Dance This! Stars Return, and some celebs too.

Dancing with the Stars is back! And oh, how we've missed you.

But let me just put things right in the DWTS universe for a minute. All the ads and the promos and whatnot are trumpeting the "stars" of this season. This is hot on the heels of the All Star season we just finished, so this season's "stars" are... well, less than awe-inspiring, in my book.

In fact, HERE are this season's STARS. Here are the ones I'm looking forward to seeing on the dance floor (no matter how ABC chooses to frame it.).

The true stars of Dancing With the Stars (in my book). Courtesy of ABC.

So, let's just take a moment, shall we? Mark Ballas has a stylish haircut, Cheryl Burke looks thinner and also has a great haircut, Derek Hough is full of energy, Tristan MacManus is going to be around longer this season (thank goodness), Peta Murgatroyd looks great, Kym Johnson does some amazing moves. There, I feel better already.

OK, fine. Let's get into the premiere episode of Season 16, shall we?

Starting with the best, going to the worst... Who was sublime?

Actually, the ones who moved me the most were Tristan MacManus and Dorothy Hamill. Ms. Hamill, previous Olympic gold-medal winner, talked about her breast cancer surgery, and how that season the other previous Olympian Kristi Yamaguchi inspired her and helped her get through her cancer ordeal. And now, she's here. I loved her dance. (It was my favorite dance of the night.) She ends it with a typical Dorothy Hamill skater-type move. Beautiful.

Dorothy Hamill and Tristan MacManus. Look for big things from them. Courtesy of ABC.

My perennial favorites, Derek Hough (dancing with Kellie Pickler) and Mark Ballas (dancing with an Olympic gymnast named Aly) were in fine form, of course, and I can't wait to see all the stuff they are going to do this season.

Andy Dick was an inspiration. Courtesy of ABC/Dancing With the Stars

Another inspirational story, actually, was that of Andy Dick. Everyone knows the trouble Mr. Dick had gotten into, and his battles with alcohol and drugs. He's now sober, and struggling to do Dancing with the Stars. Well, he got a vote from me tonight. (And seriously, his dance wasn't half bad.)

A new twist this season is that they are adding "contemporary" as a dance to this ballroom dancing competition. Which means that all the strictness that they have about "no lifts" is kinda thrown out the window if you dance "contemporary."

Last season's mishmosh of crazy styles did add "contemporary" at one point. No one can forget Val Chmerkovskiy and Kelly Monaco's amazing contemporary dance. That's where the bar is set this season. Fitting then, I suppose, that Val kicked off his first dance (with his new 16 year old partner), doing contemporary. It was pretty beautiful.

Zendaya (the youngest competitor ever at 16) and Val Chmerkovskiy.

The ones I've mentioned so far are the sublime ones, the great ones, the ones that stood out of this field of 12. There are some other people in the middle. We'll just pass those by.

Let's focus then, instead, on the ones who really and truly sucked, and really and truly deserve to go. Like immediately. It's been a couple seasons since we had folks this bad.

The dance didn't get much better from here.

So, DL Hughley, please don't let the door hit you on the ass. His dancing was so bad, he received a 12 as a first score. FOURS, people. I honestly cannot remember ever seeing a score that low, and I've been watching for quite a few seasons now. But, he was really dreadful. The phrase "two left feet" comes to mind. I would not be at all surprised to see him the first one bounced.

Almost as bad, in a female version, was Wynona Judd. Tony Dovolani, her partner, is the current reigning champion of Dancing With the Stars. Too bad they had to saddle him with her. They are going quickly too. She was also pretty dreadful.

And lastly, in this nauseating practice where ABC gets the most of anyone they have on any show (although I did love Kelly Monaco--from ABC's General Hospital), by repurposing them anywhere possible, we have Sean Lowe. Previously, he was filling up our Monday night screens as The Bachelor. He picked his true love, they got engaged, and now we have to suffer through him also dancing? Good grief, people! Enough already.

The luminous Peta Murgatroyd saddled with this year's Bachelor. Courtesy of ABC.

UGH.

