Donald Driver's Secret Weapon

First things first. Ladies and gentlemen, our Season 14 winners:

Peta Murgatroyd and Donald Driver. And here's why.

When last I examined this, I looked at the top four couples. Let's visit them again.

In fourth place (unjustly) was Derek Hough and Maria Menounos. Their ouster at fourth place was certainly an anamoly of voting, of people thinking they were safe, and not picking up the phone for them. The night that was their last, they had TWO perfect dances. TWO 30s from the judges. That is not a couple who was meant to go home.

And I am, frankly, still upset about it. So, let's just gloss over Derek and Maria's perfection.

 (*SOBS*)

What does it take to become a champion?

Frankly,  what it takes to win, mostly, is amazing choreography by the Pro. That's why you are going to see Derek Hough and Mark Ballas win the Mirror Ball over and over and over again (and Karina Smirnoff), because they provide stunning, breath-taking choreography for us to feast upon.

To my eyes, Cheryl Burke is a good choreographer, servicable, but she is not on the same level as Hough and Ballas. She just isn't. Added to that, her partner, William Levy got to third place mostly because he has a rabid fan following that salivated over his hot looks (and his gorgeous shaking ass). Them's the facts, m'am. In interviews afterwards, Burke tried to play down the fact that it was a pretty face that helped get "Team Fuego" to third.

No, he was pretty. That's what got you third. Own it. Embrace it.

First or Second? How do we decide?

Then we come down to our top two. Let me say this. I love Mark Ballas' choreography, more than anyone else on this show, and so I always, from the first episode, hope that he comes in first, and expect him to.

What I realized with Season 14 is that choreography only gets you so far. And while any of the top four in any other season might have won, in THIS super competitive, multi-talented season, it was not enough.

Naughty Bits as a Downfall

Katherine Jenkins, while elegant and graceful and providing stunning lines, almost from her first dance, was hindered by one thing, which ended up keeping her from the Mirror Ball trophy. She is, pretty much, a prude.

Now, I'm not saying that it's a prerequisite for a winner of DWTS to run around in scanty clothes, necessarily. It's more this. One has to own one's body as a dancer. The body, clothed or unclothed, is a vehicle for the dance. We saw, in the interview packages, how Katherine would stammer and laugh and blush when confronted with her "naughty bits." She didn't like showing them, she didn't like dealing with them. If there was one thing she was roundly consistently criticized for was that her dances "lacked fire."

William Levy was graded (perhaps too much by salivating Bruno) for being "sex on a stick." Katherine didn't own her sexiness enough. I am convinced that kept her from the trophy.

My take on it is that Mark Ballas, knowing what it takes to win this thing, was pushing her to give more fire, to get outside her comfort zone. She didn't want to, she didn't want to, then finally she did, in this dance.

Look at this picture. The man on the left is totally comfortable in his own body, and with his own sexuality. He owns this dance. Look at the woman on the right. She is not at all comfortable with the amount of skin she's presently showing (even though, as a DWTS costume goes, this is very chaste; still it was the most skin Katherine showed all season).

At the end of this dance, she "had a back spasm." Her uptightness over her costume made her pull out her back, and it was also the moment when she unconciously decided, "You know what? Second place is good enough for me. I'm really OK with that."

Don't believe me? Here are her costumes for the final.

This:

And this:

She had white shorts on under her flapper dress. SHORTS.

Makes me sad. But that's why she got second, though her choreography was stunning and executed flawlessly.

Now, by contrast.

When you want  something so bad you can taste it...

I had Katherine and Mark in my initial picks. I had Derek and Maria. I didn't know anything really about Peta and Donald Driver (though I've always been suspicious of athletes, they do tend to win a lot).

I was blithely going on, at the beginning of the season, picking my Favorite Dance of the Week (which you can see on my Pinterest board: http://www.pinterest.com/michebel). Mark and Katherine, then Derek and Maria. By week four though (Rock Week), it was (shockingly to me) Donald Driver and Peta Murgatroyd who had captured my "Dance of the Week" honor.

Their Purple Haze was not to be denied. And it was just so far above all the other competitors.

Look at this, you can already see a championship team at work.

Both competitors are owning that stage.

Or this:

Or their Viennese waltz. Or their story-filled "Mr. Big Stuff":

 What you see in these pictures are two people, singular of purpose, who both really want to win.

Peta because it was her second season as a pro, and in her first season, she was voted out first. Donald because he loved Dancing with the Stars.

This turned out to be their secret weapon. He loved the show. He loved it so much that he watched it, every season. Knew every player, watched every dance.

Where this came into play was the end.

In finals week, Donald was the one who came up with, "...well, back in Season Two..."

And they pulled a move that a similar champion had done. They danced their freestyle to country.

Dudes, it's America. America loves country music.

This was the dance that won the Mirror Ball, I promise you.

Donald Driver knew, from studying the tapes of past seasons, what it took to win. And he wanted that, badly.

And, I have to say, I am happy that they were the ones who won. They wanted it, they deserved it, and they done America proud.

Congratulations to Donald Driver and Peta Murgatroyd, our new Mirror Ball champions.

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Glee's Cruelty Trumps its Rampant Pedophilia

 Mostly concerning: Glee, Season 3, Episode 6: "Mash-off"

I'm having a real problem lately. It concerns TV shows having reprehensible main characters that they then expect us to root for and/or care about.

On the "good" end of this spectrum (ie, shows that do this properly), we have TV magic like Tony Soprano and Breaking Bad's Walter White. They never lose their center, their gravitas, as they descend into madness.

On the "I wanna gouge my eyes out with sticks for watching this" side of the spectrum, we have the travesty of last season's Bachelor, whose Courtney made me never want to watch that show again. I literally want to throw up when I even think about watching it.

We also have shows like Desperate Housewives, who start out nice, with characters you want to invest in and actresses that are compelling, and devolve into soapy messes. I ducked out of Desperate Housewives once they had that killer in the basement nonsense going on, and never went back.

And then we have the case of Glee. The first season was pretty magical. The kids were wonderful singers and dancers. Sure, people threw slushies at each other and called each other "Loser," but what high school doesn't have that?

The second season nearly went off the rails, with a mess of storylines. Poor Sue Sylvester, if it weren't for her sister dying, she would've been a caricature of meaness with no respite. Dreadful.

I went into the third season, more hopeful. Indeed, there was a throughline of story revolving around student council elections and the school play. It seemed to have more cohesion. Heck, it had Eric Stoltz directing! How bad could it be?

Well, then there was "Mash Off." Two things about this episode left me gasping at my screen: the rampant pedophilia, left unchecked; and the absolute meanness and judgmentalism of one of the characters. Let's explore those one by one.

First, let me remind those who maybe haven't seen the show that most of the cast is supposedly in high school. Granted, it's kinda obvious that most of these actors are at least in their 20s, but, in theory, they are teens.

So, frankly, even  some of the storylines (one main character was pregnant in the first season, and not by her boyfriend. Ouch.) leave me squeamish. But sure, in reality, teens do have sex. I am open minded enough to realize that.

Here's where it crosses the line for me. Students don't have sex with teachers. Teachers, for that matter, don't egg on students in the sexual direction. That's a line that shouldn't be crossed. I'm really hardcore about this because there is WAY too much sexual abuse of teens going on (both boys and girls). Here's my bottom line: Adults don't sleep with those under 18. Period. No exceptions. And TV shows shouldn't condone this behavior, or glorify it in any way.

This episode, "Mash Off," kicks off with Puck (who tells us no less than three times that "I'm really 18..."'; in real life, he's 30) waxing lyrical about how enamoured he is with his teacher (who now has custody of his illegitimate child, given up for adoption).

He then launches into Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher," which I admit is a great song. They also do a great rendition of it.

But here's the thing. They are TEENS. And they are singing "Hot for Teacher"? And their actual (male) teacher is in the room, and he's digging it? And encouraging them? It made me want to puke. It was really NOT OK, and every adult who participating in creating this episode should be ashamed of themselves.

Shockingly, it wasn't even the worst part of the episode.

Let me give a bit of backstory about the next part.

A regular storyline of all three seasons is how, even though regular kids are abused and put down, it's the gay kids who REALLY suffer. One of them (one of the male leads) even changed schools for a season because he was struggling so hard with it.

We have another (female) gay student, who is hiding her truth and is really ashamed of it. She lets loose a tirade of judgmental meanness on one of her fellow students that left my mouth agape with shock. And somehow, we are supposed to be rooting for this poor girl who has to hide her gayness.

Well, no. I can't really get past her cruelty, thanks. I don't really care if she walks down the road to happiness, and personally, I don't really care at this point if I see her on screen for one more second. I actually think that if I fast-forwarded through all the mean parts and the pedophlia parts of Glee, there would only be the songs left.

And I just may do that, cause the rest of it has become unwatchable.

