantastic) do their job? Do you think it endears you to us to say such things? No. It makes me want to vote for you less. You signed up for this gig: DEAL WITH IT.

You are blessed with a partner whose amazing dance talent is going to take you MUCH further in this competition than you really deserve to go, so enjoy it, and be gracious to the team that got you there. Wear whatever costumes they give you.

Remember when poor Mark was saddled with Bristol Palin? *shudders* Or that other chick, who also wouldn’t wear skimpy clothes because of her religion? She had clothes up to her neck, and the judges kept saying she was unable to “find her sexuality.” Well, duh. (Dance, remember, at its purest, is about SEX! As the producers so clearly know.)

So far, Ms. Bure seems to be a better dancer than either of those two, so I hope she can learn to curb her errant comments a bit and be gracious about what the wonderful Mr. Ballas has to teach her. Ugh.

MAKSIM CHMERKOVSKIY and MERYL DAVIS

I don’t know about you, but I was still on an Olympics high when this season of DWTS began. And Meryl and Charlie contributed greatly to that. So it’s just so wonderful to see Meryl dancing! And add to that the supreme visceral, all-is-now-right-with-the-world joy of seeing Maksim on the dance floor again.

In the packages, people are all meeting their partners for the first time, seeing what they can do. Maks asks Meryl to spin into his hand, “Can you do that?” he says innocently. She flawlessly spins on point about six times. Maks smiles slyly, “Yeah, I can work with that.” It was great.

Meryl Davis and Maksim Chmerkovskiy.

Maks, I take back every single bad word I ever said about you. Be a bad boy, be an egotistical bastard. I don’t care. Just don’t ever go away again. DWTS needs you. Truly. And I am so glad you are back!

SHAUNA BURGESS and CHARLIE WHITE

The other half of the Olympic ice dancing team that just won America’s first gold medal is Charlie White. They did a cute thing when Meryl started her dance, with both of them waving and Maks pulls her away to dance. It was really nice.

Hopefully this season they will both learn the art of doing a character, and quit smiling so much. To that end, we had this.

Charlie White and Sharna Burgess do contemporary. Courtesy of ABC/Adam Taylor.

My favorite dance of the first night of Season 18. Charlie and Shauna. Awesome stuff. These top three teams are my favorites to watch.

And with any luck, America will have done the right thing and voted out the worst dancer. So we don’t have any more of this nonsense...

Meryl and Maks with two “audience members.”

Ugh.

Erin Andrews, btw, was just what the show needed. I am so very glad she’s there, and so very glad that the wondrous Tom Bergeron is still there, too. (And that he got his pinch from Maks.) The world smiles.

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Dancing With the Stars Season 18 Announces New Cast and Changes

Why should we watch Dancing with the Stars Season 18? WHY? Here’s why.

Maksim Chmerkovskiy, Meryl Davis, Charlie White, Sharna Burgess. Courtesy of ABC

Those two crazy kids in the middle there? You might recognize them. They just won a couple of gold medals in Sochi for ice dancing.

And the man to Meryl’s right? Love him or hate him, the fact is, we miss him. Dancing with the Stars’ bad boy extraordinaire, Maksim Chmerkovskiy, is BACK!!! I have bitched about him too, in these pages, but I am really glad to see him in the roster. Cause I’ve missed Maks’ dancing. Sure his little brother Val was great, transcendent even, with his last two partners, but the Mirror Ball proved as elusive to Val as it did to his brother before him. (Sadly.) And Maks just flat out gives the show something that it really needs, so I am truly and sincerely, really glad he’s back.

Sharna Burgess, the gorgeous woman to Charlie White’s left, has also gotten kind of a bum deal in the last few seasons. She was superb with Andy Dick, but got voted out too soon. And she danced her heart out as part of the troupe last season, but it was very clear that this woman is meant to be a pro! So I’m very glad that she starts out the season with possibly the best male competitor, Charlie White. Go Sharna!

Those aren’t the only reasons to watch, of course, but those are the—pardon all the Olympics puns—the gold star reasons.

There are other Olympians, other athletes, which we’ll all go through in good time as the season progresses. Plus our usual roster of has-beens and washed-up stars. Oh, settle down, it’s a joke... speaking of which, did you see Chelsea Handler talking to George Stephanopolous recently? She had to explain every joke to him. And he asked her: “Why don’t you go on #DWTS?” Quothe she: “I have a job.” It really is like that.

NeNe Leaks and Tony Dovolani. Courtesy of ABC

We also have these two. Talk about an interesting pairing to watch! 

So we’ll get into all these folks more in detail on the first episode. Today, I just wanted to tell you what I’m excited about.

All the important people are here: both Chmerkovskiy brothers, Mark Ballas, Sharna, Karina Smirnoff, Cheryl Burke, Peta Murgatroyd. I was just about having a heart attack during the announcement because they had announced everyone and Derek Hough was still not there. Luckily, he is there, and this season, he’s dancing with a woman with two prosthetic legs. That should be amazing.

(My own personal “I won’t watch this show if...” would come down to two things: Mark Ballas and Derek Hough. As long as they are there, all is right with the world.)

Which brings us to the next part. If you read any #DWTS comments sections this week, you’re going to see a whole lot of *huffy* “Well, I’m not watching the show NOW!” stuff.

Let’s all just take a deep breath, shall we?

Two major things happened to ruffle the continuum in the #DWTS universe. One, conductor Harold Wheeler and his orchestra (and presumably singers) are all gone. They have been replaced with... well, it’s unclear. I’ve seen reports that say both a smaller band and a tape machine. We shall see, won’t we?