Thankfully, he will be voted out quickly too. He's dreadful as a dancer. Good to see Peta Murgatroyd always, but her moves this season will be short-lived.

So, the top are easy to predict. The bottom are, too. It's the ones in the middle that could vary.

All in all, I'm very excited about this new season of Dancing With the Stars. I hope you are, too.

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Our Wizard Has Arrived

"Oz the Great and Powerful," with James Franco and Mila Kunis, directed by Sam Raimi.

What you have here is really an insurmountable task. You have a beloved classic ("The Wizard of Oz," of course) that most people have seen anywhere from 10 to 100 times, and is a movie of which people have visceral sense memories. You have a canon of literature attached, such that "Oz" purists are ready to attack, should anything out of place be noticed. You also have a public really kind of burnt out on sequels, prequels, remakes, the constant rechurning of old classics for a quick buck that seems to be Hollywood these days.

And yet, much like the people of Oz themselves, you have many of us, who in our hearts truly believe that a wizard can come along and give us the magic that is Oz once again, complete with all the latest technologies and visions.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have such a wizard, and his name is Sam Raimi.

Other bad reviews to the contrary, I'm here to report that "Oz, the Great and Powerful," is stunning in its majesty. All the nods to the original that you expect to be there: the black and white into color, the "tornado"/dream sequence, the yellow brick road, Glinda's bubbles and, of course, Munchkins, are all there.

Added to that, we have the technology of today: 3D, where the gorgeous flowers of Oz literally pop out into bloom into your face. It is truly breathtaking. The visuals absolutely knocked my socks off.

Also, there is the challenge of story. While there are many books about what happened after Dorothy landed her house in Oz, there aren't any "before" books. What's up with those sisters anyway? How did they come to be "good" and/or "evil"? And, in laying down that story, you have to be darn sure to lay a really good path to the movie we know and love. Screenwriters Mitchell Kapner and David Lindsay-Abbaire acquit themselves quite nicely. The story rocks.

Much like "Wizard of Oz," you have to have a journey, and you have to have traveling companions. We get a wonderful monkey, with callbacks to the original film with his character; and you really need a little girl. There is a whole universe (in the "Oz" books) about the villages made of China that I was unaware of, but we get the cutest little China Doll you ever have seen.

Let me say at this point that I loved, loved, loved this film and you will, too. So don't listen to anyone else, don't even read any further, just get your ticket for the 3D version. Read the rest of this later.

OK.

Cause I also want to talk a bit about the things that bugged me. While we are on the story elements, without giving anything away, there are two things. First, in "The Wizard of Oz," isn't it made clear that there is a Wicked Witch of the West, Wicked Witch of the East, Glinda is the Good Witch from the North, doesn't there also have to be a witch from the South? This really wasn't explained at all to my satisfaction in this movie. Plus you have a little sleight of hand at the beginning (no spoilers) which doesn't make sense to me. (Given the above statement.)

But for me, if you put some of the Tin Man's oil into the first twenty minutes, to ease you into the next part (once the Wizard is traveling with his companions), it's quite wonderful. From there to the end. Story is great.

Really the biggest letdown to me (and it's a big one) is the caliber of the acting. I walked into the theater with biases against the acting of James Franco, Mila Kunis and Michelle Williams. That is to say, I don't think much of it at all. Don't like the way they act, don't think they are good—all of that.

Franco somewhat acquits himself. In fact, he's pretty much fun to watch throughout.

What bugged me about Michelle Williams is that Glinda is light and airy and ethereal, a portrait of pure goodness. Michelle Williams' version is dragged down a bit by the real world, but I suppose you could put it down to this being the earlier one, and once Dorothy gets there, she's had a chance to be really happy. Still, I would've preferred more pure giddy happiness and goodness from her.

I walk gingerly around the Mila Kunis bit now. Let's just say that I really would've preferred to see more heartfelt sappy love in the beginning, swoony over the top love that's palpable, to have the ending make sense. Also, she was a few rehearsals away from really owning that character. (Too bad films don't do that anymore.) She has moments, angry moments, crying moments, where she just rocks it, but overall, I felt strongly that her performance was uneven.

Rachel Weisz is easily the best actress among these, and she was fun to watch.