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The Final Four: Who's It Gonna Be?

Of the final four couples competing on Dancing with the Stars, Season 14, three of them I had picked on the first show. One surprised me.

But I could not have picked four better contestants for a finale. I want to examine them in the order in which I think they will go down.

 

NUMBER FOUR: Cheryl Burke and William Levy

I love Cheryl Burke. She is one of my favorite dancers to watch. And William Levy became one of the first DWTS heartthrobs ever, eliciting screams from the audience every time he danced. (Yes, I know, something Maks is already used to...) This season was filled with amazing dances and dancers above the usual crop, so the competition was always tough, but Burke and Levy provided stellar dances every time out.

NUMBER THREE: Donald Driver and Peta Murgatroyd
I didn't think much of them at the beginning. I usually roll my eyes when they trot out the football players. But Donald's love of DWTS, added with his unique chemistry with Peta made for some really memorable dances throughout the season.

Their Purple Haze commanded Rock Week. Their threesome (with last year's winner Karina Smirnoff) stood out amongst an incredible field of unique and innovative contestants. Donald and Peta got much further than I thought they would, and I'm glad. I look forward to seeing them in the finale.

But really, all along, this competition has been between two teams, both captained by geniuses of choreography. Masters of dance who create innovative pictures. It's a really tough call between the two, and who will win will depend on the dances they create. But I think it'll go like this.

NUMBER TWO: Derek Hough and Maria Menounos

Derek Hough creates stunning choreography, if you saw the last samba that he did Bollywood style, or the Madonna number without a melody earlier in the season, you'd know what I'm talking about. Stunning, take-your-breath-away dances.

His one detriment, which I believe is going to cost him the championship, is that he's dancing with Maria Menounos. She's fine, and she seems up for whatever he throws at her, despite two broken ribs, a broken foot and other physical problems.
But, simply, she is not the best this season.

And that would be:

NUMBER ONE: KATHERINE JENKINS AND MARK BALLAS

Oh, I swoon just thinking about a Mark Ballas dance. He has created such beautiful poetry on screen every time one of his dances is before us. Not only gorgeous choreography, but a stunning, heart-wrenching story, as his alcoholic man and the woman who loves him tango showed. And in a tough season like this, that is what pushes it above the edge, to the top.

If I had a complaint about Katherine Jenkins (and her lines are perfect, her flicks are spot-on, she is such a perfect partner for Ballas), it's that she doesn't easily go into the truly sexy (Len would say: raunchy) parts of the dance that make it really hot. That may cost her.

But as long as she's willing to let Mark Ballas guide her, this should be the couple who ends up with the mirror ball this season. All in all, this season finale looks to be the best ever. I truly eagerly await all of their dances.

And I hope you do too! (Dancing with the Stars airs on ABC, Monday nights from 8 pm - 10 pm PST. Thanks to ABC/Adam Taylor for the photos.)

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Put the Real Back in My Reality TV!

Or, How Courtney Caused the Bachelor to Jump the Shark...

Here's the simple truth of it. If I want fiction, I'll watch a fictional scripted TV show. If I want truth, I'll watch a reality show. You want DANCING? Watch Dancing With the Stars. You want to see how a bunch of different people cope when they are put together on an island to fend for themselves? Watch Survivor. That's the purity of reality TV.

Cause sometimes real people are way more interesting than scripted stuff. Truth, reality, the way people interact with each other in real ways is quite fascinating stuff. And the good reality shows play off this.

Somewhere along the way, as the moment lulled, and reality TV became huge, those writers whose jobs had been displaced (now that reality TV was so cheap to make) wanted their jobs back. They wanted part of this new phenomenon.

So we have this mixture that we have now (with some shows). Survivor will not admit to being scripted. (I actually believe them.) The most a reality show writer/producer should do is create the arcs of a show (where in the world The Amazing Race travels to, for example; and what they encounter when they are there). But the way the people themselves react to it, is the fun of watching it.

But the real rub is that you have to get 30, 15, 20 whatever schlubs every season who are willing to put up with whatever you put them through. Why would they do this? Simple. It's not just the cash prize they could win at the end. It has become, more and more, that they just want to be on TV.

Let us examine, for a moment, the two WORST examples of that, the two who have burned out my eyes from ever watching The Bachelor again: Ben F. and Courtney.

I think one can generalize at this point (and so I shall): Ben never wanted to get married, find true love, all that wooha he signed up for. He just wanted to have a TV show about himself. Every girl along the way who was going along with what the show was about ("sure, I could see myself with you," "sure, I could marry you," "Sure, I'm falling in love with you..."), once they went down that path, he kissed them goodbye.

But every girl, and I do mean every girl, starting at the very beginning of the season, who was willing to kiss, to cuddle, to snuggle, to put her sex on the line, he was down with it.

Courtney, on the other hand, who was completely open about the fact that she wanted to "WIN" this Bachelor thing, and screw everyone else who was in her way, spent the first half of the season showing her true colors. She was mean, she was condescending, she was judgmental, she was downright cruel. She was the most horrible person that the show has ever had on. Which, of course, in the cold cruel world of television, makes for great TV.

Vicious Courtney. What is Courtney gonna say next? Everyone talked about her at the water coolers. Bachelor producers must've been rubbing their hands in glee.

Except for one little thing. Ben dug her. Or, perhaps, he just saw a similar snake in front of him.

In any case, when little Miss Break the Rules showed up at his suite in Puerto Rico, and they ended up frolicking (insert the other F word here) in the ocean, it was really game over.

What I wish they HAD done, if this had really been REAL reality TV, and they were honest, was to put it back on the table. "Yeah, Courtney and I had sex. What are you girls gonna do about it?"

Although they probably would've all walked out (or most of them), it sure would've made for more interesting TV than what they tried to shovel at us next.

Because once Miss Courtney started becoming Ben's favorite, the producers had to back pedal. Furiously. They had to put words in her mouth that made me choke to listen to them.

How even though she'd been trashing everyone left, right and sideways all season, suddenly now she was "interested in falling in love." Whereas before she "had a hard time trusting people," now she was "ready for love."

It was a joke, and she was/is a bad actress. That whole nonsense of a fake wedding that they did on the hometown dates was laughable.

I won't bore you with too many details, it was painful enough to sit through as is.

My point, though, is that I was one of those who at least tried to invest in The Bachelor and Bachelorette for the romance of it.

And sure, I knew when City Hall is all cleared out and there's a band in there, for them to dance by themselves, that it wasn't Ben F. who did all that "for Lindsi." It was a team of people at ABC who pulled that and everything together. Sure, I knew there were lies (in that regard).

(And then they had Lindsi's parents say, "Oh we got married there!" (As if their 27-year-old daughter didn't know where her parents got married... I could puke...)

Anyway...

Starting from the fake ski slopes in San Francisco on, everything about this season just got worse and worse and worse.

It was almost like the rest of the country was watching the real show, with our sweetheart, Kacie B., and Ben and wench-o-matic Courtney were off doing their own "Screw everyone" show on the side.

At the end of it all, I feel manipulated. By Courtney, yes, but more by the producers and "writers" who created this fiasco. If I see one more helicopter ride, I swear I'll throw up. If I have to watch one more couple climb atop something high (bridges, Aztec ruins, gorges) and then make some LAME metaphor about how going through this together (even if you're terrified of heights) makes your relationship that much stronger, I swear I will heave.

It really was a morass of bad writing thrown at you all this season: Leap lists, and fakeness and unreality. At every rose ceremony (and I DO mean every rose ceremony), the entire country, in unison (or anyone who still cared enough to watch this madness) screaming at their TVs: GET RID OF COURTNEY!

To have to march through, like some twisted romance from hell, as one by one of the most amazing women are dumped, and the black widow spider is still standing at the end, is really beyond the pale.

And I really feel it's cured me of my desire to ever watch this show again. There's too much reality to live. I don't want fake scripted "reality."

I feel used, abused and stepped on, by suffering through as much of this season as I did. EVERY SINGLE PERSON AT ABC who was associated with this show this season SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES. Ashamed.

You will never live down the Ben-Courtney fiasco. You have jumped the Swiss shark.

*WRETCH*

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The Bachelor of Shame

I don't watch many reality shows. The ones I watch, I tend to think of as the "gold standard" of these kinds of shows: Survivor, Dancing with the Stars, The Bachelor, Bachelorette. An occasional Amazing Race. That's pretty much it.

In all my watching of all of these shows (most of them from the very beginning), I can't recall seeing such a season of shame as what's going on right now on The Bachelor. Thankfully for America and for Ben F (our illustrious Bachelor), after next week, it'll all be over.