In either case, in the case of both of these changes, I say, let’s just see what the show has up its sleeve, shall we? While I always mourn talented artists in Hollywood having jobs and then losing them, I also really love how #DWTS, like any good artist, is always changing, evolving, moving with the times. That is how cutting-edge art is made. Whether anyone else knows it or not, #DWTS is really full of cutting edge art, dancers at the top of their game being brilliant.

However, it’s also true that the show started as a “strictly ballroom” show. Hence, a big orchestra with a bandleader. But as the show has evolved, doing more “jazz” numbers and hip hop and other things, it’s really not appropriate to have an orchestra do those. Or, in some cases, with some songs, they just flat out can’t. So what does one do? Force the orchestra to do record scratches? Or evolve, and let the artists that this show is about (ie, DANCERS) do what they need to present their art in the best way?

I firmly say: the LATTER. And so, apparently, did ABC. Gone is the big orchestra. Hopefully, the wanky little waiting area on the side of the judges is also gone (from last season). Good change: not having tired dancers have to mount a flight of stairs after dancing. Bad change: the dancer waiting area right next to the judges. There is a certain amount of distance between artist and audience which is appropriate and necessary, so I really hope that is one of the first changes we also see. Also, we don’t want the forced, “You have to sit there,” nonsense. Let them walk around backstage or warm-up or do whatever they have to do for their process. It’s not necessary to have everyone on camera all the time.

And the other big change, the one which really got a lot of folks up in arms, and prompted the “Well, I’m not watching now! Harumph!” nonsense all over social media was the firing of Brooke Burke-Charvet. Here’s my opinion on the matter. Brooke Burke is gorgeous, looks great in a dress, and I look forward to seeing her on a calendar or in a magazine at some point in the future. But frankly, the job is that of announcer. Which doesn’t just mean reading off cue cards (which, let’s face it, our Miss Brooke struggled with QUITE OFTEN), it’s also being an integral part of the show. Like lube that eases everything along.

Tom Bergeron is brilliant at this. Some people were snarkily commenting that it’s because Brooke Burke is getting older and Erin Andrews, her replacement, is younger, and that’s why. To which I say: Tom Bergeron. Tom is probably older than the both of them put together, and he’s not going anywhere. And that’s because he knows his job, and he does his job as well as anyone in the business (which is also why HE got nominated for Emmys, and Brooke Burke-Charvet never did).

Here’s why Tom earns his salary and Brooke didn’t. In the Maks dustup with the judges, which caused Maks to exit the show for two seasons, Tom was right there, making (unscripted) jokes, keeping things running, keeping tempers smoothed. Brooke, in contrast, was like a deer in headlights. That, IMHO, is why she really needed to be fired a couple seasons ago.

Let’s see. She can’t read cue cards decently, she asks inane questions awkwardly, she is terrible at impromptu unscripted moments. What does she do again? Oh yeah, she looks great in a dress. That’s not what you hire ANNOUNCERS for. So ABC is very savvy to put in Erin Andrews, who, like Brooke, earned her dance stripes by dancing on the show, with Maks, no less.

And, right out of the gate, at the big Good Morning America announcement, Andrews proved why she’s the right person for the job. Not only does she smooth things with banter, but she also understands social media, and referenced it. Naturally. Like she actually uses it.

So, it appears that the new season of #DWTS is about change. Many in the audience seem to be bristling at it, but I thrive on change and look forward to everything DWTS has to offer us.

Oh, speaking of which, sometime (I would assume mid-season) they are throwing in a twist, where the teams will switch partners and WE, the audience, get to choose who is partnered up with whom. That should be very fun. One wonders if that means that good pros who are voted out quickly might be able to come back? Or just from the ones who are left? Either way, recent seasons have seemed like it was a long, but assured, walk to the Mirror Ball for some people. It’s good to change it up a bit. Keeps the pros on their toes.

Plus, it also may mean we get to see Derek dancing with Meryl at some point after all. :-)  Or Maks with NeNe, which is the pairing I wanted. Should really be a fun season. I can’t wait.

Dancing with the Stars Season 18 starts Monday, March 17 on ABC.

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BTW, in another side note, I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but I sure have. ABC has this new “Watch ABC” app, which is all well and good. I love the idea of being able to watch past shows whenever and wherever you can. But here’s the thing. You have to be “verified”—you have to have subscribed to one of the approved service providers, otherwise, you don’t get to see ABC on your devices. I, like most of LA, has Time Warner as my service provider. Guess what? They are not on the verified list.

So suddenly what used to be free TV is now unavailable. If you don’t watch it in the moment, you’re screwed. I suppose it’s available on some service (Hulu+ or iTunes or somewhere), but it’s free TV which is now no longer accessible. Very frustrating. So I don’t know how many recaps I’m actually going to be doing this season. I used to just hop on my computer and rewatch whichever parts I needed to see again to write my reviews. But no longer!

I was trying to do just such a thing to watch The Bachelor: Women Tell All thing, which I missed because of that little Oscars event, and now can’t access it. So I’m not writing a story about it.

Sure hope these corporate giants figure this crap out someday. Don’t make it HARDER for us to watch something, jeez! Most people will just not watch. Plenty of other choices out there. 

Bad move, ABC.

However, I am thanking the stars every single day that Juan Pablo is not on Season 18’s cast. Good move, ABC.

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