But as in the Star Wars movies, where really you just wanna see the Death Star blow up, in "Oz," you just wanna see the flying monkeys and the scary guards and the Munchkins dancing, and you get all of that. And so so much more.

So the quibbles I have with acting and story are really minor, in the end. You watch some real accurate Oz fun that's good for the whole family? This is it.

Some final applause/tech credits, all amazing: Peter Deming, Cinematography; Danny Elfman, Score; Robert Stromberg, Production Design; Gary Jones, Costumes. And a big sweeping final bow to all the VFX wizards who worked on making this amazing movie happen.

"Oz, the Great and Powerful," directed by Sam Raimi. Courtesy of Walt Disney Pictures and Roth Films.

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New Dancing with the Stars Season 16 cast

Many don't care about who's on Dancing with the Stars... but for those of us who do... here is the big question about this new season:

WHERE'S MAKS?

Courtesy of Angela Weiss/Getty Images/ETOnline

It's truly hard to imagine a Dancing season without the stunningly handsome, dashing and oh so obnoxiously arrogant Maksim Chmerkovsky, but there it is. There is one Mr. C dancing this season, and his name is Val.

Maks' displeasure with Dancing has been noticably obvious ever since his "It's my show" gaffe. Pouty, walking through the paces, not participating—have all been hallmarks of his recent seasons since then. So, he's not going out with a bang, exactly, in fact, I'm not seeing any stories even mentioning his absence, but to me, it's a pretty big thing.

It may or may not have been "his show," but Maks' presence on the other dancers was certainly felt. He appeared to be a mentor to many, and a royal pain to many others.

I am kinda glad to see a season without him, but his loss will really be felt.

But let's get on to the others, shall we?

One of the saddest results of the "It's my show" debacle was that up until then, the pros who dance every season were getting as much notoriety as the amateur "star" dancers. That, now, is gone.

So the people I want to feature most here will have no pictures for the moment. :-(

JACOBY JONES AND KARINA SMIRNOFF

He's some kind of football player/sports guy. But he's paired with Karina, so he's one to watch.

D.L. HUGHLEY AND CHERYL BURKE

Like the actor, like Cheryl Burke. Should be interesting.

WYNONA JUDD AND TONY DOVOLANI

Reigning champ Dovolani has a country singer as his partner this season. Should be fun.

ZENDAYA COLEMAN AND 
VALENTIN CHMERKOVSKY

Disney stars usually cause me to yawn. But Val was so amazing last season, I'm looking forward to it. Plus, he's the only Chmerkovsky to watch. *sob*

INGO RADEMACHER AND KYM JOHNSON

Handsome dude from ABC daytime television, plus one of the sexiest and most fun dancers to watch. This will be an interesting pairing.

DOROTHY HAMILL AND TRISTAN MCMANUS

The sex-on-wheels team this season, though, is probably this one. (Oh, yes, Dorothy Hamill is still sexy!) And this pairing (she a former Olympian) could go longer in the season than any of his previous ones. Thank goodness for that. The fans are clamouring!

VICTOR ORTIZ AND LINDSAY ARNOLD

Normally, I wouldn't be including them, but she trained with Mark Ballas. One cannot discount that. Oh, and she also placed in the Top 10 of
"So You Think You Can Dance" last season.

KELLIE PICKLER AND DEREK HOUGH

I'm saving my favorite two teams for last. Don't know who she is, but she's paired with Derek.

ALY RAISMAN AND MARK BALLAS

Straight out of the gate, I always root for Mark Ballas first and loudest. I love to watch him dance. So from this moment, I'm Team Aly/Mark.




I'm leaving out the stunt casting and those I don't care about (Andy Dick, really?)... These are the ones who'll be finalists. But good luck to all. And we will miss you, Maks.

(And we also miss the also-missing Peta Murgatroyd and Anna Trebunskaya.)

Many thanks to ABC/Dancing with the Stars for the promotional photos.

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Oscars 2013

Argo.  Best Picture winner. Also won Best Adapted Screenplay and Best Editing.