I wanna dissect what's happened so far from two perspectives:

1. He was a user/manipulator and so was she.

2. He had no idea, and is now in hell.

Let's try the first one on for size. If you listen to some of the tabloids, Ben was only in it for sex. He never wanted a wife. And if you looked at his choices, there were many (and I do mean many) great women this season. Ones with open hearts, great looks, genuinely into him, reacting genuinely, even telling him they were "falling in love" with him. At every turn, when this stuff happened, that particular woman was the next one to get bounced.

And on every episode, he was kissing and hugging and getting physically intimate with women (to varying degrees). Every episode. Starting with the FIRST one.

So, yeah, a cynic would say that he was just in it for the sex, and his fav among them all was the beautiful model. You know, the one who stalked him and seduced him in the ocean. While they were both naked. And if you tell me sex didn't happen that night, I have some swamp land to sell you.

That would be the cynical view. These two people who SPOILER end up together next week, deserve each other. They are both manipulators, just on this show to get famous or in Ben's case "to talk about his winery," according to one tabloid.

Although, truth be told, he did mention it was either in Sonoma or San Francisco, but they never showed it, and he never named it, so if he was "self-promoting" as they claim, he did a pretty piss poor job of it.

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The thing is, I'm a romantic. I don't wanna believe that all the reality shows are actually "written." I don't wanna believe that anyone goes on The Bachelor without actually seriously trying to find love. Well, sure, there's the odd duck here or there trying to promote themselves, but that usually backfires. Right, Wesley?

But let's just play out this narrative.

Let's say that Ben F. appeared on the first show, genuinely wanting to find a wife. Or at least someone he could have a relationship with. Long-term.

Let's ignore that he really turned down every woman he could conceivably do that with.

And he's walking, stumbling, tripping through this season, doing the best he can. And suddenly a woman who has a good head on her shoulders is telling him to watch out for another woman. He ignores it, and actually thinks worse of said woman (who, btw, I would marry in a heartbeat. She's awesome. Very straightforward.).

Note to all future Bachelor/Bachelorette contestants: If someone in a season comes to you to complain about someone else, at least listen. Don't dismiss them.

So, the season goes on. He continues to make bad choices, but for the most part, the best women stay till the end.

And again, three women whom he likes tell him AGAIN about this particular woman, who, for whatever reason COUGHsexCOUGH he keeps picking.

OK, one woman, could be a fluke, could be just two people who don't get along. Now it's FOUR different women? And you don't pay attention? :-/

But OK, he still thinks he's in love with this model. She keeps stringing him along.

Until the point he dumps the woman who really has become America's sweetheart. She is quite possibly one of the best Bachelor contestants ever (except for her parents, she'd be perfect).

But she is beautiful and wonderful and she's genuinely in love with you. She is DUMPED (you stupid fool) and still she RETURNS to talk to you. To get some closure, since she was so blindsided. And as she's leaving, she says Oh BTW, I still care about you and this woman, the one I've been telling you about all along, is going to break your heart.

She's got no more skin in this game, she's already been dumped. And STILL you don't listen?

This is the point where I blame the producers, actually. Though they very likely have a bunch of heartless bastards running The Bachelor, and saw this whole Courtney debacle as a great way to get ratings, since everyone hated her so much.

But what happened throughout the season was that they just kept running interviews with Courtney shooting off her mouth, being an ass, dissing the other girls (of course, we are going to hate her). And now, maybe four shows from the end, they start having her say stuff (this is the scripted part) that she's all in love with Ben and blah blah. Like we believe her now?

Cause, you know, the "goal" of a Bachelor season is to have a man propose at the end AND to have America collectively swoon, as he gets down on one knee. Here's what's going to happen instead. As Lindsey is the first one getting out of the limo (aka the dumped one), you will hear TVs all across America clicking to another channel.

I know mine will.

In fact, if it were me, I'd fire whoever produced this Bachelor season.

Because it's been really painful to watch. You see all throughout, this loser/bitch saying crappy things about the other girls on the show. She was ugly and hateful and spiteful and mean, and didn't play by the rules. I don't care what anyone says, the little jaunt in the ocean was where the season effectively ended. Game over.

And they had cameras there, filming it. It's not like they weren't participants in this train wreck.

I mean, hey, if you want to make it all about Who Can Get the Bachelor in the Sack first? that's a whole different show. I think Snooki's on it. On THIS show, girls like to watch it because they wanna believe in romance. That courtship could be possible. And ever since Puerto Rico, which was like four shows in, I've just felt this stench of shame, watching it. Every episode.

Courtney's smug smile, knowing she wasn't going anywhere, cause she'd already banged Ben. Ben, believing so gullibly that this hot model really wanted HIM and not stardom.

Again, I say, where were the producers? Really? Next week, he's going to propose to Courtney and you think there is going to be anything but collective puking all across America? Chris Harrison rightfully in this last episode, "Women Tell All," called Courtney, the woman all of America hates.

The Bachelor should take a page from Survivor. Last season, they had all these spiritual people on (on what I think was the best Survivor season ever). It was a joy to tune in each week. I rushed to the TV. I live blogged it. I participated in the "virtual living room." I wanted to see more of it, cause what was happening was so stunning and amazing. And, conversely, this season, everyone is like The Bachelor was this season: mean, manipulative, spiteful. I've turned it off. Why bother?

But back to poor soddy Ben.

Let's assume that what the tabloids say is true: He proposes to the wench Courtney next week. So blinded by the way she stroked him in the ocean, he can't see what women all season long have been telling him. He proposes to her.

Then, he goes home, and actually watches the season unfold. He sees all the interviews with Courtney, where she is mean, spiteful, wenchlike, bitchy, cruel. Hears how much America hates her. Sees all the dirt the tabloids dig up on her, how she isn't even attracted to him, and is just doing this for fame.

Sits through last week's "Women Tell All," where 90% of the show is the women bitching about Courtney or bitching AT Courtney. The last 15 minutes are Ben (in a show that's normally mostly devoted to the Bachelor). He enters with the very telling phrase, "Welcome to My Nightmare."

When he said that, I have to say, I felt immensely sorry for him. To be dragged through this muck because some producer went with the Let's Hate on Courtney ratings bonanza, instead of letting a man just maybe find a soul mate.

Why is it, Bachelor producers, that Survivor has had BY FAR more couples hooking up that stay together than The Bachelor can manage in all its seasons? Why is that?

I would suggest that just like some smart producer managed to nip that Wesley baloney in the bud quickly, they should've done so, too, with this Courtney craziness. Let the poor man see some dailies or something. How horrible this is now, for him to watch this, as America, or at least the part of America that's still watching this train wreck, is sitting there thinking what a colossal ass he is. He sits there in his shame.

Has proposed to someone who totally played him, and all of America knows it. It's ugly.

The Bachelor used to be something you could believe in, and dream on. Now it's just some tramp having sex in the ocean, and I can't wash off the stench.

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Social Media With No Social: Pinterest

Again and again, people talk about the next hot thing. MySpace faded, then Facebook appeared. There's always a next hot site around the corner.

So it was with great interest that I went to seek out this new Pinterest thing that everyone's talking about.

In fairness to Pinterest, it does solve a need that wasn't really being filled. Pictures just by themselves always seemed very out of place on FB. So thanks, Pinterest.

What it does NOT do well, in fact, does really abysmally, is connect one person with another.

Really, of all the social networks out there, the only one getting this right at the moment is Twitter. Twitter knows how to connect people with other people. It knows that's what people WANT.

All these homages to narcissism (and the new FB Timeline is even WORSE in that direction) are all well and good, but I wanna know what OTHERS are thinking, doing, feeling, experiencing today. I already know where I'm at, and everyone in my life does too.

Let me explore others' ideas, thoughts, or, in the case of Pinterest: pictures.

First, of all, it gives you some possible choices that are an SEO's dream. You can just see the potential advertisers salivating as they explore everyone's favorite travel sites, for example. Or clothing decisions. Do I really care to show that to the world? Or to see what beauty soap anyone else is buying? Um. No.

So, ok, let's assume that I love showing people photos, which, as it happens, I do.

Even as a photo site, Pinterest fails. It has no ability to crop or change photos or put together collages. It just lets you pin stuff from the web as it shows up. And then these pictures that you've selected go out into the world, to be viewed, and if you're lucky, "repinned." Woo!

Seriously?

You would think it would at least have (something one would think is de rigeur for any social media site these days), a stream of info available. Things people are currently pinning. If it's there, it wasn't apparent.

I supposedly added a bunch of FB friends, but I can't see them or their Pinterest boards. Not easily, anyway. How will they be able to find mine, should they choose to? Very frustrating.

All these social marketers are just spinning with the newest hottest thing, but they are all forgetting why we are here in the first place. WHERE'S THE SOCIAL? Let us connect with others. If you don't have that on your website, whatever your website is, you are FAILING as a social media site.

A Consideration of the Best Actress Race: Real-Life Impersonations

Let us examine, for a moment, from a deeply detailed acting perspective, who deserves to win the Oscar for Best Actress, and who doesn't, and why.

Two nominees played real-life people that we know and (maybe) love. Meryl Streep as Margaret Thatcher. Michelle Williams as Marilyn Monroe.

Let's take Beauty first, then Beast.

Back in the acting days of my youth, there were several actresses that I studied thoroughly: Bette Davis, Kathryn Hepburn, Jane Fonda. And Marilyn Monroe. I knew their gait, their phrasing, their breathiness or lack thereof, I knew their histories, as much about them as I possibly could.

So I started out seeing "My Week with Marilyn" with several prejudices: 1. that really NO ONE can do Marilyn and 2. that Michelle Williams can't act.

Sure, I liked her fine in Dawson's Creek, but since then, she has pretty much left me cold. Didn't think she deserved the nominations for Brokeback Mountain or Blue Valentine.

However, I will say, she deserves this one. It's a very tall mountain to climb to recreate Marilyn Monroe. Williams even taught me something about Marilyn that I didn't know: that she was a series of poses, always posing, even in repose. And, in this movie, Williams does some pretty impossible stuff.

She recreates famous dance scenes, and movie moments, so much that you forget that you are watching another actress. That is no small thing. She has her breathiness down, and her movements. Even her insecurities. For all of those things, for which Williams herself says she "worked harder than she ever did in her life," she gets an A+ in my book.

Sadly, here is where she falters. While she was meticulous about recreating the voice, the mannerisms and the steps and phrasing, she missed the heart of it. She missed the things that really made Marilyn tick.

The script, in Williams' defense, only really gives you bits where this Marilyn shines, but in each of them, Williams falls flat.

Here are the key questions one will ask at the end of this movie:
1. What really drove Marilyn to succeed (and to chase men)?
ANSWER: her childhood in orphanages, and feeling like everyone abandoned her

2. What was her connection with Fame? Why didn't she just give it all up and "settle down" with one guy?
ANSWER: She couldn't, cause fame is a drug like any other. She needed that.

Two scenes ask these questions of her, and Williams' performance (to me) fell completely flat in these scenes. So put that Oscar away for this year.

In one, she is looking at the dolls in a dollhouse. There it is, the metaphor is just about hitting you over the head. This was the moment for the actress to break our hearts with her shattered psyche. BAM. Nothing.

In the second, she is lying on the bed, and her lover asks her to just give it all up and settle down with him. This is the moment where the actress needs to give us some insight as to why Marilyn couldn't give up this lifestyle or settle down with this, or any, man. BAM. Nothing.

At the end of that scene, a really poignant scene, the audience should have been sobbing, or at least, thinking, that poor woman. I felt nothing after watching her. She could've been doing her nails. Very unfulfilling.

Meryl Streep suffers from the other problem. She is phenomenal, the script is dreadful and the direction is hokey.

But for me, it was like this. There is an opening scene where you see an old British woman, buying milk. Like her performance in Angels in America, where you see an old Jewish man, and go, HOLY CRAP! That's Meryl Streep... it's the same here. She walks and talks like an elderly British woman. As she talks more, in closeup, in the next scene, you see that it's Margaret Thatcher.

To be fair, her hair and makeup people also deserve an Oscar, cause WOW! This makeup was unbelievable. I've seen nearly all Meryl Streep movies, and I swear, I had a hard time seeing Maryl in there.

She also loses points (like she did last year) when a good chunk of the movie is someone else playing the younger years.

But wow. You wanna see a virtuoso playing that acting instrument, you need go no further than Meryl Streep in "The Iron Lady." I really didn't like the movie at all, but when Streep was in frame, she was riveting. My favorite scenes of hers were the ones with Jim Broadbent. They really could've made better use of Anthony Stewart Head, too.

Streep didn't look like Thatcher as much as Williams looked like Marilyn, but as far as capturing a heart and soul of a person, this Oscar is Streep's, hands down.

I have yet to see the other three performers in this category, but at this moment, I'm calling Streep for the win.

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Why Tramps Ruin The Bachelor

Let's start with the things we know for sure.

Most reality shows, including The Bachelor, are scripted. Those who script them aren't unionized, and thus, don't get paid enough for writing them, which also usually means the writing is subpar. Not only are the dialogue and contrived situations horrendous, but there is usually a lack of originality. Of late, for example, The Bachelor has relied on throwing in elements of good reality shows, in hopes that it will elevate its own material (not working, of course).

This season, for example, for no apparent reason, they've thrown in elements of Survivor and Fear Factor. They seem to be obsessed with putting people in high places and making them jump. A couple climbed to the top of a bridge in San Francisco, cause yeah, that's what couples do on dates. Dreadful, lame, tiresome.

See, I remember in the first couple of seasons, back when The Bachelor was actually good. Or at least it had a lot of promise. The premise was that 28 women would vie for the heart of one man. Doing normal stuff, like going on dates. Ones that involved tables and food and talking, not swimming with sharks, or jumping into deep pools in dark caves.

One thing Survivor does really right, and The Bachelor does really wrong, is that it's forgotten that people themselves are really interesting. People's personalities, and what they'll do in situations are what made reality shows great originally. Now they are just a cheap way to make a buck. It's very sad.

But I'm not writing about the sad state of reality shows. (One good one left--unscripted--Survivor, starts a new season Wednesday. Do catch it.)

No, I wanted to write about sex for a minute.

So let's again talk about what we know. People have sex. People have sex on reality shows, even though it's usually not talked about, since we are, after all, dealing with network TV. Romances blossom on Survivor. In fact, more couples have met and stayed together on Survivor than they have from The Bachelor or Bachelorette. Combined. FACT.

But it is the sad mess called The Bachelor that is the subject of today's treatise. (It being Valentine's Day, after all.)

So let's go back to the days of innocence, when The Bachelor was good. Imagine with me for a moment. Imagine, though it's a crazy situation... imagine that you did go on a reality show to find a husband. And imagine that, against all odds and likelihoods, you met this guy, and there was an instant spark. (It could happen.)

Most of these other 28 girls just want to be on TV, or whatever their reasons for being there are, but you meet this guy. You fall in love the first night. And he does too. He feels the same spark. (It could happen.)

Cause really, when I think about it (sure maybe something could develop over six weeks), but really, I would know instantly whether or not there was a spark between me and said dude. So, say there is.

And say that you are now in this game, this obstacle course, where you have to get to the end. All these other women have to go away (for whatever reason) and maybe you can actually get to be with this man. (It could happen.)

Let's say, for the sake of argument, that you have one such woman this season. Let's say her name is Kacie B. She's sweet, she's cute, she's perky. She's there "for all the right reasons," a Bachelor phrase so overused I cringe whenever I hear it. She likes this guy, this Ben. He likes her. Maybe even a lot.

How would you feel, I wonder, to see all these other women battling (either for his attention or just for camera time) it out? And what if one of said women was a scheming, conniving bitch (whether written that way, or just was), who would do anything, both for camera time and to "win" this game, get to the end, to play out every episode?

I've often wondered that about this show. Given its many constraints, what could you really do, to get and hold this guy for yourself? There really isn't much.

Kacie B. has relied on grabbing kisses and alone time when she could. It seems to be working. I'd bet money she'll be one of the two standing at the end with Ben.

But her nemesis (this season's nemesis), let's call her Courtney, uses a different tack. She uses sex.

Anyone knows that if you want to get and keep a man, especially if you only have six weeks in which to do it, and dozens of other women are clawing around you trying for the same thing, you have to use sex.

I'm sure The Bachelor rules prohibit it, at least until the whole "Fantasy Suite" malarky, which hasn't even happened yet this season. There has been a whole lotta kissing, but not even any hot tubs to speak of (as in seasons past).

But there was this. Resident wench Courtney decided to break a few rules and corner Bachelor Ben at his hotel room. They went down to the surf to go skinny dipping. I would bet a year's salary that sex happened that night.

Courtney is annoying, but she's a model, and if I were Ben, I would for sure keep her around until Fantasy Suite time, for at least one more roll in the hay before dumping her.

But back to the good and innocence of The Bachelor. The show, ostensibly, is about true love. Or finding love. So what if, let's say, our heroine, Kacie B. does end up getting engaged to Ben at the end of the season, and she's sitting at home, watching the episodes go by, and she sees, what she didn't when they were all in Puerto Rico. She sees Ben's little frolic in the sand with the model?

Ben has so far been very cagey about whether or not he ends up proposing at the end. Or whether he's "happy now," which they always ask at the beginning. I suspect that even if he was happy for awhile, once he let out the "Oh, btw, I slept with Courtney" truth, that was the end of that.