THE FANTASTIC
Jennifer Lawrence's refreshing honesty
Daniel Day Lewis, first three-time Best Actor winner
Searching for Sugarman
Barbra Streisand, singing for her lost friend

Les Miserables. Won for Best Supporting Actress, Sound Mixing and Makeup and Hair.

THE GREAT
Ben Affleck, thanking his wife
George and Grant, letting Ben talk
Dame Shirley Bassey
Michelle Obama gives away Best Picture
Adele winning an Oscar
Seeing the Les Mis cast all singing together again
Anna Karenina winning costumes
Pixar does it again!

Anne Hathaway,  Best Supporting Actress winner. She dreamed a dream.

THE OK
Anne Hathaway's "It came true." (Lame)
Christoph Waltz
Adele's performance and the camera work on it

THE SUCKY
Seth McFarlane
You Showed Your Boobs
Kissing the Flying Nun in costume
Chris Brown joke
Lincoln-John Wilkes Booth joke
THAT was a Bond tribute? Where were the Bonds?
WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY too many musical numbers
Chicago? Dreamgirls? HUH?
Having to explain, in the Press Room, what she meant by "It came true." (Did you SEE the movie, lady?)

The Life of Pi wins Best Director,  Best Cinematography,  Best VFX.  Thank you, Rhythm & Hues.

WTF?
Roger Deakins, still winless :-(
Cutting off the VFX guys, just as they were about to speak about Rhythm & Hues :-(
The "Jaws" music
Ang Lee, not talking about the amazing VFX team
Life of Pi's DP not talking about his amazing VFX team
Charlize Theron's hair

Assessing the Oscar Race, On Finding a Hero to Root For

Jessica Chastain in Zero Dark Thirty. Courtesy of Sony Pictures Entertainment.

On paper, it seemed easy. Lauded female director had once again made a gritty movie about the military. It was an easy march to Best Director and Best Picture again. Then I saw it.

Zero Dark Thirty, my friends, is no Hurt Locker.

So I want to examine (mostly) these two: the one who should've been Best Picture and the one who is going to be Best Picture, with the others thrown in along the way, by comparison.

Here's my thesis. In awards shows, specifically Emmys and Oscars, the voters like to choose something to win which makes them feel good about themselves. This is why (aside from being top-notch drama) The West Wing won for so very many years.

I think personally (though I know many would argue with me) this is also why Shakespeare in Love beat the dreary, let's-go-find-one-man war saga Saving Private Ryan. Also why the love story Titanic beat the brutal LA Confidential. There has to be someone you can root for, and the quest sought has to be noble.

In Zero Dark Thirty, you have one obsessed woman who thinks of nothing but killing Osama Bin Laden. (Just think what a pain it would be to work with this woman!) And the movie is, in that premise, simplistic. The goal, from start to finish, is to kill Osama Bin Laden.

And, I'm not spoiling anything here. They get him. He's dead. And I feel nauseated.

The woman in question is surrounded by a group of guys who don't even really believe her, but they go in there anyway. So the story is: Ooops, we kinda killed him by accident. We didn't really believe he was there, but good on you, you did. Woo hoo.

It's depressing. It's bad enough that the reviled torture scenes were so vivid that I spent the entire first hour of the movie trying to talk myself into not walking out.

The final thought I was left with is: Is this who we are as Americans? Is this who we want to be?

Depressing and nauseating. And I would posit, why this is not winning the awards it should have, on paper.

The one winning everything along the way, and I would bet, is going to win this Sunday too, is Argo.

Say what you will about one too many Ben Affleck close-ups. The fact of the matter is, while both of these stories were hidden, and are now coming to light, this one is one you can root for.

Americans are in trouble! Americans go above and beyond to help other Americans to safety. Of course that's going to win! Who can't root for that? And it's got a Hollywood angle (Hollywood LOVES that.).

Let me briefly examine the other films.

I have not seen Amour, Beasts of the Southern Wild and Django Unchained.

All I can say about them is this. Amour has a very uphill battle becoming a Best Picture winner, since it's in a foreign language. Life Is Beautiful could do it. I think Amour cannot. (It's also depressing.)