But here's the thing. As a viewer of the show, even a viewer who mostly likes the show (even with all its "leap list" and bad writing, even with all its improbable dates), I watch every week, I wanna believe. But that whole thing with Courtney, and Courtney's smug attitude that Ben wouldn't even think about sending her home... Personally, I think it went like this. He said to her, "We can have sex, and I'll keep you till Fantasy Suite time, if you promise to not tell ANY of the other girls. If you do, you're going home in the next rose ceremony."

Cause she's been obnoxious and rude and braying about everything else, but about this big secret, this big elephant in the room, she's not lording it over anyone. There had to have been a deal made there.

Or maybe the producers came down on her heavy too. Cause it would really ruin the show, if all the other girls knew.

But aren't they all just sick to their stomachs now, seeing it unfold before them? I know I feel tainted watching it. Like there is some oily substance stuck to my psyche that I can't get off. Every time Courtney is on screen, I feel like throwing up.

We shall see... how it all evolves. But I bet Ben is alone when all is said and done.

What do you think? Sex on The Bachelor? Good thing? Bad thing?

Mr. Shovel Weaves His Magic on a New City of Night

It was three years ago, to the day that Mark Sovel, Indie 103.1’s illustrious music director (aka Mr. Shovel) had his last airshift on Indie. The next day, for all intents and purposes, Indie died.

It continued on (and continues on to this day, a shell of its former self) in Internet-only format. Which would be great if the powers that program it really knew what to do with it. And, of course, if Mr. Shovel was still there.

I remember it well. I turned on my radio (yes, I actually had a box sitting by my window that had FM stations, though the only one it was tuned to was Indie 103.1, of course). I turned on TK’s program in the morning, and everyone was talking about how great the station had been. Like using past tense about it.

Soon enough, with one final My Way (not the Frank Sinatra version), Indie was gone.

I sobbed at my radio that day, I sobbed all the way up to Sundance (driving, that’s a whole lotta sobbing). In many ways, I’m sobbing still. It hurts when the best radio station that ever existed goes away.

And what has been my music repast in the intervening three years? Well, being a digital girl, I’m big on Internet radio. I keep hoping someone somewhere will develop actual radio on the Internet. Like a Huffington Post for radio. (Well, except that pays people. Ok, bad example.)

I never really got into Pandora or Slacker, though I have friends who swear by both. I have friends who seek out all kinds of stations on the Internet. One cool one that played 60s music from Paris really intrigued me for awhile.

But after the wealth of musical treasure that was Indie, nothing really sufficed. There were people from Indie who left to develop other things. Kurt St. Thomas went off to develop Houndstooth Radio (www.houndstoothradio.com ), which I admit, I listen to more than anything.

Chuck P. and Henry Rollins ended up over at KCRW.

Chris Morris still puts out a great show on the Scion Network:

http://scionav.com/radio17/12/Watusi-Rodeo

And a whole passel of ex-Indie-ites migrated over to Moheak Radio. Trouble is, every time I try to listen to it, it either pushes a bunch of annoying ads at me, or I have technological problems receiving it. Every time. So I don’t.

There are still some good tunes on Indie dot com, but the heart and soul (aka Mark Sovel) is gone. As he said when he left, “it’s like someone’s just playing their iPod for you.” (There are a couple of good shows here or there. I particularly like Bob Forrest’s Wednesday night show, “All Up in the Interweb,” which airs at 8 pm PST. Native Wayne’s show is fun too. My friend still listens to Retrograde, and wins tickets from them.

But pretty much, for me, there is nothing there worth listening to anymore. Nothing that made Indie Indie. (This is true of Moheak, too, btw, no matter how many ex-Indieites are there.)

Cause what made Indie “one of the best stations in the country,” according to Rolling Stone magazine, was quite simply its music director, Mark Sovel.

And he has been very quiet on the music front in that three years. Giving us bits of his genius with an amazing LobsterFest regularly, and other concerts curated here or there. But on the radio scene, he’s been silent.

Until now.

Mark Sovel’s first air show in three years (other than filling in for folks occasionally) aired Saturday, Jan. 14. Three years to the day of his last one.

It’s called “City of Night,” and it airs on college radio station KCSN (88.5 on your terrestrial radio dial, also available online and with a cool iPhone app that will record shows for you. LOVE that.). From 8 – 11 pm every Saturday.

One can’t help but wonder what’s up with this college station, KCSN. Sovel thanked the program director, Sky Daniels, by saying that he “made him want to get into radio.” He wasn’t kidding either. Hm.

In addition to Mr. Shovel, Daniels also brought on Sat Bisla, who has been airing Passport Approved on every station that’ll have him, it seems; and Terry Nunn, of Berlin fame. He had already brought on KCRW’s Nic Harcourt to do a show and Julie Slater. Radio heavyweights, to be sure. Hm.

The rest of the program schedule is an odd mix, a local blues maven called “Ann the Raven” has a show on Sundays. So does Robert Hilburn, the writer. There’s some Dylan, some roots music, some Americana and some bluegrass. And opera. Mr. Daniels, it seems has no problem with specialty shows.

Well, I don’t know about all that. Not sure if I’ll be checking out all those other choices. I do know this.

Mr. Shovel is on Saturday nights. His first show was like manna in the desert. Such great music played, and all over the musical spectrum. Some things you would expect: a number of local bands, some OMD, some Jam. Many things you wouldn’t expect.

He kicked it all off with the Rolling Stones’ “On with the Show.” Perfect. Not long after, some Pink Floyd. You heard me. Pink Floyd. And Zepplin, as in Led. One song from Indie’s regular rotation: Depeche Mode’s “Get the Balance Right,” and boy DID HE!

As usual with a Shovel show, it was all perfectly timed. Like puzzle pieces falling into place. The Kinks, for heaven’s sake. Followed by local band, Saint Motel, who enlivened Tar Fest this fall (Shovel curated part of it).

A song I can’t get enough of: Split Endz’ “Six Months in a Leaky Boat.” And another (I love it so much) Neutral Milk Hotel’s “In the Aeroplane Over the Sea.” It just makes me happy to hear that song.

Gil Scott-Heron. Jimi Hendrix. Wow. LA band The Blood Arm from their “Berlin period” (aka now). Brand-new Giant Drag, and Sharkey’s Night, for gosh sakes (with William S. Burroughs).

And, if you’ll recall, Mr. Shovel is the one who spots the hot bands before anyone else does. His recommendation from this show? Electric Guest. Watch that name. You heard it here first (I promise you).

I could go on and on, but if you want to know where Indie went, you could look to that whole passel of people who talk about it incessantly, or you could simply look at this playlist for a minute.

http://www.mrshovel.com/2012/01/15/city-of-night-playlist-january-14-2012/


That Dylan song he played made me cry. Followed up by some cuts from local bands from a Dylan tribute album, which is a fundraiser for Amnesty International called “Chimes of Freedom.” Airborne Toxic Event doing “Boots of Spanish Leather.” Silversun Pickups doing “Not Dark Yet.” Cage the Elephant (ok, they’re not from LA, but the song was great) doing “The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll.”

I was literally so overwhelmed after all this good music after his show, it took me several hours to calm down. Oh, Mr. Shovel how we’ve missed you!

Tune in to the next City of Night next week at 8 pm. And pray really hard that they get podcasts sometime.

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GOLDEN GLOBES FILM PREDICTIONS

Items in Bold are the ones Miche picked correctly.

BEST PICTURE Drama
Hugo (although some are predicting The Help, which I have yet to see)

BEST ACTRESS Drama
Viola Davis, The Help

BEST ACTOR, Drama
Michael Fassbender, Shame

BEST PICTURE Comedy
The Artist

BEST ACTRESS Comedy
Michelle Williams, My Week with Marilyn

BEST ACTOR Comedy
Jean Dujardin, The Artist

BEST ANIMATED
The Adventures of Tin Tin

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE
A Separation

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS Comedy
Jessica Chastain, The Help

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR, Comedy
Kenneth Branagh, My Week with Marilyn

BEST DIRECTOR
Michel Hazanavicius, The Artist

BEST SCREENPLAY
Woody Allen, Midnight in Paris

BEST SCORE
Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

BEST SONG
"Hello, Hello," Gnomeo & Juliet (Elton John)


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BEST TV SERIES Drama
Homeland

BEST ACTRESS Drama
Claire Danes, Homeland

BEST ACTOR Drama
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad

BEST TV SERIES, Comedy
Modern Family

BEST ACTRESS, Comedy
Laura Dern, Enlightened

BEST ACTOR, Comedy
David Duchovny, Californication

BEST MINISERIES
Mildred Pierce

BEST ACTRESS, Miniseries
Kate Winslet, Mildred Pierce

BEST ACTOR, Miniseries
Idris Elba, Luther

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS, TV
Jessica Lange, American Horror Story

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR, TV
Guy Pearce, Mildred Pierce

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Sizzle or Steak?