Django Unchained is a very divisive film. Many love it. Many hate it. Many hate it with a passion. It won't win. Just for how many times it (reportedly) uses the N word, it shouldn't win. Appalling.

Now to the others.

Miche's predicted winners: Hugh Jackman and Anne Hathaway in Les Miserables. Courtesy of Universal Pictures.

My favorite to win for a long time was Les Miserables. But I see now that it's really not clear what exactly they are fighting for. The play makes that final moment much more stirring than the movie does. For all intents and purposes, they have a scuffle in a street in which many boys die needlessly. (Which I guess is a metaphor for all war, but still...) Also, many people loved this movie. Many more hated it. Passionately. It won't win.

Les Miserables. Courtesy of Universal Pictures.

Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence in Silver Linings Playbook. Courtesy of The Weinstein Company.

Silver Linings Playbook, when I walked out of it, had Oscars written all over it. I knew the two leads would be nominated. Suspected DeNiro would be. (Didn't see Jackie Weaver coming.) It's a feel-good movie where you can clearly root for someone.

However, what I can't get past with this movie: the Jennifer Lawrence character is supposedly suffering from sex addiction, yet she uses those very same love addiction/sex addiction tactics to win the Bradley Cooper character's heart, and is applauded for it? Um... She lies, his father lies... it's not behavior one can root for in good conscience. So, no Best Picture. No Best Screenplay. (And, for that matter, none of the actors are winning either.)

Daniel Day Lewis as Lincoln. Courtesy of Dreamworks/Twentieth Century Fox.

The odds-on favorite (before Argo started taking every prize) was Lincoln. What's not to love? A world-class director tackling an important time in history with our most beloved president. Visually, it was beautiful. The acting was amazing across the board.

You could argue that it highlighted our fight to rise to our better natures and rid our country of slavery. Well, yes. And that it reflected how Congress, despite its infighting, can once in a while actually get something done. Well, yes. But does it stir your soul? or, in retrospect make you feel like you just viewed a history lesson?

Right. It's not winning. In fact, I want to go on record saying that I don't think Spielberg is winning Best Director either.

Which brings us to, for my money, the only other possibility to win Sunday.

Life of Pi. I will go on record as saying I think Ang Lee is winning Best Director. It was a visually stunning movie. The book involves a guy on a boat with a tiger for days, and somehow, you get an incredibly interesting movie out of that. Bravo!

Courtesy of Fox 2000.

People have complained about the twist ending, whether it helps or hurts the story. I don't think it detracts from the story, I think it enriches it. It is a very spiritual movie, and that certainly helps its chances.

But compare these films (Life of Pi and Argo) in your mind. In one, you see a guy with a tiger (a sometimes CGI tiger) who survives. In the other, you see the police chasing the plane just as it's wheels-up. (A scene which didn't actually happen, according to those involved.)

Life of Pi. Courtesy of Fox 2000.

Still, one makes your heart race. The other makes you think, yeah, Nice movie.

It's Argo in a nose.

Clea Duvall, Ben Affleck, Tate Donovan, others in Argo. Courtesy of Warner Brothers. 

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Some Oscar Surprises

Oscar morning. Too early, as usual...

The announcement was an interesting mix. I'm proudest that I was one of the few pundits who called that Ben Affleck was not going to be nominated in Best Director, while Michael Haneke was. I also had David O. Russell on the list for a long time, but took him off after the DGA announcement, when so many were saying it was going to be 4/5 at Oscars. (Peer pressure...)

I did not see the omission of Kathryn Bigelow coming, however. Nor did most people.

Nor did I foresee all the love for Beasts of the Southern Wild. My Oscar prediction usually falters on two things: one, movies I did not see, and the inability to get past performances I did not personally like.

Thus, I omitted Denzel Washington in Flight (Best Actor) and Tommy Lee Jones in Lincoln (Best Supporting Actor), even though most were slotting them in.

Two that few people were brave enough to put in (though I did see them on many of the "Gee, it would be nice if... " lists) were the nine-year-old girl from Beasts of the Southern Wild and Jackie Weaver from  Silver Linings Playbook.