I consider myself a journalist first and foremost. News beats in every fiber of my being. After that, maybe a designer, maybe a writer.

I want to comment on this article a friend sent me, based on several things that happened this week.

http://www.web-strategist.com/blog/2011/02/28/expand-your-social-media-mix-twitter-alone-is-not-enough/

First, the Associated Press, long our go-to news source (and yes, we newspapers paid heftily for the priviledge) chastized their reporters publicly for "Tweeting" while they were in the thick of the drama down at #OccupyWallStreet this week.

The traditional way, you see, would be for said reporter to get said news, go back to the newsroom with it (hopefully getting at least two sources for said news along the way). Give it to one's editors, and then the editors would do what they do, bending it, shaping it, making it ready for public consumption (in the case of AP, on all (paid) outlets that AP streams out on).

Twitter has changed that.

I also covered (as a journalist) the events of #OccupyWallStreet and #OccupyLA and other events in the Day of Action this week (Nov. 17). Using the social media at my disposal: mostly Twitter, also Facebook.

Twitter changed the way I process news.

I like and respect Jeremiah Owyang, and read him on Twitter and other outlets. However, in this instance, he's missing the point.

As a designer, they used to tell me: know your tools. Know which one to use for which purpose. So it is, too, with social media.

While all his comments about permanency and Twitter are valid (sure, I wish they had an archive function, or a timeline thingie like Facebook is about to have, but they don't). Permanence is not the importance of Twitter, nor is "time spent there wasted."

Twitter for me (sorry, AP) has become my primary news source. We have raised a generation of news junkies, and we want it now, and we want it fast. Twitter gives us that primacy.

Let me illustrate for you a story, of part of my week, how my "social media" life went.

I spent a good chunk of the early morning Day of Action online. I was multi-tasking between Twitter and Facebook. (I have a large contingent of friends on Facebook who still don't see the value or need for Twitter. Sadly.)

So, as the story of the day: Day of Action, mostly #OccupyWallStreet was breaking (a story, I might add, that MSM journalists were barred from covering, thanks to Bloomberg's "media blackout"), I was manning the controls. I had my news sources in action who were in the thick of things.

I was monitoring my Twitter feed. When items came across, I would cross post them (RTing them to my stream (2000 people) and posting them on my FB wall (1300+ people). Who then reposted to their streams and walls. I posted pictures, I posted video, I posted commentary. I heard when the first people got arrested, I heard when the police captain offered himself up. I was, as much as I could be, right there in the thick of it.

That's how news works today. (Several people sent me emails that day, thanking me for my coverage.)

The AP journalist KNEW that, yet was chastized for it. (It's against company policy.) If you are right there, on Wall Street, you have the news as close as your Twitter feed. That's as much as you have control of it today, because everyone around you also has a camera and access to the world.

So for me, monitoring my Twitter feed (which I do at least daily) takes the place of reading my daily newspaper. It is certainly "steak" for me on great news days, though when people are just talking about nonsense, it isn't.

I don't consider one iota of time that I spend on Twitter "wasted." I wish I could spend MORE time there. I wish I could've spent all of the Day of Action on Twitter, for example.

Owyang says: "if you Tweet more than 20 times a day, you should have just blogged."

Everyone uses these tools differently. For me, I use Facebook as a platform to get information to my friends and family. (Especially those who, for whatever reason, aren't even ON Twitter yet.) I use Twitter as a short-term news source, but also for whatever bursts of items I may want to discourse about: whatever's happening on Survivor or Dancing with the Stars, some movie or song I just experienced, etc. If it's a longer thing that warrants a blog, I'll write one. I have two blogs, in fact.

But while many people use Twitter to post links to people (I primarily use FB for that), I most frequently now ReTweet others. I follow 2000 people. I ReTweet the interesting bits for others in my stream. As far as my own posts, I probably don't do 20 in a day, but on some news-heavy days, I can be RTing 100+ times.

I also "live blog" frequently on Twitter: the Oscars, the Emmys, Survivor and its finale; or sometimes conferences that I'm at. The first few is to share a communal experience with people, the conference stuff is for people who can't get there.

It has never been (for me) about "what did I have for breakfast?" It is very much about "what am I seeing/hearing/feeling/experiencing right now?"

Owyang wants to get people over to things that make money for him. I am about documenting our social journey. For me, Twitter IS the steak. If I had to only live with ONE choice for social media, it would be Twitter, in a heartbeat.

If people want to know more deeply how I feel about an issue, they can friend me on Facebook, or read my blogs. Or listen to my podcasts. There are vehicles for everything. I think anyone who forcefully weans themselves from any social medium is an idiot. (As is anyone who still isn't anywhere on this value chain.) We are all still learning and growing with these new tools, and learning how they best work for us.

I have a friend that I had to drag, kicking and screaming, to get onto Facebook this week. He's an actor, wondering why his agent isn't calling him so much. "Are you on Twitter? Facebook?" I innocently asked him one day. Turned out, he hadn't ever even SEEN a Facebook page. (This was about a month ago.) I'm sorry, but that's inexcusable.

I mean, I suppose, if you really have a spiritual vow to be a hermit, it would be ok. But if you are living, breathing and alive in the world, it's inexcusable. Especially if your work is as an actor!!! When you are depending on casting directors to cast you. "Did you know about all the casting directors who are on Twitter?" I asked him. His face paled, he looked incredulous. "Well, no." "Huh. And have you been working a lot lately?" I continued. "Well, no."

EXACTLY.

Twitter is a news source, a job source, a living breathing hive of activity. To cut oneself off from it... you might as well be typing on an electric typewriter and watching a black/white TV.

I understand Owyang's point. There are lots more types of new software coming at us that we have to learn. But we have to put a stake in the ground with the ones we have, and realize why they are important. If you choose two social media to be on: Facebook and Twitter would be the ones right now. And you should be checking both every day.

And, if you also want to visit my blog or listen to my podcasts and give me money: hey, that's OK too! ;-)

Who Should Be Benched at Dancing With the Stars

The long nightmare is finally over. No, the Dancing With the Stars (DWTS) finale is next week, and we'll see who finally wins the coveted mirror ball trophy from among three deserving contenders (and that, I'm looking forward to).

No, I'm talking about the season-long Charlie Sheen moment of meltdown by Maksim Chmerkovsky on DWTS.

Now, let's recap for a moment, shall we?

DWTS, for the uninitiated is a simple premise: you take (mostly D-level) "celebrities" and other assorted fame-mongers and sports figures, most of whom have never danced before in any way, and somehow make them into dancers (or at least watchable) for ten weeks.

The job of the pro dancer on this show has somewhat evolved and changed. There were moments when the pros had more to do, and were able to be more creative. But really, the MAIN thing that a pro is there for (sorry, Maks) is to coddle said celebrity. Walk them through their tantrums, hold their hands as they shake in fear about this crazy project they've taken on, and most of all—try to keep all the pouty drama behind the scenes.

That's why someone like Anna Trebunskya (and yes, along the way, the pro dancers have themselves become celebrities; and Maks is SURE acting like one)... someone like Anna is perfect. Her dances/choreography is amazing, but she also has a very giving personality, and can walk through this show with any crazy nutcase they throw at her, and appear graceful (this season, she had Carson Kressley, God help her).

And, except for the fact that Carson was one of the worst dancers I've ever seen on the show, they had bravura and flair and were very crowd-pleasing.

Now dancers, especially dancers at the top of their craft, are very diva-like, just like any other art form. They have honed their instrument, they have worked very hard to get to be the machine of dancing they are now. And to have that chiseled artistry thrown together with someone who has two left feet... actually who thought of this crazy show?

Well, that's the deal, and you pretty much go with it.

From the beginning, some pro dancers rose in the ranks. Among the males: Derek Hough, Maksim Chmerkovsky, Mark Ballas were among the standouts not only this season, but in seasons' past. Standouts by the virtue of THEIR dancing, and THEIR choreography. All stunning to watch on stage, while, to varying degrees, their partners could be dreadful.

Maks seems to work best when he's got a sexual vibe going with the woman he's dancing with. Whether or not he and Erin Andrews (a few seasons back) actually had a "thing" going, they SURE seemed like they were, and (for me) that was the best Maks season to watch. When I think of memorable Maks' choreography, that number with Erin in the bed really stands out.

But they did not win.

Last season, Maks had Kirstie Alley. They were amazing fun to watch together. Kirstie was a great dancer (IMHO). She even acknowledged Maks' rampant sexuality (on the show and on Twitter) and they got as close as Maks has ever gotten to the mirror ball trophy: second place. And there was some very public griping by Maks last season about how that win was rigged, and he deserved to win. (Charlie Sheen moment #1, actually.)

But here's the reality: He has NEVER, not once in all these seasons, won the mirror ball trophy that they are striving for.

The trainwreck he had this season was a "soccer star" named Hope Solo. They had no sexual chemistry at all (Maks' failsafe), and very little other chemistry. She also had two left feet. They appeared to be butting heads constantly.

All of this came to a head a couple of weeks ago, when... well, first, let me explain. The judges have to be a bit (what I call) "LA." They can't just come right out and say: "Hope, you suck." Maybe that would be a better show if they did. But they have to think of inventive creative LA ways of saying, "YOU SUCK." So, on this particular week, Len (always the sternest, though fairest, judge) decides to say something about the heel level of Hope's shoes. Much had been made this season about this tomboyish girl not being comfortable with the girlishness of dance. She did seem uncomfortable in the heels they put her in every week.

So this particular week, they were dancing to a song from "Rent," and they put Hope in a sort of boot thing, with a lower heel. And Len was accurate. She did dance better in them. So, trying to make a silk purse from this smelly sow's ear, he said something about her heel height, RATHER Maks than saying, "HOPE, you really suck," which is what he should've said if he was ACTUALLY talking about her dancing.

But Maks decided he'd had enough, and decided to go off on Len right then and there, since Len was commenting on stupid stuff like heels, instead of talking about the dancing (Maks should really be thankful here he didn't). Len says something about being in this business for "fifty years." Maks says: "Maybe you should get out of it then."

That was Charlie Sheen moment number 2. First, let me dissect the gravity of this here. Charlie Sheen, first was on drugs and/or bipolar. Second, he was in an interview situation. Maks was right there, in the MIDDLE OF THE SHOW, on air, dissing Len. That's something you just don't DO in California, in show business, and survive. Make no mistake, he was, in that moment, doing the exact same thing Charlie Sheen did. He was dissing his coworkers ON AIR.

He compounded his heinous mistake further (Charlie Sheen moment number 3) when they were interviewed by Brooke Burke as they were getting their scores. He actually said the words, "It's MY show." Behind Maks as he was saying this, you could see Derek Hough, Derek who's actually WON three mirror ball trophies, and counting, Derek, who's gone further than Maks every season he's been in it, Derek, who actually knows how to work with whatever celebrity is thrown at him and not have public meltdowns... Derek looked horrified at what Maks was saying.

If that show is "anyone's show": it's Derek's.

The next week, damage done, Maks tried to redeem himself by saying that, no, the crew work very hard. He (Maks) doesn't do it alone. Still not apologizing to the judges. Still pissy in his routines with Hope (which, btw, STILL SUCKED). Through a bizarre twist of fate (some team dance nonsense), the week Hope Solo should've gone home ended up being David Arquette instead (so sad!).

So, the week after the crew apology, obviously the judges and Maks had a little sit-down and/or talking to by the higher ups (those whose show it ACTUALLY is). Maks came back chastened (host Tom Bergeron called him "Stepford Maks"). The judges, notably Len, WAY overgraded Hope, giving her nines, for God's sake.

This past week, when we were finally put out of our misery, they gave her eights, and Len said "We were being nice." (They were!)

But here's the real point. The damage has been done.

If I were running Dancing with the Stars, I would damn sure have Maksim Chmerkovsky sit out a season (at least). Put his lovely brother in, in his stead. Let Maks reflect on how damn lucky he is to have a job dancing on national TV. Let him be grateful that there are judges judging him at all. Let him get in touch with the fact that the "celebrities" (D-list though they are) are what people tune in for.

I also noticed that in the week of the blowout, the opening credits had the celebrity named with their pro dancer. It said: "Hope and Maks." "Ricki and Derek." "David and Kym." After Maks' blowout, they changed it. It still had the pros' picture, but not their name anymore. Not your show, Maks. Not any pro dancers' show.

The real blowout reverberations have not yet ended, mark my words. After all, Charlie Sheen got fired for exactly this. Maks is great as a dancer, but boy does he need to regroup.

At least a season.

And while they are replacing people, I sincerely hope they ALSO get rid of the tired and annoying Brooke Burke. She can barely read the teleprompter, she asks stupid questions. All she does is look good. The show would be much better served to have the wonderful and amazing Tom Bergeron with someone who can actually think on their feet, maybe someone who's a dancer, who can ask insightful dance questions, instead of: "What's going to be going through your head next week?" Who the hell knows the answer to that question, lady?

It's really a shame, because DWTS has this amazing set this year. Fabulous lighting, costumes, camerawork, even great pros. But it was really soured by Maks' antics, and Brooke's vapidity. Oh sorry, Brooke Burke CHARVAY. Sigh. Dear God, help us.

Hey, maybe they can get that host from So You Think You Can Dance, who actually got an Emmy nom this year? Ain't no way Brooke Burke would ever get one. But that sure would be a team, huh?

I'm looking forward to the finals next week. Whoever wins, it will be wonderful. If Cheryl Burke wins, that would be amazing that she's winning with Rob Kardashian. If Karina Smirnoff wins, it would be her FIRST mirror ball trophy (and I'm kinda rooting for her for that). But most likely, three-time winner Derek Hough will four-peat (with Ricki Lake). After all, it's really HIS show. Watch next week. You'll see why.

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Survivor 23 (Good vs. Evil) Can you be honest and win Survivor?

As I've written in previous columns, Survivor in years past has been all about lying, cheating, scheming, double crossing others to win. This year, they've turned it on its head by having at least two people (Coach and Russell Hantz's nephew, Brandon) who have vowed to fight this season with integrity, honor and--gasp--honesty.

When I first got sober, I was forced to go from being a pathological liar to living a life free of lies. It was a difficult transition. And I'm sure I was a bit like Brandon has been in the last few episodes: brash, obnoxious, braying his honesty to everyone who'll listen, expecting everyone to conform to his rules.

There is a point to that. You know that honesty trumps everything. You also know that honesty is the only way to live, because all you really have is your own integrity.

But to bring that into the game of Survivor? It's madness.

Madness, yes, but also quite compelling TV. And mind you, the honesty thing isn't easy. Especially if you're somewhat new to it. I think it took me several years to even realize what was a lie, and that I really could live without telling one, in fact was MUCH better off without telling one. I had never conceived of such a thing.

And here is Brandon Hantz, now in our faces on our TV screens, compelling us to contemplate the question. Yes, it's true is it a "game," but isn't it also true that even while playing games we still have our own consciences to deal with? Especially when we are dealing with other people and their feelings? And is it just a microcosm of life that really no one can deal with the "honest guy"? He's so pure, he's so out there, I just love him.

Because thrown into this mix, we also have Coach. Now Coach is determined, this time, to not let his worst self get the better of him. He wants to live through this game with integrity and honor, and so far, he has.

But here's the thing Brandon has yet to realize. You really can only be 100% honest when you are in a place that's safe, with people you trust. There are fine-tunings of the honesty thing that one must really incorporate when dealing with/living with/interacting with others who are not quite so honest. The most important among them being tact.

You can't just go yelling from rooftops (although I did that very thing too): "Look at me! I'm HONEST!!! Isn't it grand?" You really run the risk of alienating others, and/or having them think you're crazy.

So I believe that discretion and tact comes with age. Yes, to answer Coach's question: Withholding IS lying. Yes, it is.

HOWEVER, sometimes, it's necessary.

In the case of Coach, he's the leader of the tribe. He's played Survivor three times now. He sees the big picture in many ways that others don't. And the way I see it, he's like Brandon's dad on this island: saving him from hurting himself, even though Brandon himself might not see it that way right now (cause he's too close).

In this last episode, Coach made it clear that he has the immunity idol, and the two people whom he wants to know about it, do. One of those is not Brandon. Brandon has the habit of spouting off EVERYTHING that's on his mind, and one thing even beginning Survivor watchers know is that you hold back some things, and play your cards when it's to your advantage. That's really all you have: the element of surprise.

Will/would Brandon be pissed to know that he looked all over the island for the idol, when it rested safely with Coach? Yes. Will he be mad that Coach wasn't honest with him? Yes. Will he have gotten MUCH farther in the game (not only he, but Coach and other members of their alliance) because Coach said nothing? YES. That's the key point.

When you are playing a game, or steering a ship, or running a corporation, you have to let someone else drive. Whoever is the leader/in charge, takes the responsibility for those under him/her and makes decisions accordingly, piecing out the information as necessary. BECAUSE he/she sees the big picture.

And hopefully, those worker bees under him/her trust enough to know they're being taken care of. And Coach IS taking care of Brandon, whether he realizes it or not. One of those, yes, I know you just learned how to shoot, but trust me, put the gun down, kind of situations.

So, it's a tough call, but I honestly believe that both Brandon and Coach are living their truth. Both of them are living honorably. One is withholding, but it's for the good of the tribe.

It's really going to be interesting once it gets down to Coach vs. Brandon at some point. How long can Coach live with integrity? I'm quite sure that both Coach and Brandon will make it at least to the merge (when they are down to 10).