I also had Robert DeNiro on my prediction list for a long time, then caved to peer pressure (another Oscar prediction failing). Shoulda stuck with my instincts on that.

No surprise: the cinematography noms, the editing noms. Where Mirror, Mirror came from in the Best Costume noms was a bit of a surprise.

I'm also happy that I predicted four out of five documentary feature noms (not on this page, but in prediction contests).

Since I didn't see it, I wasn't sure where to put Django Unchained. Knew for sure that Tarantino wasn't going to be in Best Director. Also knew (and predicted) that Christoph Waltz would be the one that landed in the Best Supporting Actor category.

Most happy for: Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence and Hugh Jackman, receiving their first Oscar nominations.

We have the oldest Oscar nominee (85, will turn 86 the day after the cerermony) in Emanuelle Riva, as well as the youngest (the woman from Beasts of the Southern Wild).

All in all, a good day. Congrats to all the nominees.

Say Goodbye to Your Career, Lindsey

I have tried, in the main, to distance myself from the mess that is Lindsey Lohan. For the most part, I see an addict struggling like that, and I pray for them, and hope for them to get better.

However, there are certain cases: Robert Downey Jr, Charlie Sheen, Mel Gibson come to mind, where they are telling the world, no, really I am better. And you are looking at them like, Um, no, you're really  not. Hopefully someday you'll figure that out. (Thankfully, of those, Robert Downey Jr. indeed HAS.)

And you hope that along the way they haven't torched their career and their life so much that it's irreparable. In the case of Mel Gibson and Charlie Sheen, I fully expect them to either never work again  or never have anyone attend whatever work they do. Sad, but true. There are some media spectacles/blowouts that are just too public. You can't take them back.

Holllywood is a very forgiving town, it really is. But you have to REALLY work hard to gain that forgiveness, once you've walked down that plank so far. Lindsey Lohan easily rests among the above out-there addicts. She has created enough spectacules, gone against the law, society, film sets, etc. to effectively torch her career.

I really thought she was never going to work again. If she had any handlers or friends who truly cared about her, she would have been advised to not take this project.

As it is, people already knew it was going to be a trainwreck. Perhaps Lifetime even knew. They say that even bad publicity is good publicity. I think Lindsey Lohan has proved that statement wrong. If it stretches too far, it stays bad publicity.

I am talking, of course, about last night's "Liz and Dick" movie on Lifteime. I went into it thinking that Lindsey Lohan had some decent acting chops once. Maybe she could struggle through it. Maybe it would be a fun romp. But expecting that most likely, it would be a trainwreck.

Others also seemed to mostly take this viewpoint. People (scads of people) live Tweeted it. They arranged drinking parties around watching it.

But it wasn't bad in a good kind of bad way (like "Showgirls," where you could at least laugh at it). It was just bad. Bad, bad, BAD.

"Liz and Dick"/Lifetime/Adam Taylor

Let's start with this. I suppose there are many kids who have no idea who "Liz and Dick" are, who don't remember how she broke up Eddie Fisher's marriage to Debbie Reynolds, who don't cringe instinctively when they remember how much over budget "Cleopatra" was. Then again, there are many, thousands?, millions? worldwide who not only remember Elizabeth Taylor, but LOVE her. Love her as a person, love her movies. Loved watching her tempestuous relationship with the drunken Welshman Burton.

I would think, perhaps, that those people are the ones who would enjoy watching a "Liz and Dick" biopic. If so, they probably turned it off in the first few minutes, as most I know did.

Let me put it to you another way. I've been a critic most of my life. I've watched thousands of movies, plays, TV shows over my lifetime. I am hard pressed to remember anything which was as bad as this. And I'm even counting the high school versions of "West Side Story" which I've perused.

So, first, let's focus on what they did right with this movie. Eryn Krueger Mekash, makeup department head, deserves a standing ovation. The makeup was impeccable. (Some people decried the heavy eyeliner in the bath, but it was the 60s. It was real to me.) Beatrice De Alba also deserves applause for the wonderful hair styles, which truly evoked La Liz.

Salvador Perez Jr. did a great job evoking many costumes which we know and love from photographs. Linda Spheeris, Liba Daniels and Maxine Shepard deserve credit for their set design, production design and art direction in a lot of locales.

Everything else: direction, writing, acting especially, you can throw in the trash.

It's always difficult to compress a person's whole lifetime into a two-hour span. What do you omit, what do you leave in? Well, this show covered the period from the time "Liz and Dick" meet on the set of Cleopatra up until Richard Burton dies in Switzerland.

Which would be fine, if not for the lazy, cheating expository device of the fourth-wall-breaking interview to the camera, one assumes after both are dead and in heaven. They come back to explain everything. *CRINGE* Dreadful writing.

That said, the writer (not naming any of these people because they have no further careers) did cover the major beats of the rest of the story.

The director (and I will go out of my way to avoid anything this person ever does if he ever directs again) might have been one of those in-name-only situations, cause I sure don't see any direction here.

Here's what it was like. Actor speeds through lines, walks around set, other actor speeds through their lines, walks around set. Next scene. It was all like that.

Here's what needed to be established, at minimum. That Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton love each other. That their passion burns white hot, and not just a sexual passion, but a chemistry for each other, that remains throughout their lifetime. The script posits that they were each other's soulmates. The movie does not show that.

Elizabeth Taylor was stunningly beautiful. But she was also a very strong personality. And playful. And funny. And witty. And smart. Not to mention a better actress than Lindsey Lohan can ever hope to be.

And it didn't matter what it was: winning an Oscar, buying a diamond, lounging on a movie set; every line was delivered with the same lack of passion. Like it was just a mass of lines to get through. There was no attempt whatsoever to capture Elizabeth's sparkle and verve for life. Heck, the women on SNL do a better job impersonating someone with one week's rehearsal than was shown in this entire movie.

And the guy who played Burton was just as bad. Must've been hard for the casting department to find someone equally as bad as Lindsey Lohan, but they did. No trace whatsoever of Burton's strong Welsh accent. To say nothing of the fact that he was a fabulous theater actor. They couldn't find someone in theatre to do this part? (Burton has a scene where's he's acting on stage, Shakespeare, no less, and Elizabeth is in the audience, applauding. Absolutely cringeworthy.)

I spent a good three hours after watching this mess (and yes, I made it to the final credits), randomly shaking my head when I thought of it again. I truly cannot believe that something so dreadful can be made and aired.

No thought, no depth perception, no concept of character or motivation. Trainwreck doesn't even begin to encompass it. Trainwreck implies that something was once right and somehow went off the rails. That's not even true here. Other than the few things I mentioned, there is NOTHING right about this.

Someone on Twitter mentioned the most egregious slight of all. "Hey Lifetime. She hated being called Liz." Somewhere la grande dame Elizabeth Taylor and Sir Richard Burton are spinning very fast in their graves. And I promise you, it doesn't look anything like this.

Dreadful, dreadful, dreadful "Liz and Dick"/Be ashamed, Lifetime./Jack Zeman

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Military Week and a Ground-Breaking Trio

Veterans Day brought Military Week (Week Eight) to Dancing with the Stars.

The Week Eight cast/ABC/Adam Taylor

There was military-themed dancing and costuming, as you can see.

Kirstie Alley danced her "best dance yet," according to the judges. (I was still partial to her "Moves Like Jagger" dance.)

Maksim Chmerkovsky and Kirstie Alley/ABC/Adam Taylor

This week, they had both individual and trio dances. The individual dances, by and large, were pretty ho-hum.

Although I liked this dance by Apolo and Karina.

Apolo and Karina/ABC/Adam Taylor

The real fun, and ground-breaking dance work, was in the trio dances.

For example, we had this:

Gilles and Peta and Chelsie doing a samba.

Chelsie and Gilles and Peta do a samba./ABC/Adam Taylor

And this (also a samba).

Cheryl Burke and Emmit Smith and Kym Johnson/ABC/Adam Taylor

Combining both dances, I arrive at this score.

3. Kelly and Val
I have seriously liked Kelly and Val all season long. However, on this night, their individual dance didn't blow me away. However, their trio was a knockout.

Val and Kelly's individual dance.