And then, they have evil to deal with on the other side (in the form of Jim, who's an underhanded, low-dealing, backstabbing liar). I'm also quite sure he'll be there when they get theere. Should be very interesting.

I put my money on Coach. To win it.

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Some Thoughts on the TV Season So Far (New Shows)

We're only midway through the rollout of the new TV season, and I have some comments and thoughts on the shows I've seen so far.

1. And the first to be cancelled is...

I would've laid money on the fact that it would be "The Playboy Club." Hef has always been delusional about how much of a cultural touchstone those Playmates are. And really, if you can't show their boobs, who's going to watch. This might've worked as a cable show. On broadcast TV, where people go apoplectic if you see an errant nipple, forget about it. So they tried to throw in some kind of murder mystery nonsense (at least from the previews, I couldn't stomach actually watching it)... and you know we don't have enough of THAT kind of stuff on TV... so CANCEL. No surprise.

2. More on the exploitation of women front

Another show, which, frankly, only succeeded in the 70s because it was all about jiggly T&A was sadly lacking the T&A in this version (Charlie's Angels). I would take the acting to task (it was dreadful), but then, the acting in the earlier version was no Meryl Streep either. (Sorry, Kate Jackson.) But truly, this show should be some fluff, if done right. People watch this for mindless entertainment that looks pretty. Is that so hard to create? Apparently so. One overall theme I noticed this season (and usually I only watch really good shows, so maybe it's always like this) was really bad tech stuff. On Charlie's Angels, we had some dreadful camera/editing choices.

All those girls had to do (other than shake their booties in cute costumes, which they didn't do) was pretty much say a line and hit their marks. They couldn't even do that. Now, Minka Kelly, who's been around on a series or two (the wondrous Friday Night Lights and Parenthood, to name two that she was better in), will be the only one you ever hear from again. The one with the Afro consistently stood in a well-framed shot (you kinda want to get all three Angels in the same shot), blocking at least one of the other two. Very frustrating. I don't remember ever seeing such bad camera work on a TV show in primetime.

3. Odd directorial choices

But then we have the odd directorial choices. An intriguing premise, Unforgettable, is based on a woman who is unable to forget. However, unlike the actual women who have this affliction, who recall everything at a moment's notice, this woman goes back into a crime scene to find details that she forgot. But the way they do it is that Woman 1 is sitting there looking at herself (Woman 2) as she does whatever it is she does. A real step backward for technology and innovative direction. I saw only part of one show, and that nonsense made me cross Unforgettable off my list.

4. More 60s female eye candy

The other show which delved back into the 60s era for its female objectification that worked (full-season pickup) was Pan Am. Some mini viewings have shown it to be basically a soap opera in fancy locales, but then, the whole 60s Pan Am stewardess thing was a juicy one, and it sounds like they're doing it right. I might catch this one out more later.

5. Real women make gains

There were some surprise breakout hits of this season so far. The biggest: Zooey Deschanel's New Girl. People love her. (Haven't watched it yet myself.) But one that is also a big hit that shot up my TiVo queue was 2 Broke Girls. Kat Dennings is the breakaway star, IMHO, although Beth Behrs makes a thankless rich girl role believable and heartwarming. Very well-written, a fun show, I highly recommend checking it out.

The other show from female comic Whitney Cummings is "Whitney" (gee, wonder where they got that title?). It's a bit too much Whitney for me. Although the guy who plays her boyfriend is really smoking hot sexy. So that makes it watchable. But why he'd put up with such a crazy whiny obnoxious too-skinny girl like her really escapes me. Her friends are marginally funny, but every episode revolves around Whitney, and that's already old after two episodes of viewing.

6. We shoulda kept Medium or Ghost Whisperer...

Guess CBS's got to have a "let's talk to dead people" show, and I do hate to diss a show that Susannah Grant is involved in... but... Well, here are the good things: Jennifer Ehle is a luminous ghost. Emmy winner Margo Martindale is in it. Tony winner Patrick Wilson is in it. Still, it's one of those rich and successful surgeon finds his heart in the ghetto through his dead wife dramas. Just don't know if I can stomach it, frankly. Oh, and back to the Item number 3, the sound guys should be fired. There were two really key moments in the pilot where the sound was so muffled that I had to rewind it three times to hear what the heck they were saying. ONE of those times was in the "Oh, btw, she's dead" line that pretty much sets up the entire series. Really really really bad.

7. Good things

One show that I wish I'd been able to view (it's on my TiVo), that apparently is doing things right is Person of Interest. Interesting premise, great actors, great production team and high-tech effects. I can't wait to catch up with this one. You should too.

I'm really grooving on (as I've written elsewhere) both Survivor (Good vs. Evil season) and Dancing with the Stars (I'm rooting for David Arquette, although Ricki Lake is quite inspiring too).

Homeland rocks my socks in previews (also sitting on my TiVo). Can't wait to delve into this one.

American Horror Story looks intriguing (plus, Connie Britton!), but sounds really scary. Not sure about this one.

8. Coming Up

It's the battle of the fairy tales: Grimm (featuring ex-Buffy the Vampire Slayer production people) vs. Once Upon a Time (featuring Ginnifer Goodwin and Lana Parilla, and Robert Carlyle). Both could be good. I'm looking forward to both.

What are some of your favorite so far?

TarFest 2011 Just Needs a Little Shovel Magic

Hot on the heels of his recent LobsterFest triumph, we have another music fest which benefitted from the Mr. Shovel magic. Last year, Mr. Shovel curated the music fest entirely. This year, he was just brought in to fine tune, and add some touches. Those touches polished this festival of music and art in the LaBrea Tar Pits for a magical Sunday afternoon in the park.

Sadly, I missed some of the early bands (Ash Panda and Infantree). But I got there early enough to hear the soulful stirrings of A House for Lions. Really poignant lyrics. An excellent lead-in to the band of the afternoon (Everest). A Check One Two favorite, Obi Best, lent her girlish softness to a beautiful afternoon.

All around, there were food trucks and painting happening. Children ran with hula hoops (and some adults too). Some kids blew bubbles. It was fun. A marvel of creativity and art.

The draw indeed seemed to be local favorite Everest, with crowds packing the small area for their set.

(Although Everest is also a Check One Two fav, this time, the festival had already booked them.) But Shovel's magic lies in polishing what diamond is already there. Obi Best and A House for Lions were perfect lead-ins to Everest. And the perfect close out?

As Shovel knew, to follow a band with a following, you have to get another band with a following. And there are those in this town who LOVE their Saint Motel. Right after Everest finished, people started lining the stage to see Saint Motel. (Mostly girls, cause Saint Motel is, after all, filled with cute guys...) 

Somewhere midway through, I started speaking, as I am wont to do, to friends and acquaintances about what radio they are listening to now. It's still hard for me, after all this time, to watch a group of local bands and NOT think of our beloved Indie 103.1. Especially since we were so close to it, watching this concert. The usual answers came up: KEXP, KCRW. I heard a new one: WFMU (East Coast). Some people still listen to Pandora, or Last.fm. I'm sure once next week's Facebook changes come about the answer will also be Spotify more than it is now.

The unspoken answer is: we still miss Indie 103.1 terribly. And nothing has really replaced it since it left our terrestrial airwaves. There isn't a concert that goes by that I don't miss the Shovel magic. There isn't a show on the air (terrestrial or otherwise) that doesn't benefit from more Shovel (Have you listened to the dreadful Jonesy's Jukebox, now that Shovel isn't there? I rest my case.). Sure Indie 103.1 dot com still exists, and "content director" Tedd Roman was spotted in the crowd, Mayor of the Beer Tent, but Indie's magic left when Shovel did. Everyone who used to listen (and doesn't now) knows that.

So I was shocked when I wandered over to the merch tent to pick up some band CDs and saw this bumper sticker amongst the items:

I gasped, and said, "Indie 103?" (Mostly because I was shocked that someone had the balls to use the old logo (albeit badly... I mean, really? a 45? where's the hole?). The green kid looked at me and said brightly, "It's a great radio station, you should listen." There we are in the shadow of the House that Shovel Built, its absence palpable, so much that I still think about it every day and miss it. Thinking about how I've stood at hundreds of merch tables, just like this, one of its proudest fans, so glad to be a part of it. Scooping up every available piece of Indie gear to show my allegiance. But rather than let the tears well up in my eyes just then, I just stare at him glazedly, and say: "Really? I'll have to check it out."

Two of the most brilliant musical minds in Los Angeles, (l-r) our own Mr. Shovel and Watusi Rodeo's Chris Morris, enjoying TarFest. You can thankfully still hear Chris' radio show on the Scion Network here.  You can catch Mr. Shovel's magic at Mr. Shovel  or at some curated concerts around town.