Melissa could take lessons from Kelly on how to be a dominatrix.

Louis Van Amstel and Val Chmerkovsky and Kelly Monaco/ABC/Adam Taylor

2. Melissa and Tony
Their quickstep to "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy" was pretty phenomenal. Their trio, where Melissa got to play a dominatrix (still not convincing to me) was fun (with Melissa, Tony and Henry).

Melissa and Tony do their individual dance.

Tony and Melissa and Henry/ABC/Adam Taylor

But really and truly, all other competitors can just sit down. There is a rocketship among these dancers, one pair who really stands out above all others. And when you add DWTS' other most brilliant star back into the mix, world-class dance is created.

I present to you, my favorite from this and most weeks, my favorite to win this competition (by a mile).

1. Shawn and Derek
The thing that really separates the wannabes from the stars on this show, IMHO, are the dancers who not only march through their steps, but also manage to give you a story along the way. (Admittedly, this is as much due to the genius of their given choreographer as anything... and Derek is tops this season with this.)

Shawn and Derek's Viennese waltz brought back the military theme. Derek is a soldier, and Shawn plays an angel that he dances with, right into the light at the end. Beautiful, poignant, well danced.

Shawn Johnson and Derek Hough/ABC

But hold onto your caps. They also danced a samba. Now, this show has seen its share of sambas, I just showed two of them which were also on this episode. And they are usually like that. Carmen Miranda bananas in hair, colorful, etc.

This samba (with the addition of Mark Ballas, DWTS' other brilliant choreographer) wasn't like that at all. In fact, at the end of it, the choreographers and stodgy Len argued a bit about whether or not pushing boundaries is a good thing. (I say YES!!!) Cause look at this jungle-themed samba.

Mark Ballas and Shawn Johnson and Derek Hough make history with this samba./ABC

It was primal, it was jungle, it was phenomenally brilliant in its choreography and conception. And the judges may not like it (per ballroom rules), but I thought it was stunning. Unbelievable.

Every single show, I am grateful for Derek's genius choreography. When you can add a bit of Mark Ballas influence back into it, you have something really really special.

There is no doubt in my mind, this is the team that deserves to win this competition.

Look at this dance!

Derek Hough and Shawn Johnson and Mark Ballas take the dance world by storm./ABC

I have the video versions of all my favorite dances available on my Pinterest board (as well as my favorite dance of each week).

http://pinterest.com/michebel/

I also thank ABC and Adam Taylor for their use of the graphics on this page and that one.

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Mark Subs for an Ailing Derek: DWTS Week Seven

Catching up.

My favorite couples on Dancing with the Stars, Week Seven.

4. Kelly and Val

Val Chemerkovsky and Kelly Monaco/ABC/Adam Taylor

3. Apolo and Karina

Karina Smirnoff and Apolo Anton Ohno/ABC/Adam Taylor

2. Gilles and Peta

Peta Murgatroyd and Gilles Marini/ABC/Adam Taylor

First, here's what the judges thought of my favorite dance this week:

DWTS judges/ABC/Adam Taylor

Here's what I thought.

1. Shawn and Mark

Shawn Johnson (with partner Mark Ballas, since her partner, Derek Hough, was injured)/ABC

Fantastic tango/paso fusion dance.

Top Stars in Bottom Three: WTF? WOW

Sabrina and Louis, Melissa and Tony and Apolo and Karina await their fate.

A real shocker that Sabrina and Louis, the top scorer according to the judges, goes home. Wow.

Here are my favorite dances of the week:

4. Melissa and Tony

Tony Dovolani and Melissa Rycroft start with a pensive moment. ABC/Adam Taylor

3. Peta and Gilles

Getting the sexy vote week after week.

Gilles and Peta bringing sexy back. ABC/Adam Taylor

2. Derek and Shawn

They are so much fun to watch every week.

Derek Hough: Hotness. Shawn Johnson: Fun.

But my favorite dance of the night was a moving tribute to those struggling with cancer.

1. Apolo and Karina

Karina and Apolo. ABC/Adam Taylor

Beautiful, and poignant. Sad and haunting. Karina's choreography stupendous. An amazing dance.


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